Fresh Loaf

Because I’m usually cross-eyed from reading transportation plans and I spend my free time saving zee whales, I often miss the Music Television Network. You may have heard of it, it’s the channel with all the programs about people making out in hot tubs and gross displays of excess. Somewhere in there they show 30 minutes of music videos.

Atlantan Jessica Thomas — who’s a former classmate of mine at the University of Georgia — is on a one-woman mission to be declared Paris Hilton’s BFF as part of a program the network is planning. This morning she sat in on Q100’s The Bert Show. Why would our generation’s preeminent thinker want to be friends with you, Jessica?

I think Paris would love me because I am a lot like her. I love to shock people, I like to have a good time always, I love shopping, & I am just an all around fun person who would get into lots of trouble (in a fun/good way) with her.

But wait, Jessica, would your friends get jealous if you were BFFs with the star of such masterpieces as House of Wax and sex tapes?

I’m positive none of my friends would get jealous of my potential friendship with Paris. Honestly none of my friends are really jealous people though. But I also think that they would see that Paris is genuinely a nice person and lots of fun, thus they would not have any reason for me not to be friends with her. My friends tell me constantly that Paris & I are alot alike. We both are cute, smart & funny, love to have a good time, and make people want to know about us.

I think that with all the time she spent aspiring to befriend the famous-for-no-reason socialite, she probably could’ve built a house for the homeless or maybe learned another language. But then again, I’m a guy who is mesmerized by this. Different strokes, yo.

Oh well. Have at it. Jessica’s no. 5 in terms of votes on the site. If she wins, she and Paris will dedicate every ounce of their strength to finding a cure for herpes sad thoughts.

(Photo courtesy of Paris’ BFF)

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