Well, sure. Just like with humans, an oyster’s unhealthy fixation on its own naughty bits are sure to bring chafing, hairy palms and STDs. “Oh, that’s just a cold sore!” Sure, you pretty little huitre plate, you keep telling yourself that.

According to Reuters, oyster herpes actually kills the little guys — to the tune of 40-100% in most French cultivating beds this year — instead of merely making them social outcasts whose only goal is to spread the disease through lies and casual sex. Apparently, the cause is simple – when the weather is warm and there’s plenty of food, oysters spend all their available energy pumping up their sexual organs at the expense of their immune systems. Hard to blame ‘em.

Brilliant reporting Reuters, by the way. No mention at all whether infected oysters can transfer their seaborne herpes to people who down them with a nice Sancerre and capable mignonette. Nobody’d be interested in that, I imagine.

In other news, food personality Alton Brown announced he’ll be shifting the focus of Good Eats. “”I’ve been busy being clever, but now I want to use what credibility I may have to help people think about sustainability,” he told grist.com in an interview. He even offered to ride along with Greenpeace, saying “somebody needs to sink the Japanese tuna fleet. Everyone’s willing to point the finger, but nobody’s willing to pull the trigger.”

Damn, concerns for sustainability on the Food Network? Maybe they should have a talk with Paula.

Check the recipes — and the Sterlings’ comments about the healthful nature of the dishes — after the break.
Grass Root Organic Restaurant

A Simple Banana Smoothie

• 1 cup of Living Harvest hemp milk
• 1 organic banana and ½ cup of organic strawberries
• Raw agave nectar or honey to taste, 1 tablespoon is a good start.
• ½ cup of ice

Blend all of the ingredients together until smooth and all fruit and ice have been blended well. Serve and enjoy immediately. Delicious and nutritious hemp milk and fresh organic fruits will make this the easiest breakfast smoothie ever. Children will love this smoothie. Agave nectar is a raw natural sweetener this is low glycemic and suitable for diabetics. Some vegans do not agree with the use of honey.

Tofu Scramble

• 1 pack of non-GMO organic firm tofu in water
• 2-3 tablespoons of cold pressed extra virgin olive oil
• 1 teaspoon of turmeric powder
• ¼ teaspoon of curry powder
• 4 cloves of garlic
• ½ medium size onion (red is my favorite)
• ¼ teaspoon thyme
• Sea salt to taste
• Black pepper to taste
• Organic garlic powder and onion powder may also be used in this recipe
• Cayenne pepper is also a wonderful addition to this recipe. Although cayenne is good for circulation, it is very spicy. It should be introduced to the palate gradually and will add a little kick to this vegan favorite.

Purchase firm tofu in the pack with water. It must be non-GMO tofu. Remove the tofu from the pack and discard the water. Place tofu on a paper towel. Grab a small handful and squeeze it until what ever water you can squeeze out is gone. Place the tofu in a bowl and repeat the last step until all of the tofu is in the bowl. Do not leave big chunks of tofu. Crumble with your hand until there are no big chunks.

Lightly cover the bottom of a frying pan with the oil and sauté the onions and garlic very lightly, stop when garlic begins to brown. Add the tofu to the pan and stir lightly. Add tofu scramble pack and stir well. Add black pepper, salt, and cayenne pepper. Add turmeric, curry and stir until mixed well. If the tofu begins to stick, add two tablespoons of water. The color should be even. Tofu scramble may be enjoyed for breakfast, lunch or dinner.

Ezekiel Toast with Fruit Spread or Apple Butter

Ezekiel bread starts off with the advantage over other bread, because it is made with sprouted grains. off with all sprout grains. For you this means better nutrition and rich taste. Lightly toast a few slices of Ezekiel Cinnamon Raisin Bread which can be found in the freezer section of any health food store. Dress this with vegan butter or 100% fruit spread. Apple Butter is also a great spread. All can be found at your local health food store.

• Living Harvest hemp milk $3.50
• Firm organic tofu $1.50
• Tofu scramble $2.50
• Ezekiel Bread Cinnamon Raisin $4.50
• Fruit Spread (ingredients should read: fruit) $3.00
• Ripe organic banana $.50
• Fresh ripe organic strawberries $4.50

This price list is pretty accurate. You pay either way. You can pay now and get prganic healthy foods or you can pay later in the nursing home or hospital. We choose the power of now!

With energy,

Spencer and Sabrina

Luckily, local tomatoes, especially heirlooms from places like King Farms in Myakka (available at the Brown Groves booth at Sarasota’s Downtown Market on Saturdays), are still in season. Buy local, save yourself from 24 hours of hugging the porcelain receptacle.

(Stolen from Serious Eats.)

• Ethical Seafood – “The portrait he paints is grim: oceanic dead zones that, because of pollution and overfishing, can no longer support organic life; salmon farms polluted by pesticides and disease; ruthless bottom trawlers with nets that can destroy entire ecosystems.” [Salon]

• Deadliest Catch – “Of all the dishes served in all the restaurants in all the world, you could argue, the particular seafood delicacy I’ve come fourteen time zones and 6,800 miles to ingest is the one that’s most likely to kill me dead.” [NY Mag]

• Not So Deadly Catch – “And a group of scientists served it in March at a Tokyo tasting event for some 40 chefs and restaurant-related businessmen. All ate. All survived.” [NYT]

• Paula Deen, Sweatshop Promoter – “Protesters like Al Sharpton, Reverend Jesse Jackson, Susan Sarandon and Danny Glover are expected to show-up and chastise her affiliation with Smithfield, a North Carolina-based food plant notorious for brutal, inhumane working conditions.” [Serious Eats]

• Chain Restaurants? “Surprisingly decent” says the NY Times – “Their saintly patience might have been tied to the balmy weather, or perhaps to the knowledge, deep in their cholesterol-imperiled hearts, that the meal ahead would involve giant portions and joyous noise.” [NYT]

• “Shortages are reaching crisis proportions in even the most highly developed regions, and they’re quickly becoming commonplace in our own backyard, from the bleached-white bathtub ring around the Southwest’s half-empty Lake Mead to the parched state of Georgia, where the governor prays for rain.” [Wired]

• “I go alone during the day to collect my water from the lake but I get scared because there are bandits along the road and dangerous gases that come out from the lake.”[Guardian]

• “Long-term refugees like Fathiya, in well-established camps, do not live in immediate fear of hunger. But they must devote about every hour of the day to the job of getting their families fed.” [Guardian]

• “Under a little-known international treaty called the Convention on International Civil Aviation, signed in Chicago in 1944 to help the fledgling airline industry, fuel for international travel and transport of goods, including food, is exempt from taxes, unlike trucks, cars and buses.” [NY Times]

• “I could theoretically do all that, but what would be the point when I know full well that halfway around the world there lives my evil twin, some carbon-footprint doppelgänger in Shanghai or Chongqing who has just bought his first car (Chinese car ownership is where ours was back in 1918), is eager to swallow every bite of meat I forswear and who’s positively itching to replace every last pound of CO2 I’m struggling no longer to emit.” [NY Times]

If only Florida could be so enlightened. Sadly, here in the Sunshine State you have to dig deep in the murk to find out the impact of your morning Frap and scone, or the taco salad at the Bell. Here at Eat My Florida, we want to make it easier for you to wallow in the angst of your dining decisions, so here’s a list of links to the nutrition section of every chain in the area. Here’s a teaser — bloomin’ onion = 2275 calories.

Eat it and weep:

• Burgers: McDonald’s, Burger King, Wendy’s, Evos, Krystal, Five Guys, Whataburger, Hardee’s, Fatburger, Sonic, Steak N Shake,
• Chicken: Chick-Fil-A, Popeye’s, KFC, Pollo Tropical, Church’s,
• Other Fast Food Sandwich Joints: Arby’s, Subway, Miami Subs, Quiznos, Blimpie, Jersey Mike’s, Jimmy John’s,
• Other Fast Food: Taco Bell, Long John Silver’s, Chipotle, Moe’s, Panera, Boston Market, Pei Wei Asian Diner, Panda Express,
• Pizza: Hungry Howie’s, Sbarro, Pizza Hut, Papa John’s, Godfather’s, Dominos, CiCi’s,
• Breakfast, Smoothies, Coffee and Sweets: Dairy Queen, Baskin Robbins, Dunkin Donuts, Krispy Kreme, Smoothie King, TCBY, Einstein Brothers Bagels, Starbucks, Denny’s, IHOP, Bob Evans,
• Casual Dining Chains: Buffalo Wild Wings, Hooters, PF Chang’s, Chilis, TGIFiday’s, Outback, Applebee’s, Olive Garden, Ruby Tuesday’s, Carrabas, Sonny’s, Red Lobster

Who’d we miss?

• “April 12th’s Saturday Night Live featured three clips of Ashton Kutcher dressed up as a giant chocolate bar with a killer instinct, cute mime clown face and all.” (Thanks Serious Eats)

• “What was supposed to be a temporary financial safety net for imperiled family farmers has become a huge boondoggle for a fraction of wealthy farmers, including landowners who’ve never gotten close enough to a barn to slip on the manure.” (Thanks PBS.org)

• “A simulated outbreak of the disease — part of an earlier U.S. government exercise called “Crimson Sky” — ended with fictional riots in the streets after the simulation’s National Guardsmen were ordered to kill tens of millions of farm animals, so many that troops ran out of bullets.” (Thanks AP)

• “Planners couldn’t come up with enough organic or sustainably grown food from Georgia to nourish just 600 people over two days.” Hmm, maybe I’ll have to start giving back to my alma mater. (Thanks AJC)

• “Smart owners, of course, have always carefully watched their costs, but when every bill comes with a “gasoline-price surcharge” and fewer people are walking through the door, it’s hocus-pocus time.” (Thanks WP)

• WORLD FOOD CRISIS UPDATE: “Cropland is suddenly in heavy demand, a situation that is fraying old alliances, inspiring new ones and putting pressure on the Agriculture Department, which is being lobbied directly by all sides without managing to satisfy any of them.” (Thanks NYT)

• WORLD FOOD CRISIS UPDATE: “When millions of people are going hungry, it’s a crime against humanity that food should be diverted to biofuels,” said India’s finance minister, Palaniappan Chidambaram, in an interview.” (Thanks WSJ)

• WORLD FOOD CRISIS UPDATE: “As we know in the past, sometimes those questions lead to war,” he said. “We now need to devote 100 percent of our time to these questions.” (Thanks NYT)

Anyone who’s been following my frequent recent posts about the world-wide spike in food prices and the manifold problems associated with that will be familiar with some of this info. But in researching items for CL’s Green Issue next week, I found that biofuels are a big part of the problem.

Science Magazine recently calculated that “biofuels made from waste biomass or from biomass grown on degraded and abandoned agricultural lands planted with perennials incur little or no carbon debt and can offer immediate and sustained GHG advantages.” Not bad, until you realize that developing nations are clear cutting at record rates to either plant biofuel crops or compensate for the switch from grain for consumption to fuel grain in other areas. That’s when the shock comes – “Converting rainforests, peatlands, savannas, or grasslands to produce food crop–based biofuels in Brazil, Southeast Asia, and the United States creates a “biofuel carbon debt” by releasing 17 to 420 times more CO₂ than the annualgreenhouse gas (GHG) reductions that these biofuels would provide by displacing fossil fuels.” Not very eco-friendly.

Here’s the formula for biofuel crisis: US farmers switch from soy to corn to take advantage of the demand for biofuels. Brazil sees the demand for soy, and chops their rainforests and savannahs into neat little soy fields. Malaysia, Thailand and Indonesia don’t want to be left out of the bio-boom, so they clear-cut vast swathes to plant oil palms, displacing farmers and increasing food prices.

In 2006, more than 40,000 hectares of forest were destroyed every day. Deforestation puts more greenhouse gasses into the air than all the planes, trains, ships and automobiles across the world. Think about that before converting your car to “green biofuel.”