Fresh Loaf

ATTENTION JOB SEEKERS

Don’t be discouraged by the nation’s ballooning unemployment figures. There are plenty of great jobs out there. You just need to start being creative about where you look, and open-minded about what kind of jobs you’re willing to take.

For example, if you’re a physically fit black man who enjoys acting in non-sexual wrestling videos, you can earn a quick $125 simply by visiting Craigslist and answering the ad titled “Black Muscular Males For Nonsexual Wresting Videos.”

Unemployed sugarbabies in the Southeast United States take note: Craigslist also features a help-wanted ad posted by a self-described Miami “sugardaddy” who travels to Georgia for work.

At the moment, he’s looking for an Atlanta sugarbaby with whom he can enjoy dancing, golf, fishing, and jai alai. “Pay is cash for time spent together. Obviously the more time we see each other, the more pay.” Obviously.

For my international reader(s), the recent London Review of Books features a classified ad that reads simply, “Lesbian, 30, wants man’s cock to play with. Also balls.” I’m not sure if it’s for money or if, in this case, the work is its own reward.

Good luck on your job hunt, but be very careful. There are a lot of people out there trying to take advantage in these desperate economic times.

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Critics of the not-yet-passed-as-I’m-writing-this economic stimulus package complain it’s packed with wasteful spending that won’t do anything to defibrillate the U.S. economy.

Among the spending singled-out as wasteful by critics: $25 million to improve trails for all-terrain vehicles, $50 million for the National Endowment for the Arts, and $335 million to help fight the spread of STDs. As someone whose lifelong dream it is to film ironic, noir-ish sex-ed videos in remote corners of national parks for screening on PBS, I’m feeling pretty good right about now.

As luck would have it, the big stimulus bill working its way through D.C. isn’t the only economic lifeline being tossed my way by Team Obama. The Feds are also offering a generous subsidy to foreign policy columnists.

Unlike the stimulus, this subsidy is not being offered as a cash payment. Rather, the Obama administration’s war strategy in Afghanistan is so unclear, newspapers have no choice but to keep paying people like me to help explain it. With unemployment in my home state at a 26-year high, all I can say is WOO-HOO! Yes we can!

In fairness, Obama didn’t create the current mess and his White House may well soon emerge with a smart, sane, clear mission statement for Afghanistan.

But that doesn’t change the fact that, as of right now, Obama has committed an additional 20,000 U.S. troops to a battle without any obvious goals. (more…)

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BUSH: Secretly ordered the recent covert military strike in Pakistan, according to the NY Times, a major detachment from the usual U.S. tactic of using unmanned Predator spy planes to fire at suspected al-Qaeda targets in the country.

MCCAIN: Leads Obama by 18 points in Georgia.

HURRICANE IKE: Barreling toward Houston and Galveston, expected to be a Category 3 when it hits Friday night. Thousands of coastal Texans are evacuating.

CAGLE: Will run for governor in 2010.

THE POACH STATE: Georgia is among the fast-growing states poaching teachers from more economically strapped states, such as Michigan.

EXCELLENCE DEFICIENCY: The Commission for School Board Excellence, formed at the request of the Georgia Board of Education, is recommending that Georgia should have more power to intervene in dysfunctional local school boards such as Clayton’s.

BOBBY COX: Will return next season.

TOUCH AND GO: A Fulton Superior Court judge dismisses a lawsuit by VOTER GA challenging the fraud-proofness of the state’s touch-screen voting machines. VOTER GA’s Garland Favorito says the group may appeal.

CUMBERLAND ISLAND: Will begin tours of its north end, which had previously only been accessible to visitors via a 17-mile hike.

UGA: Will face its first real test of the season as it enters SEC play against Spurrier’s Gamecocks in Columbia Saturday.

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The U.S. and Iraqi governments claimed the Feb. 1 suicide bombing of a Baghdad pet market was carried out by two women with Down syndrome duped by al-Qaeda into carrying the bombs.

Subsequent reporting has uncovered that, other than the fact that the women didn’t have Down syndrome or any evident ties to al-Qaeda, the governments’ claims were spot-on.

Remember, these are the same people who keep telling you the surge is working.

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“The Internet is the new Afghanistan,” says NYPD Commissioner Raymond Kelly.

But I thought it was a series of tubes.

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Let’s see if I get this. Sunni insurgents in Iraq are often the allies of al-Qaeda in Mesopotamia. So, what does the Bush crime cartel do? Why, it’s giving arms to those very same militias in order for them to fight al-Qaeda (which, it’s worth remembering, wasn’t in Iraq until GWB invited it via his deceit-propelled war of conquest). What will happen to those arms? Yep, they’ll end up killing Shiite Iraqis — and American soldiers.

The Bushies’ justification, by the way, was that it had had some success with the program in Anbar province. They must have neglected to read the reports that the anti-al-Qaeda alliance in Anbar was crumbling.

If that isn’t sufficient to make you slap your forehead this Monday morning — and I swear I’m not inventing this — it appears the military considered developing a “gay bomb.” No, not the sort of bomb the religious fruitcakes would want — one that would kill gays — but one that would turn enemy soldiers into sex-crazed homosexuals.

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