Burger Haiku Contest
February 20th, 2008 by Brian Ries in Burger Championship, Contest
I’ve been eating a lot of burgers lately and it’s gettin’ me down. Although I’m careful not to stuff my face, by the third or fourth all-beef patty of the day my stomach feels tight and my mind slows to a greasy dribble. I crave something to re-start my failing mental faculties and energize my mind for the next burger tasting. As always in these situations, I turn to Japanese poet Basho for inspiration:
Sick on my journey
only my dreams will wander
these desolate moors
Of course, that was Basho’s death poem, so maybe it’s not quite the inspiration I’m hoping for.
I think you guys can do better, at least when it comes to burgers. Drop your most impressive burger haiku — following the 5,7,5 syllable form — into the comments and I’ll give the winner a big fat prize. (Probably a burger.) Here’s one to get you started:
Sixty four burgers
beloved beef, salt and fat
compete for the prize
You can do better. Get started!
February 20th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
Oh fatty hamburger
How my stomach loathes you now
But how tasty you were
February 20th, 2008 at 3:13 pm
Nice sentiment, Gabe, but you dropped an extra syllable in the first and last lines. DISQUALIFIED, YO!
February 20th, 2008 at 3:22 pm
opps, i posted the wrong version (before i revised for syllables), sorry!
here’s what i finished up with…
Oh fatty burger
How my stomach loathes you now
But tasty you were
back in the game, YO!
February 20th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
juicy drippy meat
there will be blood in those buns
lest vegans slay me
February 20th, 2008 at 3:31 pm
Great comeback, Gabe.
February 20th, 2008 at 3:32 pm
cheeseburger cheeseburg
er cheeseburger cheeseburger
gooey cheesemeat man
February 20th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
Cheese Topped meat patty
Dripping with grease and grizzle
You make me happy
And on top of you
Ketchup is your very best friend
Mouth watering treat
Poor cow had to die
So that I might eat dinner
What is for dessert?
February 20th, 2008 at 4:02 pm
Joe - Number two is disqualified for syllable extension in line two, but number three is brilliant.
February 20th, 2008 at 5:01 pm
i like big patties
and i cannot lie you can’t
deny the ground round
February 20th, 2008 at 5:04 pm
Keep trying, Amanda! I admire your pluck.
February 20th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
coronary a
small price to pay for heaven
on a plate mmm hmmm
February 20th, 2008 at 5:07 pm
he used to call them
hatmagurs as a young boy
now he calls them lunch
February 20th, 2008 at 5:10 pm
two all beef patties
special sauce lettuce cheese pick
February 20th, 2008 at 5:12 pm
two all beef patties
special sauce lettuce cheese pick
les onions whoopsy
February 20th, 2008 at 5:54 pm
Call it slaughtered cow
I care not one wit for names
Just gimme it rare
February 20th, 2008 at 5:55 pm
What is this “syllable extension” bullshit?!!? The word “very”? That’s crap.
I too like my third on the best. It’s the only one of mine that is actually poetic.
I have to say Amanda’s “I like big patties” is the most promising beginning to a burger haiku I have ever seen, however.
February 20th, 2008 at 8:04 pm
Massive beef recall
Does not daunt my raging need.
Baconator me!
February 20th, 2008 at 8:16 pm
Soaking in ketchup
I ate your siblings as well
I’ll be back with friends
February 20th, 2008 at 8:19 pm
No matter the cost
Must keep eating hamburgers
Left side is tingly
February 20th, 2008 at 8:20 pm
Naked PETA girls
Provide pleasant atmosphere,
While I burger feed.
February 20th, 2008 at 8:27 pm
Pinning my ears back
Dive face first into grilled meat
Condiments splatter
February 20th, 2008 at 8:55 pm
french fried potatoes
flutter so gently to rest
after beef rapture
February 20th, 2008 at 9:22 pm
The Whopper I eat
causes vegans to recoil.
So gratifying.
February 20th, 2008 at 9:38 pm
Juice rolls down my face.
A triple cheese with lettuce
tomato onion
February 20th, 2008 at 9:50 pm
I want angus beef
Pink in the middle is best
Charred on the outside
February 20th, 2008 at 10:00 pm
pour on the ketchup
slather on the mayonnaise
eat beef till I’m dead
February 20th, 2008 at 10:02 pm
stop writing haikus
start cooking my hamburgers
Eat first, write later
February 20th, 2008 at 10:03 pm
Juicy pink center
Fatty juice drippings bubble
Carcinogenic
February 20th, 2008 at 10:07 pm
I am filled with cow
But I still want more burgers
Cram them down my throat
February 20th, 2008 at 10:09 pm
Less healthy, more good
USDA grade F please
Fire kills E. coli
February 20th, 2008 at 10:14 pm
How cute their flippers
their tender meat so yummy
Manatee burgers
February 20th, 2008 at 10:14 pm
Toasted whole wheat bun
Textured vegetable protein
You make Vegan happy
February 20th, 2008 at 10:18 pm
Hamburger haiku
It helps to count syllables
I am full of fail
February 20th, 2008 at 10:21 pm
Here’s how it’s done Amanda:
Two all beef patties
Special sauce, greens, cheese, onion
Sesame seed bun
February 20th, 2008 at 10:25 pm
Silly chef walking
over burger components
It is Burgertime!
February 20th, 2008 at 10:26 pm
It is meat and bread.
No matter how you cook it,
it needs condiments.
February 20th, 2008 at 10:27 pm
Inhumane bovine flesh
Your seared connective tissues
Better with a pickle
February 20th, 2008 at 10:27 pm
What’s with hamburger?
They don’t contain any pork
What moron named them?
February 20th, 2008 at 10:30 pm
To all the vegans:
Leave our burgers alone!
Don’t have a cow, man!
February 20th, 2008 at 10:31 pm
My hamburger friends say
I need a dictionary
Fewer syllables
February 20th, 2008 at 10:34 pm
Tube steaks can be good
if you buy the correct brand.
Burgers are better.
February 20th, 2008 at 10:36 pm
Buffalo sandwich
Your dry lean meat is too tough
Or is this ostrich?
February 20th, 2008 at 10:38 pm
Checkers uses meat
slightly above dog food grade
I blame the rap cat.
February 20th, 2008 at 10:44 pm
Hamburger eclipse
The moon like an udder wanes
You are missing it
February 20th, 2008 at 10:45 pm
black and blue burger
it’s meaty, cheesey, juicy
my hands smell all day
February 20th, 2008 at 10:47 pm
saturated fats
subsuming all conscious thought
true enlightenment
February 20th, 2008 at 10:48 pm
Meat is the best thing
Vegetables have no soul
Mmm, satisfying
February 20th, 2008 at 10:50 pm
Cow on razor’s edge
Goes slowly; this is my dream
This is my nightmare
February 20th, 2008 at 10:52 pm
While I am chewing
this delight of hoof and horn.
It is still mooing.
February 20th, 2008 at 10:52 pm
To spite fork and spoon
The cow jumped over the moon
Ruminant eclipse
February 20th, 2008 at 10:55 pm
Red Iron rich blood
What is this metal I’ve found?
That’s a magnet
February 20th, 2008 at 10:56 pm
simple, tasty treat
ground flesh, curdled cream, and bread
horseradish on mine
February 20th, 2008 at 10:57 pm
Cleancut likes tube steak
Just ask him he’ll tell you so
Don’t pick up the soap
February 20th, 2008 at 10:57 pm
Money’s no object?
You’re a burger connoisseur?
Eat Kobe Burgers.
February 20th, 2008 at 10:59 pm
Please pick my haiku
I have better ones above
I like hamburgers
February 20th, 2008 at 11:02 pm
various flavors
intermingle on my tongue
taste bud nirvana
February 20th, 2008 at 11:04 pm
Hotdogs need mustard
Hamburgers welcome bacon
No casing needed
February 20th, 2008 at 11:07 pm
a ground beef pancake
salty tomato syrup
stacked two or three high
February 20th, 2008 at 11:08 pm
See what you’ve started?
Every geek loves Hamburgers
This will never end
February 20th, 2008 at 11:21 pm
dead cow and dead cow
rare and ground and grilled and beef
it’s whats for dinner
February 20th, 2008 at 11:26 pm
White Castle burgers
small squares of greasy goodness
Heartburn: 2 A M
You eat White Castle
Several days may pass you by
then you get the crave.
White Castle storefronts
tend to be in shady ‘hoods
but they’re worth the risk.
February 21st, 2008 at 10:58 am
cheeseburger childhood
big mac and quarter pounder
adult weight watcher
mom and pop diners
hamburger America
longing for the past
February 21st, 2008 at 12:26 pm
The hamburglar
and Ronald and those fry things
which drugs were involved?
February 21st, 2008 at 12:30 pm
Strict burger diet
with french fries and many shakes
will supersize you.
February 21st, 2008 at 12:59 pm
Cleancut, Todd and Tak - Email me your contact info, guys!
February 21st, 2008 at 1:22 pm
i can’t eat red meat or pork anymore, it just don’t sit well in the tummy.
this is my lament…
bacon and blue cheese
atop a rare, ground beef mound
mocks my intestines
February 21st, 2008 at 3:41 pm
To hell with vegans
and promises of good health
I eat burgers NOW!
February 22nd, 2008 at 7:12 pm
“I’d gladly pay you
Tuesday for a hamburger
today.” says Wimpy
February 22nd, 2008 at 7:17 pm
Wendy’s Corp. Tsk Tsk.
Their burgers are tiny now
Ask them, “Where’s the beef?”
February 24th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
Institutional
burgers, baked in stained sheet pans.
Dry, gray comfort food.
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:06 am
beef burger special
I turn vegetarian
on my next birthday
July 12th, 2008 at 12:53 am
Over the wintry
forest, winds howl in rage
with no leaves to blow.
________________________________
John
Addiction Recovery Florida