Daily Loaf

“Dream Momma, I am a 45-year-old, married, black female professional living in Tampa. I have been having an online “affair,” if you will call it that, for 3 years with a white man. My husband, who is also a professional, travels a lot with his job. I have met my online lover, and although we have shared embraces, we have not shared a bed.

This dream begins with me on my bed and my husband in the sitting room that is off our bedroom. There is a curtain there, so I cannot actually see him but I hear him as he moves about. He is watching TV. My lover enters my bedroom wearing just a long tee shirt and crawls onto the bed with me. I am not surprised to see him; it is as if he does this often. He snuggles up behind me and is very amorous. I am watching the crack in the curtain. I suggest that we go to another room.

We go the bathroom that is just beyond my laundry room. There is a cot set up for him. He apparently stays here often. But the washer has been moved into the bathroom and I am concerned that my husband will come into this room to tend to the washer. So I am emptying the washer and taking clothes from the toilet(?) that appear to be clean. I am trying frantically to stay ahead of my husband in thought.

I hear him come into the laundry room and he is doing something with the dryer. My lover is starting to say something and I am signaling him not to talk but he continues to whisper. My husband is close enough that I could touch him if there were no wall and I am almost crazed that I can’t seem to make my lover understand that he should not talk AT ALL.

He finally makes me understand that he has left his belt out in the house somewhere. He thinks maybe my bedroom, and he is not sure where his pants are. My head is about spin off as I try to imagine where he might have left his things and if I can get to them before my husband sees them – as they are not the same body types and do not share a sense of style. Help me understand this dream please.” (sic)

Dream Momma will try. The first thing that is of significance is the fact that whenever your husband appears in the dream there is something concrete between you (a curtain, a wall). That is important. It means there IS something between you in real, waking, life that is interfering with marital intimacy (and Dream Momma doesn’t mean just sex). Read the rest of this entry »

Our marriage began with a hurricane (the storm, not the drink).  The morning after our wedding we were forced to evacuate Louisiana. We drove for 14 hours and after no luck finding a hotel, we ended up spending the first night of our honeymoon sleeping in our Jeep in a Cracker Barrel parking lot. While not obviously romantic, it was adventurous and oddly special.

We recently celebrated our first year anniversary — or as my husband would say, “We survived our first year of marriage.” As year one passed us by, I couldn’t help but reflect on what I have learned…about marriage, about love and about myself. Read the rest of this entry »

The internal prostate massage is one of the most sexually stimulating practices you can do for a man, and it’s healthy.  I started milking the prostate a few years ago after reading some literature on the subject.  It was more than difficult getting my then 46-year-old husband to try it, but once I did he enjoyed it.

Milking keeps the blood moving and releases seminal fluid.  Some men aren’t into having anything in their anus, so a perineum massage can also be stimulating as well. The perineum is a small, smooth patch of skin located between the testicles and the anus. By pressing down on this area, not too hard, this will indirectly stimulate the prostate.  I usually use this technique when I’m masturbating my husband.  Again, I enjoy using ky-warming gel and it drives him nuts.  Read the rest of this entry »

DNA tests have confirmed that former Presidential candidate, John Edwards, is the father of Rielle Hunters’s 18-month-old daughter, Frances. Even more surprisingly, National Enquirer broke the story.

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You may know some of the more “traditional” forms of fetishes like bondage, toe sucking, and dress up, but there are as many fetishes as there are personality types. While some are more public with their desires, deep down I think we all have our own little fetishes. Below is a list of some of the fetishes you may not be so familiar with.

(Pics below NSFW)

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Dear Dream Momma, This little dream has been bothering me so I thought I would send it to you. In the dream my boss and his wife stopped by my house and my bed wasn’t made. (I always make my bed every day unless I’m so sick that i need to be in it.)

Hi Messy Bed Dreamer. I’m going to assume that when your boss and his wife stopped by you weren’t really sick in bed. So, what are you sick of? The dream says your job. The house is your life and the bed is your job, relationship, family, health, lifestyle, religion, social life, (Circle all that apply). Read the rest of this entry »

I’ve met enough penises in my time to know that like lollipops, dicks come in all shapes and sizes. The fact is that most dicks are between five to seven inches erect; the real question is, does size matter? Read the rest of this entry »

Unfaithful politicians have been around since, well since as long as there have been politicians. So why do we now expect philandering political figures like Senator John Ensign and Governor Mark Sanford to resign because of an affair? Many Americans see infidelity as a major source of the erosion of morals and marriages in modern times. The truth is that spouses have always been unfaithful, it’s just now more socially acceptable to get divorced over an affair. Samara O’Shea of the Huffington Post goes against the grain in her article on adultery, reminding us that if our society was going to collapse because of adultery, it would have happened a long time ago. Read the rest of this entry »

Marriage counselor, M. Gary Neuman, polled more than 200 cheating and faithful husbands about fidelity for his book, The Truth About Cheating. Below are some of his surprising findings. Read the rest of this entry »

We’ve all had it happen. Nothing sucks worse than killing the mood in the heat of passion.  Today’s top 10 has a twist though!  I’m still lacking a #1.  So, here’s my top 9 mood killers, and please comment with suggestions for the last one! Read the rest of this entry »

My wife and I are what you might call ‘Porn Connoisseurs,’ and we’ve noticed in our research that it seems you can’t get through an X-rated movie these days without a porn star doing something literally nauseating, like gagging on a cock until she is on the verge of puking.  I’m not talking about Ass To Mouth disgusting.  I can see the appeal in that.  Two things in particular that I’m referring to are actors spitting Major-League-Baseball-style on each others’ sex parts and  blowjobs that resemble the sound of a rabid puppy slurping canned dog food.

Maybe I missed the memo, but when the hell did it become sexy to spit on someone you are trying to screw? Read the rest of this entry »

UPDATE!! Join Sooner Holley and Gator Matt as they live blog the Championship Game here!

Gator Matty: After weeks of droning on about statistics, schedules, and Superman (had to get a Tebow reference into the first sentence of the blog), game week is finally here.  The wife and I have argued over everything game-related to argue about, but in what may be the final post, what does the outcome of this game really mean to our relationship?

Actually, let me rephrase.  What is the better outcome for me?  These are going to be tough choices.  No sex for a week or the image of Tebow hoisting the BCS Trophy ingrained in my memory forever?  An achy back from sleeping on the couch or bragging rights to two national titles in three years (or four in five years if you’re counting basketball)?  Yes, Gainesville would officially become the all-time college Title Town, and ironically, Superman would turn my house into the Fortress of Solitude.

But these can’t be real choices, you’re saying.  She’s not that serious.  My friends, hell hath no fury like a Sooner woman scorned.  Let’s just say we would have never gotten married if I had attended the University of Texas.  Trust me.  Mack Brown should probably be thankful that Lorena Bobbitt wasn’t a Sooner.

After much deliberation, I have sent an email to Florida head coach Urban Meyer, instructing him to make sure the game is a close one for the sake of my sex life… Read the rest of this entry »

Lowry Park Zoo CEO Lex Salisbury has resigned amid allegations of improper business dealings between the zoo and his for profit venture Safari Wild.

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Sooner Holley: About halfway through regular season play, my husband and I started talking about college football armageddon: The Florida Gators made an incredible turnaround after Tim Tebow’s moving speech following the Ole Miss game, and the Oklahoma Sooners started racking up touchdown after touchdown against every opponent following the Texas game.  Could it be possible that our two teams might meet in the BCS National Championship Game?

When conference championship weekend came to an end, we looked at each other and with a single glance; the battle line was drawn.  Not only would our teams, who had never in history met on the gridiron, see each other in a BCS match-up, it would be for the National Title.  Ever since, I have been inundated with Tebow propaganda… Read the rest of this entry »