Daily Loaf

This week’s episode of Top Chef Las Vegas had three very important elements: kicking off another schmo so we can get to the finale already, it was the last episode in Vegas, and (drumroll, please) Thomas Keller appeared as a guest adjudicator. It sure took for damn long enough to get him to do the show! What, 6 seasons?! I’m glad that Keller finally learned from his famous chef peers, sold out, and jumped on the gravy train that is Top Chef (because who knew who he was before this show, right?).

In their Quickfire Challenge, the chefs were greeted by Gavin Kaysen who competed in the 2007 Bocuse d’Or – the equivalent of the Olympics in the culinary world. He challenged them to a ballotine (bah-lo-TEEN) challenge (not to be confused with the mispronunciation of “ballontine” used almost the entire episode), which is basically a “protein inside a protein inside a protein” – a protein explosion!

Redbeard (Kevin) called the V Brothers “not smart” for trying to do too much in such a short period of time, though they seemed to pull it off, and Redbeard’s dish was then put down as being “too simple”. Angry Bro (Mike) got whiny about not winning (claiming to not have understood the challenge), and Ceveech (Jen) took the win with her sushi-esque calamari/scallop/salmon roll. It’s nice to see this once sassy and confident woman finally get her groove back and get back in the saddle. (Though I definitely think she was on something, be it natural or prescription, this episode – she seemed so much calmer, with a touch of joie de vivre about her.)

The cheftestants had to become culinary Olympians for their Elimination Challenge, as they were to perform in a Bocuse d’Or style challenge. To put it in layman’s terms: They had to cook a kickass dish with extremely intricate “garnishes” in only a few hours for some of the biggest names in the culinary world- Thomas Keller (the giant pictured at right), Daniel Boulud, Jerome Bocuse, and Gavin Kaysen, among other renowned names in food.

I thought that the comments made by Hot Bro (Bryan) about not being sure if he’d finish on time and Kevin saying how he was attempting something he’d never done before was foreshadowing and spelled doom for them. Ceveech, despite some minor issues, seemed pretty comfortable with her dishes (plus, she’d received an extra 30 minutes to cook from her Quickfire win), and Angry Bro seemed overly confident (as per usual) and well prepared because of all the culinary competitions he’d performed in about 10-11 years prior (”Best Teen Chef”?).

During judging, they were all raked against the coals, mostly being chastized for having over- or undercooked dishes. Turns out Angry Bro’s took his artistry too far and overcomplicated his dish, missing the mark, and forgetting to season properly. Even though he didn’t exactly follow the guidelines like the other chefs did (listen to the podcast below to hear our reasoning), Redbeard ended up taking the win, which also included $30k and a spot on the American team for the next Bocuse d’Or. And Eli “Bonaduce” got sent packing (no surprise there).

Highlights: Hate mail, Jeff gives us the 411 on the Bocuse d’Or, comments on the fabulous makeovers as seen in the finale preview, and we surmise our picks for the top three finalists.
 
Bonus: Jeff gives information on an exciting culinary event taking place next month in Orlando where Angry Bro (Mike Voltaggio) will make an appearance, as well as many other big names in the food world. Listen to the podcast for more info.

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 At the beginning of this episode, we were pleasantly surprised to find Padma and Nigella Lawson in bed (not together, but one can dream) wanting a hot breakfast served to their room from the cheftestants. Eli gave us a great background on Nigella, saying, “She’s like a less French version of Julia Child; she’s kinda legit.” Right, Eli, because Julia Child was definitely from France and Nigella Lawson is from England (very close to France, though- close, but no cigar). I’m even confused on the logic there.

The ladies were presented with some interesting (to be polite) dishes, like HotBro’s (Bryan) vanilla scented seafood medley with a soft egg and Eli’s reuben inspired benedict with Thousand Island hollandaise (I gagged upon hearing that one). As for Ceveech’s (Jen) S.O.S.: I would have thought Nigella would’ve been into that sort of thing; maybe if Jen had arranged it with a bit more care and didn’t just throw it on the plate. But then I guess then it wouldn’t look like shit, which might’ve been what she was going for. Eli took the won and his Quickfire dish will now be featured in the new Top Chef cookbook (as if Top Chef didn’t have enough to sell).

For the Elimination Challenge, the cheftestants each had a different hotel on the Las Vegas Strip to draw inspiration from for their dishes. It seems they all interpreted this challenge differently: some taking it literally with elements that were supposed to remind one of the particular hotel, while others took it more figuratively by pretty much just making whatever they felt like. For example: I don’t understand how Redbeard’s dish said “The Mirage”: was it the hidden spice underneath the salmon? And the fact that HotBro used the aquarium from his hotel (which had nothing to do with the ocean) to model his dish just perplexed me. Are there not rules to this sort of challenge? I guess not because those who took the challenge literally ended up on the bottom this week.

I’ll give it to Ceveech for doing a play on ‘The Sword and the Stone’ element from Excalibur, though her beef was literally like gnawing on a stone. Eli’s Caramel Apple Peanut Soup with Popcorn Raspberry Froth looked like someone vomited after eating too much at the fair. I couldn’t believe he came up with that. Robin’s panna cotta didn’t “quiver like a courtesan’s thigh”, but at least it was edible and non-offensive. We discuss in this podcast the fact the judges have claimed that they judge on a week-by-week basis and don’t look at the chef’s portfolios overall- but we disagree, especially in this case.

Highlights: Drooling over Nigella, the dishes that made us queasy, Hot Bro stalking, and our bets for the finale.

Hear the hilarious podcast after the jump:
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Sadly, there will be no new Top Chef Las Vegas episode tonight – how will I get my Bryan Voltaggio fix? Luckily, we will be graced with a Top Chef All Stars Reunion! That’s right, now we get to catch up with some of the most loved (and loathed) cheftestants from seasons past.

First of all, I have a soft spot in my heart for the Italian stallion, Fabio (season 5), but why did they choose him to host the show? Yes, his mispronunciation of most English words and phrases is adorable, but we could barely understand him the first time he was on the show. Maybe they chose him to host because of his innocence and aloofness when pushing peoples’ buttons (see videos below) when asking why they were such jerks on their seasons and bringing up past rivalries. That way he might have a lesser chance of getting punched in the face, perhaps?

Be sure to check out the clip (below) where he interviews the biggest jerks (and least favorite contestants) from seasons 1 through 4: Tiffany, Marcel (still sporting the Dragonball Z hairdo), Hung, and Stefan. This is obviously just the beginning of tonight’s drama.

Also notice in the dinner party clip that all of the aforementioned jerks and hot heads from past seasons are seated at the center of the table and the nice guys, like Richard Blais, are at the very end. Who wants to hear from the people who stirred up the least drama anyway? (And why is Dale there at all?)

Finally, I’d just like to say that I’d pay to see Fabio put the smackdown on Marcel. As Bravo’s catchphrase goes: “Watch what happens!”

Tune in to Bravo tonight at 10 pm EST/9 pm C, check out our own live Tweets during the show (Jeff: @TheStew, Katie: @culinarypirate), and listen to our podcast when we return next week! (You can now download on iTunes and check out Jeff’s Top Chef Flickr page.)

Videos after the break:
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Last week’s episode sure got my hopes up. I hate to keep complaining about what a snooze-fest this season is, but seriously, it is. Is it the contestants? Is it the editing of the show? Why can’t someone cut themselves or make out with another contestant like last season? Oh, it’s supposed to be about the food – right.

This week’s Quickfire consisted of creating a TV dinner (in a plastic tray, even) inspired by a classic television show. Redbeard (Kevin) gets The Sopranos, so he makes meatballs. Okay. Eli gets Gilligan’s Island, so he makes macadamia nut-crusted shrimp. Fitting. Ceveech (Jen) gets The Flintstones, so she makes a chicken roulade. Huh? And Jersey Mike has never even seen Seinfeld so he just pulls something out of his ass. I understand that most of the shows are a bit before their time, but seriously, who isn’t familiar with them? Maybe I expected some of them to be a little more cultured and up-to-date on their classic television (excluding Jersey Mike). Anyway, Redbeard takes the win. Big surprise, though I was a little amazed that he didn’t use pork in his dish.

For the Elimination Challenge, the chefs were let loose in Tom’s restaurant, Craftsteak, where they go apeshit over all of the choice proteins they think they’re going to use. Then their guest judge is introduced: Natalie Portman! And guess what? She’s a vegetarian! (Didn’t we see this in Top Chef Masters?) The cheftestants’ faces then immediately took on the “oh shit” look and they all turned white.

Jersey Mike claimed to be an expert on vegetarian cuisine, Redbeard said he doesn’t eat meat during Lent (meaning: he doesn’t eat pork products), and Eli proceeded to give vegetarians a lovely compliment by saying that they’re “lower human beings”. In the end, Jersey Mike tries to pass of undercooked leeks as a protein and gets the axe, while Redbeard takes the win with his “manly” veggie dish.

More fashion foibles this season: Padma’s tube top/pant suit atrocity, Ceveech’s tube top dress and open-toe ankle boots ensemble a la Pretty Woman, and Gail Simmons’ green prom dress circa Dynasty ‘86.

Podcast highlights: Natalie’s colorful language at the dinner table and her lack of ethnic friends, Ceveech’s “Philly Camaro” hair and falling self-esteem, and a plethora of ”That’s what she said” jokes.

Hear the hilarious podcast after the jump:
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Wow. I have to say this has been the first episode of Top Chef Las Vegas where I was actually on the edge of my seat and cared about who won or lost. It also showed us that maybe nice guys do finish last.

For the Quickfire, we saw the cheftestants divided into two teams of four and they had to compete in a blindfolded and gagged (no talking) relay race to complete a dish. Though the blue team, lead by Ceveech (Jen), didn’t really work cohesively for their dish they seemed to pull it off and take the win. I’m sure this added fuel to Angry Bro’s (Mike V.) fire to kick their asses in the Restaurant Wars Elimination Challenge.

At the beginning of the Restaurant Wars challenge, I really believe it was up in the air as to who would take the win. Though by service time, we had a much better idea of who would be on the chopping block. The red team, though led by a cruel tyrant, Mike V.,  bickering like school children, took their heated passion and directed it into their food – coming out on top and taking the win. Success stemmed from the leaders this episode and Ceveech’s stressing out (again) really took a toll on her team. Everyone on the blue team were just too nice and agreeable, leaving no one really in charge and a line of dishes that were ill-prepared.

In the end, Whatsherface (Laurine) was spared another grueling week on the show – as the majority of Top Chef fans probably wanted and/or predicted at the beginning of the episode. And then there were seven.

I hope that the action and excitement carries over into next week because this season has been blander than Jersey Mike’s dish that he served to Padma last night. Next week we get to see the cheftestants’ “oh shit” faces when they receive their orders from Natalie Portman – Super Vegan Challenge! What will Redbeard cook – tofu bacon?

Podcast highlights: We rag on the show’s fashion foibles, comparing the V. Brothers to characters in a Jane Austen novel, the Top Chef Las Vegas drinking game, and Jeff gives us more intriguing information as to the possible winner (no spoilers, though).

Hear the hilarious podcast after the jump:
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Drama! Action! Blindfolds! (Sounds kinky.) I know we’re going to see at least two of those in tonight’s episode of Top Chef…hopefully. It’s that time of the season again: Restaurant Wars! We’ll get to see who works fairly well together for the win and who gets the blame for having the losing restaurant, thus going down in flames.

Yet again, we see drama surrounding Robin and apparently she and Angry Bro (Mike V.) are the ones going at it this week during Restaurant Wars. It looks like, from the video below, that the V. Brothers and Robin are on a team working together in the kitchen for this challenge. With Angry Bro as the apparent team leader, it seems that he thinks it gives him an excuse to give Robin hell this week. I’m very much looking forward to her finally losing her cool and cursing him out, and also interested in seeing how the V. Brothers work together for this challenge, Will Mike will try to throw Bryan under the bus? Twenty bucks says he’ll try to do that to Robin.
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Is it episode 8 already? Well, we’re still here, still podcasting about Top Chef Las Vegas (no, this isn’t the Hell’s Kitchen podcast). Unfortunately this week we are sans our resident wine guru, Taylor. Fortunately, Jeff provided us with a different form of bubbly to enjoy during our gab session this week- Stella Artois (whose commercials play during Top Chef- coincidence?).

 At the beginning of the episode we learned that Angry Bro (Mike V.) thinks he’s the Babe Ruth of Top Chef and that Eli still lives at home – he’d admit this on national television, why?

The Quickfire revealed that Charlie Palmer is the guest judge and former boss of the V. Brothers (and swore he won’t play favorites), and their secret ingredient is a potato chip. Classy, Bravo.  They’ve already had to pair shots with dishes, so why not snack food this time around? Personally, I’d pair my Funyuns with a braised lamb shank in a lovely sherry demi glace. Ceveech was a nervous wreck again this week and it looks like she didn’t use her Macy’s gift card from last week’s win to get herself a makeover (your roots are showing, girl). Eli ends up taking home this challenge (cough*finally*cough) and represents for ATL. He also muses that he can be the first to win a Quickfire and Elimination Challenge in the same episode. Right.

For the Elimination Challenge, each cheftestant had to use a different cut of pork for their dish and pair it with the pinot noir they chose to use.  Who knew Eli was such a wino, I mean- wine connoisseur? They then had to cook for 150 guests at Charlie Palmer’s fundraiser event, Pigs and Pinot. Of course, the V. Brothers, Redbeard (Kevin), and Ceveech got great reviews, while Ash, Robin and Whatsherface’s (Laurine) dishes were not so popular at this event.

Much to our surprise (hint of sarcasm), Redbeard won with a pork dish again, and Ash ended up getting the boot. (Top Chef Rule #3: Don’t tell the judges that you didn’t cook the dish that you had originally intended to.) It was good that they put Ash out of his misery, though - after learning that he could no longer clean Picasso’s paintbrushes, he felt that the Top Chef life just wasn’t worth living.

Looks like it’s Restaurant Wars next week, so maybe we’ll finally see some action that will have us on the edge of our seats. Well, enough action to keep our interest, at least.

Highlights: Laurine makes cat food, Robin being “passive-aggressive” and at the center of the drama in the house (seen here), asking: “What Would Carla Do?”, our predictions for Padma’s baby-daddy, and the best “That’s What She Said” line of the episode.

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As we’ve been discussing the last few weeks in the Top Chef Podcast, there seems to be a lot of tension between Robin and Eli. Well, between Robin and almost everyone, it seems. Is it because they don’t respect her as much as some of the cheftestants that were booted before her? Or are they just being childish and disrespectful? Tonight’s episode will give us more drama, as Robin and Eli get to smack talkin’ again and Robin proves that she is not Eli’s mother, as seen in the preview clip below.

Also, the V. Brothers (Hot Bro- Bryan, Angry Bro- Michael) have got their panties in a wad over this week’s guest judge, Charlie Palmer – a famous chef and restaurateur. You see, Charlie used to be both of the V. Boys’ boss, and it makes them quite nervous to be cooking for him in the Quickfire Challenge (or rather, heating up some frozen potato product, as it looks like in the video below). Ceveech (Jen) even looks to be losing her cool during this challenge. I think it’d be really hilarious and ironic if Robin took this win.
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This week, we’re back in the Champagne Room (aka: the podcast bunker) to kvetch about episode 7 of  Top Chef. (What did you think this was, the Project Runway Podcast?)

Was this episode painfully boring or was it just my short attention span? I’m going to sum it up much like the cheftestants had to get the specs for their Quickfire dish, Cookstr-style: Tired, bland, and contrived. Tyler Florence (insert Applebee’s sellout joke here) didn’t even add to the excitement as the guest judge:  he lacks the street cred that the majority of the prior guest judges this season had.

For the Quickfire Challenge, the chefs had to create a dish using the three description words that the Cookstr slot machine gave them. What is “stressed” food, by the way? ‘Stress food’, as in, a pint of Ben & Jerry’s? Or maybe a lobster that was just dropped into a boiling cauldron of water. I digress. Ultimately, we learned that passing off a Middle Eastern dish with Indian curry to Padma just doesn’t fly, Jersey Mike really knows his Asian food- note the sarcasm, and Ceveech sure loves her scallops (maybe we’ll start calling her ‘Top Scallop’ from now on).

For the Elimination Challenge, the players drew knives to see who they’d be teamed up with to cook a potluck-style dinner for Tyler Florence and Macy’s Culinary Council (some great chefs they gave no background info on)…in their own home kitchen. 10 chefs + 1 home kitchen = madness. Each team got a mystery bag of ingredients they had to use in their dish, along with whatever was in the pantry. The only major drama in this part of the episode was the pairing of Jersey and Robin, Angry Brother (Mike V.) losing power to his electric wok, and Ashley’s over salted gnocchi.

Ceveech ends up taking the win, getting a $10k gift card from Macy’s, which hopefully she’ll end up spending on a new wardrobe and on an entire makeover (too bad you can’t buy class). Much to my delight, greaseball Ben Folds was sent packing for her salty gnocchi and all-around bad idea for a dish. The show will feel much cleaner now.

Highlights: The horrid clothes this episode (namely Padma, Tom, and Ben Folds), Ash sure knows how to set a table (is this Top Tablescape Artist?), Hot Bro (Bryan) gets all sassy and puts everyone in their place for ragging on his lil’ bro, and where the heck is Whatsherface (Laurine) this episode?

Hear the hilarious podcast after the jump:
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This week, we’re back in the Champagne Room (aka: the podcast bunker) to rag on episode 6 of the new season on Top Chef.

I have to admit that the “Angels and Devils” theme for the Quickfire Challenge was a bit cheesy (and so were some of the dishes, and I’m not talking dairy here). The cheftestants had to create a duo dish using one main component two ways. Some of the chefs were a bit peeved at Robin’s win with her apple salad and apple crisp. Was Eli right to mock her for playing the cancer story card? No. But I do have to say that Penn and Teller were awesome. Anyway, we welcomed back the lovely Michelle Bernstein from Miami (a past judge on Top Chef) as guest judge this week.

For their Elimination Challenge, the chefs had to deconstruct a classic dish but keep the same flavors of the original dish. The judges table was very- how shall I put this – bitchy this week. The claws were out with Padma and Michelle and it was no-holds-barred with the critiques to the chefs on the bottom of the barrel this week. It was also great to see Michelle put Toby Young in his place concerning the pronunciation of “paella” (and the city of “Barthelona”).

We also got to see Ben Folds (Ashley) on top again this week (surprisingly), as well as Redbeard (Kevin) and Angry Brother (Mike V.). From all of the flack and hate comments we received over last week’s post/episode, I won’t reveal the winner or loser. (But, seriously, why listen if you haven’t seen the episode yet?)

Highlights: Eli hates on Robin for pulling the ‘cancer card’, Ron “The Chowder King”’s not-s0-deconstructed paella, how to pronounce “paella”, Jeff’s new bell, Katie’s thing for married chefs, and our response about the spoilers from last week’s episode.

Hear the hilarious podcast after the jump:
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This week, we’re back in the Champagne Room (aka: the podcast bunker) to rag on episode 5 of the new season on Top Chef.

I have to say that I really enjoyed the theme of this episode, cowboy/ranch-themed cookery, and that the Quickfire and Elimination Challenges went along with the main theme. I do wish, though, that the viewers would’ve chosen rattlesnake as the Quickfire ingredient over cactus. Rattlesnake “ceveech” anyone? It was also nice to see “What’s-her-face” (Laurine) pull out from the middle and get recognized for her food. Is she the next Carla? I don’t think so, but we have yet to see.

For the Elimination Challenge, I thought it was great/hilarious to see that the chefs had to not only cook outdoors on a camp site, but sleep there as well. We really got to separate the chefs from the line cooks when we saw who utilized their makeshift kitchen properly and who didn’t get that raw fish and 150-degree weather don’t mix. And Ron “The Chowder King” will now be referred to as “The Voodoo King” after voodoo ritual he performed on his tent.

Highlights from our Podcast: Angry Brother’s incessant cockiness and whining, Ben Folds (Ashley), really needs a shower, Padma’s “cowgirl chic”, Frenchy (Mattin) makes the judges sick (literally), and Chef Tim Love’s p-p-p-poker face.

Check out season 4’s Richard Blais’ post on his thoughts about last week’s episode and on the Wonder Brothers, Bryan (”Hot Brother”) and Michael (”Angry Brother”) Voltaggio.

(Editors Note: There is a spoiler concerning the gender of the winner of this season of Top Chef in this episode of our podcast. It may or may not be correct, but don’t listen if you don’t want to hear our speculation.)

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This week, we’re back to rag on episode 4 of the new season on Top Chef. I do have to say, since they’ve been cutting the fat (2 people went home this week) it’s been getting better.

This episode had French written all over it: a Quickfire judged by Daniel Boulud featuring escargot (snails), an Elimination Challenge involving pairing classical French sauces with French-related proteins (i.e.: frog’s legs, rabbit, lobster), and a dining table filled with some of the most famous French chefs of our time: Joel Robuchon (The “Unicorn”), Daniel Boulud, Hubert Keller, Laurent Tourondel, and Jean Joho.

Highlights from our Podcast: We slip into French accents to set the mood, Jeff describes how dirty “Ben Folds” (Ashley) is, the debate over Frenchy’s (Mattin) sexuality and if he has a thing for Jersey Mike, Katie thinks “Ceveech” (Jennifer) and “Angry Brother” (Mike V.) are ‘banging’ out a lot more than dishes, “Jack Black” (Jesse- pictured at right) finally gets set free, and we take a stab at predicting our trifecta for the finale.

Check out season 4’s Richard Blais’ post on his thoughts about last week’s episode, and about the common ingredient used last week: mustard (plus a great recipe for agave nectar mustard).

Hear the hilarious podcast after the jump:

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This week, we’re back for round 3 of the new season on Top Chef. (Editor’s Note: Our podcast was more exciting than this episode, so listen to it even if you haven’t seen the episode yet.)

The quickfire challenge was to make and “out-of-this-world” potato dish and the cheftestants served up some interesting spuds. I was very impressed with Ashley (”Ben Folds”) for pulling off gnocchi in 45 minutes. But Jennifer (”Ceveech”) ended up taking the win with mussels in a potato broth (I did not agree with this win, but you’ll have to listen to the podcast to hear my reasoning).

For their elimination, the chefs had to cook for 300 airmen and their families at an Air Force base. The catch- they had to use some canned items and their kitchens had no burners, just large ovens and tilt skillets. For some reason, the chefs decided to pair up into teams, even though they were not instructed to. This, obviously, became the demise for a few of them. Highs: The Atlanta “fat kids”, Eli and Kevin (”Redbeard”), pulled off some delicious-looking pulled pork and Southern potato salad and the less hotter brother (Michael V.) did some slab bacon in a lettuce leaf – because bacon makes everything taste better, even salad). Lows: Laurine and Preeti’s dull pasta salad and Michael I.’s (”Jersey Mike”) Greek oil-poached shrimp salad. After not getting why she was in the bottom three again (and arguing about it), Preeti (”Phranc”) was sent packing.

I am disappointed in this episode yet again. The dishes in the elimination challenge weren’t that impressive – as we said in the podcast: “If you (the viewer) can cook one of these dishes at home, you’re (the cheftestant) probably packing your knives.”  Maybe when they start knocking more people off we’ll be able to get down to the more talented contestants and also get to know their cooking styles better.

The only highlights from this episode: Padma’s “desert skank” wear and massive amounts of cleavage at the air base, Ron the “Chowder King”, and all of our Top Gun jokes (bonus: Jeff sings some more).

Check out season 4’s Richard Blais’ post on his thoughts about last week’s episode, discussing the simple vs. contrived dishes (cooking for the diners vs. for the judges).

Hear the Top Gun Chef podcast after the jump:
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This week, we were fortunate enough to get Jeff Houck back in the studio to join the old gang so we could rag on the new season on Top Chef.

This season we have 17 fresh faces, many of them with titles and accolades under their belts – not to mention all of the tattoos and piercings all over their bodies. During episode one, we meet the new cheftestants, get to see the new Vegas style twist to the show (winning $15k and/or immunity for every Quickfire Challenge), and learn that a seitan-filled chile relleno just doesn’t cut it to stay on this show.

During episode two, the remaining 16 got to have a battle of the sexes challenge and cater for a bachelor/ette party. While the girls talked a big game, it turns out that they just couldn’t stand up to what the guys dished out and another female got sent home.

Personally, I’m somewhat disappointed with the females this season, besides “Ceveech” (Jennifer C. – but she annoys me anyway). I wanted to see some more Jamies (last season) or Elias (season 2). Luckily, we have some really talented male chefs (3 from Atlanta) who are all executive chefs and sous chefs – with awards out the wazoo – who are rockin’ it out every week.

Highlights: Todd English’s sex appeal, the Gay List (we’re up to 3 now), Rule #1 in Top Chef, the Cain and Abel of this season, and the chefs get all wet.

Check out season 4’s Richard Blais’ post on his thoughts about the episode and cast (he’s totally blogging for us now).

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This is it — the final episode, where we learn who is the Master of the Top Chefs.

I was quite impressed with this episode because they did away with the drama and really focused on the food (well, there was some nail-biting drama at the final judging). The chefs had to cook a four-course meal that told a story about their culinary career: Their earliest food memory, the experience that made them want to become a chef, their first restaurant, and where they’re heading in the future with their career. Their dishes were gorgeous (except for Michael’s whole fried fish) and made me want to reach through the screen to taste them.

Tom Colicchio, Padma Lakshmi and the five former Top Chef winners joined the judges to feast upon the cheftestants’ dishes (yes, Hosea is still alive). We also got to see some old pictures of the chefs, from childhood to their early career days — not pretty pictures, these guys definitely were late bloomers.

Highlights: Rick Bayless’ orgasmic mole (mo-lay, as in, the sauce) which took Jay Rayner’s “mole [mo-lay] virginity”; our fantasy Padma-on-Kelly chick fight; Keller’s former life as a dirty hippie; Chiarello’s diss at James Oseland; Jay wanting to bathe with Gail in Chiarello’s food; and the revelation of the winner.

At the end of our podcast, we discussed the new season of Top Chef and ragged on the newbies (and their crazy body art), but tune in next week to hear our rants on the first and second episodes of the season. Yes, we’re continuing this podcast — much to your delight.

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What a steamy episode this was! I think the title says it all, but you’ll have to listen to our podcast to hear it for yourself.

The Quickfire Challenge this week was the infamous blindfolded taste test. Kelly Choi blinfolded each cheftestant and they had a variety of ingredients to taste and guess – hoisin sauce, ketchup, peanut butter, dashi, poppadum, etc. Surprisingly enough, Mr. Italian himself, Chiarello, took the win for this challenge. I especially enjoyed the blindfolding part, and apparently so did Keller.

Surprise! A bunch of old Top Chef has-beens enter the scene to team up with the chefs and help them cook a buffet spread for 200 “Hollywood insiders” (who or what they were inside, I had no clue). To my happy delight, we got Fabio (”This is not Top Scallop!”) and Jamie from the last season, Elia and Ilan from season 2, Richard, Spike and Antonia from season 3, and some other guys I only kind of remembered. Each chef picked their teams and got to work. But an even bigger surprise was in store for them (go figure) – they had to not only move their buffet outside (read: not good for a raw bar) but also lose a team member before service. Of course the show is going to try to screw everyone over by the final episode!

Highlights: Dale getting all up in Chiarello’s face while Chiarello tries to keep it together and not curb stomp this dude, Anita Lo cursing for what I think was the first time on TCM, the power duo of Bayless and Blais combining their powers to whip up a creamy avocado ice cream, Chiarello being a douchebag throughout most of the episode, Keller smoking out the night before the challenge, and Jay Rayner is badly in need of an extreme makeover. Drama! Action! Excitement! (And the podcast is even better.)

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First of all, I want to say that the views expressed in this podcast are not the opinions of all of us on the panel and definitely not those of Creative Loafing. That being said, if you’re a vegan, we’re apologizing beforehand for this one.

For the quickfire challenge, the cheftestants had quite a juicy challenge: burgers! They each had to create a burger with an accompanying side dish. All of the dishes seemed to reflect their creator – well, maybe not Anita Lo who made “burger soup”, which was runny cheese with chunks of burger. Really, that’s all you’ve got this week, Anita? Girl looked like she was sorely in need of some Ambien, that’s all I’m sayin’. Oh, and I must diss on Bayless (my hot white Mexican chocolate) for serving up guacamole as a side dish. No wait, three different kinds of guac as a side and without chips to dip in them! C’mon, Ricky, guacamole is a condiment.

For the elimination challenge, the cheftestants had to each cater a different course for a luncheon for actress/wannabe singer Zooey Deschanel and her tragic hipster pals. The twist (or “the rat”, as Art put it): Zooey is a VEGAN (read: no meat, fish or dairy) who can’t have anything with gluten or soy either. No meat, no cheese, no wheat, no soy faux meat products, and sorry Art- no fried chicken.

Highlights: Art Smith’s cheat rice milk ice cream (cop out) mixed with strawberries that looked like menses, Chiarello’s chemo (’quinoa’) pasta, Zooey’s tragic hipster party guests, Bayless’ perfectionist tendencies, Anita’s “sad plate”, and general vegan bashing. Bonus: Next week, we get to welcome back past Top Chef contestants Spike, Dale, and Richard Blais (and his fab faux hawk)!

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In this first episode of the Championships Round, we welcomed back Hubert “The Other French Guy” Keller, Suzanne “Cold Fish” Tracht, Anita “Cowardly Lion” Lo, Michael “Brown Noser” Chiarello, Art “Honey Bear” Smith, and the delicious Rick “Hot Mexican Chili” Bayless (I’m not partial, I swear).

For the quickfire challenge, the chefs got into two teams and had a Mise en Place Relay Race (a.k.a: chopping and prepping food items) to see whose team was faster, the winner then getting an extra point toward the Elimination Challenge. Let me tell you, that Rick Bayless sure knows how to use a whisk for some hot whisking action – those egg whites sure were at stiff peaks…among other things. Anyhow, back on track, the Bayless/Lo/Keller team took the win.

The chefs were then asked to cook their signature dishes for each other to enjoy. I swear Michael Chiarello put roadkill on a plate and called it dinner, the balsamic glaze looking very much like blood on top of the quail which was sprawled out on the plate. Not cute. Hubert Keller made an interesting lobster and truffle “cappuccino” which was an interesting take on soup (I think it was soup) and Rick made an amazing-looking roasted rack of lamb with pasilla chiles and mission figs (Did I mention I’m not partial to Bayless?).

For the Elimination Challenge, the chefs had to cook another chef’s signature dish but put their own spin on it. What did we get? Cold grouper (Tracht), undercooked ground lamb in a “Scotch egg” (Smith), creamed sea urchin (Keller), lobster on a biscuit (Lo), rack of lamb with figs shoved in it (Chiarello), and some delightful looking quail and parsnips (Bayless).

Highlights: Kelly Choi seeming to be withering away, Art’s “egg issues” and name dropping, the Gael Greene and Elvis affair, the possibility of Anita Lo sabotaging her own food in future episodes just to get kicked off the show, and Rick Bayless’ magical powers of Mexican cuisine.

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In this episode, the master chefs had to shop only from one specific aisle in the grocery store for their Quickfire Challenge. I’m sorry, let me correct myself – from Whole Foods Market, having traveled there in their Lexus, and bringing along their handy Gladware storage containers to store the food which would be cooked in/on GE appliances. Oh, and all while sipping on Diet Cherry Dr. Pepper (did I get all of the sponsors in?).

The Elimination Challenge was somewhat tricky: each cheftestant had to shop for another to create a mystery box of ingredients. The recipient of that box then had to choose seven items to utilize in their dish. So each chef decided to totally screw the other one over by giving them crazy ingredients, and Roy Yamaguchi got pissed and went Samaurai on everyone. (No, not really, I just wanted to create some drama for this episode that had to be the most drama-free, playing-it-nice episode yet. *yawn*). No Jay Rayner this week again but we feel all of the brown-colored ingredients on Johnathan Waxman’s plates sufficed to replace Jay’s mole in this episode.

Highlights: Gail Simmons‘ chest as a topic of much conversation (again), Kelly Choi looking very much in need of a proper meal and a better stylist as usual (no, we don’t know who she’s wearing), Johnathan Waxman needs glasses, Art Smith’s lovey-dovey teary-eyed speech at the judges table, and Roy Yamaguchi wanting to be “friends forever” with his new chef pals.

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This week, our podcast team was sans Jeff Houck, but we were delighted to have PoHo writer Wayne Garcia join in on the fun (and he gave us a new theme song). Otherwise, it was the regular crew of Taylor, Stephen, and myself (Katie).

In this episode, the master chefs had to put a spin on a junk food dish for their Quickfire challenge, and everyone loved Michael Chiarello’s (former Food Network chef) balls – fish balls, that is. We in the studio also chatted about our fondness for fishsticks.

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What’s the buzz on the latest issues in the Green Community? Check out what you may have missed this last week:

Celebrating Independence Day or creating environmental disaster? – Kelly Rothwell looks at the littered aftermath of Fourth of July celebrations and wonder why, instead of giving back in celebration of their freedom, people decide to light off fireworks, leaving mass amounts of debris in the water and on the beach.

Local Food: Dinner in, and from, the garden at Gateway Organic Farm – Chef Gui Alinat gives information about Gateway Organic Farm’s next “Dinner in the Garden” event, an incredible local foods experience featuring nine Bay area chefs.

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This week, we were again graced with the presence of Jeff Houck (The Stew), as well as the usual suspects: Taylor Eason, Stephen Hammill, and yours truly, Katie Machol.

Our cheftestants had to participate in another MacGyver-style (or MacGruber, as we like to think) elimination challenge: The One Armed Egg Challenge! (Not as dirty as it sounds, though Anita Lo used her teeth a lot.) We also finally get to see Doogie Howser (a.k.a.: Neil Patrick Harris) as a guest judge, along with Top Chef regular Gail Simmons, and a surprise visit from Tom Colicchio.

After much discussion and debate over the show and challenges presented, we asked ourselves this: Does Neil Patrick Harris’ love of magic make him less cool now?
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Quivira Vineyards and Winery in Sonoma’s Dry Creek Valley is not only an organic vineyard and farm, but also a biodynamic one as well, producing sustainable vineyards and crops. They specialize in varietals known to excel in the Dry Creek Valley, such as Zinfandel and Sauvignon Blanc and small lots of Rhone Varietals. Quivira also has their own farm, where they supply local markets with fresh, organic food. “Biodynamic farming practices help create healthy porous soils which allow water, gases and nutrients to penetrate deep into the soil strata. This fosters strong, wide, deep root growth that enables the vines to absorb elements from the soil and transfer them as flavors to the fruit.”
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This week, we chat about Top Chef Masters, episode 3: “Offal Tasty”. Again, we were graced with the presence and wit of Jeff Houck (The Tampa Tribune, The Stew), as well as the usual suspects: Taylor Eason, Stephen Hammill, and Katie Machol.

Highlights include: the power of Rick Bayless’ soul patch, Katie impersonating Ludo’s French accent, Jay Rayner’s mole, and Jeff sings for us yet again.

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This week we discussed episode 2 of Top Chef Masters: The Lost Supper. Our special guest this week was Jeff Houck, food writer for The Tampa Tribune, who added a great dose of humor to the show and kept us in stitches.
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If you have been paying attention to all of the ads and the commercials on Bravo, you’ll already know that the Top Chef series is back (and we’re hoping you’ve watched). This time, there’s a twist: 24 well-known, seasoned chefs go head-to-head and compete in challenges just like they’ve put the contestants from past seasons through, all to win money for their charity of choice.

Top Chef Masters is a bit different than the original show, though. Instead of sticking all 24 of the “masters” in an apartment and make them eat, sleep, booze, and live together, four of them at a time compete in an episode. I was thoroughly surprised when I saw this – they didn’t mention that in the previews, but I can understand why this was done. (Do you really think these chefs are going to give up the reins of their uber popular restaurants and two months of their lives just for a TV show? Though I would liked to have seen a Hosea-Leah hookup scenario between, say, Roy Yamaguchi and Cindy Pawlcyn.)
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