Fresh Loaf

I’m not sure why I care, but did you know Cherokee County has the lowest percentage of diabetic residents of any county in the state, followed closely by Cobb and Gordon counties?

Well, now you do.

Did you also know that diabetes and diabeetus are actually the same disease?

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The New York Times‘ always-entertaining Ethicist was extra-entertaining yesterday, thanks to a letter from Atlanta husband and father Chris Altman:

“I have a very attractive wife. When she is out with our two cute baby girls, she often receives free groceries, free fast food — the guy at Dunkin’ Donuts loves her — and free clothes. Frequently she does not realize she has the gifts (or stolen goods) until she is in the car, driving away. Is it ethical for her to keep these gifts, or must she return them (which may get the giver fired)? Chris Altman, Atlanta”

Repeat: His hot wife keeps bringing home extra donuts. Someone rescue this man!!!

I’m not accusing Altman of deceit, but I nevertheless can’t help but wonder if the letter wasn’t, in-part, a clever, romantic ploy to get America’s Paper of Record® to publish a tribute to his wife’s hotness.

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A previously unseen object – a white sky heat disc of some sort – floats ominously above Atlanta today.

What could it be?

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Several of my Facebook friends are members of a “Murder Kroger” fan group; the marketing-unfriendly unofficial nickname for the Kroger on Ponce DeLeon Avenue next to City Hall East.

I’ve heard people refer that Kroger as “Murder Kroger” since I moved to Atlanta in 1997, but cannot recall any notable violent crimes at the store.

Does anyone here know the origin of the name? Is it called “Murder Kroger” because of a specific crime? Is the name a grim comic riff on Buckhead’s so-called Disco Kroger?

Anyone?

(Photo Courtesy Flickr)

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Atlanta singles mingling at the Starlight Six's Drive Invasion this past Labor Day weekend.

All the single ladies–why are you still single in Atlanta? According to the Daily Beast’s latest ultra-scientific survey, Atlanta was ranked the top city in America for eligible bachelors. The site looked at single men with four-year college degrees and the number of meeting places (gyms, nightlife) in high residency areas. They say:

Whether it’s the Southern hospitality or the sub-tropical breezes, something about Atlanta is attracting all the right men: the doctors training at Emory, the junior executives at Coca-Cola, and the musicians and artists that make up one of the country’s most vibrant music scenes. Atlanta tops our list of the best cities in which to meet a guy. There are more single men per capita here than any other city on this list, tons of gyms, a very high percentage of bachelor’s degrees, and the social scene cooks.

The Daily Beast also said the city’s popular meeting spots are the Glenn Hotel Rooftop Bar and Graveyard Tavern, which may discredit this meticulous study. Ranked last was El Paso, TX.

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(Photo by Dustin Chambers)

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Nearly three decades after leaving office, Jimmy Carter is still synonymous with excitement:

Malaise? What malaise?

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One month ago, I confessed on this blog to being consumed with violent anger for squirrels.

Squirrels ate all-but-one of the tomatoes I’d been growing on my patio since spring.

After my outburst, I gave up on my tomato plants and left town for a couple weeks on non-tomato-based business.

When I returned, I found new fruit sprouting on the plants.

Great. Wonderful. Hope.

I moved the plants away from the patio railing so the squirrels wouldn’t have as easy access as they did in July.

The fruit grew unmolested for three weeks.

Until last night.

Squirrels raided the patio during the past 24 hours. I counted 15 green tomatoes on the vine as recently as Tuesday.

We’re now down to three.

To make matters worse, the noxious little kleptomaniacal tree rats taunted me by leaving a half-eaten tomato on my patio railing.

Hate.

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I’m trying to buy myself a Wise Latina t-shirt on CafePress but none of the good designs are available in men’s sizes. That’s sexist.

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This writer has noticed, and Silicon Alley Insider confirms, Twitter is down. Facebook also seems to be acting wacky this a.m.

If it stays down for three more hours, I may finish my Don’t Panic! column on time for a change!

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Your votes are coming in strong — nearly 2,000 in just over a week. Keep them coming! Vote today for Best of Atlanta 2009. You can vote for your favorites through July 31 at clatl.com/bestofatlanta, or vote through Facebook. We’ll publish the results on Sept. 23.

And don’t forget about the Filthy Rich Voting Party coming up next week — July 23, 9 p.m., at the Masquerade. Admission is only $5, with beverages and food included (while the rations last). Attractive Eighties Women and Hardy Morris of Dead Confederate are on the bill, and you can vote onsite.

Below, check out our latest poll … and vote today!

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How can you be down with the Filthy Rich? Vote today for Best of Atlanta 2009! That’s right, voting starts today at clatl.com/bestofatlanta, and you can vote for your favorites through July 31. We’ll publish the results in September.

Now, you don’t have to be Filthy Rich to join us July 23, 9 p.m., at the Masquerade for a Best of Atlanta 2009 party! Admission is only $5, with beverages and food included (while the rations last). Attractive Eighties Women and Hardy Morris of Dead Confederate are on the bill, and you can vote onsite.

We’ve got some newfangled additions to this year’s ballot, too: You’ll be able to save and come back to your ballot, and you can vote through Facebook and share your experience with your Facebook friends.

To get you warmed up, take this quick poll on what you love most about the Best of Atlanta issue. Check back here and on our other blogs for more fast ways to get your voice heard. And vote today!

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Even though I wandered over to Craigslist in search of a bicycle, I couldn’t resist the temptation browse my favorite section.

My favorite ad: a man generously offering to take nude photos of women.

“No fee for my services, this is strictly an artistic project.”

I can’t even copy-and-paste that without laughing.

Back to the bike hunt.

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As we collectively honor/ogle Michael Jackson, it’s worth noting the pervasiveness of MJ’s influence as a performer was not always a good thing. For every Filipino prison “Thriller” or “Dance Raja Dance”, there’s probably dozens of these:

For the impatient, the explosion of MJ-ness arrives at the two-minute mark.

(Thank you @Kltpzyxm. By which I mean, no thank you.)

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Dear everyone-

Quit writing “Tags Applied For” on a piece of paper and taping it in your car window. Everyone knows you’re either too busy/lazy/broke to go to your county’s tax office and pay for them.

Pedantically,

Andy

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Have a look at this inspired ad parody on a utility pole at North and Highland snapped by Twitterererer @grabmol.

The dollar signs on the animals are, um, priceless.

It reminds of this.

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Apparently I own General Motors now.

Does this mean when I scoff at Hummers I’m really just projecting self-hatred onto others?

And more importantly, am I allowed to take one of these when they’re ready?

(Photo by Joeff Davis)

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This year’s National Black Power Conference is at the Crowne Plaza in Marietta.

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The main office of local commercial builder Gay Construction Company is on Smyrna’s Log Cabin Drive.

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Twitter does not have a theme song.

I think it should.

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What do you give a dog for her 10th birthday?

Extra food?

Belly rubs?

Distemper vaccine?

A gimp squirrel she can actually catch?

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Driving down Roswell Road this afternoon, I noticed for the first time the bold and puzzling boast on the Pep Boys sign.

Parts. Of course. That’s why I was there. For car parts.

Service. Okay. They have a shop where you can can your car fixed if you want.

What more do I want from a Pep Boys? A better question: what more can a Pep Boys store conceivably offer?

Companionship?

Foot rubs?

Organic lettuce? (more…)

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Not really.

DNA Evidence Frees Black Man Convicted Of Bear Attack

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The hillbilly Starbucks will carry an exclusive version of Dolly Parton’s latest CD, Backwoods Barbie, featuring three unreleased tracks. From the press release:

The three new songs on this disc, “Rose of My Heart,” “Hallelujah Holiday,” and “Berry Pie” were selected by Dolly herself from her extensive catalog.  “I wanted the songs I chose specifically for this release to reflect how I feel about Cracker Barrel and all the good things you can find there,” said Dolly.  “I think it’s important for there to be an authentic connection to the heritage that Cracker Barrel and I share.”

A heritage of rock candy, rocking chairs, and that triangle peg-jumping game. Album drops at Cracker Barrels Mon., March 23.

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Matchstic, a marketing firm based near Ormewood Park, and a few other partners are offering about $80,000 in services to the winning nonprofit that applies. The deadline is March 23, and surprisingly, the application isn’t filled with questions that most fledgling nonprofits won’t be able to answer. The “prize” includes a new logo, Web site design and development, promotional print materials (and the copy writing and actual printing services) and some help with strategy and brand positioning.

It’s true the “On the House” campaign will probably benefit the providers, too, but there’s no harm in supporting a community organization in the process, right? Last year’s winner was City Church Eastside.

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In The Bad Girl’s Guide to the Open Road, Cameron Tuttle suggests the following technique for getting out of a DUI: If you get pulled over, immediately step out of the car with a bottle of your favorite liquor and chug a couple shots’ worth. The officer now has no way of proving you were drinking before you got out of the car. Interesting thought, but is this actually true? Perhaps the most the officer could do would be to cite you for public intoxication/open container in public?

— Hazle Weatherfield, via the Straight Dope Message Board

Yes, Hazle, that’s an interesting thought. But can you imagine this ridiculous gambit actually working here in reality land? I didn’t think so. Tuttle concedes as much, prefacing her advice with the comment that “if you’ve been drinking and have an open bottle of hard liquor in your car, you’re already in deep shit. So what do you really have to lose?”

Let’s back up a bit. Prior to Breathalyzer-type technology, which measures blood alcohol concentration, or BAC, drunk driving was a tough charge to make stick – prosecutors needed witnesses to testify about the defendant’s slurred speech, unstable gait, and so on. Things got only slightly easier after BAC testing devices became available in the 1930s. Although a high BAC was telling evidence, you still needed corroborating testimony about drunken behavior, plus you had to have an expert witness explain what BAC meant. Eventually states wised up and passed “per se” laws, which defined drunk driving quite simply: operating a vehicle with a certain minimum BAC. Today it’s .08 percent. Read more.

(Illustration by Slug Signorino)

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