Daily Loaf

When Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew aired, I wondered why Dr. Drew was venturing into the realm of substance abuse instead of sticking with what made him famous: dispensing sex and love advice on his call-in show, Love Lines. This month, Dr. Drew reclaims his throne as the Oprah of American sex with the new reality show, Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew. And by reality, I mean the show features celebrities — though I use the term “celebrity” very loosely. Read the rest of this entry »

*I kinda missed the boat on this last week, but that is the beauty of having a time frame that ends in “-ish”…the freedom to extend my week. So, James Franco is joining the cast of General Hospital and explaining it by claiming it as “performance art.” No James, no it is not. It’s a soap opera, the same category of show my grandmother used to tape on VHS five days a week so she didn’t miss Rick Springfield and his evil twin with amnesia who probably had a serial killer for a wife. James has got to lay off the reefer.

*Did you hear Bristol Palin’s BabyDaddy (yes, that hunk of a man to the right) has agreed to pose for Playgirl? I, for one, had no idea Playgirl was still around but this might be subscription time for yours truly. Because there is nothing sexier than a teenager with no real ambition who impregnated a cheerleader … wait, I think we had that guy in my high school, I could probably get him to show me his “private areas” for way less than the $19.95 a month the website membership is gonna cost me.

*If there is anything I have learned from television this week (besides the obvious life lessons that one gathers from Project Runway, One Tree Hill and The Office) it’s that B-list semilebrities love pistachios way more than I do. And the National Pistachio Council (I have no idea if that’s a real thing) must have gotten a huge stimulus package to pay for all these big name endorsers.

After the jump, a Girls Next Door recap, exploding implants, Death Cab meets Twilight and more… Read the rest of this entry »

Goodbye Holly, Bridget and Kendra…hello Crystal, Karissa, and Kristina. The Girls Next Door revamp premiered last night and showcased the new and unimproved lifestyle of Mr. Hugh Hefner and his new girlfriends. Crystal (the new Holly) is 23 — which is a just a small, 60-year age difference with Hef, but of course everyone acts like it’s completely normal that an 83-year-old man sleeps with three barely-legal blondes. Crystal, although seemingly very sweet, really takes a back seat in this new show. The real stars are rowdy and wild twins from Clearwater, Karissa and Kristina.

These 20-year-old twins are a little insane. They consider themselves one person, and apparently, so does everyone else. They eat the same things, dress in the same clothes, and sleep in the same Read the rest of this entry »

*Kate Gosselin has been offered $400,000 to pose for Playboy. I propose that Hugh take that money and offer it to Jon Gosselin to never speak in public ever again. I think it is time that Playboy does something good for the world and this is a win-win…because no one wants to see a mother of eight’s vajayjay — no one.

*Remember that neoprene number Ra’mon won with on Project Runway a couple weeks ago? (If not, you can check it out here.) According to Tim Gunn, who never lies or is wrong about anything ever so I totally believe him, the dress was dyed in the toilet at FIDM. Here is my question…is that dye or 2000 Flushes? I won’t judge but really, it’s a legit question.

*Megan Fox has opened her mouth again. Calling Michael Bay, the mastermind behind such films as The Rock, Armageddon and apparently Playboy Video Centerfold: Kerri Kendall (who knew?!), “Hitler” and a “nightmare.” His revenge? Read the rest of this entry »

Who could forget Megan Fox’s 37-episode tenure opposite Kelly Ripa in Hope & Faith? Or her portrayal of a rich teenager in 2004’s Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen?

Everyone.

But ever since Michael Bay and Hollywood transformed the actress in 2007, reassembling her from scraps of Angelina Jolie and the magnetism of Marilyn Monroe, the actress has been everywhere.

While she’s only completed a handful of films since Transformers, including its mediocre 2009 sequel, she’s had magazine covers, spotlights, interviews, tabloid scrutinies, top Google searches and a place in the hearts or on the dartboard of your boyfriend or girlfriend.

She’s beautiful, fun to watch, loves comic books (she told GQ that “[comic book fans are] not nerds. They’re just passionate”) and she has the mouth of a sailor. (”Fuck Disney,” she offered in the same interview, immediately lamenting that “that was probably a bad move, they own everything.”) As you can see, she’s also a prophet. Megan Fox, clearly, is in the business of fulfilling fantasies.

Until now, however, I’d argue that few of her own fantasies have been fulfilled. (She is engaged to Brian Austin Green, after all. Kidding… I love you, David!) Because now… now, Megan Fox has been a centerfold. Read the rest of this entry »

What do you get when you cross a t.v. actor, his actress wife, and a former beauty queen? Hollywood’s hottest new sex scandal!

The juicy new video** was first reported by Gawker.com. The “sex tape” “allegedly” shows Grey’s Anatomy actor Eric Dane getting naked n’ stoned with his wife, Rebecca Gayheart, and former Miss Teen USA, Kari Ann Peniche, who was stripped of her title after stripping her clothes for Playboy.

Read the rest of this entry »

As Creative Loafing’s foremost authority on pop culture (I decided that myself and it does not represent the opinion of anyone who works for Creative Loafing), I will be doing a weekly-ish entertainment wrap-up.  Round One: Let’s do this.

* Adam Lambert told E! that he is very happy with his boyfriend.  In other news, Drake LaBry (the “boyfriend,” in photo at right) is missing and I have been named a “person of interest.”  I have no idea why.

* Speaking of Idol, everyone knows that Paula is out of the show, which is extremely disappointing but thank the Lord she will NOT be replaced by Victoria Beckham as was originally reported.  Since replacing Paula is clearly impossible, I vote for a revolving chair of guest judges who are equally entertaining, nonsensical and irrelevant, ie. a member of O-Town, Scott Stapp, Cher, any other Spice Girl. (Feel free to leave me more suggestions.)

* Heidi Montag of The Hills infamy posed for Playboy, and the pictures were released this week (see them all after the jump).  Talk about Modeling 101, girl needs a Tyra lesson ASAP.  ANTM fans know what I mean.  That little mouth open to look sexy? The dead eyes? Seriously, where is Mr. Jay when you need him?!  Oh, and she has fake boobs, like really fake, like bowling ball-style fake.

Read the rest of this entry »

It’s getting better and better to be a nerd.  Geeky girls have taken over Playboy and Twitter.  Our favorite franchises from when we were wee little nerds are coming to the silver screen, like this week’s G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra.  I won’t comment on the quality of the film (in fact the Rabid One and Hopp plan on liquoring up first just to make it through), but I’m totally qualified to review the lovely women who suited up to bring this G rated cartoon to a solid PG-13.

Read the rest of this entry »

If you’re a proud penis owner, you may not want to read this. A recent article by David Freeman of webmd, laid out the skinny on what happens to a penis with age. Here’s a hint: it doesn’t double in size or develop superhuman strength.

With age, most penises, and their owners, suffer from a decline in testosterone. This means more stimuli is required for arousal, it takes longer to get an erection, it’s harder to reach climax, and it takes more time to become aroused after sex. These effects are compounded by a loss of sensitivity, which transforms the member from the emotional and easily excited penis you once adored, to an unfeeling, useless lump. Read the rest of this entry »

The week leading up to Skin Two, eyes lit up whenever I mentioned I had extra tickets to Secret Room’s fetish party and medical fashion show at The Castle. Friends were excited to finally have a chance to show off their fancy lingerie or to just ogle fetishists in fishnets. Of course when Saturday rolled around, I stood alone in line to The Castle, fighting my impulse to flee.

Normally I pride myself on going out in public wearing one of my wigs and an outfit that highlights my aerodynamic crotch. But, I wasn’t used to wearing a bedazzled codpiece in front of a crowd that thought this sort of thing was normal. Read the rest of this entry »

Since MTV’s The Hills began in the summer of 2006, Heidi Montag has gone from Lauren Conrad’s sweet best friend to Spencer Pratt’s feisty vixen. Montag has seemingly tried everything to stay in the celebrity spotlight, starting with her awful music video (directed by her new husband, Spencer) of Montag running and rolling on the beach in a bikini.

Read the rest of this entry »

Each July in San Diego, Christmas comes early for nerds and movie lovers alike in the form of Comic-Con, the nation’s largest comic/movie/game/geek convention.  While CL’s Kevin Hopp covered the movie news that his this weekend, I’ll be covering what many of the comic fans like me truly went to see: the costumed women of Comic-Con.

Read the rest of this entry »

Erin Andrews is a professionally hot, ESPN sports reporter whom millions of men have fantasized about seeing naked. Playboy even crowned her America’s Sexiest Sportscaster in 2008. She also happens to be a local girl who attended Bloomingdale High in Valrico, Florida.

Unfortunately some creeper recently videotaped her through a peephole while she changed in her hotel room. As is usually the case with voyeuristic celebrity sex tapes, at first no one was sure the video was of Andrews. However, ESPN recently sent a scathing letter to the owners of websites that published the peephole video, in effect verifying that the woman in the video is Andrews. An excerpt from the letter is posted below. Read the rest of this entry »

Nerds rejoice!  Finally geekdom is not only cool, it’s kind of hot.  I present to you, courtesy of our good friends at Playboy, G4TV’s resident temptress Olivia Munn from Attack of the Show.  The geeky goddess is the magazine’s latest cover girl and here is proof that playing video games all day can be sexy (ok, that’s a stretch).  Also included are some of the Rabid One’s favorite selections from Playboy’s “Sweetest Tweets,” the geekiest hot girls to follow on Twitter.  If these gals don’t make you want to press UP, UP, DOWN, DOWN, LEFT, RIGHT, B, A, START than there is something wrong with your joystick.

Read the rest of this entry »

Each month Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Maxim, Men’s Health, and Playboy come out with rehashed articles recounting the health benefits of sex. I don’t need “fitness experts” to tell me that most any type of moderate physical exertion has health benefits (see declaimer below). This is not one of those articles. This blog is an open letter to adult entertainment companies, urging them to produce a sex-tape workout series.

Sure, everyone knows regular sex can be like a workout, what with the shortness of breath and the need for a towel afterwards, but few people know how to get the most of this workout. It’s an untapped market. Most everyone needs guidance on how to use the equipment(sex swings, sex ramps, restraints) and which positions burn the most calories. Pop and Peep culture have created an obsession with sex and body image, which have in turn caused a boom in the sex and health industries. It’s time to combine and capitalize on these markets.

Will it sell? Exhibit A: Carmen Electra’s Aerobic Striptease-fifteen minutes of hot, steaming Read the rest of this entry »

A new article by the New York Times proves that Creative Loafing is not the only alternative print news source going through some changes as it adapts to a world of electronic news. Contrary to popular thought, pictures of beautify nude women don’t guarantee high profit margins.

As it posted a big quarterly loss, Playboy Enterprises indicated Wednesday that it would be willing to sell the company or change the direction of its flagship magazine, a surprise to some investors. But a Playboy spokeswoman, Elizabeth Austin, said Thursday that “this is no change in policy. We’ve always been open to discussion.”

Ms. Austin emphasized that Playboy was not looking to sell the magazine by itself. “The magazine is not for sale,” she said.

On Wednesday, as Playboy reported a fourth-quarter loss of $145.7 million, a steep decline from the $1.1 million it lost in the fourth quarter of 2007, analysts sensed a strategy shift. Christie Hefner, the company’s longtime chief executive and the daughter of the Playboy founder Hugh Hefner, resigned last December. She was replaced by an interim chief executive, Jerome Kern.

When an analyst asked if Playboy was open to an overall sale of the company or change in the Read the rest of this entry »

Postell Pringle (at left in photo) is playing the title role in the American Stage production of August Wilson’s “King Hedley II.” He’s also the star of another famous entertainment vehicle with a number in its title: He’s Playboy X in Rockstar Games’ “Grand Theft Auto IV.” CL Editor David Warner (right) talks to Pos about his multi-faceted acting career, and Online Producer Stephen Hammill makes a confession: He killed Playboy, and he’s sorry about it.

Download.

After the jump, a photo of Postell Pringle and his virtual alter ego, Playboy X. Read the rest of this entry »

Joe Biden gives ‘em a little hell after leaving not a dry eye in the house. Tonight, Barack finally takes the stage.

• Former President Clinton passes the torch.
• Hurricane Gustav approaches the Gulf.
• Russia finds itself in the international doghouse.
• Sarasota’s pursuit of the Red Sox makes its way into the NY Times.
• Ok, who’s surfing for porn on the International Space Station?
• R.I.P. Del Martin.
• Crash into the gate of the Playboy mansion once, it’s an accident. Do it twice and you’re just a boob.
• You can’t handle the truth: Aaron Sorkin (!) is writing a movie about Facebook.