The woman begins on her back with her legs comfortably in front of her. The man kneels at her feet, raises her legs in the air, and pulls her all the way up until only her head and shoulders remain on the bed or floor. The woman may want to hook her feet around his shoulders while he enters her vagina.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how would you rate this position? This position gets an 8.5 on the ‘Dichter’ scale! Read the rest of this entry »
Don’t fuck your best friend. This rule seems obvious enough, and yet I couldn’t help testing it.
We were best friends since high school, but ever since we had sex, we barely talk anymore. I’m uncomfortable around him, and being around me hurts him. I don’t want to have sex with him and he still wants to have sex with me. Sex has put a huge strain on our friendship and his sanity. I keep thinking of the recent news story about the male best friend who kidnapped, tied up, and took naked photos of his female best friend in hopes of blackmailing her into having sex with him once a week. Not a good way to get sex. Read the rest of this entry »
“Sometimes it’s after the curtains close the real reckonings come, whether it’s about who we wish we were or who we wish we could be or who we want.” — xoxo Gossip Girl
This week was the one of seriously awkward conversations … I guess that’s what happens when you have a threesome, or if you’re trying to have sex with your ex-hook up’s married cousin, or when your step brotherish comes to a club to take you home from an ecstasy deal with an ambassador.
Although we were all promised a hot and heavy threesome last week not much was delivered, this week we got a little more of a view of the action, through flashbacks of a very cocky (pun intended) Dan, and we learned one very important lesson: don’t ever have a threesome Read the rest of this entry »
![money-heart[1]](http://blogs.creativeloafing.com/dailyloaf/files/2009/11/money-heart1.gif)
I first introduced my friend Julia in Sugar daddy wanted: part 1, as a beautiful, 30-something with long black hair, large breasts, and a thin frame–-a woman who should never have a problem finding a date, yet she does.
Julia decided to try her luck on seekingarrangment.com, and quickly began sending and receiving messages. The emails mainly consisted of questions such as, what are your interests and what are you looking for? Some men wanted to know about kinky things like anal sex or S&M. Others said they were interested in friendship. Still others were more concerned with what kind of arrangement Julia wanted. Some questions were quite extreme, but not harmful, while others made her click the delete button as fast as possible. Luckily Juila found a few profiles that caught her attention. Read the rest of this entry »
Undoubtedly you’ve heard the double standard: women who sleep around are called sluts, while sexually promiscuous men are considered manly men. But, does this inequality still exist?
For the most part, I agree that promiscuous women are unfairly demonized, but I don’t think it’s the men who are doing the name calling. Read the rest of this entry »
The position begins with the woman kneeling in a subservient position with her mouth open and ready to receive her man. The man grabs the back of her head, pulls her towards his member, and inserts it in her mouth (As lovingly as possible of course… unless she likes it rough!) The man controls the motion of this position for the most part, pulling himself into her mouth back and forth, allowing her to adjust her mouth for tightness. This is a common method for “deep” penetration at its most extreme, but not for the faint of heart!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how would you rate this position?
8.5 for the guy and a -1 for this particular gal! Read the rest of this entry »
“Some people think that when the party ends the night is over, but I’ve found it’s when the music stops and the lights come up that the real trouble begins. You better get your beauty rest now, because it looks like things could get ugly in the morning.” — xoxo Gossip Girl
Photo courtesy Giovanni Rufino / The CW
Becoming a debutante is one of the most important rites of passage a young girl experiences in high society: white dresses, hot escorts (whom you will fuck later, it is your duty as a new lady of society,) and waltzing — which you will never do again. But apparently, the Upper East Side does not exactly follow these rules. There was no white in sight, the band was playing a song called “Bitch” (not the best song to waltz to), and absolutely no fucking. Between stepbrother’s boyfriends as escorts, a former queen B’s love passed down to the next generation, and the promise of a threesome … all of these things should have added up to a steamy episode. Not exactly.
Let me first address the elephant in the room. Last week’s preview of Gossip Girl promised us a threesome and we got one Read the rest of this entry »
In this over-medicated age, drug companies continue expanding their empires into the farthest realms of human behavior, developing chemical cocktails for whatever ails us: if depressed take Prozac, if scatterbrained take Adderall, if sleepless take Ambien, if impotent take Viagra… Now researchers are searching for drugs that will help you stay in love.
Consider how people often attribute their inability to remain in a relationship to psychological reasons, saying such things as, “I’m not happy anymore,” or “the spark is gone.” In a sense, a lack of love is simply a chemical imbalance, which theoretically can be corrected. Someday soon drug companies may develop a prescription pill that helps you stay in love the same way Rogaine sustains hair. Read the rest of this entry »
“Putting on the sock” doesn’t refer to a condom or penis extension, but an age old foreplay technique. It begins with the woman on her back and the man kneeling before her with his penis placed at the entrance of her vagina. Instead of inserting his penis however, the man caresses her entrance, back and forth, in a circular motion. Don’t forget to involve the clitoris. The continuous stroking leaves her incredibly wet, and on the verge of a quivering orgasm. Just be careful to gauge her orgasmic pleasures, or she may be through before the man even gets invited inside for dessert! Read the rest of this entry »
Sex should be fun, free, and feel good, but the reality is that it’s not always easy to get in the mood for sex. Many things can cause a couple, or partner, to be turned off of sex. Here’s a quickie list of mood killers and tricks for recharging your sexual energy. Read the rest of this entry »
I had so much fun in Key West for Fantasy Fest it should be illegal (though I’m sure some of it was, or very damn close). The boat ride on the Key West Express was well worth it. We got there in a fraction of the time and my friend Melissa and I got a head start on the festivities by sucking down White Russians and talking to Fantasy Fest veterans and fellow virgins. My favorite old pros were Bob and Rita who gave us a heads up on the freaky crazy fun of swinger groups who meet in Key West just to have sex with one another and go to kink parties. We quickly realized how true their anecdote was when we stepped off the boat and were promptly offered a free room by some NYC cops. Unfortunately they were a bit vague as to the terms of their offer.
The best word to describe what I saw in Key West is WOW!! I knew I was going to see some weird shit at Fantasy Fest but no amount of preparation or pictures can ready a person for the real thing: a celebration of parades, naked people, drunken stupors, and casual sex. Read the rest of this entry »
“Sex is always the answer. It’s never a question. And the answer is yes. Yes. YES!” –Nickelback.
Sex is a great answer to most every relationship problem, unless you’re with someone who’s never in the mood or uses sex as a punishment. So you had a fight. Nothing resolves the issue or rekindles your lust for one another like a passionate bout of makeup sex. Doctors have long preached the health benefits of a good sex life–relieves stress, strengthens the heart, and improves breathing–but it’s also a great way to maintain a healthy relationship. Read the rest of this entry »
Homosexuality has long been difficult to explain in terms of natural selection, as homosexuals reproduce at a lower frequency than their heterosexual counterparts. This would seemingly doom genes related to homosexuality to extinction. However, the fact that homosexuality exists in such a large variety of species suggests that it in some way offers an evolutionary advantage. Otherwise, genes that code for homosexuality would die off (off course this presupposes that you believe homosexuality is determined by nature as opposed to nurture). While homosexuality may not be entirely hereditary, evidence strongly suggests it is largely determined by genetics. Proof of this is the high rate of homosexuality in identical twins, at least for males. Read the rest of this entry »
“Dream Momma, I am a 45-year-old, married, black female professional living in Tampa. I have been having an online “affair,” if you will call it that, for 3 years with a white man. My husband, who is also a professional, travels a lot with his job. I have met my online lover, and although we have shared embraces, we have not shared a bed.
This dream begins with me on my bed and my husband in the sitting room that is off our bedroom. There is a curtain there, so I cannot actually see him but I hear him as he moves about. He is watching TV. My lover enters my bedroom wearing just a long tee shirt and crawls onto the bed with me. I am not surprised to see him; it is as if he does this often. He snuggles up behind me and is very amorous. I am watching the crack in the curtain. I suggest that we go to another room.
We go the bathroom that is just beyond my laundry room. There is a cot set up for him. He apparently stays here often. But the washer has been moved into the bathroom and I am concerned that my husband will come into this room to tend to the washer. So I am emptying the washer and taking clothes from the toilet(?) that appear to be clean. I am trying frantically to stay ahead of my husband in thought.
I hear him come into the laundry room and he is doing something with the dryer. My lover is starting to say something and I am signaling him not to talk but he continues to whisper. My husband is close enough that I could touch him if there were no wall and I am almost crazed that I can’t seem to make my lover understand that he should not talk AT ALL.
He finally makes me understand that he has left his belt out in the house somewhere. He thinks maybe my bedroom, and he is not sure where his pants are. My head is about spin off as I try to imagine where he might have left his things and if I can get to them before my husband sees them – as they are not the same body types and do not share a sense of style. Help me understand this dream please.” (sic)
Dream Momma will try. The first thing that is of significance is the fact that whenever your husband appears in the dream there is something concrete between you (a curtain, a wall). That is important. It means there IS something between you in real, waking, life that is interfering with marital intimacy (and Dream Momma doesn’t mean just sex). Read the rest of this entry »
A ‘dating’ lifestyle for a single dad can be fraught with many nightmarish consequences. For example, I cannot bring a woman home without being asked what happened to the last woman I dated. My kids usually ask for her by name. Nothing kills a mood quicker than mentioning another woman’s name to your current date—except maybe calling your current date by another woman’s name. Read the rest of this entry »
Women either love receiving oral sex or hate it; there’s no in-between. I don’t understand how you can hate something that can be so pleasurable, and sometimes, quite frankly, that will give you the best orgasm you have ever had. Self-conscious thoughts should be thrown out the window ladies because the smell, taste, or sight won’t be enough to make him stop if he knows you are getting pleasure from him. Unless of course you really need to take care of the aforementioned items discussed in my post, 5 turn-offs for him.
Sex toys used to be thought of as kinky, perverted, and taboo, but things have changed. When I first got married I thought I’d never need to masturbate or use a vibrator. This was in the mid 80’s when you couldn’t anonymously shop for sex toys online. Now it’s easier than ever to search for all kinds of sexual aids without having to brave a visit to a “Dirty Book Store.” If you’re new to the world of sex toys, here’s a top ten list of a few of my favorites.
10. Nipple Clamps: Read the rest of this entry »
“Oh yeah, oh yeah… omigod, I’m so close. I wish I had some beer, but I wanna come. Ooo, I want a burrito. Why can’t I come?!”
Sound familiar? An Australian study has found that men who smoke marijuana on a regular basis are four times more likely to have difficulty reaching orgasm than men who don’t smoke. The same study also discovered that potheads experience premature ejaculation at three times the rate of non-smokers. What gives? Read the rest of this entry »
“Well, I’ll start of with the basics you’ll need to know to understand how this is so confusing to me. All my life i’ve constantly been told by girls “i only like you as a friend” There this girl in real life who i really like, but we’re just friends, best friends to be exact, and i’m totally fine with that. In fact, i am great with it because relationships often die out but friendships don’t. She is in my dreams almost every night, but last night, “she was in my dream but only in the background a couple of times and we spoke a little bit. The strangest part is now, there was this girl in my dream (who i don’t know in real life, she was obviously made up in my dreamland) who is completely not my type in looks and personality. But for some reason i started to like her, a lot, and just as i was getting the courage up to ask her on a date, she makes it very clear that we’re just friends. Not only that, but one of my childhood friends who i am still currently friends with also liked her but she also only liked him as a friend too, but i was willing to go behind his back to go on a date with the girl who we both liked (and i wouldn’t do that in real life, i’m not that kind of guy)” (sic)
Dream Momma likes this dream because it is such a good example of the sexual shadow at work. Read the rest of this entry »
A recent article, “How Men Select Women,” sums up the science of what men look for in female mates. I’ve synthesized the information down to a blog-sized bite. Please note that these finding are based on averages, and that a wide variety exists on each side of every claim. Averages simply give us a language for talking about attraction. If you find you don’t match all of these criteria, which is pretty much everyone, rest assured there are many people who will have a thing for your differences.
High reproductive value: Men are attracted to younger women who have more fertile years ahead of them, or a high “reproductive value.” Read the rest of this entry »
“Like all good things, the witching hour must come to an end. True natures are revealed. Tricks turn into treats, and taking off costumes is as much fun as putting them on. Everything returns to the way it was except for little girls who forget Halloween lasts only one night. They wear their costumes for so long, pretty soon they can’t even remember who they were before they put them o
n.”
-xoxo gossip girl
If these Upper East Siders know one thing, they know that Blair Waldorf never settles, and this week was no different, even when it comes to the love of her life Chuck Bass. After last week’s sexual boundary-bending episode when Blair tricks Chuck into kissing a man, he is of course a little leery of her. But when Blair finds out Chuck is opening his speakeasy club within 24 hours, she gets down to business. Even after strict instructions to not get in his way, he wants to do this on his own terms. She, of course, does the opposite, because Blair Waldorf takes orders from no one.
After calling her ex-hook up/boyfriend’s uncle and guardian for a little help with a liquor license for Chuck’s new club, it of course backfires. Messing with any Bass is never a smart choice, and Jack Bass is no exception. After guaranteeing he took care of the license, he informed Blair he never got it handled. Basically, a big fuck you to Bass industries and Chuck, and Blair. This made Chuck’s first major endeavor a failure of sorts, considering the police came to close down the club very quickly after their doors had opened.
But Chuck is not Blair’s love for no reason: Read the rest of this entry »
Men are notoriously self-centered in bed, but this stereotype is beginning to shift—we’re simply a decade or so behind the women. For instance, while it’s considered a faux pas for women to have pubic hair, men are now expected to at least trim their unruly lions’ manes. In a large part this change has been driven by beauty product companies looking to cash in on a half of the market that has long been ignored. Read the rest of this entry »
“’m a guy who lives in Tampa. I don’t remember my dreams often, but I had one a few weeks ago that was rather disturbing It was 2012 and I found myself voting for Richard Nixon, who had somehow gotten his name on the ballot again, instead of voting for Obama like I wanted to. Very strange. I hope it doesn’t mean I’m a closet Republican or something.
Let’s see, when I think of Richard Nixon, I suppose I think of dishonesty, an inflamed ego, and a bit of paranoia. I watched “Frost/Nixon” a few weeks ago so he may have been fresh in my mind from that The name Richard doesn’t really mean anything to me.
A friend of mine said he was going to nominate me as president in 2012 I was going to run as the Bull Moose Party, but I decided against it. I wouldn’t want to take away any votes from Obama.” (sic)
Dream Momma just loves this dream. It is so easy to connect the dots I’m surprised you haven’t done so. I suspect it’s because you are a closet something but not a Republican. You, my prime-of-life dreamer, are a closet hot-for-Sarah-Palin. Read the rest of this entry »
On many occasions I can be caught mumbling, “Man, I wish I was a guy.” This is accurate on most accounts. It sucks bleeding every month for days on end. Having a kid come out of your lower body looks pretty shitty. And, general upkeep is far more annoying.
But, when it comes to sex, I am MORE than happy to be a female. Read the rest of this entry »
An inquisitive reader emailed me asking my opinion on retro-sexing, ex-sex, & re-fucking an old flame. Read the rest of this entry »
“I’m from Tampa Bay area. I read your blog. For a couple of nights now I have been having a recurring dream. I keep seeing a line of cockroaches crawling on the floor and I kill them. What exactly does this means?” (sic)
If you think of the cockroach as a symbol you can begin to make some connections for yourself. Here’s one: I worked with a guy that dreamed of cockroaches all the time. He dreamed they were coming out of his pores. Well, when we began to look at connections he admitted to smoking pot. For the unenlightened reader (and perhaps yourself) the very small end of a joint (marijuana cigarette) is called a roach. As we talked more about it he admitted he smoked a lot of pot. He smoked so much pot he had become a pothead. His dream was a warning get-a-clue dream.
Archetypally, a cockroach is a symbol of dirt and filth. It also represents the insect version of a rat and is tied to abandonment (i.e. rats leaving a sinking ship). It is believed that cockroaches and rats will inherit the earth; they are that indestructible as a species. Sometimes in dreams words need to be separated, so cockroach becomes cock and roach. Read the rest of this entry »
Dear Stalkers:
Since I started writing this blog, I‘ve come to accept that some of you out there in internet-land aren’t entirely normal. You seem to think that because I write about my sexual encounters with new acquaintances at swingers parties that I will be wooed by your sexual requests via Facebook as a kind of gratitude for friending me or reading my blogs. While relentless persistence may be a virtue in ebay bid wars, or role playing games, it does little to impress women online. My silence in response to your creepy requests is not because my computer crashed, or your message did not go through. My lack of a response doesn’t mean I am waiting for you to ask me ten more times to send me single sentences messages, requesting nude photos of me. Even when I directly say NO, still you persevere. If only you applied the same kind of will power to self improvement, you wouldn’t have to stalk people online to simulate real life sexual encounters. Read the rest of this entry »
It might surprise some of you to know that I am not the “relationship type”…. now that you’re done laughing, I would like to present you with a very serious idea. Very. Serious.
Although I may not have normal female impulses to attach myself to another human being and then to make annoying miniature versions of ourselves, from time to time parts (ONLY PARTS) of that scenario seem appealing.
For example, I often find myself hung over and in need of someone to get me an egg McMuffin. This past Saturday was no exception. I did the heinous “wake up on the bathroom floor” move that is always supposed to be a wake up call, but usually just makes me laugh (not the best sign). Read the rest of this entry »
Your first peek at Mrs. Simpson’s Playboy photos:
At my former job I met a man I’ll call Scott. Scott came in multiple times to specifically seek my advice and stayed roughly an hour each visit. We talked about each others’ lives, specifically love and sex; I like to think these subjects are my forte and I talk about them with most everyone. The majority of the the conversations were about his ex and recent dates he went on. Once, when it was time for Scott to leave, I was on my way out for lunch. As we walked out together I said, “You know I don’t have that many good guy friends that I can chat with around here. We should be friends.”
He shot me a curious smile and gave me his phone number. We occasionally shot each other a text about our bad experiences with Verizon and the like, but then things went in a direction I wasn’t expecting.
Via text he asked, “What do you want?”
I laughed and said, “Well nothing. You know I’m not single, right?” I figured Facebook would have given him that answer.
“I’m not looking for anything serious,” he wrote. “You’re a cool girl and all, but I’m not looking for anything ’serious’ with you.”
I could not believe what I was hearing. I legitimately thought he wanted to be my friend, but in the end he just wanted to fuck. I ended communication with Scott immediately and called a close male friend to vent.
As naive as it sounds, I have never been asked out-right to be a friend-with-benefits. Don’t get me wrong, I see nothing wrong with that, but I honestly did not think he had an ulterior motive. I was very, very wrong.
This got me thinking of other scenarios with male “friends.” Two of my close male friends have told me that we couldn’t be friends or talk as much, because of trust issues with their partners. When did I cross a line where it’s not OK to be friends with males, especially if they are in a relationships?
I have always had more male than female friends and am confused as to why this relationship seems taboo to many. I can understand how a girlfriend would get jealous if I had slept with or dated these male friends, but otherwise I’m lost. The worst part is that I have been friends with one guy long before he met his recent beau, so why should I have to give him up as a friend?
My boyfriend and I have an exponential amount of trust for one another and I think this is what is lacking in couples that “forbid” their partner to have friends of the opposite sex. I feel that if you do not have friends of the opposite sex for fear of what will happen in your own relationship, you are missing out on some major life experiences, and I don’t mean sexually.
Why am I just now learning this unspoken rule? After some thought I think I have found a solution: the friend needs to meet the partner in order to convey a sense of trust and to prove that he/she has no ulterior motives. But is the rule only applicable to people in marriages or relationships? What about single people? I need some perspective on this one? What do you all think?
Your week in sex and love news. No mention of balloon boy (other than this one). Pinky swear.
The Big O says ‘hell no’ to mile high club: Earlier this week, Oprah Winfrey’s former flight attendant claimed that she was wrongfully fired after being accused of having sex during a flight in June. The attendant, Corrine Gehrls, has sued Harpo, as well as former co-worker Myron Gooch and Winfrey’s goddaughter, Kirby Bumpus, for false and defamatory accusations that led to her dismissal.
Esquire discovers why vampires are so damn sexy trendy: On Tuesday, Esquire claimed that the reason that young straight American women have become obsessed with vampires is because they secretly want to have sex with gay men. Read the rest of this entry »
Thankfully not this big
Before you ask: yes, they’re real. Just ask my editor.
Ginger’s article on small breasts proves that the grass is always greener on the other side. Like Ginger, I grew up anticipating the day I would have breasts. I hoped that they would be comfy – like the chests of the women who raised me. To practice for our future bosoms, my sister, friends, and I would stuff our shirts with pillows and balloons. On one such occasion, a friend’s mother caught me at it while my sister and friend hid in a closet. She calmly sat me down and said, “When you grow up, you can have titties as big as you want.” Until then, she suggested I enjoy being a child. Read the rest of this entry »
Catching up on my Jon Hamm-stalking, I came across this video of the Mad Men’s leading man on Letterman’s Late Show last Friday.
In this clip, the ever-charismatic Hamm talks about his “proudest moment” of underemployment: working on late-night Cinemax productions, a.k.a. “Skinimax.” Before you get too excited about seeing Don’s dong, I’m sad to report that he was just a set dresser. Bummer, man.
He is pretty adorable talking about the job, however, using phrases like “nude-ular activity.”
(Clip below the break) Read the rest of this entry »
“There are songs that make us want to dance, songs that make us want to sing along, but the best songs bring you back to the moment you first heard them and once again break your heart”
-xoxo gossip girl
Every Upper East Sider loves a good wedding. The flowers, the toasts, the dress … well, Lily’s fifth wedding was anything but the 
usual affair. Besides actually marrying for love instead of money or status, Lily and Rufus’ wedding (that was 20 years in the making) was spur of the moment. Just like the weed-induced proposal and the announcement of their love child right before the “I Dos” (Thank you, Georgina.) Not only was it spur of the moment, but it almost didn’t happen.
Lily can never commit and always has a reason to run from Rufus, but after 20 years, a love child (a fake death of a love child), their children getting together, and Lily’s four previous marriages, it’s time for them to get together and stay together in holy matrimony til death do they part. But lets hope that doesn’t happen too soon — Lily has already been a widow once.
But back to the love child: Read the rest of this entry »
For those who work difficult jobs, sex is an important way to blow off steam. My husband has a very stressful job, so I do my part to make his home life as pleasurable as possible. One particular night my husband called home late from work. I could tell he had a rotten day because he asked if we had anything to drink. At that moment I went into whore mode. It would take him a half hour to get home, which was enough time for me to plan his evening. Read the rest of this entry »
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