SHOCK: Panda demands abortion
June 27, 2008 at 10:26 am by Thomas Wheatley in NewsHighly respected news organization The Onion has gripping video coverage of a tragic story we may soon face: An expectant panda, communicating through cutting-edge technology, tells the world in staccato bursts of honesty that a zoo life is not one she’d wish upon her offspring.
Officials at the zoo, which, in light of the revelation, has become a battleground for abortion rights and pro-life advocates, say they hope the panda will make the right choice. But they’re also fearful of what may transpire if they are hesitant to act.
Thank you, Onion, for opening our eyes to what will be our city’s darkest hour. That’ll be whenever Lun Lun, Yang Yang and Mei Lan get Internet access and discover the plight of their distant brethren, but you know what I mean.
Until then, we stand vigilant alongside the truth — may her blade of righteousness cut us all down to size.
Click here for the video and the heart-wrenching pleas the panda makes to her “human masters.” Click here to look at our cuddly creatures at Zoo Atlanta. We just wanna nuzzle their cute widdle nosies.
(Screenshot from The Onion)
June 27th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
Dude, you are cracking me up today!