Eat My Florida

They’re sex on the half-shell. The classic aphrodisiac. Just the thought of those glistening gobs of mollusk muscle sliding down your throat is enough to send a shudder through Pfizer. But can oysters be too sexy?

Well, sure. Just like with humans, an oyster’s unhealthy fixation on its own naughty bits are sure to bring chafing, hairy palms and STDs. “Oh, that’s just a cold sore!” Sure, you pretty little huitre plate, you keep telling yourself that.

According to Reuters, oyster herpes actually kills the little guys — to the tune of 40-100% in most French cultivating beds this year — instead of merely making them social outcasts whose only goal is to spread the disease through lies and casual sex. Apparently, the cause is simple - when the weather is warm and there’s plenty of food, oysters spend all their available energy pumping up their sexual organs at the expense of their immune systems. Hard to blame ‘em.

Brilliant reporting Reuters, by the way. No mention at all whether infected oysters can transfer their seaborne herpes to people who down them with a nice Sancerre and capable mignonette. Nobody’d be interested in that, I imagine.

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Sort of. Greenpeace recently released a study that ranks supermarket chains by their commitment to sustainable seafood. Since GP essentially advocates taking a break from any type of fishing — not a bad idea, considering the apocalyptic scenarios outlined here — they are understandably a bit harsh in their ranking system. In our area, Whole Foods ranks highest, with a whopping 4 out of 10 points. Wal-Mart, Sam’s Club and Target manage to eke out a 3, while all the typical supermarkets — Publix, Sweetbay and Winn-Dixie — fill the bottom of the list.

In other news, food personality Alton Brown announced he’ll be shifting the focus of Good Eats. “”I’ve been busy being clever, but now I want to use what credibility I may have to help people think about sustainability,” he told grist.com in an interview. He even offered to ride along with Greenpeace, saying “somebody needs to sink the Japanese tuna fleet. Everyone’s willing to point the finger, but nobody’s willing to pull the trigger.”

Damn, concerns for sustainability on the Food Network? Maybe they should have a talk with Paula.

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Grass Root is by far the best vegan/raw restaurant in the Bay area. Ok, it’s the only vegan/raw restaurant around these parts, but you’ll still find a bevy of dishes that even an omnivore would love (especially that delectable miso soup). Owners Spencer and Sabrina Sterling “cooked” up this part vegan/part raw menu for a breakfast (or anytime) meal that they say will heal your body and help the environment just as much as it relieves your budget. Better yet, there is very little effort involved, since a lot of the ingredients are bought pre-prepared.

Check the recipes — and the Sterlings’ comments about the healthful nature of the dishes — after the break. (more…)

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Wal-Mart and McDonald’s have pulled tomatoes from some of their stores in response to an FDA warning about 145 cases of salmonella. The feds have yet to pinpoint the source of the outbreak, but a lot of companies are getting proactive in the wake of problems like the Taco Bell lettuce incident of a few years ago.

Luckily, local tomatoes, especially heirlooms from places like King Farms in Myakka (available at the Brown Groves booth at Sarasota’s Downtown Market on Saturdays), are still in season. Buy local, save yourself from 24 hours of hugging the porcelain receptacle.

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“The average mother of a child under 15 spends more on fast food every year than on books, music, movies and video games combined.” (NYT)

(Stolen from Serious Eats.)

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• Ethical Seafood - “The portrait he paints is grim: oceanic dead zones that, because of pollution and overfishing, can no longer support organic life; salmon farms polluted by pesticides and disease; ruthless bottom trawlers with nets that can destroy entire ecosystems.” [Salon]

• Deadliest Catch - “Of all the dishes served in all the restaurants in all the world, you could argue, the particular seafood delicacy I’ve come fourteen time zones and 6,800 miles to ingest is the one that’s most likely to kill me dead.” [NY Mag]

• Not So Deadly Catch - “And a group of scientists served it in March at a Tokyo tasting event for some 40 chefs and restaurant-related businessmen. All ate. All survived.” [NYT]

• Paula Deen, Sweatshop Promoter - “Protesters like Al Sharpton, Reverend Jesse Jackson, Susan Sarandon and Danny Glover are expected to show-up and chastise her affiliation with Smithfield, a North Carolina-based food plant notorious for brutal, inhumane working conditions.” [Serious Eats]

• Chain Restaurants? “Surprisingly decent” says the NY Times - “Their saintly patience might have been tied to the balmy weather, or perhaps to the knowledge, deep in their cholesterol-imperiled hearts, that the meal ahead would involve giant portions and joyous noise.” [NYT]

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• “Shortages are reaching crisis proportions in even the most highly developed regions, and they’re quickly becoming commonplace in our own backyard, from the bleached-white bathtub ring around the Southwest’s half-empty Lake Mead to the parched state of Georgia, where the governor prays for rain.” [Wired]

• “I go alone during the day to collect my water from the lake but I get scared because there are bandits along the road and dangerous gases that come out from the lake.”[Guardian]

• “Long-term refugees like Fathiya, in well-established camps, do not live in immediate fear of hunger. But they must devote about every hour of the day to the job of getting their families fed.” [Guardian]

• “Under a little-known international treaty called the Convention on International Civil Aviation, signed in Chicago in 1944 to help the fledgling airline industry, fuel for international travel and transport of goods, including food, is exempt from taxes, unlike trucks, cars and buses.” [NY Times]

• “I could theoretically do all that, but what would be the point when I know full well that halfway around the world there lives my evil twin, some carbon-footprint doppelgänger in Shanghai or Chongqing who has just bought his first car (Chinese car ownership is where ours was back in 1918), is eager to swallow every bite of meat I forswear and who’s positively itching to replace every last pound of CO2 I’m struggling no longer to emit.” [NY Times]

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Although it’s tied up in the courts thanks to a last minute injunction, this week was supposed to be the start of the New York City Department of Health initiative mandating posted calorie counts on the menus of any restaurant chain with more than 15 outlets nationwide. Here are some of the early reactions, thanks to a few chains that kicked it off despite the delay — NY Times, NY Post, Village Voice, Midtown Lunch.

If only Florida could be so enlightened. Sadly, here in the Sunshine State you have to dig deep in the murk to find out the impact of your morning Frap and scone, or the taco salad at the Bell. Here at Eat My Florida, we want to make it easier for you to wallow in the angst of your dining decisions, so here’s a list of links to the nutrition section of every chain in the area. Here’s a teaser — bloomin’ onion = 2275 calories.

Eat it and weep:

• Burgers: McDonald’s, Burger King, Wendy’s, Evos, Krystal, Five Guys, Whataburger, Hardee’s, Fatburger, Sonic, Steak N Shake,
• Chicken: Chick-Fil-A, Popeye’s, KFC, Pollo Tropical, Church’s,
• Other Fast Food Sandwich Joints: Arby’s, Subway, Miami Subs, Quiznos, Blimpie, Jersey Mike’s, Jimmy John’s,
• Other Fast Food: Taco Bell, Long John Silver’s, Chipotle, Moe’s, Panera, Boston Market, Pei Wei Asian Diner, Panda Express,
• Pizza: Hungry Howie’s, Sbarro, Pizza Hut, Papa John’s, Godfather’s, Dominos, CiCi’s,
• Breakfast, Smoothies, Coffee and Sweets: Dairy Queen, Baskin Robbins, Dunkin Donuts, Krispy Kreme, Smoothie King, TCBY, Einstein Brothers Bagels, Starbucks, Denny’s, IHOP, Bob Evans,
• Casual Dining Chains: Buffalo Wild Wings, Hooters, PF Chang’s, Chilis, TGIFiday’s, Outback, Applebee’s, Olive Garden, Ruby Tuesday’s, Carrabas, Sonny’s, Red Lobster

Who’d we miss?

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• “April 12th’s Saturday Night Live featured three clips of Ashton Kutcher dressed up as a giant chocolate bar with a killer instinct, cute mime clown face and all.” (Thanks Serious Eats)

• “What was supposed to be a temporary financial safety net for imperiled family farmers has become a huge boondoggle for a fraction of wealthy farmers, including landowners who’ve never gotten close enough to a barn to slip on the manure.” (Thanks PBS.org)

• “A simulated outbreak of the disease — part of an earlier U.S. government exercise called “Crimson Sky” — ended with fictional riots in the streets after the simulation’s National Guardsmen were ordered to kill tens of millions of farm animals, so many that troops ran out of bullets.” (Thanks AP)

• “Planners couldn’t come up with enough organic or sustainably grown food from Georgia to nourish just 600 people over two days.” Hmm, maybe I’ll have to start giving back to my alma mater. (Thanks AJC)

• “Smart owners, of course, have always carefully watched their costs, but when every bill comes with a “gasoline-price surcharge” and fewer people are walking through the door, it’s hocus-pocus time.” (Thanks WP)

• WORLD FOOD CRISIS UPDATE: “Cropland is suddenly in heavy demand, a situation that is fraying old alliances, inspiring new ones and putting pressure on the Agriculture Department, which is being lobbied directly by all sides without managing to satisfy any of them.” (Thanks NYT)

• WORLD FOOD CRISIS UPDATE: “When millions of people are going hungry, it’s a crime against humanity that food should be diverted to biofuels,” said India’s finance minister, Palaniappan Chidambaram, in an interview.” (Thanks WSJ)

• WORLD FOOD CRISIS UPDATE: “As we know in the past, sometimes those questions lead to war,” he said. “We now need to devote 100 percent of our time to these questions.” (Thanks NYT)

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