Fresh Loaf

The presidential campaign, economy and whisper campaign about this “pundit” will take a backseat in the news today as an alien race named the Federation of Light will visit our perfect world.

According to several believers, a “craft of great size shall be visible within [our skies]” and will land in the southern hemisphere. I’m only mentioning this because “Alabama” has something to do with the landing.

From Blossom Godchild, psychic and channeler (click on “Federation of light” on the left menu, then “The Message”):

TO LEADERS, GOVERNERS, POLITICIANS AND
ALL PEOPLE OF EARTH …

We wish it to be understood that on the 14th day of your month of October in the year 2008 a craft of great size shall be visible within your skies. It shall be in the south of your hemisphere and it shall scan over many of your states.

We give to you the name of Alabama.

It has been decided that we shall remain within your atmosphere for the minimum of three of your twenty four hour periods.

During this time there will be much commotion upon your earth plane. Your highest authorities will be intruding into ‘our’ atmospherics that surround our ship. This ‘security field’ is necessary for us, as there shall take place a ‘farce’ from those in your world who shall try to deny that we come in LOVE.

KNOW OF THIS
WE COME TO ASSIST YOUR WORLD.
WE DO NOT COME TO TAKE OVER.
WE DO NOT COME TO DESTRUCT.
WE COME TO GIVE YOU HOPE.

This blog reported lights over Australia and said the ship was supposed to appear in North America this morning. Didn’t happen. (How awesome is it that Tom Cruise has a paid ad on the site?)

If the Federation of Light does pull through and makes an appearance, please go easy on them. Don’t ask them what they think about the bailout package or if Barack Obama is really a Muslim. These superior beings have more important things to check out while they visit us.

In other news, the Georgia General Assembly will try to arrest these illegal immigrants. CL, however, welcomes its alien overlords and offers free advertising space for their message of love and unity.

(Hat tip to Christa at PecanneLog, who is clearing a landing zone in Eufaula, Ala.)

Bookmark It

Now that Matt Whitton and Rick Dyer, the Georgia gents who trotted out a gorilla costume and tried to pass it off as the corpse of Sasquatch, have been been muzzled by a lawsuit, we’re left to determine what happened through the few details they’ve left behind.

The video below was posted on Tom Biscardi’s website. (He’s the California Bigfoot “expert” who received the faux carcass.) In it, a narrator provides an up-close view of the authentic organs that were part of the gorilla costume he received from the hoaxsters.

WARNING: You get an up-close and personal shot of BIGFOOT TESTICLES. DON’T WATCH THIS IF YOU’RE EATING LUNCH AT YOUR DESK OR ARE NOT DOWN WITH TESTICLES. PARTICULARLY WAXED ONES. That was a warning.

Bookmark It

This Bigfoot thing just gets stranger. The sasquatch carcass was — surprise! — revealed to be a rubber gorilla costume, the company that paid the two Clayton County gentleman $50,000 for the costume plan to sue, and last night the hoaxsters’ website was redesigned and proclaimed they were the world’s greatest pranksters.

Supposedly, “more will be revealed” on Sept. 1. The site’s down now, but I was able to pull this thrilling and eloquent news update. (The “Tom” and “Steve” mentioned below are the California gentlemen who helped publicize the “find” and now plan to sue.)

August 20, 2008

,.,.,.lol ,we are not on the run,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,this hoax was blown, when people started to talk about the suit from horrordome.com,and a member of tom biscardis team wanted to bail,,,,,so tom and steve did all they could do,.,..,.,blame the rednecks from georgia.,,.,.,.,.,.we did pull off the best hoax every,, yes every,, dont take my word for it,,,ask the world.,.,.,.,., and fyi ,,the body was turned over to biscardi 8/14/2008,,we flew to s.f on 08/15/08,.,.,.and left s.f on 08/17/2008 as planned,,,,,,no running,no hiding as planned

It’s a damn shame the site’s down. There were all sorts of cool pages and content lifted off Wikipedia. My favorite was under “Theory” in which they explained why Bigfoot kinda sorta has to exist:

MOST OF US DON’T HAVE OUR BODIES COVERED IN HAIR BECAUSE WE LIVE IN HOUSES, BUT IF YOU TURNED HUMANS INTO THE WILD WITH NO CLOTHES THEY WOULD BECOME VERY HARRY AND ALSO THE SMALLER ONES WOULD NOT SURVIVE DUE TO THE COLD WEATHER,

After the jump, read a few of the more than 1,300 heartwarming comments left on the hoaxsters’ guestbook by their biggest fans.

(more…)

Bookmark It

Jesus Christ, Georgia, this kind of stuff has to end. People are starting to think we’re apeshit crazy.

The two Georgia men who made national headlines last week with the claim they bagged Bigfoot were revealed today as hoaxsters. A California researcher says the “corpse” encased in ice and presented at a press conference melted to reveal a rubber gorilla costume.

From the Associated Press:

First, the hair sample was burned and “melted into a ball uncharacteristic of hair,” Kulls said in the posting.

The thawing process was sped up and the exposed head was found to be “unusually hollow in one small section.” An hour of thawing later and the feet were exposed – and they were found to be made of rubber.

Matt Whitton, an officer who has been on medical leave from the Clayton County Police Department, and Rick Dyer, a former Georgia corrections officer, announced the find in early July on YouTube videos and a Web site.

“Everyone who has talked down to us is going to eat their words,” Whitton said at the time.

And this gem:

Phone calls to Whitton and Dyer went unreturned on Tuesday. But the voicemail recording for their Bigfoot Tip Line – which proclaims they search for leprechauns and the Loch Ness monster – has been updated and announcing they’re also in search of “big cats and dinosaurs. If you see any of those, give us a call.”

You got it, guys, I’ll keep my eyes peeled. Whitton was fired from his job as a Clayton County police officer today after his bosses learned the We-Got-Bigfoot claim was a sham.

(Photo courtesy of monorails.org, of all places)

Bookmark It