Eat My Florida

Gotta keep an open mind with this one, folks. New Grist is the first gluten-free beer authorized by the US Government. That means no malted barley and no wheat. Instead, Lakefront uses sorghum, rice and gluten free yeast, all for people with Celiac’s Disease or other gluten disorders.

In the glass, the brew is bright yellow with a greenish tint and the head drops to nothing almost immediately. It tastes undercarbonated and extremely light, with a few hints of lemony citrus in the front and almost no finish whatsoever. Best compared to a low quality wheat-beer. If I had Celiac’s disease, I’d by it by the case. Since I don’t, I’ll give this a:

Lakefront Brewery New Grist Beer - 1.5 Stars

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Who’d have expected a porter this intense from a bunch of sun-starved Fins? According to the Sinebrychoff website, porter-style beers were the most common brews made in Finland up until Prohibition and they’ve been brewing the stuff since 1860.

Tasting this, it makes sense. This is a hefty, syrupy brew loaded with chocolate, coffee and cream flavors, substantial enough to carry a young man through the 11 and 1/2 months of deep winter. One of the perennial problems with porter are roasted flavors that are too pronounced, but Sinebrychoff has enough richness to carry the few bitter high notes, with some bright hops to finish the trifecta. It is an exceptional porter that’s almost a meal, especially at a big 7.2% alcohol.

Sinebrychoff Porter - 4 stars

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It’s easy to forgive the nigh-unforgiveable act of combining two perfectly acceptable words, both capitalized, into one IdiotWord! Why? Because the beer is so very bad, I will likely program my mind to read it as something more appealing, like BeerWater, or even RefrainFromBuyingBecauseItTastesLikeCaramelColoredMichelobLight
WhichAlsoDoesn’tTasteVeryGood.

Oops. I think that last one was the review in toto. Have you had Michelob? Have you worn rose colored glasses while drinking it? That’s AmberBock.

Michelob AmberBock - 1.5 Stars

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Damn, this stout pours from the bottle like a velvet painting of chocolate syrup, thick and opaque. At first glance, I feel like I might have to chew it. The rich chocolate and toffee nose backs that up, but it’s more bittersweet dark than the milky richness that I expect from a cream stout.

In the mouth, well, it doesn’t deliver. The body’s a little lighter than anticipated, the chocolate flavors seem torched and roasted and there’s none of the sweet silkyness I associate with cream stout. Even with all that, it’s a meaty little drink that seems to get stuck in my back teeth. I might end up chewing this, after all.

St. Peter’s Cream Stout - 2.5 stars

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To commemorate the early demise of one of the beer world’s greats, I’ll be featuring a beer a day for the next two months. Only during the work week; I love beer but I’ve got to spend some private time with wine and the brown liquors. They’re jealous bitches.

Today (tonight, really), will be Lagunitas Maximus, an India Pale Ale from Petaluma, CA. First off — can you call it an IPA when it’s 7.5% alcohol? This modern devotion to making a monster out of normal beer through the wonders of fermentation can go a bit far.

This particular beast is a pleasant red-gold color, with fine carbonation and a fruity, malty nose. As expected, that big alcohol fills my mouth, pushing malt and caramel flavors along with a resiny hit of bitter hops. Not bad, but not especially distinctive. At this alcohol level, the big 22oz bottle should make for a nice pre-nighty-night sedative.

Lagunitus “Maximus” IPA - 3 stars.

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