Fresh Loaf

HAULING ASSET: U.S. Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson held a press conference this morning about the federal government’s plan to take all those pain-in-the-ass assets off the hands of struggling financial companies. It’s expected to be the biggest federal meddling in the free market since the 1930s, and markets around the world are digging it.

HADRON COLLIDER: A 30-ton transformer breaks in the world’s largest particle collider, halting the experiment. I can only assume it’s because of black holes.

FLORIDA: Thinks it’s too good for Clayton students.

HEAD-TO-HEAD: NFL commish Roger Goodell issues a warning about helmet-to-helmet collisions following Tampa Bay cornerback Elbert Mack’s skull-rattling hit on Matt Ryan.

DICK CHENEY: Can’t get enough war.

GA. MUSIC HALL OF FAME: Accepting seven new inductees Saturday, including Ludacris and Widespread Panic.

IT’S NOT THE HUMIDITY: UGA prepares to play in the Arizona desert for the first time in its 115-year history.

COKE: Named the No. 1 brand in the world for the eighth year in a row.

LANIER: Five feet away from last December’s all-time low.

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ELECTORAL CURRENT: The Christian Science Monitor examines this year’s swingingest states, and how swinging they are compared with 2004.

HURRICANE IKE: Hits Cuba, downgraded to a Category 2. It’s expected to head Gulfward from there, meaning Georgia’s streak of dodging major hurricanes will likely stay intact. The downside of that is Lake Lanier won’t get much rain from it.

FALCONS: Win their season opener against Detroit behind breakout performances from their two new stars. QB Matt Ryan threw a a 62-yard touchdown on his first NFL pass and had an unrookielike afternoon, while RB Michael Turner set a team rushing record to power a surprisingly potent offense.

BEGGARS CAN BE BOOZERS: Atlanta city officials are starting a new campaign to discourage downtown pedestrians from filling handled pans, and giving the money to charities instead.

FOOD BANK: The Atlanta Community Food Bank is suffering from the lowest food supply of its 30-year history.

LEAVING HOME: Richard Blais leaves his job at Tom Catherall’s restaurant to focus on several personal business ventures, including FLIP, his new burger joint.

EXOTIC GECKO: Found in Savannah.

BLACK BEARS: Are attacking people more often throughout their ranges in North America, including Southeastern forests such as the Great Smoky Mountains.

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THE CENTER OF CONVENTION: The Democratic National Convention begins today, and the newly minted Obama-Biden ticket still has nerves to settle within the party.

TONGUE IN CHIC: Georgia Tech researchers are working to develop new technology that would allow disabled people to control computers, home appliances and wheelchairs using their tongues.

PEACE OUT: Peace Corps volunteers from Georgia are up 49 percent from last year.

COOL WATER: The Athens EPA lab’s new cooling system will save 1 million gallons of water a year by recycling condensation that would otherwise go to waste.

RYAN’S SHARE: Matt Ryan is named the Falcons’ starting quarterback, joining running back Michael Turner in the fledgling offensive core.

NEWS FLASH: A flash flood watch begins for much of metro Atlanta and North Georgia at 4 this afternoon and stays in effect until Tuesday evening.

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OLYMPICS: Began today in Beijing (this morning here), at 8:08 p.m. on 8/8/08.

MANIC TROPICAL DEPRESSIONS: Scientists have strengthened their prediction that this hurricane season will be above normal.

CHRIS REDMAN: Starting the Falcons’ preseason opener Saturday night, but all four QBs will likely take snaps.

SUGARLAND: Being sued by former member, coincidentally while the band’s recent album is No. 1 on the Billboard charts, for not continuing to pay her after she left the band to pursue a solo career.

LABOR OF LOVE: Atlanta Business Chronicle reports that Georgia labor leaders are hopeful Obamania will lead to a change in labor laws they say are now stacked in favor of employers.

ZOO ATLANTA: Unveils plans for $200 million expansion over the next 10 to 15 years.

UGA: Gets two federal grants worth $2.5 million to study biofuel production from switchgrass and sunflowers.

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‘WITHIN REACH’: Obama gives a quasi-victory speech in Iowa without actually declaring victory, after Clinton runs away with Kentucky and he wins Oregon, leaving him about 70 delegates shy of securing the nomination.

HAMILTON JORDAN: The right-hand man of President Jimmy Carter, and part of the “Georgia Mafia,” dies at his home in Atlanta at the age of 63.

TED KENNEDY: Massachusetts senator’s malignant brain tumor is likely life-threatening, although no treatment plan has yet been announced. Reuters examines the prospects of the Kennedy legacy after his tenure.

TESLER GUILTY: Rookie cop involved in Kathryn Johnston shooting is found guilty of lying to investigators, but is cleared of two more serious charges.

BEYOND THE SHADOW OF A DROUGHT: Some Georgia pols seem unaware that being in a drought doesn’t mean it never rains.

MATT RYAN: Signs with the Falcons for $72 million over six years.

SMOLTZ: Shuts us out of his life.

AUTISM AND VACCINES: Georgia Supreme Court considers whether suits alleging vaccines caused autism are pre-empted by a federal law.

HARTSFIELD SATISFACTION DOWN: Canceled flights, lost luggage and waiting in lines while holding their shoes doesn’t satisfy airline passengers as much as it used to.

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FALCONS: Put a period at the end of Michael Vick’s sentence.

AL FRESCO: Rejuvenated Al Horford and the Hawks try to even the series with the Celtics tonight.

CLAYTON: Has another chaotic school board meeting, this time while trying to vote on a contract for its new corrective superintendent.

A LOAN IN THE DARK: Only one Georgia technical school participates in the federal student loan program, leaving the state with the highest percentage in the country of tech schools students without access to the federal loans.

SWAMPWISE: Late Okefenokee stalwart Oscar the alligator, who was at least in his mid-60s when he died last July, will be memorialized in a dinosaurlike skeleton display at the park.

VICIOUS CYCLE: Kanstantin Sivtsov of Belarus wins the Tour de Georgia.

GA. DEMS: Hoping Obamania and GOP infighting will grease their wheels in November, but also having to robo-call in a search for candidates for certain districts.

GRADY EXPECTATIONS: New York doctor demands severance from Grady after he quit his job in NY and moved to Georgia with his wife, only to have his job offer at Grady withdrawn after they got here.

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ZEBRA WATCH ‘08: Metro Atlanta’s zebra infestation continues as workers extract one that was sneaked into an Emory at Oxford building Wednesday.

MAKING THE BANDIT: Local media eager to apply catchy monikers to bank robbers after the success of the Barbie Bandits story have found a new popular pilferer: the Grandpa Bandit.

LIVE GRENADE: Discovered in a trash can outside a convenience store in Floyd County.

CLAYTON SCHOOL BOARD: Offers the corrective superintendent job to a candidate who already withdrew himself from consideration.

ILL WIND: British first-time playwright gets railed for her musical version of Gone With the Wind.

QB OR NOT QB? Not, according to SI’s Don Banks (thanks, Falcoholic), despite the unavailability of Jake Long.

HAWKS: This isn’t going well.

ON A LOITER NOTE: News sites and blogs worldwide are falling all over themselves to cover the bum bot story. Here’s an AP video of the viral vigilante in action. In other loitering news, American cities have begun installing Kids Be Gone teen-loitering repellents, which emit an unbearable noise audible only to teens and young adults.

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VACCINES AND AUTISM: Feds admit vaccines led to autismlike symptoms in Georgia girl; deny evidence of broader link between thimerosal and autism.

HOLD YOUR HORSES: Unless they’ve been quarantined for a potentially fatal viral disease. In that case, you should not steal them back and take them across state lines.

MAR Y TIERRA: Y cucarachas y bacterias.

BLITCH TAPPED: South Georgia Superior Court Judge Brooks E. Blitch III, under investigation for alleged judicial misconduct, has also been spied on by the FBI.

JANE KIDD: Backs Obama, and she’s a superdelegate.

BROWN RECLUSE: Didn’t bite you.

CUTS CONTINUE: Falcons fire Harrington, leading to more speculation Matt Ryan will be the No. 3 pick.

ANDRUW JONES: Fat.

BILL CAMPBELL: Still has never had a drug problem anymore.

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