Fresh Loaf

1+1=4? An undercover officer was working a vice operation at the intersection of North and Westlake avenues. A woman allegedly got into his car and offered to give him oral sex for $25 or sex for $50. Also, she allegedly offered to perform both acts for $40. (The Blotter Diva ain’t no math whiz, but let’s add this up: Apparently her price for sex + oral sex is lower than her price for just sex.) Her business approach may be even more uncommon. The officer wrote: “[The woman] went on to state that if I did not like it, then I could have my money back.” She was arrested for soliciting sex. (The Blotter Diva cannot recall — in the entire history of the Blotter — any other alleged hooker offering to return the fee, if the customer didn’t like, um, it.)

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PET PEEVES: An officer responded to a 911 hang-up call on Woodland Avenue. A man said when he returned to his apartment around 3 a.m., his door was unlocked and someone had been inside. He said his red parrots were outside his front door, and someone had opened the birdcage, allowing the red parrots to go free. But nothing was missing from his apartment, he said. The man, age 40, smelled strongly of alcohol, the officer noted.

Later the same day, another officer responded to a call from the same apartment on Woodland Avenue. The 40-year-old man said when he returned to his apartment later, his tank of pet fish had been thrown on the ground. (Five pet fish were dead, the officer noted.). Also, the man said, another birdcage was broken, releasing two finch birds inside. (The finches apparently flew away, according to the police report.) The man kept his fish tank and birdcages on his patio. The man said he suspects the owners of his apartment complex are trying to intimidate him — because he reported dangerous mold at his former apartment complex, which is owned by the same company.

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(Illustration by Tray Butler)

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THE INCARCERATION OF MIMI: Police got a tip that a woman with the street name “Mimi” might be selling drugs from a motel room on Metropolitan Parkway. So police went to the motel room and knocked on the door. A woman opened the door, and she was holding a suspected crack pipe in one hand and a vibrator in the other hand, an officer noted. The woman “was naked except for a bra.” The officer asked if she was Mimi and she said yes. The officer asked her to hand over the suspected crack pipe. Apparently, Mimi tried to slam the door, but the officer stuck his foot in the door before it closed. After police searched the motel room, Mimi allegedly admitted she had bought $100 worth of crack earlier that day and sold some of it because she ran out of money. According to the police report, Mimi is a 31-year-old prostitute with a scar on her forehead. She was arrested for drug possession.

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(Illustration by Tray Butler)

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RIVERDANCE REJECT? Around 4 p.m., a middle-aged man was allegedly waving a wooden cross at passing cars at the intersection of Freedom Parkway and Boulevard. Police ordered him to leave. So he left. Apparently, this wannabe performer was not to be stifled. About three hours later, the man returned to the same spot but this time, he allegedly danced and made gestures at passing cars. This time, police arrested the 49-year-old man for disorderly conduct and “pedestrian in the roadway.”

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(Illustration by Tray Butler)

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DETERMINED BOOZE HOUND: At a nightclub on Alco Street, the manager said someone knocked a hole in the roof, dropped down through the hole and stole $4,200 worth of alcohol during the night. “It appeared the suspects used a cinder block, knife, fiberglass-handled hammer (this item broke during the incident) to knock the hole in the roof,” the officer wrote. “Once down on the ground, the suspects stole a trash can from the business next door to carry away the alcohol.” Some tools were found in another trash can. The nightclub does not have a surveillance system or an alarm. But apparently, the Waffle House across the street has a surveillance camera pointed at the nightclub. The Waffle House manager said he would have to contact the main office to pull the video.

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PARTY GIRL: An officer dealt with a 23-year-old woman passed out in the back of a car at Collier and Peachtree roads. The woman’s friend said they had been drinking at a concert venue on West Peachtree Street and at some point, the 23-year-old woman got very sick, so they called a friend to pick them up. On the way home, the 23-year-old woman reportedly vomited and defecated on herself, so her friend stopped at a gas station to check on her and call for help. Medics took her to Piedmont Hospital.

Later, the officer followed up with Piedmont Hospital. The officer said he talked to the 23-year-old woman’s father, who said she was OK now and she had been sick before going out drinking. She was awake at the hospital and laughing with friends, according to the police report. No visible injuries reported.

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(Illustration by Tray Butler)

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STORAGE CHEST: Around 9:30 a.m., an officer talked to two women on Pine Street. The officer asked one woman for her name. “When she started speaking, she bent over to fix her shoes and when she did, I could clearly see a clear bag with a lot of suspected crack cocaine between her breast[s],” the officer wrote. The other woman said, “You got my baby’s candy in your shirt,” and reached between the woman’s breasts. “[She] was trying to push the bag down deeper in the woman’s shirt,” the officer wrote. Both women were arrested and taken to jail. Both are age 24.

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NOT SO PRETTY IN PINK: One afternoon, a 34-year-old New Orleans woman was arrested for DUI and other charges after a car accident on Ponce de Leon Avenue. Inside the patrol car, the woman repeatedly kicked the door and said she badly needed to go to the bathroom. An officer wrote, “[She] said she had some kind of infection and she was close to urinating on herself.” The officer took her to a nearby restroom. After that, the woman reportedly asked the officer to just drop her off in Decatur because the car she was driving belonged to her “sugar daddy.” En route to jail, she promised she would not drive in Atlanta anymore. “At one point, the female became very upset and said she could not go to jail because she was wearing pink underwear, and that going to jail in pink underwear was the same as going to jail in dirty underwear.”

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(Illustration by Tray Butler)

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“E” AIN’T SO EASY: At an apartment complex on Dixie Hills Circle, a woman apparently had a run-in with a man called “E.” According to the officer’s written report, the woman said he “wanted to conversate [sic] with her about a plant … which she told him she had no interest in.” The woman said “E” got upset, picked up a beer bottle and struck her mouth. She had minor injuries but refused medical treatment. “E” reportedly wore denim shorts, a blue hat and a white T-shirt. And he lives two apartments away from the woman.

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(Illustration by Tray Butler)

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MARSUPIAL MANEUVERS: At a grocery store on Joseph E. Boone Boulevard, the owner said a customer came in and threatened to harm his merchandise. According to the police report, a clerk said the customer “put a dead animal [a possum] on the countertop in front of the cash register and then walked off.” The clerk said the man is a frequent customer who has some mental health issues. The clerk put the dead possum in a black bag and threw it in the trash outside. The officer wrote, “I observed the dead possum outside of the store.” The officer searched for the alleged possum-leaving customer but no luck. According to the police report, the suspect wore black jeans and a black shirt.

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HABIT MORE INTERESTING THAN MAHJONG? At a grocery store on West Paces Ferry Road, an elderly woman allegedly stole some wine. The 77-year-old blond woman agreed to let police search her purse. The officer allegedly found two bottles of wine and two packets of napkins in the woman’s purse. According to the police report, the same woman was previously arrested for shoplifting at Nordstrom at Perimeter Mall. The 77-year-old woman has blue eyes, blond hair and wore a pink shirt and white shorts.

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GEORGIA BULLDOG WOOFED? A 60-year-old man said he left his car with the valet service at Phipps Plaza and went inside to eat at a restaurant. He said he left his key chain, which has a silver-and-jeweled bulldog on it, in his car. After the meal, the man said he picked up his car and drove home, and then he realized the silver-and-jeweled bulldog was missing from his key chain. (The bulldog is worth about $2,000.)

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Around 1 a.m., a manager asked an officer to remove a 43-year-old man from a bar on North Highland Avenue in Virginia-Highland. He said staffers had repeatedly asked the man to leave, but he refused. The officer told the man to go, and “he grabbed my wrist and turned around, pulling me toward him,” the officer noted. “I said, ‘Atlanta Police, you need to stop resisting and just leave.’ This is when he aggressively grabbed me again, this time by the shirt near my neck. He drawed [sic] back his arm as if to punch me. At this point, I defended myself by throwing my hand in his face, to throw him off balance.” The officer said three or four of the man’s friends surrounded him and put their hands on him. The officer yelled, “Police, don’t you put your hands on me!” Apparently, the 43-year-old man ran from the bar. The officer chased him and tripped him from behind. “He fell and then got back to his feet and squared up with me to fight,” the officer noted. The officer said he doused the man’s face with pepper spray, called an ambulance, handcuffed the man and called for backup. Then the man’s friends allegedly pushed another officer. All four men were charged with disorderly conduct. Police wrote: “All four suspects admitted to being under the influence of alcohol, and the bar staff advised me they had been in the bar since [about 4 p.m.] Saturday evening, eight hours had passed and the group was still consuming alcohol.” (The Blotter Diva must ask: Who kept serving the men booze for eight hours? The Blotter Diva did her time as a cocktail waitress, before her writing career reached its stellar heights. Customers who drink for eight hours straight tend to be a) lousy tippers and b) dangerously drunk. Cut ‘em off!)

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Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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Around 11 p.m. on Peachtree Street, a 66-year-old man stumbled off the curb and directly into oncoming traffic, an officer noted. The driver of a black van slammed on its brakes to avoid hitting the man. The 66-year-old was very drunk, and his breath smelled like gin, the officer noted. He was arrested for “pedestrian in the right of way in crosswalks” and “pedestrian under the influence.” The 66-year-old man’s stuff was turned in to police property: It includes one empty English Market gin bottle, a black comb, a pair of red underwear, two Durex condoms and two Trump moisturizers.

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Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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A man said someone broke into his 1991 blue Honda Accord while it was parked outside his home on Milledge Avenue. He said his car doors were unlocked, and someone stole about 20 books on gaming, “specifically Dungeons and Dragons,” from his car trunk, the officer wrote. The man is 33 years old.

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Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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Around 2 p.m., an officer responded to a call about a prowler at a house on Moreland Avenue. The caller said a woman in a red knit cap and tan pants was pulling on the door handle and walking around the house. En route, the officer spotted a woman fitting that description on Moreland Avenue. “[She] was walking kind of fast, throwing her arms about wildly and throwing what appeared to be a green lighter from her left hand into the yard of a church. …” the officer wrote. “As I exited my vehicle, I could see her cargo pants pockets were weighed down by some type of heavy object.” After a brief struggle, the woman was handcuffed. The officer asked: “What’s your name?” “Judy Garland,” she replied. No weapons were found on her. “In her cargo pants pockets I felt what I believed was a rather large amount of coin currency,” the officer wrote. Police checked the house on Moreland Avenue — no signs of forced entry or foul play. The woman who calls herself Judy Garland was arrested for littering. The officer checked the woman’s wallet and read the name on her Georgia ID card: first name: Judy. Last name … isn’t Garland. The woman, age 47, went to jail.

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Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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A possible kidnapping victim contacted police. The 34-year-old man said he finished his job working at the stadium for an Atlanta Falcons game, and he went to cash his paycheck. He said around 2 a.m., three men jumped him, threw him into a truck and beat him until he was unconscious. He said when he woke up, he was lying under a bunch of sheetrock and trash in an abandoned apartment on Ashby Street. He said the men took his money ($50 cash and a money order for $160) and his backpack — but they didn’t take his wallet. Also, the man said he’d been drinking, and after he woke up, he tried to drink a beer but couldn’t, so he threw away the beer in a field. Then, he took a bus home to his apartment on Thomasville Boulevard. The man complained of injuries to his head, shoulder and legs. Medics examined him — they said his wounds appeared old and already healing. Police spoke with the man’s girlfriend. She said this type of thing always seems to happen to her boyfriend on his payday.

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Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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On Holly Street, a 47-year-old man said “Butch” approached him and they argued. (Butch is his ex-girlfriend’s new man.) Then, he said, his ex-girlfriend snuck up behind him with a hammer and struck his face. He said his ex-girlfriend took his wallet, which contained $100 cash and his ID. Medics arrived, but the man refused treatment. The man told police: “Go arrest them. They stay at a crack house.” “He was concerned about his money,” the officer wrote. The man said Butch and his ex-girlfriend stay at a blue house, and offered a possible address on Madrona Street. The man asked: “Why can’t you take me there?” The officer said: “It would just irritate the situation.” The officer asked: “Is there anything that makes the house unique?” The man replied: “I’ll show you if you take me there, it’s a blue crack house. (The Blotter Diva must note: Nothing in the police report indicates the officer ever went to the alleged crack house.) No charges filed.

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Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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An officer was patrolling Springdale Road. He said a man came up to his patrol car and said, “Boo!” The officer asked: “Do you have any illegal drugs on you?” “No,” the man said. The officer asked: “Can I search you?” “Yes,” the man said. So the officer searched him and found .4 grams of suspected marijuana in the man’s pocket. The man, age 24, went to jail.

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Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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A security guard said a patient escaped from Grady Memorial Hospital. Initially, the male patient was admitted to Grady’s psychiatric ward, but he was moved to another floor for observation. “[The patient] was supposed to be monitored by Grady security,” the officer wrote. “[The patient] removed his restraints and left the hospital.” The patient is mentally ill, suicidal and believed to be HIV-positive, according to the police report. The patient wore jeans and a black T-shirt with a red stripe on it. The officer wrote, “He has a long white beard and he wears glasses.”

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Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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A woman said she was carrying her daughter’s band instrument (a saxophone) when she stopped to buy some marijuana at a drug dealer’s house. She said the next day, she realized she had left the saxophone at the drug dealer’s house. So she went back to get it. She said another man answered the door, and he had an “attitude.” This man told her that he didn’t take the saxophone, and she left with it yesterday. The woman went back home to look for the saxophone, but didn’t find it. So she went back to the drug dealer’s place again. This time, he was there. She said the dealer called her a “bitch” and said he didn’t have the saxophone. She said he pushed her head as she walked away. The woman called police, and a report was filed.

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Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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A 29-year-old woman said she works as an administrative assistant at a synagogue on Ponce de Leon Avenue. She said she talked to her boss, a rabbi, because she hadn’t been paid the money owed for doing her job. She said the rabbi got agitated and said he no longer needs her services — because he can perform her duties himself. The woman said she wanted to get her software off the computer, because the synagogue didn’t pay for it. She said they could only use it while she still worked there. The rabbi warned her not to take the software, she said. Then, the rabbi pushed her, knocking his head into her chest, she said. Then the rabbi grabbed both her arms (hard enough to leave scratches) and pushed her again, she noted. The woman said she left, grabbing the computer on the way out. She said she told the rabbi she would remove the software at home, and return the computer. She walked outside and got into her car. She said the rabbi got into his car and blocked her in the parking lot — then the rabbi got out and grabbed her car keys. The woman said she then returned the computer to the rabbi — and he returned her car keys and pushed her a third time.

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Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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A man said he and his wife went to bed around 10 p.m. Shortly after midnight, he said he heard someone knocking on the guest bedroom door. He asked: “Who’s there?” The suspect replied: “It’s Tom Foolery.” The man said he didn’t know Tom Foolery. The suspect replied, “It’s me, Tom.” The man said he heard the front door close — and he immediately called police. Officers showed up and searched the area, but couldn’t find this Tom Foolery. So police left.

Around 2:30 a.m., the man said someone rang his front doorbell. The man asked: “Who’s there?” The suspect repeatedly said: “It’s me, Tom – and I’m sorry.” The man said “Tom” eventually left in a car. The man walked outside and discovered his house keys were on the doormat. He said he kept these keys in the front console of his Lexus, which was in the garage. He described “Tom” as wearing black pants and a black T-shirt with writing on it. He said he’s never seen this “Tom” guy before.

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Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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An officer saw a driver make an illegal turn onto East Paces Ferry Road. “The [car] then pulled into my lane going the wrong way,” the officer wrote. He said the car stopped about 10 feet in front of his patrol car, and the female driver got out and flagged him down. The officer asked: “What’s the matter?” The woman replied, “I’m lost and I need directions. I know what I did was wrong, but I just saw you and needed your help.” The officer wrote, “I asked her where she was going and she started telling me about some story of how she was blamed for something her father did.” The officer asked: “Where are you going?” The woman said Atlantic Station. So the officer gave her directions to Atlantic Station. The officer said the woman started to cry and asked whether he could escort her to Atlantic Station. “No, I can’t give you an escort and that location is out of my zone,” the officer said. The woman allegedly replied, “I am a Clayton County Corrections officer and I have followed directions my whole life and not this time. You can give me a ticket, I don’t care.” She and the officer struggled. “She was laying on her back with her legs up in the air, kicking me,” the officer wrote. So he pepper-sprayed her. She yelled, “It’s a motherfucking game!” She was arrested for simple assault and battery.

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Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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At a grocery store on Ponce de Leon Avenue, a 32-year-old man allegedly took two strip steaks (worth $27.14) and tried to leave the store without paying. He ran, but security guards stopped him. The man wore khaki shorts and has “Fuck Dem Pigs” tattooed on both arms. He was arrested for shoplifting. At the jail, police itemized the man’s belongings: one pair of black-and-white shower slippers and one paperback book titled How to Expand Love, authored by the Dalai Lama.

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Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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