Daily Loaf

Don’t fuck your best friend. This rule seems obvious enough, and yet I couldn’t help testing it.

We were best friends since high school, but ever since we had sex, we barely talk anymore. I’m uncomfortable around him, and being around me hurts him. I don’t want to have sex with him and he still wants to have sex with me. Sex has put a huge strain on our friendship and his sanity. I keep thinking of the recent news story about the male best friend who kidnapped, tied up, and took naked photos of his female best friend in hopes of blackmailing her into having sex with him once a week. Not a good way to get sex. Read the rest of this entry »

My boyfriend hates texting. Hates it. Doesn’t understand it. “I’m not married to my phone,” he says. “Why do people think they can just reach me whenever they want?”

They think that because, well, they can. We live in a technological age of hyper-connectedness. But, the deeper question is how has our connectedness affected us as communicators and people?

This century is a period of instant access, immediate gratification, and zero wait time. We fast forward through commercial breaks. We upload photos from our camera phones straight to Facebook, complete with caption and status updates. We guide missiles on video game consoles.

More importantly, we talk to each other constantly. Read the rest of this entry »

Growing up as an only-child, I rarely made sacrifices. I was late in learning how to share, have patience, and practice selflessness. Now I’m dealing with the consequences. It’s impossible to be in a serious relationship without learning how to surrender.

Read the rest of this entry »

I first introduced my friend Julia in Sugar daddy wanted:  part 1, as a beautiful, 30-something with long black hair, large breasts, and a thin frame–-a woman who should never have a problem finding a date, yet she does.

Julia decided to try her luck on seekingarrangment.com, and quickly began sending and receiving messages.  The emails mainly consisted of questions such as, what are your interests and what are you looking for?  Some men wanted to know about kinky things like anal sex or S&M. Others said they were interested in friendship.  Still others were more concerned with what kind of arrangement Julia wanted. Some questions were quite extreme, but not harmful, while others made her click the delete button as fast as possible.  Luckily Juila found a few profiles that caught her attention. Read the rest of this entry »

Sex should be fun, free, and feel good, but the reality is that it’s not always easy to get in the mood for sex.  Many things can cause a couple, or partner, to be turned off of sex. Here’s a quickie list of mood killers and tricks for recharging your sexual energy. Read the rest of this entry »

Sex toys used to be thought of as kinky, perverted, and taboo, but things have changed. When I first got married I thought I’d never need to masturbate or use a vibrator. This was in the mid 80’s when you couldn’t anonymously shop for sex toys online. Now it’s easier than ever to search for all kinds of sexual aids without having to brave a visit to a “Dirty Book Store.” If you’re new to the world of sex toys, here’s a top ten list of a few of my favorites.

10. Nipple Clamps: Read the rest of this entry »

Men are notoriously self-centered in bed, but this stereotype is beginning to shift—we’re simply a decade or so behind the women. For instance, while it’s considered a faux pas for women to have pubic hair, men are now expected to at least trim their unruly lions’ manes. In a large part this change has been driven by beauty product companies looking to cash in on a half of the market that has long been ignored. Read the rest of this entry »

All swingers have their own rules. Rules are what make swinging doable (pun intended).  Soccer Dad and I have gone somewhat past the basic swinger lifestyle and have dabbled a bit in an open marriage.  You might wonder how this is different.  We are having sex with others, isn’t that open?  It’s actually not.  Typically swingers share their experiences together.  That might mean sharing one bed with another couple and swapping, or having drinks and dinner with a couple and then following up with sex in the same room.  Sometimes couples, myself included, venture to separate rooms for sex. So, where do solo events fit into these scenarios? Read the rest of this entry »

An inquisitive reader emailed me asking my opinion on retro-sexing, ex-sex, & re-fucking an old flame. Read the rest of this entry »

At my former job I met a man I’ll call Scott. Scott came in multiple times to specifically seek my advice and stayed roughly an hour each visit. We talked about each others’ lives, specifically love and sex; I like to think these subjects are my forte and I talk about them with most everyone. The majority of the the conversations were about his ex and recent dates he went on. Once, when it was time for Scott to leave, I was on my way out for lunch. As we walked out together I said, “You know I don’t have that many good guy friends that I can chat with around here. We should be friends.”

He shot me a curious smile and gave me his phone number. We occasionally shot each other a text about our bad experiences with Verizon and the like, but then things went in a direction I wasn’t expecting.

Via text he asked, “What do you want?”

I laughed and said, “Well nothing. You know I’m not single, right?” I figured Facebook would have given him that answer.

“I’m not looking for anything serious,” he wrote. “You’re a cool girl and all, but I’m not looking for anything ’serious’ with you.”

I could not believe what I was hearing. I legitimately thought he wanted to be my friend, but in the end he just wanted to fuck. I ended communication with Scott immediately and called a close male friend to vent.

As naive as it sounds, I have never been asked out-right to be a friend-with-benefits. Don’t get me wrong, I see nothing wrong with that, but I honestly did not think he had an ulterior motive. I was very, very wrong.

This got me thinking of other scenarios with male “friends.” Two of my close male friends have told me that we couldn’t be friends or talk as much, because of trust issues with their partners. When did I cross a line where it’s not OK to be friends with males, especially if they are in a relationships?

I have always had more male than female friends and am confused as to why this relationship seems taboo to many. I can understand how a girlfriend would get jealous if I had slept with or dated these male friends, but otherwise I’m lost. The worst part is that I have been friends with one guy long before he met his recent beau, so why should I have to give him up as a friend?

My boyfriend and I have an exponential amount of trust for one another and I think this is what is lacking in couples that “forbid” their partner to have friends of the opposite sex. I feel that if you do not have friends of the opposite sex for fear of what will happen in your own relationship, you are missing out on some major life experiences, and I don’t mean sexually.

Why am I just now learning this unspoken rule? After some thought I think I have found a solution: the friend needs to meet the partner in order to convey a sense of trust and to prove that he/she has no ulterior motives. But is the rule only applicable to people in marriages or relationships? What about single people? I need some perspective on this one? What do you all think?

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For those who work difficult jobs, sex is an important way to blow off steam.  My husband has a very stressful job, so I do my part to make his home life as pleasurable as possible.  One particular night my husband called home late from work. I could tell he had a rotten day because he asked if we had anything to drink.  At that moment I went into whore mode. It would take him a half hour to get home, which was enough time for me to plan his evening. Read the rest of this entry »

Everyone has their preferences when it comes to the opposite sex. I prefer dark hair, light eyes, and a man who stays in-shape. I focus on my figure and expect the same from men. However, don’t misunderstand me when I say preferences. I prefer certain characteristics, as do all women, but there are some things that are major turn-offs for most females.

Read the rest of this entry »

I’m at the point in my life where almost everyone I know is getting engaged. I’ve been to three weddings this year, which is more than I’ve attended in my entire life. I’m surrounded by my friends with “wedding fever.” If they’ve been in a long-term relationship, they’re pushing for a proposal. If they’re single, they’re rushing to find someone. Why the sudden rush?

Read the rest of this entry »

Boners, dykes, pubes, drag queens – I’ve discussed it all with my 13-year-old sister, Rose. We have a sort of no-holds-barred relationship; she can ask me anything and I’ll be completely honest. Growing up, my Bubbi and I shared the same sort of communication and I treasured it, so I wanted to offer this kind of relationship to my sisters.

Without batting an eye, I’ve explained  condoms, abortions, why I’m bisexual or “half-lesbian,” and, to her surprise, that women get armpit hair. But recently, Rose asked something that gave me pause. She wanted to know why I don’t date hot guys. Read the rest of this entry »

Four different qualities can describe a woman: hot, beautiful, sexy, and sensual. Hot can be easily achieved with the right clothes, hairstyle, and make-up. Beautiful is, take your breath away, crack a smile smitten. Sexy is an attitude that can be displayed through body language and accentuated with clothing. Sensual is more of an action that stems from sexy, her sexual undertones and mannerisms all relate back to a sexy female, and of course, sex.

Sex doesn’t always have to be about sex. Having a partner that is sensual can make your mood that much better. However, you don’t always have to have sex to be sensual. A few simple acts, sans penetration, can get your blood flowing and lift your libido. Here are a few sensual scenarios that capture sensuality without sex. Read the rest of this entry »

Sometimes when I hear a person say, “having sex,” I start to wonder what kind of sex?  When I was growing up, “having sex,” meant sexual intercourse involving the penis and vagina. Doggy style was considered kinky. Today I find that most of my peers are willing to experiment with different kinds of sex, especially if they are new divorcees or if they just want to spice things up. But, sex has changed since we were kids.  Sometimes when I hear a sexual reference I don’t understand, I ask my 22-year-old son to explain it. This just goes to show that new sexual practices are constantly being created. However, for the purposes of this quick guide to sex, I’m only going to discuss: intercourse (penis and vagina), oral (mouth on penis), anal  (penis in anus), and masturbation. Read the rest of this entry »

In the 80’s I did some things I’m not proud of, one of which was having sex with a married man. Yeah it was fun and he gave me money and lots of things, but eventually my morals kicked in and I broke it off. This guy had a horrible sex life with his wife who wasn’t bad looking. Today I find a similar situation with many male acquaintances who are not satisfied with their love lives.  I understand that after10 or 30 years of marriage, sex can get a bit boring, so I’m here to provide a few tips to help keep things lively in the sack. Read the rest of this entry »

I’m back! Sorry for the leave of absence! I’ve spent the better part of a year living abroad, collecting many international affair stories for you.

At first, I thought I’d keep this last year of adventures to myself. You see, many of us are aware of “vacation sex”… it’s a right of passage, whether on your post-college backpacking trip to Prague (Liam, the British guy you thought looked like Hugh Grant, but in the morning looked more like Mr.Bean) or your quarter-life crisis trip to Thailand (the he/she that you SWEAR was hot the night before) vacation sex equals sexual freedom at it’s best! Read the rest of this entry »

I consider myself an authority on spotting losers because, well, I used to be one. I only exempt myself now because I’m married. Not to say that all married men make quality boyfriends; I just feel that if you’re able to convince a woman to marry you after five years of dating, either you’re not a loser or you’re extraordinary at hiding it.

Obviously there are as many ways to tell if a potential man-date is a loser as there are breeds of crotch ponies. To complicate things, everyone has their own definition of what constitutes a loser. For instance, you may be perfectly fine dating a man I consider a loser because you’re desperate or you’re willing to overlook his lacking qualities in lieu of, say, his bank account. With that said, below is a list of signs the guy you just met is a loser

-When asked what he does, he says, “I’m in a band,” or “I’m an artist.” Read the rest of this entry »

Remember when you actually had to speak to a person face-to-face to attract a date? Well times have changed and so has the world of relationships. Social networking Web sites like our beloved Facebook have caused major rifts between couples. A study by the University of Guelph, involving more than 300 college students, found that Facebook causes jealousy among romantic partners. Much of this resulted from a partner being Facebook friends with his or her ex. Read the rest of this entry »

“Maybe we’re preparing ourselves for the next chapter of our lives.” August 17, 2009. 2:16 am. That’s what I told my friend Efren after watching Explicit Ills starring Rosario Dawson.

When Mother died (side: I always wanted to refer to my mom as “Mother” like they used to in old movies), I felt like our relationship wasn’t necessarily over. I kinda felt like she prepared me for what to expect after her physical body expired.

“Now when I die, Courtney, I’m gonna come back and talk to you,” she told me.

Whatever, creep. I knew she was serious, though. It’s just kind of a mind-fuck when shit really does happen. Read the rest of this entry »

So it has been a few years since I’ve played the dating game… but I distinctly remember it… checking my phone for missed calls, checking my phone to make sure it was working…. Yes, occasionally I was THAT girl… looking forward to Friday for that first date, wondering where it would lead. And I remember the disappointment I felt after the date when I realized he wasn’t The ONE. Why do I bring this up? Certainly, I’m not reentering the world of dating…THANK GOD!!

Well, it dawned on me yesterday, as I checked my email for the 127th time, that finding a job is very similar to finding a mate. Read the rest of this entry »

Man Manual, advice #2: Don’t insist on doing everything with your boyfriend.

Your idea of fun might be a long day of primping and shopping, but for a guy that’s the furthest thing from his mind. God gave you “girlfriends” so as not to punish your man with your chick shit outings! Instead of dragging along your boyfriend for an endless day of wandering and waiting while being your human shopping cart, do it with your pals instead.   Read the rest of this entry »

You know my mind got to thinking the other day when the heavens opened and Emmalee posted those lovely topless pictures of Megan Fox on the set of her new flick. We certainly are a society transfixed on celebrities, aren’t we? I can hear my boy, Hopp, now: “I’d let her do me.”  Hell wouldn’t we all?

After a few steamy minutes of uh, deep thinking something else came running into my frontal lobe: The Celebrity 5.  You know, that little list you have in your head (or printed and laminated) of the 5 celebrities you’d be free to have sex with should a miracle transpire that put you into a situation to do so?  It’s kind of silly, but we love movie stars and live for putting things into list form.
Read the rest of this entry »

It may surprise you to know that my boyfriend, The Puppy, and I enjoy different things in bed. Not “he likes it rough, she likes it slow” types of differences – I’m talking different fetishes and kinks. Some of our friends do not believe that we ever have this problem. They tell me their own experiences with lovers who only wanted sex if it was in the dark, missionary, and slow, when they (my friends) wanted it hard and fast, with the lights on. For most of them, the differences in the bedroom led to their break-ups. But The Puppy and I have been together for years. We’ve been dubbed “the most married, unmarried couple I know” by more than one friend. We make people want to hurl because we’re so head over stupid for each other. How in the world could such a couple possibly have issues in the bedroom? So, for all of the other couples who have ever been there, here is our story…
Read the rest of this entry »

I don’t totally agree with the notion that most swingers are in the lifestyle primarily for friendship; maybe “friends with benefits” is a better description. Being a swinger is about sex, and if the friendship part follows its all the better. According to dictionary.com, the term swinger is defined as:

1. a person who indulges in promiscuous sex
2. a person who engages in the exchanging of spouses for sexual activities

How do relationships work when you are swinging and friends? Sometimes this type of relationship is great, and other times it can be quite awkward. I have several friends who are swinger – some I have had sex with, and some I have not. The difficulty comes when sex has occurred and it wasn’t any good or the attraction no longer exists.
Read the rest of this entry »

You know that feeling you get when you stop at the ATM and your balance is dramatically lower than you expected? And then you feel like a cretin for three or four days?  That has terrible written all over it. Why do we put such value in our status in life? And with that in mind, do you judge yourself or estimate your self value by the relationship you are in or how many people you sleep with?  That’s a one way ticket to an over populated region called “Disappointment Town”.

Read the rest of this entry »

There is absolutely no way I would rather wake up in the morning than with a strong cup of coffee and my beautiful boyfriend. For the past year this has become our little AM ritual when we spend the night together: coffee, cigarettes, and conversation that feeds the soul. This morning was no different. We sat on his front porch listening to the rain and breathing in our daily dose of carcinogenics when it struck me; how is it that I’m still so excited to wake up with him after a whole year? Read the rest of this entry »

Our next patient, who I shall call, oh I don’t know…. “Vikki”, had an issue with her mother (and her obvious disdain of head wear) and a wedding anniversary.  She came to me frantic and looking for a solution.  I think my answer went down smoothly; with a spoonful of sugar, and a bit of good ol’ fashion reason.

She writes:

My mother is trying to kill me! She wants to throw me a surprise anniversary party next month (9yr wedding anniversary) only it leaked out and what’s WORSE is she is making it a gay theme party where everyone has to wear the most ridiculous hat they can find and I HATE hats… WTF am I going to do? Hats have nothing to do with weddings or anniversary parties. I don’t know what to do, I don’t want to burst her bubble, but I also don’t want to have a ridiculous party I hate.

Read the rest of this entry »

My next patient is Kelley. She has size 7.5 shoes, lives in Tampa, and enjoys Frigidaire!  She sounds like a lovely person, but I fear she may have included a bit too much information for you inter-hooligans.  I will happily censor it to protect the innocent.

Dear Doctor Why,
What is so WRONG with being nice in a relationship?
My name is Kelley -Lastname- (I’m the girl on the right [she sent in a photo!]). I live on -A Street- in Tampa, FL. My question to YOU Doctor Why is: The guys I date tell me I’m “too nice” and our relationships never progress beyond the “we’re only dating” status. So what if I’m nice! I’m a nice person damn it!
Please help,
Kelley Read the rest of this entry »

Hello internets! I’ve come from far, far away in time and space, oh wait…. that’s the other Doctor.  Well actually I’m just from Earth, like you.  You may call me “Doctor Why“.

I’ve come to offer my advice–advice on relationships, friendships, love, and just ‘what should I do’ types of questions.

Why should you ask me, you may be asking yourself?  Well… why not?!! I’m a doctor!* (No, not really).  In truth I have had a crazy life with many different experiences, circles of friends, love triangles, anti-friend-group-getting-together problems, or antifrigroproblem, (Yes, I just made that up) and over the years people have come to value my opinions (their personal sanity is in question). Read the rest of this entry »

There is a different sex position for every day of the week, but there are definitely some favorites among men and women. I surveyed a group of men and women and found some very interesting results about their personal favorite positions and what they believe is the opposite sex’s favorite.

Top 5 Favorite Positions for men

1. Doggy style

2. Girl on Top

3. Missionary

4. Reverse cowgirl

5. Seated

Top 5 Favorite positions for women: (after the jump) Read the rest of this entry »

Sometimes I act a little “extreme” in relationships. Some of my ex’s have called me crazy. I prefer the term passionate. And at the risk of blacklisting myself from dating forever, I’m going to disclose some of my insanity, right here, right now, in hopes of helping at least one lost soul out there like myself.

Here’s the truth… I’m afraid to trust. I have a skewed perception of reality. I’m hypersensitive. And while these defects start out as delightful quirks, as a relationship progresses they cause most men to run for the hills. Read the rest of this entry »

 Some people think it’s impossible to cheat in a polyamory relationship, but it doesn’t work that way. The following are four rules that my boyfriend, The Puppy, and I have:

1) No starting a new relationship without telling your partner.

Deciding to have an open, poly, or otherwise non-monogamous relationship doesn’t automatically give you the green light to screw anything that catches your  fancy. For one thing, you may be thinking that you’re fine  with a V (Sally and Susan are dating Timmy, but not each  other) or a triad (Susan, Sally, and Timmy date each other) relationship. Your partner may want a closed triad (Susan, Sally, and Timmy date only each other- also a form of poly fidelity). Or maybe you were expecting to have a hierarchical relationship where your starting partner would be your primary, while any new person would be secondary. Little things like this should be talked over before either party brings home someone new. Even if the talk is skipped, your starting partner should be aware that you have added someone new to the relationship. Bottom line: If you’re dating someone behind your partner(s)’s back, it is cheating. No if, ands, or hoo-haws about it. Read the rest of this entry »

Have you ever dated someone who is much more into you? Or, have you been the person who has to tell yourself to stop obsessively calling your potential love interest? The ebb and flow of hormones in our bodies can make this situation infinitely more complex.

After four years in a relationship, friends tell me they still face this dilemma. “Sometimes I like him more… then sometimes he is way too into me.”

The book Marriage in Motion , by Richard Stanton Schwartz and Jacqueline Olds, discusses the problems of actual couples to illustrate the perpetual motion of relationships: “Relationships are always in motion. Shifting feelings of closeness are an aspect of their essential nature, not a demonstration of an indi­vidual’s character flaws.” Read the rest of this entry »