Fresh Loaf

Remember last time Clinton said she wouldn't run for president?

>> Time to feel bad for Harvard. With endowment down by almost 30 percent, the richest university in the world is doing without free sweat suit for athletes and cookies at faculty meetings, among other cuts. Wait … Harvard has athletes? (New York Times)

>> Hillary Clinton said in an interview today that she would not run for president again. We’ve heard that one before. (Xinhua)

>> Remember that next great American novel you’re typing away on your Sidekick? Sucks for you: T-Mobile has announced that personal data stored on the devices have “almost certainly…been lost as a result of a service failure,” and the product is now labeled “out of stock” on their website. (Engadget)

>> First the British government sponsored “Simpsons” episodes, and now this: Marge Simpson is the cover for November’s Playboy magazine. The magazine said that the cover and spread is an attempt for the adult publication to appeal to younger readers through a 20-year-old show. (Reuters)

>> And finally, in what seems will be a thrilling time for 13-year-old video gamers, Atari Inc. is developing a “Project Runway” video game for Nintendo’s Wii. “Make it work!” (AP via Yahoo! News)

(Photo by Joeff Davis)

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Levi Johnston looking hunky at last summer's RNC convention.

>> In an ongoing attempt to win back the Palin family’s favor, Levi Johnston has begun going to the gym six days a week to prepare for his Playgirl debut. Way to make us proud, Levi! (People)

>> Another case in point of setting a good example for the kids: Atlanta’s own pride and joy Michael Vick, who was released from prison this May after an 18-month term, will star in an eight-part television docu-series on BET tentatively titled “Michael Vick Project.” Wonder if the quarterback, who was arrested for running a dog fighting ring,will team up with Bravo for the “Michael Vick and Rachel Zoe Project?” (MSNBC)

>> No wonder there’s no famous Saudi rappers. Abdul-Jawad, a Saudi Arabian divorced father of four, was sentenced to five years in jail and 1,000 lashes for talking about premarital sex, pick-up techniques and sex toys on a Lebanese TV show. (Reuters)

>> Another original plan for those suffering from the recession, this time from an athlete down-under. A 23-three-year-old taekwondo Olympian from New Zealand opened a brothel in Auckland this year to finance his 2012 Olympic Games bid. Now the New Zealand Olympic Committee has threatened to sue the man. (Reuters)

>> Finally, proof that tax payers’ money is going to good use in this economic downturn, two NASA spacecrafts are set to purposefully crash on the moon tomorrow. (CNN)

(Photo by Joeff Davis)

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>> How did they ever get the motivation with Aqua Teen Hunger Force now on DVD? U.S. marijuana growers have greatly cut into the profits of Mexican traffickers, actually threatening Mexican drug organizations in a more evident way than decades of governmental action. (the Washington Post)

>> Talk about self-hating Jews: the Daily Telegraph has proof that Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, who is anti-Israel and denies the Holocaust, has Jewish roots. (the Daily Telegraph)

>> Number 2 Pencils, a shiny apple for the teacher, and toilet paper? A primary school in southern Ireland are asking all students to bring their own toilet paper to school. (Reuters)

>> If you like it then you should have put a supersized ring on it. Scientists have discovered the largest planetary ring seen yet in our solar system around Saturn. (ABC News)

>> Unfortunately, no one can be told what the Matrix is, but we can celebrate the 57th anniversary of the bar code patent today. (the Daily Telegraph)

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>> The British Department of Health is spending nearly $1 million (640,000 pounds) to sponsor episodes of “The Simpsons” as part of its new Change4Life health campaign. Just typing that makes me crave donuts and beer. Doh! (Reuters)

>> Michael Vick, are you listening? The Supreme Court, on its second day of its new session, discusses whether free speech includes the distribution and sale of bloody pit bull fighting videos. (Fox News)

>> No one is safe, not even our e-mail accounts! Google’s ubiquitous e-mail system, Gmail, has been targeted as part of an “industry-wide” scheme with over 60,000 names and passwords posted online. (BBC)

>> Coke heads have all the luck. Researchers are hopeful against a new vaccine that curbs cocaine use in drug users. (ABC News)

>> Finally, D.C. Council leaders introduce a same-sex marriage bill to Congress. Now closet Republicans can cheat on their civil union partners in addition to their wives. (the Washington Post)

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>> Obama plans to address the nation’s largest gay rights group this Saturday after not living up to gay marriage promises made during his campaign. What, no love for Blake’s? [AP via The Seattle Times]

>> David Letterman’s alleged extortionist Robert Halderman continues his downward spiral with an appearance on the Today Show. [People]

>> If you aren’t scared about the swine flu, be sure to be scared that there aren’t enough vaccines. [The New York Times]

>> Need $1.4 million quick? Solve a cancer-relevant problem of cell biology and win the Nobel Prize like these three Americans. [The New York Times]

>> Just what we needed — another distraction for drivers on their cell phones. Adobe prepares a Flash program for smartphones. [Information Week]

>> And finally, another reason to hate your neighbors. Now they won’t even let you steal their Internet anymore. A new paint blocks Wi-Fi signals. [Yahoo! Tech]

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• So there, now you know we have property in the Southwest Pacific: American Samoa hit hard by Tsunami… meanwhile, earthquake that originated the wave cut off phone and power in the area.
• Nevermind the 65 percent that support it: Senate rejects two public-option health care proposals… thank your $19 million health-care-insurance-lobbying dollars at work.
• And on top of all that, this can’t wait: Pressure builds for Obama Administration to make decision on committing more troops in Afghanistan… meanwhile, intelligence shows success against al-Qaeda improved with a shift in tactics.
• Lesser bad news: U.S. economy shrank 0.7 percent, less than anticipated.
• Very quietly: Armenia and Turkey reestablish diplomatic ties.
• Crowd effort: Global AIDS detection and treatment have increased significantly last year.
• Just because: A picture of Bernie Madoff being crushed by a farting bull.

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• Flaunting it: So not only did Iran have a secret nuclear facility in the works, they’ve decided to test-fire some missiles (say that in a British accent).
• Oh no… Skull fragments thought to be the remains of Adolf Hitler have actually, through DNA testing, been discovered to be a woman’s…. nevermind that DNA evidence can be fabricated, lest these tea-bagging birthers start spinning the “Obama really *is* Hilter” yarn.
• You think it was bad here last week? More than 140 people dead in Philippine flooding.
• I mean I get it, he had sex with a 13-year-old, but WTF is up with all the Roman Polanski coverage?
• William Safire was the first columnist I honestly appreciated for making me think… about language.
• Wait, we needed Bill Clinton to tell us this? Of course the right wing conspiracy is out to get Obama.
• Still a cash cow: Apple’s iPhone App store hits 2 billion downloads… meanwhile, Orange will begin selling the iPhone in the UK, signaling the end of exclusivity.

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• Here’s hoping it’s not empty rhetoric: Heads of state at UN Security Council summit call for global nuclear disarmament, chaired for the first time by a sitting U.S. president.
• They *are* serious: Census worker found hanged with the word “Fed” scrawled across his chest.
• It was there all along, we just didn’t see it: Scientists confirm the Moon is covered with hydrogen and oxygen particles (ie, water).
• OK so this is good news, right? Number of people applying for first-time jobless benefits drops unexpectedly.
• One more way to save newspapers? Accused rapist attempts to buy all copies of the local daily in hopes of avoiding the ensuing bad publicity.
• Interesting: A new HIV vaccine cuts the risk of infection by 31 percent.
• Yea about that thing called Democracy: Violence escalates between supporters of ousted Honduran president Miguel Zelaya (who made it back) and the current Honduran government.

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• Think it long, think it hard: Obama Administration signals it’s reconsidering Afghanistan surge.
• Quit your whining and innovate: Six Senators join AT&T in opposition to the FCC’s decision to formalize Net Neutrality rules.
• Was dude serious? Officials step up security on mass transit system terror plot involving Afghan man intensifies.
• Who’s listening: UN Climate Change opens with calls to put forward a unified message.
• Figure this one out: Big drop in heart attacks after smoking bans.
• Bail out for the little man: House takes up bill to extend unemployment benefits.

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• Of troop levels and historical analogies: Report suggests adding more soldiers to the war in Afghanistan.
• At this point, the line should be in the sand: Obama goes on media blitz to gather more support for health care reform.
• Sign of the times: Unexpected rise in cases of Alzheimer’s, dementia.
• I see how it is: Dollar rises as investors shy away from risk-oriented trades and in run-up to G20 summit.
• Fuck yes: FCC Chairman supports “open internet rules” for wireless carriers.
• Ironic much? Nigeria (the country) demands apology from Sony saying its PS3 ads are furthering the impression that all internet scammers are Nigerian (because, you know, Nigerian internet scammers don’t do nearly as good a job as Sony).
• Texas-sized dumbassess: Texas board of education proposes removing Neil Armstrong’s name from social studies textbooks because dude wasn’t a scientist.

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>> Before you die tell us how we can kill you better

>> Everybody for more troops in Afghanistan raise your hand

>> So again, why’d you throw the shoe?

>> 44,000 Preventable American deaths

>> Sneeze refreshing course

>> Tell us what you really think about dogs in a bar

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In the name of bipartisanship:

• Yawn: So Obama speaks for a good gazillion people, calling Kanye West a jackass. Get the fuck over it.
• Speaking of jackasses and creatures of equal or lesser pedigree: Congressman Joe Wilson (R-SC) faces rebuke from House Democrats for his antics.
• Protest this: U.S. may have killed Al-Qaeda leader in Somalia… meanwhile, insurgents vow revenge after raid.
• It’s not like they keep it in stock: U.S. inventories shrunk by 1 percent in July even as sales rose.
• No change on this front: Obama Administration extends trade embargo on Cuba for another year.
• Don’t mess with this dude: Student at John Hopkins University kills intruder with samurai sword.
• Your tax dollars at work: Robot being developed for the U.S. military can jump over 7-foot walls.

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• Evidence of the true motives of the health insurance industry: Shares of HMO’s rise after President Obama’s speech to a joint session of Congress reveals no “game-changers.“
• Meanwhile, ask them if they can afford health insurance: U.S. poverty rate rises to 11-year high.
• Remind me, which member of Congress disrupted Bush during one of his addresses to Congress? Oh, that’s right, no one did.
• More of the same? U.S. officials warn that Iran has amassed enough nuclear material to make a bomb.
• Instant classic: California assembly-man doesn’t realize his mic is live, promptly discusses in which ways he proceed to spank his mistress the night before.
• When 9/9/09 goes bad: A Bolivian priest kidnaps a plane in Mexico after having a revelation on eminent danger, he chose the date because of its purported association with the AntiChrist… wtf.
• I guess they didn’t get the point: Fox lawyers target owner of DidGlennBeckMurderAndRapeAYoungGirlIn1990.com.
• Real commies don’t buy beemers: The general secretary the South African communist party is in the hot seat after using tax-payer money to buy himself a BMW 750i.

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• Will the GOP stay home? President Obama will address a joint session of Congress tonight on health care reform.
• So much for amicability: North Korea causes major flash flood that kills six South Koreans, and Seoul stops short of calling the incident an attack.
• Bad combination: Crude oil prices rise as the dollar hits its weakest level this year.
• One for one: Military commando unit frees New York Times reporter but his Afghan aide is killed in the rescue operation. … Meanwhile, Afghan election results cast doubt on the legitimacy of Hamid Karzai’s victory.
• All of a sudden everyone is hating on Google: Opposition mounts to the Search Giant’s plans for a monumental book repository.
• That’s how you get their attention … oh wait … A German television ad spot suggests that having unprotected sex is akin to sleeping with the devil himself, Hitler.
• They should sell it alongside every happy meal: Obesity drug provides positive results in a one-year trial run. … Meanwhile, McDonald’s sales rise 2.2 percent (but! they missed their estimates).

(Photo by Joeff Davis)

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Uh, yea about that outage yesterday. We ran into more bugs than we anticipated when upgrading our blogging software (sorry!). But everything should be back to normal during the course of today, including – yep , you guessed it! – snarky headlines!

• Getting sea sick: Unemployment numbers are back up and as such stocks tumble.
• See, they’re doing it wrong too: NATO air strike kills 90 in Afghanistan, many of them civilians.
• So wait, this is good, right? White House changes course on revealing visitor logs, but won’t do so for the first eight months.
• Dude, you’d rather let your kids get foam sprayed by the Jonas Brothers than let them hear what the President has to say?
• Can they even do that? Lybian president Omar Qaddafi asks that the UN abolish Switzerland.
• It’s OK, you can still say you choose not to believe in Global Warming: Study suggests that during the 90s the Arctic experienced the warmest temperatures in 2,000 years.
• Two newspapers, one quote: “We did not know the Onion was not a real news site.“

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• Nope, won’t be spending your way out of this: Stocks fall for fourth consecutive day as report showing high job-loss numbers spur fears of weak consumer spending.
• Isn’t the market supposed to prevent this crap, or are they bloody serious? Biggest internet service providers urge the Obama administration to lower the bar for “broadband,” arguing for speeds substantially below other nations’ standards.
• Not getting any better over there: Taliban kills Afghan spy chief.
• Got a new fix: BP makes “giant” oil discovery in the Gulf of Mexico.
• Hey! I want one! Japan to build a giant solar-power generator in space that will beam electricity back to earth.
• We’ve heard this before: UN Nuclear watchdog says nuclear threat posed by Iran is “hyped.”
• Yea about that cloud computing thing: Google’s free web-based email system, Gmail, goes down for 100 minutes, people whine about it on Twitter.

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• Turns out: The California creep who kidnapped Jayce Dugard had acted in the past.
• Still burning: California wildfires continue to spread, as they destroy over 70 homes.
• OK, OK, we’ll be nice: Iran prepares a new nuclear proposal in light of tougher UN sanctions.
• Well, I guess that’s over: Hugo Chavez says ousted Honduran president Manuel Zelaya will not return to power.
• A real shift in power: Japan’s Liberal Democratic Party was voted out of office after more than 50 years of continued rule.
• W.T.F.?!(!) Video allegedly shows baby chicks in an Iowa egg hatchery being ground up alive. (Newsdome note: I didn’t watch the video, for I have seen the light).
• Watch out! The South Pacific Island of Samoa will become the first country in decades to switch traffic flow from one side of the road to the other.

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• WTF?! Someone created a hoax video purportedly showing Michael Jackson jumping out of a coroner’s van. It has amassed 3,600 comments, some of which seem to indicate people want to believe dude’s alive.
• Question: Why are former Bush Administration officials so “offended” (scared shitless?) about the CIA torture probes?
• Shift in gears: Top U.S. commander in Afghanistan says strategy must change, including adjusting the request for more troops.
• Natural reaction: California wildfires continue to spread, killing two firemen and threatening radio and TV towers near Los Angeles.
• Do some evil: Google may hand over IP addresses of journalists using its free web-based email service.
• Genius: Wikipedia will color-code text on its site based on the reliability of its author and the length of time it’s been up.
• Holy #$%&$: Disney acquires Marvel.
• For those that know, there’s a metaphor in there somewhere: Colombian president Alvaro Uribe has become infected with the swine flu virus.

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• Yea, about that law: Mass. Democrats want to revert the law to allow the governor to immediately appoint a new Senator to Ted Kennedy’s vacant seat… a law they crafted just four years ago for exactly the opposite purpose.
• We’ll spend our way out of this! Household income flat as consumer spending grows.
• And the pendulum swings: North and South Korea reach deal on family reunions and fisheries.
• Boastful: Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is demanding prosecution of political opposition leaders.
• Media having a field day: Abducted woman is found with registered sex-offender after 18 years. Creep fathered two girls with her.
• Wildfires are not random: More than 1,500 are evacuated in the outskirts of Los Angeles as 100-acre blaze continues to spread.

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• About that empty seat: As the country mourns Ted Kennedy’s passing, push intensifies to find a successor quickly.
• So remember that missing cargo ship in European waters a few weeks ago… yea, it seems it really wasn’t lost at all… and in fact, could have been carrying illegal missiles destined for the Middle East.
• Look him in the eye: Youngest Guantanamo Bay detainee (12 at the time of his capture in 2002) plans to sue the U.S. for compensation.
• Republicans get some flack too: Sen. John McCain tossed out a rowdy protester at one of his town-hall meetings.
• Stop that right now: German Chancellor Angela Merkel pressures Israel to cease building new settlements in the occupied territories.
• It’s all about the big picture: World Trade posts biggest jump in nearly a year.
• Taking it with ‘em: Tijuana police arrested six men for stealing pieces of the border-fence.

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So, what’s news?

• One great liberal: Sen. Edward Kennedy, D-MA, dies after a long battle with cancer… meanwhile, what about number 60?
• Policy shifter: Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu sees progress towards renewing peace talks with the Palestinians, including, that pesky settlements issue.
• Letting the ACLU do the dirty work: More details emerge of the torture-techniques used by the Bush-Cheney administration and the CIA.
• No dispute here: Hamid Karzai on his way to become reelected as president of Afghanistan.
• They just can’t get along: Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez is “ready” to cut diplomatic ties with neighboring Colombia.
  (Photo by Joeff Davis)

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• No liberal outrage here: U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder names a special prosecutor to look into the C.I.A. prisoner abuse cases… meanwhile, former Vice President Dick Cheney goes out of his way to defend the program, saying it “saved lives,” even though, in fact, they were saying things like “we’re going to kill your children,” or, “we can bring your family in here.”
• Doing a heckuva job, Bernie? President Obama reappoints Ben Bernake for a second term as Fed chairman.
• Digging for good signs, or when “not as bad” equals good: Home prices in 20 metro areas fell less than forecast.
• From bellicose to belly-scratch: North Korea invites U.S. envoy to renew nuclear talks.
• While you denying climate change: China is on pace to become world leader in solar panel production.
• We already have a name for it: Arguments against the proposed “public option” apply equally to Medicare.
• And of course, it’s coming back strong: President Obama’s Council of Advisors on Science and Technology warns that half of the U.S. population could become infected with swine flu (with about 90,000 possible deadly cases).

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• One man’s hero is another one’s… Man convicted of the 1988 Lockerbie bombing was released by Scotland and was welcomed as a hero in his native Libya.
• At least he’s optimistic: Fed chairman Ben Bernanke sees a positive global economic outlook… and I guess we should all be? Home sales surge in July by more than seven percent.
• Polls are useless: One says the number of those believing President Obama will drive significant change to health care are down 20 points, to 49 percent, while another says 70 percent support a “choice” of the so-called Public Option.
• The new approach on the war on drugs, as in, don’t fight it: Effective today, Mexico decriminalizes possession of small amounts of marijuana, cocaine, heroin and other drugs.
• Victory? Despite low turn-out and 50 deaths, observers call Afghanistan elections a “success.”
• About bloody time: FCC launches probe into wireless telecom industry, taking aim at carrier/manufacturer exclusivity deals, usage of cellular networks by third party applications, and much more… meanwhile, the real reason AT&T killed the Google Voice iPhone app.
• There goes that: Cash for clunker program ends.

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• Contract killers: CIA paid millions to private security firm Blackwater seeking its help in quest to assassinate Al-Qaeda operatives.
• They can’t seriously oppose this on a moral level, can they? Obama takes health-care reform message to religious leaders.
• Testy: Afghanistan in high alert during today’s elections as police cracks down on journalists.
• As real as it gets: VH1 is scrambling to rid itself of any connection to the reality TV show “Megan wants a millionaire” after police sought one of its contestants in connection to a murder case.
• Not so good after all: Jobless claims jump unexpectedly.
• Quest to regain relevancy: Myspace acquires social music start-up iLike.

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• Should have done this from the get-go: Democrats seem to go at it alone on health-care.
• Meanwhile, reason #445,605,005 the cost of health-care insurance is so high: Merck’s patent is upheld, warding off challenge to mass produce a cheaper alternative to its Singluair asthma drug.
• Quagmire indeed: Series of attacks kill at least 95 in Baghdad… meanwhile, violence continues to escalate in Afghanistan in anticipation of tomorrow’s elections.
  
• Get them to pay taxes part 2: Swiss bank UBS may pass data on 4,450 accounts belonging to U.S. clients.
• In case you had any doubts who runs this: Global stocks fall pushing China into a bear market.
• Really? One of the biggest political mysteries of the year?

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