Fresh Loaf

It’s a rare comedy song that starts funny and gets funnier.

(H/T Icarus at Peach Pundit)

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MCCAIN: Picks Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin as his running mate. He’ll introduce her in Dayton, Ohio today.

ROCKY MOUNTAIN HIGH: Barack Obama accepts the Democratic nomination for president in Denver with a speech CNN analyst David Gergen calls a “political masterpiece.”

CLAYTON: School system loses accreditation, but can get it back at any point during the next school year if it can meet the SACS mandates. Superintendent John Thompson plans to appeal the SACS decision.

GUSTAV: Bearing down on Cuba as it becomes a hurricane, with a Tuesday landfall in Louisiana expected.

LANIER: The U.S. Army Corps of Engineers has slowed flows from the lake because tributaries and reservoirs south of Buford Dam were replenished by Fay.

UGA VII: The new mascot will be announced today and debuted tomorrow when Georgia hosts Georgia Southern in Athens.

RAMBLIN’ WRACK: Fay pushed excessive wrack, or decomposing seaweed that’s naturally washed ashore, beyond normal high tide in coastal Georgia, and it’s filled with trash.

RAMBLIN’ WRECK: Tech beats Jacksonville State 41-14 to open the season.

MEDAL OF SCIENCE: The nation’s highest science award will be given to Georgia Tech chemistry professor Mostafa El-Sayed, who’s working to treat cancer with cylindrical gold nanorods and lasers.

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OBAMA: Officially becomes the Democratic nominee for president, the first black person ever nominated by a major party. He’ll give his acceptance speech tonight.

MCCAIN: Has picked his running mate, whom he’ll inform of his decision today and introduce Friday in Ohio.

UNDERDRIVE: As gas prices and environmental worries have driven down driving, highways and other transportation projects, including commuter rail, have lost a major source of funding — gas taxes.

CLAYTON IS THE HARDEST PART: SACS will announce its accreditation decison at a 1 p.m. press conference today. [UPDATE: Accreditation lost.] Meanwhile, a state judge has recommended that Gov. Perdue remove four Clayton school board members from office for violating Georgia’s open-meetings laws and ethics code. 

FREE REFILL: Fay has now added two feet back to Lake Lanier, as rainwater continues to move downhill through the basin. It’s still 15 feet below full pool, but that one storm has made up for the month of August so far, which has been especially dry.

FUNNEL VISION: The National Weather Service says up to four tornadoes may have touched down in Hall County as Fay passed through.

OUR DEERLY DEPARTED: Rome’s world-famous six-legged deer died last week after surgery to remove his two unnecessary legs.

PAUL JOHNSON: The New York Times profiles Georgia Tech’s new skipper and his stubbornly distinctive coaching style, which he’ll debut in Atlanta tonight as Tech hosts Jacksonville State to open the season.

BRAVES: Call up minor-league outfielder Josh Anderson after trading CF Mark Kotsay to Boston Wednesday for minor-league outfielder Luis Sumoza. Atlanta also signed journeyman relief pitcher Elmer Dessens.

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THE CENTER OF CONVENTION: The Democratic National Convention begins today, and the newly minted Obama-Biden ticket still has nerves to settle within the party.

TONGUE IN CHIC: Georgia Tech researchers are working to develop new technology that would allow disabled people to control computers, home appliances and wheelchairs using their tongues.

PEACE OUT: Peace Corps volunteers from Georgia are up 49 percent from last year.

COOL WATER: The Athens EPA lab’s new cooling system will save 1 million gallons of water a year by recycling condensation that would otherwise go to waste.

RYAN’S SHARE: Matt Ryan is named the Falcons’ starting quarterback, joining running back Michael Turner in the fledgling offensive core.

NEWS FLASH: A flash flood watch begins for much of metro Atlanta and North Georgia at 4 this afternoon and stays in effect until Tuesday evening.

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During the last 10 years, people have given Cara Brown a lot of crap for not using her Georgia Tech industrial engineering degree. Literally, that is — she works as a poop scooper for Dirty Work, driving to her clients’ yards and picking up where their dogs left off.

Her post-graduation desk job bored her. “I was tired of the solitude and being indoors. It’s all about doing what you enjoy, and I really love being outside and with animals.”

Although the majority of her business is residential, she also scoops for condos, kennels and events such as Turner Field’s Bark at the Park.

She cleans some litter boxes and rabbit cages, but also takes care of “any kind of wildlife poop” in the yard. “We try to pick up anything we find, or the dog could eat it.”

She’s retrieved paper money and a diamond ring that dogs had eaten, and once came across the plastic eyes a dog ate off a toy. “The pile of poop was looking up at me.”

“People are always very careful what they call it. You know they want to use the ’s’ word, but they’ll say something like ‘feces’ or ‘No. 2.’ ‘Poop’ is the biggest.”

Photo by Joeff Davis

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— The Georgia blogosphere is still trying to sort through the ramifications that blogger Andre Walker’s failure to disclose that he was working for state Rep. David Scott, even as he posted on Scott’s campaign. There’s been a lively discussion here on Fresh Loaf. And besides posting comments here, Driftgrift is spitting tacks here and also here. And Sara discusses it also at Going Through The Motions.

— A WGCL-TV news reporter was duped by a guy who claimed to have invented a way to convert tap water in fuel. Live Apartment Fire says it wasn’t the first time the scam has made its way onto a news broadcast and asks the right question: Why didn’t the reporter contact a scientist at Georgia Tech to see if water can actually be converted to fuel?

— The Daly Briefing follows the adventures of a former Atlanta news photographer in Iraq. Today, he’s off for a trip to Umm Qasr, the lone port in Iraq. He writes about dealing with the heat in the desert and his unfortunate choice of a seat in a ride on a Blackhawk helicopter.

— A transplant from Long Island writes about the joys of homegrown tomatoes in Atlanta on Voted Off The Island.

— Edwin at Chicken Fat riffs on a question that’s always puzzled me as well: Why do we talk to our pets as if they’re going to respond?

— And, finally, Stephen Colbert has issued an apology for using the term “crappy Canton” to describe one of our fair cities. Reporter-cub has the link.

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U.S. CONSULATE: In Turkey attacked by gunmen; three attackers and three police officers are killed.

ATHEIST SOLDIER: Sues the U.S. military, not seeking compensation but seeking to end the religious discrimination in the military he says cost him his career.

MARSUPIAL DU JOUR: Dawsonville’s Kangaroo Conservation Center, the largest collection of kangaroos outside Australia, will be featured on NBC’s “Today” show Thursday morning.

FLIER, FLIER: Obama distances himself from Vernon Jones over Jones’ campaign flier that photoshopped the two of them together, giving the appearance that Obama has endorsed Jones, which he emphasized Tuesday that he has not.

FOREIGN AFFAIR: CBS News’ aptly titled chief foreign affairs correspondent, Lara Logan, tells the Washington Post she’s pregnant from a foreign affair she’s having with a married federal contractor she met while working in Iraq.

“HYPERMILING”: Not driving like a jackass can save gas, just don’t be a hypermiling jackass.

POT STICKLER: The lawyer for a man charged with possession of a garbage bag of pot in his trunk says that if the arresting officers — who originally pulled the man over for a broken tail light but then said they smelled pot — can’t recreate the feat in the courthouse parking lot, the charges should be thrown out for lack of probable cause.

TILTING AT WIND TURBINES: Offshore wind energy in Georgia has gained some steam after Navy and Georgia Tech research shows it may be practical, although it’s still a long way from reality.

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Is it an example of 21st Century kitsch, as the Christian Science Monitor implies?

Or is the Millennium Gate at Atlantic Station, dedicated last weekend, a new city landmark worthy of our civic pride?

The debate rages on skyscraperpage.com. Our favorite comment so far came in response to a post asking why the monument looks photoshopped in every picture.

Responded a poster named Joey: “Perhaps it’s because it looks so much better than its surroundings. Like a hot girl among the other Georgia Tech engineers.

(Photo: www.thegateatlanta.com)

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Watch out, ladies. Those Tech kids sure are wacky.

Michael McCarty, a 20-year-old Georgia Tech student, met his dream girl, a fellow college student, online 5 years ago.

So in preparation for her upcoming visit — when the two will meet face-to-face for the first time — Michael has turned to the Internet for help with something he hasn’t experienced — kissing.

McCarty, a finance major, placed an ad on Craigslist asking for “a girl to please teach me to kiss.” He says in the ad that his online girlfriend “tells me it’s a big turn-off if a guy doesn’t know how to kiss, and she even dumped her last boyfriend because of this.”

…

“I guess I’ve been on the computer too much playing video games and not going out and meeting people as much as I’d like to.”

Here’s his ad. Go Dawgs.

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OBAMA AND CLINTON: Meet in Washington.

PREZ DISPENSER: Georgia has six public universities, including Georgia Tech and Georgia State, that have recently lost their presidents and are searching for new ones before fall classes begin.

TRAINING DAY: Gwinnettians will vote in the July 15 primary whether to pay a penny sales tax for MARTA service in the county. Although the last such vote in 1990 failed, recent polling indicates many now think itsmarta, perhaps due to horrible traffic and gas prices. As a backup to rail, though, county leaders are hoping to at least introduce diesel-electric hybrid accordion buses to the historically train-trepid public.

DOWN AND DROUGHT: Lake Lanier is still 13 feet below normal despite winter rains, meaning the next best hope is for a hurricane to hang out in North Georgia for a while this summer.

CHIPPER JONES: Hits 400th career home run.

CARTERSVILLE ADVENTURE: Illinois man has a big morning in Cartersville.

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HAWKS POPULI: Philips Arena pulsates as the suddenly unstoppable Joe Johnson leads the surging Hawks over the heavily favored Celtics to tie the series at 2-2. They’re in Boston Wednesday and back here Friday.

TAYLOR BENNETT: Ga. Tech QB transfers to La. Tech. He’ll be playing for Vince Dooley’s son and La. Tech’s mascot is also the Bulldogs, so page-view-hungry websites come up with misleading-but-not-untrue headlines like this:

JEREMIAH WRIGHT: Doing his best to keep Obama out of the White House. CNN has this bio of the ravin’ reverend. ATLMalcontent is justifiably worried that Obama is showing a Kerryesque lack of anger over this.

JIMMY CARTER: On “The Daily Show” last night.

NEED FOR SEED: UGA anthropologists’ Southern Seed Legacy protects heirloom varieties of old and disappearing Southern crops such as the plum granny and the turkey craw bean.

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UNHAPPY AS A CLAM: Mussels, north Floridians will suffer from Corps of Engineers’ new water proposal, says a Florida congressman, while Lake Lanier Association president says the plan doesn’t go far enough.

LEGAL INJECTION: SCOTUS dismisses challenge to constitutionality of Kentucky’s lethal injection procedure, freeing up other states to kill their prisoners again. Two Georgia death-row inmates are now back on track to be executed.

SEPARATE BUT DIESEL: Ga. DOT explains the problems with bringing truck-only lanes to Atlanta, while the idea’s sponsor stubbornly soldiers on.

BURDEN OF PROF: Two still-unidentified Ga. Tech professors are being investigated for fraud and theft.

LEATHERHEADS: Georgia State is expected to announce today its plans to start a football team in 2010. AJC’s Tony Barnhart lists five things the Panthers must do to succeed. Around this time last year, Mark Bradley wrote why they won’t succeed.

LACROSSE-CULTURAL: Toli, the 500-year-old Native American predecessor of lacrosse, is big in Athens, where on Saturday UGA’s team will host the 21-time world-champion Conehatta Skunks, who are Choctaw.

THE PAYBACK: The Augusta Metro Spirit lists what will be available at James Brown’s estate sale in August.

PRO-STRIFE: Yale art student artificially inseminates herself “as often as possible,” takes drugs to induce miscarriages, collects the blood, and presents it along with videos of her miscarriages as her senior art project.

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