Daily Loaf

I am what many may call a protection queen.  If you want to put your man parts into my girl parts you better be covered.  It’s a very simple rule–no sex without a condom.  There are many reasons I feel this way – I don’t want an STD, I don’t want to get pregnant, and I like my vagina as it is:  pretty, smooth, and pink.

Not all swingers live by this rule. Read the rest of this entry »

I’ve been in a few bedrooms over the years and I’m always amazed by the sounds that come out of overly excited sex partners, either with me or in the bed next to me.  Everyone responds differently to sex, orgasm, and excitement, but  how much of that noise is genuine and how much is put on for show?

I am not an overly noisy person during sex.  I don’t really talk loudly about the dirty deeds I want you to do to me.  You could say I am more of a sexual whisperer.  If you were having sex with me you might experience my hot breath in your ear, whispering whatever comes to mind in my sexiest voice.  Although, sometimes I find myself being  just silly in bed and clowning around during sex.  Unfortunately this might be at your expense — sorry.  But, if you’re lucky enough to hear me raise my voice a bit, grind out a few words in a deep tone, you are probably hurting me, and well, at the moment it might be a good thing. Read the rest of this entry »

I’ve had many emails asking how to successfully approach other swingers.  The answer isn’t the same for everyone.  Approaching a stranger for sex is awkward at best, let alone  incredibly intimidating.  What if they say no?  What if they don’t like you?  How do you know if they like you? Read the rest of this entry »

As I was driving to work Monday, Fisher and Boy from the 97X morning show played a creepy voicemail from a dude attempting to get a date.  The bit was about a woman who was approached by a  guy who asked her out. She wasn’t interested and was only able to get rid of him by giving him her business card.  Probably a dumb move, but I sympathize. The guy called her two times leaving two very long, creepy messages.  Some men just can’t imagine why any female wouldn’t want to date or sleep with them. This made me consider all the creepy ways men have tried to weasel their way into my life, or at least my vagina. Read the rest of this entry »

On several occasions I’ve been asked how many sex partners I’ve had. Having lived as a swinger for several years, I’ve probably had more than most, but the exact number is tricky. It depends on what you count as a sex partner. For me, I can only define what one is, by describing what a sex partner is not.

Oral sex only: Some swingers have rules, like soft swap only.  This means I only have oral sex with the other man then have actual sex with my husband. For me, oral sex doesn’t count as sex. Read the rest of this entry »

People never cease to amaze me when pushing their bodies’ artistic boundaries.  I thought I was daring when I got my nose pierced.  I was in Amsterdam at the time, high on mushrooms, and I thought that a piece of metal in my nose was just what I needed. I’m usually too much of a pussy for shit like this, but some people get off on this kind of pain.  Below, I’ve included some of the most piercing pictures of painful piercings. I can’t even imagine how these people felt during their artistic voyage of self discovery!  My own story of getting my face pierced went a something like this:

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The most popular film series since Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince is subject to controversy even where none exists. Some religious groups see the film as corrupting the morals of children by depicting magic, which is the enterprise of devil. Others believe the series contains a hidden gay agenda.  Are homophobes just desperate for a new children’s movie to attack,  or does the world’s most popular wizard enjoy both being naked with horses and wand waggling boys?

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I’m back on the hunt for my next fuck buddy applicant. The qualified applicant I came across wasn’t available to accept the position - he already had an employer and was just testing the market. It was a great interview that ended too soon. I was prepared to have multiple interviews and multiple organisms with him, but that’s the way it sometimes goes with fuck buddies.

My quest for a dependable, exciting fuck buddy has inspired and shocked my friends. I have one girlfriend who’s recently divorced and sees the wisdom in the fuck buddy application process. Meet them, take their application, give them a thorough interview and either offer them the job or kick them to the curb. It’s not that hard of a process, just one you have to be careful of.  Read the rest of this entry »

You thought the first date went off well, but for some reason you are now suffering “Mr. Telephone Man” syndrome.

Below are ten reasons (five general, and five of my own) that might explain why you are striking out. Note: These are meant to apply to men and women because we’re all guilty of striking out.

5) You’re a poser and it shows.
Pretending to like something in order to hook up with someone almost never works. Somewhere in the conversation, you will tell that jazz lover you’ve been hitting up, how much you love Cab Calloways’s sax playing. The other person will respond by either rolling their eyes and walking away or outright calling you a lying prat. Not to mention, pretending to like something when you actually hate it means you will be spending hours doing something you dislike. Better to be up front about not liking whatever it is that s/he is into and focus on what you are into. If it turns out that the attraction does not go beyond physical, you have two options: a) work with it, or, b) move on.

Moral: Be yourself and find someone who likes you as a person. Read the rest of this entry »

After countless conversations about sex with friends, I was sad when I realized that a lot of people don’t try anything out of the ordinary in the bedroom. I can remember when I suggested something obscure to my boyfriend and how excited he was to know that I was on the same level. This brings me to my point: stepping outside your comfort zone with sex can make your sex life and everyday life much better.

I have thought of five creative suggestions to bring more pleasure in your sex life.

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If you are anything like the master of sexual disaster, Rabid Nick, your boob tube was on 24 watching Jack Bauer kick ass last night.  However, undoubtedly many of you were watching terror threats of a different variety: the premiere of the latest season of The Bachelorette. Having been jilted on a previous season of The Bachelor, Jillian Harris has not given up on finding her knight in prime time television armor.  Her claim to fame is that she can figure out a man simply by analyzing the toppings he puts on his hot dogs.  Wow.  Don’t worry, if you watched, none of us will judge you for being vapid.

(Video and More after the jump)

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Love isn’t the most sensible of emotions. I’d go so far as to say that love is the mentally handicapped cousin of reason. There’s just something about being in a relationship that causes you to ask stupid  questions you don’t want to know the answers to.

“Were you thinking of Mathew McConaughey the last time we had sex?”

“How big is my junk compared to the other guys you’ve been with?”

“Have I put on weight?” Read the rest of this entry »

Like Clay Aiken, except, you know, cool.

Sex and American Idol may not be synonymous, but this year things are a little different.  Enigmatic performer Adam Lambert is very close to taking the crown.  But sadly it seems many people aren’t as focused on his talent as they are on whether he’ll wear it as king…or queen.

(Video and
intrigue after the jump)

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It was one of those “must be seen” events I tagged along on.  Amid the crowd, noise, a woman with a shoe on her head and good but loud music, I slipped away to commune with Salvador Dali.  One image jumped off the wall because it was an incomplete staircase and had the word “Dream” in the title.  Karmic goose bumps for sure!

Just the day before I helped my first dream-reader with just such a dream; an image of an incomplete staircase. How wonderful to see that painting!  I wandered around loving Dali all the more. Aware he flipped for Freud really helped me make sense of all those sexual body parts he so loved to paint.  His known father complex just added to the provocative imagery.

So, what’s a complex?  Basically it’s a huge ball of emotional energy tied to someone or some thing that traumatized us in the past; usually someone, usually, but not always, a parent.  When one of our “buttons” get pushed, it’s often tied to a complex.

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