Fresh Loaf

>> Before you die tell us how we can kill you better

>> Everybody for more troops in Afghanistan raise your hand

>> So again, why’d you throw the shoe?

>> 44,000 Preventable American deaths

>> Sneeze refreshing course

>> Tell us what you really think about dogs in a bar

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In the name of bipartisanship:

• Yawn: So Obama speaks for a good gazillion people, calling Kanye West a jackass. Get the fuck over it.
• Speaking of jackasses and creatures of equal or lesser pedigree: Congressman Joe Wilson (R-SC) faces rebuke from House Democrats for his antics.
• Protest this: U.S. may have killed Al-Qaeda leader in Somalia… meanwhile, insurgents vow revenge after raid.
• It’s not like they keep it in stock: U.S. inventories shrunk by 1 percent in July even as sales rose.
• No change on this front: Obama Administration extends trade embargo on Cuba for another year.
• Don’t mess with this dude: Student at John Hopkins University kills intruder with samurai sword.
• Your tax dollars at work: Robot being developed for the U.S. military can jump over 7-foot walls.

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• Evidence of the true motives of the health insurance industry: Shares of HMO’s rise after President Obama’s speech to a joint session of Congress reveals no “game-changers.“
• Meanwhile, ask them if they can afford health insurance: U.S. poverty rate rises to 11-year high.
• Remind me, which member of Congress disrupted Bush during one of his addresses to Congress? Oh, that’s right, no one did.
• More of the same? U.S. officials warn that Iran has amassed enough nuclear material to make a bomb.
• Instant classic: California assembly-man doesn’t realize his mic is live, promptly discusses in which ways he proceed to spank his mistress the night before.
• When 9/9/09 goes bad: A Bolivian priest kidnaps a plane in Mexico after having a revelation on eminent danger, he chose the date because of its purported association with the AntiChrist… wtf.
• I guess they didn’t get the point: Fox lawyers target owner of DidGlennBeckMurderAndRapeAYoungGirlIn1990.com.
• Real commies don’t buy beemers: The general secretary the South African communist party is in the hot seat after using tax-payer money to buy himself a BMW 750i.

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• Will the GOP stay home? President Obama will address a joint session of Congress tonight on health care reform.
• So much for amicability: North Korea causes major flash flood that kills six South Koreans, and Seoul stops short of calling the incident an attack.
• Bad combination: Crude oil prices rise as the dollar hits its weakest level this year.
• One for one: Military commando unit frees New York Times reporter but his Afghan aide is killed in the rescue operation. … Meanwhile, Afghan election results cast doubt on the legitimacy of Hamid Karzai’s victory.
• All of a sudden everyone is hating on Google: Opposition mounts to the Search Giant’s plans for a monumental book repository.
• That’s how you get their attention … oh wait … A German television ad spot suggests that having unprotected sex is akin to sleeping with the devil himself, Hitler.
• They should sell it alongside every happy meal: Obesity drug provides positive results in a one-year trial run. … Meanwhile, McDonald’s sales rise 2.2 percent (but! they missed their estimates).

(Photo by Joeff Davis)

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Uh, yea about that outage yesterday. We ran into more bugs than we anticipated when upgrading our blogging software (sorry!). But everything should be back to normal during the course of today, including – yep , you guessed it! – snarky headlines!

• Getting sea sick: Unemployment numbers are back up and as such stocks tumble.
• See, they’re doing it wrong too: NATO air strike kills 90 in Afghanistan, many of them civilians.
• So wait, this is good, right? White House changes course on revealing visitor logs, but won’t do so for the first eight months.
• Dude, you’d rather let your kids get foam sprayed by the Jonas Brothers than let them hear what the President has to say?
• Can they even do that? Lybian president Omar Qaddafi asks that the UN abolish Switzerland.
• It’s OK, you can still say you choose not to believe in Global Warming: Study suggests that during the 90s the Arctic experienced the warmest temperatures in 2,000 years.
• Two newspapers, one quote: “We did not know the Onion was not a real news site.“

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• Nope, won’t be spending your way out of this: Stocks fall for fourth consecutive day as report showing high job-loss numbers spur fears of weak consumer spending.
• Isn’t the market supposed to prevent this crap, or are they bloody serious? Biggest internet service providers urge the Obama administration to lower the bar for “broadband,” arguing for speeds substantially below other nations’ standards.
• Not getting any better over there: Taliban kills Afghan spy chief.
• Got a new fix: BP makes “giant” oil discovery in the Gulf of Mexico.
• Hey! I want one! Japan to build a giant solar-power generator in space that will beam electricity back to earth.
• We’ve heard this before: UN Nuclear watchdog says nuclear threat posed by Iran is “hyped.”
• Yea about that cloud computing thing: Google’s free web-based email system, Gmail, goes down for 100 minutes, people whine about it on Twitter.

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• Turns out: The California creep who kidnapped Jayce Dugard had acted in the past.
• Still burning: California wildfires continue to spread, as they destroy over 70 homes.
• OK, OK, we’ll be nice: Iran prepares a new nuclear proposal in light of tougher UN sanctions.
• Well, I guess that’s over: Hugo Chavez says ousted Honduran president Manuel Zelaya will not return to power.
• A real shift in power: Japan’s Liberal Democratic Party was voted out of office after more than 50 years of continued rule.
• W.T.F.?!(!) Video allegedly shows baby chicks in an Iowa egg hatchery being ground up alive. (Newsdome note: I didn’t watch the video, for I have seen the light).
• Watch out! The South Pacific Island of Samoa will become the first country in decades to switch traffic flow from one side of the road to the other.

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• WTF?! Someone created a hoax video purportedly showing Michael Jackson jumping out of a coroner’s van. It has amassed 3,600 comments, some of which seem to indicate people want to believe dude’s alive.
• Question: Why are former Bush Administration officials so “offended” (scared shitless?) about the CIA torture probes?
• Shift in gears: Top U.S. commander in Afghanistan says strategy must change, including adjusting the request for more troops.
• Natural reaction: California wildfires continue to spread, killing two firemen and threatening radio and TV towers near Los Angeles.
• Do some evil: Google may hand over IP addresses of journalists using its free web-based email service.
• Genius: Wikipedia will color-code text on its site based on the reliability of its author and the length of time it’s been up.
• Holy #$%&$: Disney acquires Marvel.
• For those that know, there’s a metaphor in there somewhere: Colombian president Alvaro Uribe has become infected with the swine flu virus.

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• Yea, about that law: Mass. Democrats want to revert the law to allow the governor to immediately appoint a new Senator to Ted Kennedy’s vacant seat… a law they crafted just four years ago for exactly the opposite purpose.
• We’ll spend our way out of this! Household income flat as consumer spending grows.
• And the pendulum swings: North and South Korea reach deal on family reunions and fisheries.
• Boastful: Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is demanding prosecution of political opposition leaders.
• Media having a field day: Abducted woman is found with registered sex-offender after 18 years. Creep fathered two girls with her.
• Wildfires are not random: More than 1,500 are evacuated in the outskirts of Los Angeles as 100-acre blaze continues to spread.

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• About that empty seat: As the country mourns Ted Kennedy’s passing, push intensifies to find a successor quickly.
• So remember that missing cargo ship in European waters a few weeks ago… yea, it seems it really wasn’t lost at all… and in fact, could have been carrying illegal missiles destined for the Middle East.
• Look him in the eye: Youngest Guantanamo Bay detainee (12 at the time of his capture in 2002) plans to sue the U.S. for compensation.
• Republicans get some flack too: Sen. John McCain tossed out a rowdy protester at one of his town-hall meetings.
• Stop that right now: German Chancellor Angela Merkel pressures Israel to cease building new settlements in the occupied territories.
• It’s all about the big picture: World Trade posts biggest jump in nearly a year.
• Taking it with ‘em: Tijuana police arrested six men for stealing pieces of the border-fence.

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So, what’s news?

• One great liberal: Sen. Edward Kennedy, D-MA, dies after a long battle with cancer… meanwhile, what about number 60?
• Policy shifter: Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu sees progress towards renewing peace talks with the Palestinians, including, that pesky settlements issue.
• Letting the ACLU do the dirty work: More details emerge of the torture-techniques used by the Bush-Cheney administration and the CIA.
• No dispute here: Hamid Karzai on his way to become reelected as president of Afghanistan.
• They just can’t get along: Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez is “ready” to cut diplomatic ties with neighboring Colombia.
  (Photo by Joeff Davis)

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• No liberal outrage here: U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder names a special prosecutor to look into the C.I.A. prisoner abuse cases… meanwhile, former Vice President Dick Cheney goes out of his way to defend the program, saying it “saved lives,” even though, in fact, they were saying things like “we’re going to kill your children,” or, “we can bring your family in here.”
• Doing a heckuva job, Bernie? President Obama reappoints Ben Bernake for a second term as Fed chairman.
• Digging for good signs, or when “not as bad” equals good: Home prices in 20 metro areas fell less than forecast.
• From bellicose to belly-scratch: North Korea invites U.S. envoy to renew nuclear talks.
• While you denying climate change: China is on pace to become world leader in solar panel production.
• We already have a name for it: Arguments against the proposed “public option” apply equally to Medicare.
• And of course, it’s coming back strong: President Obama’s Council of Advisors on Science and Technology warns that half of the U.S. population could become infected with swine flu (with about 90,000 possible deadly cases).

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• One man’s hero is another one’s… Man convicted of the 1988 Lockerbie bombing was released by Scotland and was welcomed as a hero in his native Libya.
• At least he’s optimistic: Fed chairman Ben Bernanke sees a positive global economic outlook… and I guess we should all be? Home sales surge in July by more than seven percent.
• Polls are useless: One says the number of those believing President Obama will drive significant change to health care are down 20 points, to 49 percent, while another says 70 percent support a “choice” of the so-called Public Option.
• The new approach on the war on drugs, as in, don’t fight it: Effective today, Mexico decriminalizes possession of small amounts of marijuana, cocaine, heroin and other drugs.
• Victory? Despite low turn-out and 50 deaths, observers call Afghanistan elections a “success.”
• About bloody time: FCC launches probe into wireless telecom industry, taking aim at carrier/manufacturer exclusivity deals, usage of cellular networks by third party applications, and much more… meanwhile, the real reason AT&T killed the Google Voice iPhone app.
• There goes that: Cash for clunker program ends.

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• Contract killers: CIA paid millions to private security firm Blackwater seeking its help in quest to assassinate Al-Qaeda operatives.
• They can’t seriously oppose this on a moral level, can they? Obama takes health-care reform message to religious leaders.
• Testy: Afghanistan in high alert during today’s elections as police cracks down on journalists.
• As real as it gets: VH1 is scrambling to rid itself of any connection to the reality TV show “Megan wants a millionaire” after police sought one of its contestants in connection to a murder case.
• Not so good after all: Jobless claims jump unexpectedly.
• Quest to regain relevancy: Myspace acquires social music start-up iLike.

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• Should have done this from the get-go: Democrats seem to go at it alone on health-care.
• Meanwhile, reason #445,605,005 the cost of health-care insurance is so high: Merck’s patent is upheld, warding off challenge to mass produce a cheaper alternative to its Singluair asthma drug.
• Quagmire indeed: Series of attacks kill at least 95 in Baghdad… meanwhile, violence continues to escalate in Afghanistan in anticipation of tomorrow’s elections.
  
• Get them to pay taxes part 2: Swiss bank UBS may pass data on 4,450 accounts belonging to U.S. clients.
• In case you had any doubts who runs this: Global stocks fall pushing China into a bear market.
• Really? One of the biggest political mysteries of the year?

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• Lack of backbone: White House argues public-option was never “the entirety” of health-care reform, except, it kinda was… meanwhile, the co-op model starts to gain some traction, but never mind on the details.
• And even still: 60 members of Congress sign letter vowing not to vote for a plan that does not have the so-called “public option.“
• Spam-a-lot: White House has been sending unsolicited emails, blames unnamed political groups for the sign-ups.
• Nothing much changed: Violence escalates in Afghanistan in run-up to Thursday’s election.
• Going global: Russia arrests eight on piracy charges in connection with missing tanker.
• As easy as walking into 7-11: Authorities dismantle what appears to be the largest plot of hacking and identity theft in the country, which had been easily executed by the cyber crooks.
• Getting high on your own supply: 90 percent of U.S. dollar bills have cocaine residue.

See more photos from the health-care reform protest at Centennial Olympic Park.

(Photo by Joeff Davis)

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• Then what’s the *&$% point? White House considers dropping the “public option” from health care reform legislation… but really, can we still call it reform without it?
• Get on out: The Iraqi Government announced that they will let voters decide whether to accelerate U.S. troop withdrawals or not.
• Reap what they sow? Islamist extremists spread beyond Chechnya and detonate a truck bomb in the southern Russian city of Nazran.
• Hamsterdam: Former Baltimore police officers argue it’s time to legalize drugs.
• Remember that missing tanker? Well they just found it off the coast of Africa after it disappeared from the English channel.
• The key operative word being “replicate”: IBM researchers look to human DNA for new models on microchip development.
• Keeping it real close: Can newspapers cash in on “hyperlocal” news?

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• Why am I not surprised: The swiftboating of health care reform.
• I swear, I just saw a Unicorn: Palin responds to “death panel” criticism, insisting they’re real.
• Not in the mood: Retail sales unexpectedly fall in July… meanwhile, Wal-Mart’s overseas profit growth accelerates.
• And to top it off: Number of people filing first time jobless claims bounces back.
• But! The Fed sees signs of recovery.
• WTO rules against China on importing of foreign media… see if it cares.
• That’s just how it is: Judge orders Microsoft to stop selling Word, but it really doesn’t matter… meanwhile, Big Redmond strikes a deal to develop MS apps for Nokia phones (Question: Shouldn’t they have done this in like, 1998 when *everyone* used both brands?).
• Sometimes these just write themselves: Protector of sanctity of marriage and proponent of Proposition 8 in California to divorce wife of 43 years.

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• Obama’s plea: In yesterday’s town hall meeting in New Hampshire, the President reprises the story of his mother’s cancer to make the case for health care reform… meanwhile, newly Democratic Senator Arlen Specter is among those getting a loud earful at town hall meetings on health care reform.
• Meanwhile, President Obama welcomes confirmed SCOTUS Judge Sonia Sotomayor, the first Hispanic woman to hold the job.
• Staying put: Money being sent by immigrants back to Latin American will drop by 11 percent in 2009.
• Fear this: Thousands found buried alive in the aftermath of mudslides in Taiwan.
• Wait, where?! Russian cargo ship is feared to have been hijacked off the coast of… Sweden.
• Word: Microsoft ordered to stop selling its flagship word processing program after a judge rules Big Redmond violated patents.
• Not irrelevant yet: Facebook begins testing a “light” version of its service aimed at areas with slower internet connections.

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• Check out this clunker: G.M. says its Chevy Bolt hybrid will get 230 miles to the gallon in city driving.
• Does this mean I get a raise? Productivity of U.S. workers grew at the fastest rate in six years.
• Good call: Congress decides against spending $550 million on new planes for themselves.
• Spin it as the “health care race”: If China can provide universal health care to its 1.3 billion citizens, surely greatest nation in the world (duh, that’s us!) can.
• Keep your friends close. … Facebook acquires FriendFeed, a social sharing site that allowed you to update many services through one login.
• Kids these days: Nude pictures of Twilight star Ashley Green surface on the internet and OMG, she’s like, so upset!

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• That again? Fresh violence in Iraq exacerbates fears of a growing sectarian conflict.
• AstroTurf isn’t very patriotic: House Speaker Nancy Pelosi calls disruptive behavior at town hall meetings on health care legislation un-American… and oh, the irony! A protester involved in a brawl at a town hall meeting in St. Louis is asking for donations to pay his health bills because he has no insurance.
• Remember how Jon Stewart is the most trusted source of news? Well, he’s adored by the neo-cons… go figure.
• You spent the night in that airplane and all you got was a lousy bag of pretzels? Yep.
• Anybody listening? U.N. Secretary General Ban Ki-moon on global warming: “It is, simply, the greatest collective challenge we face as a human family.”
• Profit: All sarcasm aside, the Seattle Times is back in the black.

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• Easing the pain: Job cuts slow, and unemployment rate declines.
• Three words: Cyber Political Terrorism – Distributed Denial of Service attacks that brought Twitter, Facebook, LiveJournal and other sites to a standstill yesterday originated in the Eastern European nation of Georgia, and was politically motivated… meanwhile, it’s the one-year anniversary of the Georgia-Russia war.
• Wait, there’s Taliban in Pakistan? Apparently, as the Pakistani foreign minister annouced the killing of Taliban leader Baitullah Mehsud.
• Meanwhile: Explosions kill dozens in Iraq, marking one of the deadliest days since U.S. troops began withdrawing from major Iraqi cities.
• Not letting up: Even after confirmation of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, new opposition protests are organized in Tehran.
• Power in numbers: Campaign to pressure advertisers into distancing themselves from the Glenn Beck show is working.
• Is it me, or are the bail outs the only ones raking? AIG posts first quarterly profit since 2007.
• You want it you got it: You’re getting more cash for yer clunkers.

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• Awesomest Idea (Evah) To Monetize Journalism On The Web: Let’s make our content better and differentiate it from other people.. then we’ll be able to charge for it! (YEA! High Five! Bourbon Room shots for all!)
• Slowly, but surely: Number of jobless claims drops more than expected.
• The humanity: On this day 60 years ago, the U.S. became the one and only nation so far to use a nuclear weapon.
• What else is there to do? President Obama set to announce changes in the way illegal immigrants are detained and processed.
• Wait, there’s a functioning government in Somalia? Apparently, as Secretary of State Hillary Clinton vows support as it fights an Islamic insurgency.
• Ever so close: Senate set to vote on infusion of $2B for Cash for Clunkers.
• Somehow, I don’t think killing women is the way to get their attention: Pittsburgh area shooter was bitter over ladies.
• Glad I waited: Rumors abound for a $99 iPhone 3GS.

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• Is this what they call a win-win? Bill Clinton negotiates release of two American journalists being held in North Korea while nuclear talks might resume.
• Guns don’t kill people, crazy people with guns do: Suspected Pittsburgh area shooter left behind a revealing diary.
• What the? Two Russian attack submarines have been spotted patrolling the Easter Seaboard of the U.S.
• If only health care were this easy: Democrats secure enough support to infuse the Cash for Clunkers program with $2 Billion.
• Mixed signals: Market slips on weak numbers from the service industry.
• People just don’t send letters anymore: U.S. postal service faces a $700 million shortfall.
• Rekindling the competition: Sony launches new line of e-book readers.
• That’s an order Marine! No social networking for the few, the proud, the disconnected.

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• How come he gets to go? Bill Clinton visits North Korea to negotiate release of American journalists.
• Wait, what? Democrats “may still bypass Republicans on health plan.” (Could’ve sworn I saw this before…oh, I did…)… speaking of which, Keith Olberman’s special comment is kind of a big deal.
• President Obama dines and wines Democratic Senators to get their support for renewal of the Cash for Clunkers program.
• Not going away: Taliban fires rockets into Kabul.
• I swear, there’s one every week: Yet Another Plane Crash as aircraft slides off runway in Thailand, slamming into control tower, killing the pilot and injuring several passengers.
• Bad match: Consumer spending rises even as incomes fall.
• We’re, uhm, looking into it: Venezuela says it will investigate how weapons sold for use by its military made their way to FARC rebels in neighboring Colombia.

• (Photo by Joeff Davis)

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