Fresh Loaf

Now that Matt Whitton and Rick Dyer, the Georgia gents who trotted out a gorilla costume and tried to pass it off as the corpse of Sasquatch, have been been muzzled by a lawsuit, we’re left to determine what happened through the few details they’ve left behind.

The video below was posted on Tom Biscardi’s website. (He’s the California Bigfoot “expert” who received the faux carcass.) In it, a narrator provides an up-close view of the authentic organs that were part of the gorilla costume he received from the hoaxsters.

WARNING: You get an up-close and personal shot of BIGFOOT TESTICLES. DON’T WATCH THIS IF YOU’RE EATING LUNCH AT YOUR DESK OR ARE NOT DOWN WITH TESTICLES. PARTICULARLY WAXED ONES. That was a warning.

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FAY ACCOMPLI: The tropical storm has caused severe flooding in Florida and is expected to keep zig-zagging up the coast, although it probably won’t become a hurricane again. Georgia is expected to avoid a direct hit, but the barrier islands and southeastern coast will likely get drenched.

LAKE HARTWELL: The U.S. Army Corps of Engineers officially initiates the lake’s Drought Level 3 contingency plan for just the second time in 20 years, and officials say they won’t be surprised if the current drought soon forces them to “trigger level 4,” which has never happened before.

BIGFOOT IN MOUTH: The former Clayton cop and car salesman who claimed to have a Bigfoot body are being sued by a Bigfoot researcher, and officials are looking into whether the ruse could be a crime. The deceptive duo discusses the hoax with WSB-TV.

CLAYTON: The lawyer for several black school board members is accusing white whistle-blowers of racism for reporting to Gov. Perdue on alleged malfeasance in the Clayton BOE.

GLAVINE: Surgery will keep the 42-year-old pitcher out for the year, which is all he’s under contract for, but fellow Braves and Bobby Cox want him back next season.

STAFFORD: UGA’s quarterback has assumed the team’s leadership role in his junior season.

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This Bigfoot thing just gets stranger. The sasquatch carcass was — surprise! — revealed to be a rubber gorilla costume, the company that paid the two Clayton County gentleman $50,000 for the costume plan to sue, and last night the hoaxsters’ website was redesigned and proclaimed they were the world’s greatest pranksters.

Supposedly, “more will be revealed” on Sept. 1. The site’s down now, but I was able to pull this thrilling and eloquent news update. (The “Tom” and “Steve” mentioned below are the California gentlemen who helped publicize the “find” and now plan to sue.)

August 20, 2008

,.,.,.lol ,we are not on the run,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,this hoax was blown, when people started to talk about the suit from horrordome.com,and a member of tom biscardis team wanted to bail,,,,,so tom and steve did all they could do,.,..,.,blame the rednecks from georgia.,,.,.,.,.,.we did pull off the best hoax every,, yes every,, dont take my word for it,,,ask the world.,.,.,.,., and fyi ,,the body was turned over to biscardi 8/14/2008,,we flew to s.f on 08/15/08,.,.,.and left s.f on 08/17/2008 as planned,,,,,,no running,no hiding as planned

It’s a damn shame the site’s down. There were all sorts of cool pages and content lifted off Wikipedia. My favorite was under “Theory” in which they explained why Bigfoot kinda sorta has to exist:

MOST OF US DON’T HAVE OUR BODIES COVERED IN HAIR BECAUSE WE LIVE IN HOUSES, BUT IF YOU TURNED HUMANS INTO THE WILD WITH NO CLOTHES THEY WOULD BECOME VERY HARRY AND ALSO THE SMALLER ONES WOULD NOT SURVIVE DUE TO THE COLD WEATHER,

After the jump, read a few of the more than 1,300 heartwarming comments left on the hoaxsters’ guestbook by their biggest fans.

(more…)

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Jesus Christ, Georgia, this kind of stuff has to end. People are starting to think we’re apeshit crazy.

The two Georgia men who made national headlines last week with the claim they bagged Bigfoot were revealed today as hoaxsters. A California researcher says the “corpse” encased in ice and presented at a press conference melted to reveal a rubber gorilla costume.

From the Associated Press:

First, the hair sample was burned and “melted into a ball uncharacteristic of hair,” Kulls said in the posting.

The thawing process was sped up and the exposed head was found to be “unusually hollow in one small section.” An hour of thawing later and the feet were exposed – and they were found to be made of rubber.

Matt Whitton, an officer who has been on medical leave from the Clayton County Police Department, and Rick Dyer, a former Georgia corrections officer, announced the find in early July on YouTube videos and a Web site.

“Everyone who has talked down to us is going to eat their words,” Whitton said at the time.

And this gem:

Phone calls to Whitton and Dyer went unreturned on Tuesday. But the voicemail recording for their Bigfoot Tip Line – which proclaims they search for leprechauns and the Loch Ness monster – has been updated and announcing they’re also in search of “big cats and dinosaurs. If you see any of those, give us a call.”

You got it, guys, I’ll keep my eyes peeled. Whitton was fired from his job as a Clayton County police officer today after his bosses learned the We-Got-Bigfoot claim was a sham.

(Photo courtesy of monorails.org, of all places)

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VICE UNIT: Obama is Biden his time and keeping rumors at Bayh when it comes to his VP candidate, but the two senators believed to be atop his short list are given prime-time convention speaking slots, raising speculation it’s one of them.

COLOR-CODED: Reuters offers an analysis of how race has bubbled below the surface throughout this campaign, and how it manifests itself in coded language.

SAVANNAH RIVER ECOLOGY LAB: Less than two years after it looked like the ground-breaking, 54-year-old lab would be shut down for lack of funding, its own fundraising ventures have exceeded expectations and drawn in $2 million.

BIGFOOT IN THE DOOR: The Clayton County cop and former corrections officer who claim to have a frozen Bigfoot body will hold a press conference this afternoon in Palo Alto, Calif., to announce their findings. So far, even Bigfoot experts aren’t buying it.

WETLANDS: Can survive a drought, despite appearing dried-up.

BRAVES: Swept by the Cubs in six games for the first time since 1876, despite Mark Kotsay hitting for the cycle.

VICK: Bankruptcy judge appoints a trustee to oversee the troubled QB’s finances, after his initial trustee was charged with securities fraud.

ETERNAL SUNSHINE: Falcons third-string QB Joey Harrington, whose Detroit teammates used to call him “Joey Sunshine” for his sunny disposition amid miserable circumstances, still hasn’t given up hope.

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— Georgia has its own Montauk Monster, and it’s called, simply, Bigfoot. Details will be unveiled Friday, so says Peach Pundit.

— Despite evidence to the contrary, Georgia Politics Unfiltered claims, “There is no sex in the courtrooms of Cobb County Superior Court (or the judge’s chambers for that matter).” Does lesbian sex count?

— Georgia Politics Unfiltered also updates a post from yesterday that hyped today’s political forecast from CQ Politics. CQ’s shocking revelation: In the presidential election, Georgia is “Republican Favored”!

— According to Lucid Idiocy, the food crisis is over. Gov. Sonny Perdue supports biofuels. And the Montauk Monster was spotted drinking margaritas at the Jekyll Island Club. (OK, I made that last one up.)

— Georgia On My Mind has posted photos of the ancient Etowah Indian Mounds. No apparent news there, seeing as how they were built nearly 1,100 years ago. They’re real purty, though.

— Media Matters‘ SpaceyG says she isn’t all that bummed about waking up with John McCain. Political Insider’s Jim Galloway says McCain isn’t all all thrilled about waking up with Ralph Reed. No word on who John Edwards is waking up with.

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VACANCY: Atlanta police have a new burglary unit dedicated to monitoring houses that have been foreclosed or abandoned, as copper thieves grow in numbers and audacity.

CITY COUNCIL: Wants to keep Fire Station No. 7 open.

SOUTH BY NORTHWEST: Northwest Airlines tells its employees that it may move up to 400 jobs to Atlanta.

JACKSON COUNTY: Gets state approval to sell discounted gas to the county’s nine municipalities, the first county in Georgia to do so.

BLUE JEAN BANDITS: Five suspects are arrested.

WITHOUT A PADDLE: Fifty thousand tons of sewage spill into the ground in Gainesville, entering a tributary of Balus Creek.

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The headline first made me think I was about to read about a bulky, hairy gentleman:

More evidence to come, he says.

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