Daily Loaf

“Some people think that when the party ends the night is over, but I’ve found it’s when the music stops and the lights come up that the real trouble begins. You better get your beauty rest now, because it looks like things could get ugly in the morning.”  — xoxo Gossip Girl

Photo courtesy Giovanni Rufino / The CW

Becoming a debutante is one of the most important rites of passage a young girl experiences in high society: white dresses, hot escorts (whom you will fuck later, it is your duty as a new lady of society,) and waltzing — which you will never do again. But apparently, the Upper East Side does not exactly follow these rules. There was no white in sight, the band was playing a song called “Bitch” (not the best song to waltz to), and absolutely no fucking. Between stepbrother’s boyfriends as escorts, a former queen B’s love passed down to the next generation, and the promise of a threesome … all of these things should have added up to a steamy episode. Not exactly.

Let me first address the elephant in the room. Last week’s preview of Gossip Girl promised us a threesome and we got one Read the rest of this entry »

“Sometimes it’s hard to see the lines we’ve drawn until we cross them. That’s when we rely on the ones we love to pull us back and give us something to hold on to. Then there are the clearly marked lines, the ones that if you cross you may never find your way back.” -xoxo Gossip Girl

This election day, no Upper East Sider was far from scandal. Between Olivia’s bathroom boy story on Jimmy Fallon, Tripp Van der Bilt’s election day hoax, and the possible destruction of Serena and Blair, election day was definitely not just about the ballots (but who ever said politics wasn’t dirty anyway?)

Although there may not be ballots involved in Dan and Olivia’s relationship, they might need to start keeping score. After an appearance on Jimmy Fallon, Olivia let the story of their first date slip off the tongue — and it wasn’t the best first date, considering Dan came back from the bathroom with his shirt inside out, not the best impression for any girl. After she told this story on national television, everyone started to call Dan “bathroom boy,” which is definitely a step down from his previous nickname, “lonely boy.” But in true Humphrey, style Dan did not let her scandal affect him, and he let it brush right off his shoulders. Good for you Dan, don’t let the fact that your girlfriend told an incredibly embarrassing story about you on national television get you upset!

National television may not have been kind to Dan, it was kind to Tripp Van der Bilt — at least at first. No one loves a good election day hoax likes the Van der Bilts. In an attempt to bring up his points in the polls, his wife hired someone to fake drown in the Hudson, so Tripp could save him, portraying himself as a hero.

In good gossip girl fashion Vanessa was there to capture the entire thing on film, including filming the part where the fake drowner jumped into the Hudson and swam to a more convenient place to drown. Read the rest of this entry »

“Like all good things, the witching hour must come to an end. True natures are revealed. Tricks turn into treats, and taking off costumes is as much fun as putting them on. Everything returns to the way it was except for little girls who forget Halloween lasts only one night. They wear their costumes for so long, pretty soon they can’t even remember who they were before they put them on.”
-xoxo gossip girl

If these Upper East Siders know one thing, they know that Blair Waldorf never settles, and this week was no different, even when it comes to the love of her life Chuck Bass. After last week’s sexual boundary-bending episode when Blair tricks Chuck into kissing a man, he is of course a little leery of her. But when Blair finds out Chuck is opening his speakeasy club within 24 hours, she gets down to business. Even after strict instructions to not get in his way, he wants to do this on his own terms. She, of course, does the opposite, because Blair Waldorf takes orders from no one.

After calling her ex-hook up/boyfriend’s uncle and guardian for a little help with a liquor license for Chuck’s new club, it of course backfires. Messing with any Bass is never a smart choice, and Jack Bass is no exception. After guaranteeing he took care of the license, he informed Blair he never got it handled. Basically, a big fuck you to Bass industries and Chuck, and Blair. This made Chuck’s first major endeavor a failure of sorts, considering the police came to close down the club very quickly after their doors had opened.

But Chuck is not Blair’s love for no reason: Read the rest of this entry »

“There are songs that make us want to dance, songs that make us want to sing along, but the best songs bring you back to the moment you first heard them and once again break your heart”
-xoxo gossip girl

Every Upper East Sider loves a good wedding. The flowers, the toasts, the dress … well, Lily’s fifth wedding was anything but the usual affair. Besides actually marrying for love instead of money or status, Lily and Rufus’ wedding (that was 20 years in the making) was spur of the moment. Just like the weed-induced proposal and the announcement of their love child right before the “I Dos” (Thank you, Georgina.) Not only was it spur of the moment, but it almost didn’t happen.

Lily can never commit and always has a reason to run from Rufus, but after 20 years, a love child (a fake death of a love child), their children getting together, and Lily’s four previous marriages, it’s time for them to get together and stay together in holy matrimony til death do they part. But lets hope that doesn’t happen too soon — Lily has already been a widow once.

But back to the love child: Read the rest of this entry »

“If you ask me, we go to the movies because we want to see fairy tales. A sleeping queen woken by her true love’s kiss; a princess who puts aside her jewels to make her way in the world; lovers torn apart being brought back together. But life isn’t a fairy tale and happy endings are few and far between. In life, the young queen becomes a tyrant and takes her subjects to war, so that’s why we need movies to remind us that, despite it all, love can still spring in the most unlikely of places and that sometimes even fairy tales can come true.”

-xoxo gossip girl

Gossip Girl went Hollywood this week, with brand new guest stars, a Hollywood premiere, and obviously lots of gossip.

Dan is definitely no longer lonely boy; this week he started a new romance with Hilary Duff/Kate/Olivia (pictured). Whatever her name is, she is some kind of movie star trying to be normal and go to college. Haven’t we heard this story before? I know she has some skeletons in her closet and I will patiently wait for them to come out. Until then, she and Dan can have their boring romance.

Constance started school today, and Little J might actually come up to the standard of a Blair Waldorf queen — although no one could ever be Blair Waldorf, I think she did a good job choosing her successor. Bring on the nairtinis, Read the rest of this entry »

Our favorite Upper East Siders started college this week. Dan, Vanessa and Blair all are at NYU, Nate’s starting at Columbia soon, and Serena is off to Brown, right? Maybe not. In her apparent quest to be the center of attention, Serena decided Brown was not the right decision for her. Ivy League just isn’t good enough for this van der Woodsen, so Serena is taking the path less traveled for now, socializing with martinis and Manolo Blahniks and living her fabulous life. Who needs college when you have limos, crazy woods sex with Carter Basin, and the world at your fingertips? At least for now…we’ll see what happens when Lily comes home.

While Serena is “finding herself,” guess who found Blair Waldorf? None other than Georgina Sparks (our favorite villain!) who is now also her new roommate. Welcome to your freshman year from hell, Blair! Let the battle for Queen B begin. While Blair tries and fails with headbands and sake (see above for proof), Georgina throws a boho chic rooftop rager. But Blair never admits defeat that early. Instead, she calls in new recruits in the form of missionaries from Georgina’s past at bible camp, all sporting shirts that say OMJC and tambourines… cause everyone loves a good Jesus party. Read the rest of this entry »

“Welcome back Upper East Siders. After a long hot summer away, I see it didn’t take you long to dirty up the clean slates I gave you. My inbox is overflowing, so let’s get to the good stuff, shall we?” – Gossip Girl

OMFGG, Gossip Girl season three give us plenty of scandal, sex, and gossip  to go around.

The end of last season left us all with burning questions: How will Dan and Serena’s half brother fit into the story? Will Serena find her dad? Will Lily and Rufus be for real this time? But most importantly, now that Chuck and Blair said those three little words, where the fuck do they go from there? Read the rest of this entry »