Daily Loaf

The original Married With Children was a raunchy, cartoon of a sitcom, filled with sexual innuendos and over the top caricatures of sexuality (see Peg and Kelly). The advantage of the parody porn version, not Married with Children XXX, is that it can actually show all the dirty things the jokes reference, like Bud whacking off into a sink or Al looking up women’s skirts at the shoe store.

Al’s job is threatened as a new guy steals all his attractive female clients with the aid of ecstasy pills.  Faced with losing his job, Al employs Kelly to help catch his co-worker with his pants down. Sex and hilarity ensue. Read the rest of this entry »

The 28-year-old mixed martial arts fighter, War Machine, a.k.a. Jon Koppenhaver announced his official debut as porn star, War Machine XXX, on twitter last month. He was last seen in Tampa at the mixed martial arts event, XFC 9, where he defeated Mikey Gomez (fully clothed) via TKO in round three. Maybe his loss to David Mitchell at TPF 1 on Oct. 8, 2009 inspired him to start a new career doing what he loves most next to fighting: adult entertainment.

“I’m a full time Alpha Male. I get paid to fight and to fuck….what more could I ask for,” War Machine states in his twitter bio.

With a fight record of  10 wins and 3 losses after almost six years as professional fighter War Machine might just hang up his gloves for good. His career highlight was the win over Jared Rollins at TUF 6 Finale in Dec. 2007 immediately followed by his devastating loss to Yoshiyuki Yoshida at UFC 84 in May 2008.

Ever since, his MMA star has been falling while he floated around regional MMA events without leaving his mark or earning a title. As much as he claims to love fighting, he seems to lack the direction to take his career to the next level.

Watch the fight video of War Machine vs. Mikey Gomez at XFC 9 after the break.

Read the rest of this entry »

When approaching any piece of media, it’s vital to engage the work on its own terms. What are the creators trying to accomplish? Do they have a specific audience in mind or message they’re trying to convey? How did they use the resources at their disposal?

So it would be unfair to judge the second Brady Bunch porn parody, Not The Brady’s XXX Marcia, Marcia, Marcia, on the quality of the acting, writing, or cinematography. It makes no claims to excellence or even competence in any of these areas (and a good thing, too). It’s a porn movie that parodies an already ridiculous, previously parodied TV show, The Brady Bunch. Its goals are to turn you on with hot, XXX sex and to make you laugh. Sadly, it doesn’t do a very good job at either. Read the rest of this entry »

Oct 8th-12th. The 17th Annual Night Moves Adult Awards. Meet your favorite adult entertainers like Jessica Drake, Kaylani Lei, Alektra Blue, Bree Olson, Kayden Kross, Alexa Jordan, Alexis Ford, Angelina Armani, Austyn Moore, Candi Lane, Chennin Blanc, Christy Wild, Deliah Strong, Derrick Pierce, Eva Angelina, Evelyn Rose, Jazella Moore, Kayden Kross, Kaylani Lei, Kylie Ireland, Lexi Lamour, Lindsey Lovehands, Lisa Sparxxx, Mariah Milano, Nikki Rhodes, Nikki Sexton, Rebecca Love, Savanna Stern, Taryn Thomas, Teagan Presley, Trina Michaels, Veronica Rayne, and Zoe Britton. Read the rest of this entry »

As I was driving to work Monday, Fisher and Boy from the 97X morning show played a creepy voicemail from a dude attempting to get a date.  The bit was about a woman who was approached by a  guy who asked her out. She wasn’t interested and was only able to get rid of him by giving him her business card.  Probably a dumb move, but I sympathize. The guy called her two times leaving two very long, creepy messages.  Some men just can’t imagine why any female wouldn’t want to date or sleep with them. This made me consider all the creepy ways men have tried to weasel their way into my life, or at least my vagina. Read the rest of this entry »

I love to masturbate! Everyone masturbates, well, except for weirdos, old people, and those who haven’t tried it.  I’ll admit that I was in my late 20s before I discovered the beauty of self pleasure.  Since then I turned into a closet masturbator.  No, this doesn’t mean that I pretend that I don’t; it simply means I masturbate in the closet.   This may seem rather strange to you, but it makes perfect sense to me.  I get home a bit earlier than expected and the house is empty, but for how long is unknown.  I need some me time and I don’t want to get caught.  Thus, closet masturbation is born. Read the rest of this entry »

A letter to Verizon Communications from Chris Ingram

March 17, 2009

Ivan G. Seidenberg
Chairman and CEO
Verizon Verizon Communications Inc.
1095 Avenue of the Americas
New York, New York 10036

Dear Mr. Seidenberg:

We have enjoyed FIOS TV since subscribing to it in the summer of 2007.

However, as our three girls ages 5 and twins 2, have gotten older and interested in occasionally watching television, your service has become a problem.

Specifically, when we go to select a kids “on demand” program such as Sesame Street, Dora the Explorer, or The Berenstain Bears, your company runs advertisements for other “on demand” products or pay-per-view items. These are shown in a small box on the menu selection screen and cannot be turned off.  This morning when pulling up Dora on demand, a trailer for the movie Saw came on.

Saw is a horror film from a company called “Twisted Pictures” which describes the film as a “grisly horror film.”

My wife and I can forgive your company for offering to us the adult trash you now offer through pay-per-view with titles like 1st Time Man Lickers, Wet Amateur Moms and 10 Best: Real Teens (which sounds like it glorifies pedophilia), since we simply choose to just not view this crap. But using the service to let our children watch children’s programs includes inappropriate content which we cannot control. Read the rest of this entry »

Living with a small cock must be something like being a zombie.  You are stricken with a horrifying disease that controls your every move, causing you to perform inane acts all around town and in the barns of Pasco County. Contrary to popular opinion, you don’t have to have a small dick to suffer from this condition. All you really need is insecurity. This can be caused by any number of things: lack of intelligence, lack of hair, lack of funds, and yes, a lack of penis.

Read the rest of this entry »

Porn star Tommy Gunn seems to have created the ultimate porno, entitled Cummin’ at You 3-D. This “interactive stereoscopic 3-D production” will be the first of its kind, harnessing some of my favorite childhood kitsch: 3-D movies and choose-your-own-adventure stories.

Though a couple small porn sites are already using 3-D technology, this is certainly the first to let its audience decide what happens. Viewers can choose, among other things, if they would like to watch the action from the male, female, or third person point of view. Read the rest of this entry »

According to the September 2009 edition of Playboy, watching porn boosts your testosterone levels as effectively as hormone therapy drugs.

Men lose and average of 1percent of their testosterone levels every year starting at age 30, and 5 million American men suffer from low testosterone. Among the array of detrimental effects this has on your penis, low hormone levels can cause you to shrink and become depressed. Read the rest of this entry »

I’m a firm believer that Sundays should be no more academic than the New York Times Magazine. Enjoy your day of rest with this steamy pile of sex news.

Watch yourself, Grandpa: A new study to be published in the Journal of Clinical Endocrinology & Metabolism found that sex hormone levels affect the risk of broken bones in older men. The study measured the sex hormone levels of 1,436 men aged 65 and older for a period of five years. Researchers found that men with low levels of estradiol*, or high levels of sex hormone binding globulin (SHBG)^, were more likely to suffer ostoporotic fractures. Men with low levels of testosterone and estradiol combined with high levels of SHBG were three times as likely to break a bone than men with average sex hormones. Read the rest of this entry »

Thur. July 30. Swingers Karaoke. ALT Pathway restaurant and lounge. 810 E. Skagway, Ave. Tampa.

Fri-Sat. July 31-Aug 1. ABC and Blacklite Swingers Parties. Come dressed as sexy as you want, just so long as you are wearing Anything But Clothes for the Friday night party. On Saturday night, there will be a Blacklite Party with the heated pool open all night. 9pm. $20-$50 plus the cost of renting a room. Couples and single women only. Ramada Inn. Kissimme FL. For more infor check out the Aahz crew. Read the rest of this entry »

Sat. July 25. Skin Two of London. An erotic art and fashion party. Three medical fashion shows by Baby Love’s Latex, Maggie Delena, and Ceres Moon Latex. Performances by Gia Nova and Jade Vixen. DJs Jade Vixen, DJ Sean, DJ Neiva, DJ Nemesis. Models: Angelica Syn, Betty Jaded, Carissa, Evelyn Rose, Jade Malice, Kamila, Lagata Negra, Lena, Maus, Secra, Silent K, Steevie Synthetic, Tararyze, and more. Vending by Angelica Syn and Orlando TNG. Fetish wear encouraged: fantasy, goth, glam, cyber, leather, lingerie, uniforms, vinyl etc. $10-15. 18+. The Castle 2004 N. 16th St. Ybor 33605. Read the rest of this entry »

Should a civic employee lose his/her job because they married an adult star?

That is the question behind the firing of Scott Janke, former town manager for Fort Myers Beach. The town council removed him from office with a vote of 5-0 after finding out that he is married to Jazella Moore.

Kiker acknowledged that Janke had violated no rules or laws and added that he had done a good job for the island town that had about 6,500 people, according to the 2000 Census. But the mayor was concerned whether Janke could remain effective and not distract the community from the business of the town along the state’s west coast. Read the rest of this entry »

G4 correspondent Kelly Egarian recently hit up Erotica LA’s recent exhibition at the Los Angeles Convention Center for their yearly porn fest.  Do porn stars prefer sex in the real world or during “business hours”?  Lets find out: Read the rest of this entry »

When creating sexual aids, i.e. porn, for the handicapped, one of the most common misconceptions is that they’re into vanilla sex, but the handicapped are just as freaky as the rest of us. While it may surprise you to learn there’s porn specifically for the blind and deaf, it may shock you to discover that there’s porn for the deaf who are into giantesses (giant women), CGI, feet, vore (being eaten whole), and crushing (being stepped on). Read the rest of this entry »

Warning: (insert obligatory warnings about nudity, fetishes, and over weight people).

We were shooting the tenth clip of the night. At least I think it was the tenth. Don’t quote me on that. I do know that it was late enough that my boyfriend, The Puppy, called to ask if everything was okay. Naked and lying on my back, I was staring at the walls and ceiling. It was either that, or stare at the underside of Darling Rikki’s breasts.

(preview video and pics after the break) Read the rest of this entry »

Attention heterosexuals: how much would you need to be paid to sleep with a person of the same sex? $100? $1,000? Would you work at a gay club or bar and flirt with the same sex if it meant doubling or even tripling your income? Recently, I broached the topic of being gay for pay with a group of friends and opinions varied.

I’ve always had the belief that the majority of the population, respectfully excluding homosexuals, have had thoughts about experimenting with the same sex. The difference between being bi-sexual or homosexual and straight is the actual act occurring. I would not consider someone having fantasies about girl-on-girl or guy-on-guy sex bi-sexual or gay. Fantasies are simply the marriage between your imagination and curiosity, acting out those fantasies is different.
Read the rest of this entry »

We were on a visit to my great-aunt’s house. She was in the shower when we arrived, so her son, Ivy Leaguer, let us in. I was settled between my sister and cousin, reading a book when my aunt came into the living room to greet us. It had been over a year since my aunt had seen me. As I stood to greet her, my aunt clapped a hand to her chest and looked to my mother and grandmother.

“Lawd-a mercy! The girl’s got tits!” she shouted.

I was ten years old with B-cups. Molly Ringwald had nothing on how mortified I felt.

If you’re like me, at some point or another something similar happened to you. If you’re not like me and you have never had such a moment, I envy you. From the moment I woke up with A-cups in third grade up to today, my family and I have had moments that captured awkwardness in ways that John Huges wished he had come up with. At the risk of never being able to look anyone on the Creative Loafing staff in the eye again, I’m sharing a few stories in no order of embarrassment. Readers are more than welcome to rate the stories as they see fit. Bonus points allotted to those who share their own stories of horror. No, honest, I won’t mind. They were horrifying events when they happened, but I can laugh at most of them now.
Read the rest of this entry »

Every straight male (and some females) have a version of this fantasy: two college-aged girls sitting on a couch, playfully flirting before spontaneously stripping and fondling each other. This is the scene I walk in on Friday.

Two attractive young women share a leather loveseat while watching a muted MTV show. Having just met that morning, the women are overly nice, complimenting the thongs and bras they’ve brought with them in overnight bags. But this isn’t a fantasy: these women are preparing to film their first girl-on-girl scene. Read the rest of this entry »

I was at a loss for this week’s top 10 list.  A friend of mine suggested a ‘top 10 top 10 lists.’   My wife suggested ‘top 10 local celebrities I’d fuck’.  I liked that idea, but could only think of three locals I’d do (see 1-3 on my list).  With that in mind, I drank several beers and added 7 that are more famous (pardon any typos!!!QW$#$%).

So here it is….

10. Cindy Crawford – In college, there was no other I’d rather smother.

9. Jennifer Lopez – Everyone remembers the dress.  Where’s a sex-tape when you need one? Read the rest of this entry »

Ooh, yeah that sounds so good.

I just realized that last week when I wrote about Katy Perry curing Tampa of the Swine Flu, I failed to properly introduce myself. I’m your party host, “Rabid” Nick Refer (the more you read, the more you’ll understand the reason for the name). I’m one of the new Sex & Love Contributors and I look forward to sharing a laugh and maybe more with you. If you like my stuff, remember TnT because that’s when you’ll find my new posts, every Tuesday and Thursdays.  So mark your calendar, get it tattooed on your girl’s ass, or write a song about it and put it on repeat: TnT.

Since you’re reading this post, I know you like sex. And assuming you’re human, you like music. But do you like music with your sex? Those might be my two favorite subjects so the idea of merging them in an amalgam of hot, rockin’ sexiness is right up my alley.

Read the rest of this entry »

Hustler Video announced yesterday that it was planning a sequel to its popular Sarah Palin docu-dramas Who’s Nailin’ Paylin and Obama’s Nailin’ Paylin. Lisa Ann — Adult Video Magazine’s MILF/Cougar of the Year — will reprise her role as “Serra Paylin” in the new flick, titled Hollywood’s Naylin Paylin, to be released later this year. Lisa Ann is known for her poorly enhanced breasts which, although bountiful enough, have caused her nipples to point in opposite direction like a gecko’s eyes. And just like the real Sarah Palin, as far as I know.

AVN asked Hustler: Why another Palin movie?

“We’ll keep doing it as long as we can get away with it,” said Hustler exec Jeff Thill.

This kind of parody (or is it satire?) is a big thrust of Hustler Video’s current video catalog, which includes The Eliot Spitz-her Story, Not Three’s Company, This Ain’t Gilligan’s Island, Not The Brady’s and the disturbing This Ain’t The Munsters. Don’t worry, it’s not all smut for politicopornophiliacs and aging hipsters, Larry Flynt’s porn studios will still churn out classics like Barely Legal POV, Ghetto Booty XXL and White Trash Nurses.

Some NSFW art after the break, along with video of Lisa Ann on Entertainment Tonight. Read the rest of this entry »

A new survey by CyberSentinel found that UK teens, between 13 and 15, spend 87 hours a year watching internet porn. Considering that this age group consistently logs 31 hours a week surfing the web, this number may not be that shocking.

What is perhaps more shocking was that the average teen spends over eight hours a week browsing soft porn, cosmetic surgery, dieting and weight loss, family planning and emotional support websites.

“At least one hour and 40 minutes a week – that’s just under 87 hours a year – is spent looking at soft porn,” claims the study. Read the rest of this entry »

Is it so wrong that a website that displays pictures of “deliciously gross food,” just gives me ideas for my next meal?

Grab your Lipitor and check out This is why you’re fat.

When we received Suicide Girls: Beauty Redefined in the mail this morning, I had to fight Leilani for ownership. She saw the “Beauty Redefined” tag and thought it would be an exploration of feminist art. Uhm, no.

The Suicide Girls site has been doing their very own style of highly profitable beauty defining since 2001 by featuring pictures of naked ladies that aren’t your typical porn-tastically plastic adult entertainers. Most look like the girl next door, if the girl next door was into lots of ink and piercings. Many were goth-y, punk-y, or alt-y. Different, but only in relation to other porn models.

And though they were beautiful, Suicide Girls also seemed comfortingly normal. Better yet, many of the girls would actually talk to people who viewed their pictures, either via a blog or through message boards. Like getting a lap dance from an especially talkative stripper, Suicide Girls made it easy for an average Joe to imagine that he actually has a chance.

Its had an impact, sure, and pretty much single-handedly launched the alt-porn movement, but saying that Suicide Girls has redefined beauty is more than a stretch.

More (likely nsfw pics, depending on where you work) after the jump:

Read the rest of this entry »

(courtesy of FoodPornDaily.com)

Now that I’ve successfully tricked most of you into reading this post, I’ll fill you in on what “food porn” really is. And, no, sadly, it has nothing to do with naked people and food. That’s another fetish altogether.

Food porn is the foodie craze that’s been sweeping the internet, especially in the blogosphere.  Simply, it’s extreme close-up shots of delicious and delectable looking edible delights.  The forerunner to the fad and the site that drew all the attention is FoodPornDaily.  It features a new food picture every day to salivate over — showing every nook and cranny, leaving nothing to the imagination — and has been called, “a great website that satisfies our natural human desire for food porn.” They include recipes for the dishes featured on the site and even allow picture submissions (for those of you amateur food pornographers). It can get pretty competitive.

I’ll admit that I have a problem (is there a twelve step program for something like this?) — I get my fix every day and I’m not ashamed of it.  If you’re really curious and think you’re ready for this sort of online smut, be sure to also check out:

• Food Gawker
• Tastespotting
• FP Daily

Are you an amateur food porn producer? Send us your own lascivious food shots and we’ll feature them here on Creative Loafing.

Sasha Grey has been blowing up the porn industry — bad pun, I know — for the past couple years. The sexpot 20-year-old debuted in adult films shortly after her 18th birthday and quickly redefined the played-out victim role with confident, vocal-intensive performances that found her deftly alternating between predator and prey. She made on-screen fucking fabulous and fanciful rather than cheap and predictable. No small feat.

Grey took chances, pushed porn limits, and the highly dramatic hardcore scenes paid off. She will make her mainstream debut some time next year in the Steven Soderbergh picture The Girlfriend Experience, in which the most lusty Lolita enjoys top billing as a call girl. Not bad for a gal whose past titles include Deep Throat Love and Gang Bang Vol. 5.

Sasha Grey on eating sperm after the jump.

Read the rest of this entry »

I’m nominating Larry Flynt’s new Sarah Palin “biopic” — Who’s Nailin’ Paylin? — for an early Oscar bid. Not because of the dirty, dirty Alaskan sex scenes (mainly because I haven’t seen any). And not for the obvious political import that comes part and parcel with featuring a dim-witted vice (heh, heh) presidential candidate in flagrante delicto. Nope, this masterpiece should be up for writing, and maybe best supporting actor from the two Russian schlubs. Here’s an example:

Palin: Can I get you boys a drink?
Russian 1: No thanks, we’re already pretty drunk.
Palin: But you need to make a call?
Russian 1: You know, if I could re-arrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together.
Palin: If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you guys were flirting with me.
Russian 2: Excuse me … I think I dropped something … my jaw.

It’s a brilliant parody of common porn tropes, with a buxom veep impersonator to boot. And then the sex happens. Watch this clip of the first minute of this modern masterpiece — it’s totally safe for work. Unless you work for Fox News, or maybe the Amish.

Here’s a link for more pics, albeit of the less work-safe variety.