Fresh Loaf

Two weekends from now, on Aug. 8 & 9, residents of Atlanta and Fulton County can visit Zoo Atlanta for free.

For some reason they’re calling this event Family Days. As someone who lives down the street from the zoo, I can attest that every damn day is family day. An out-of-town observer might reasonably conclude that adults are required to bring a baby stroller in order to gain entry.

Anyway, if you live in Atlanta and/or Fulton or you’re a government employee for either of those jurisdictions, bring your ID  (or a utility bill) and you won’t have to pay the $19 daily admission fee. Each adult can even bring up to three children.

Hold on a second — nineteen dollars! Holy merde. The best zoo I’ve ever visited is the Henry Doorly Zoo in Omaha, which has the world’s largest indoor rainforest, the world’s largest indoor desert and a full-size aquarium —all for $11.50. I’ve never understood why anyone would throw down 19 bucks to visit a zoo that could fit comfortably inside a Wal-Mart.

Oh, yes, I just remembered why. It begins with a P, ends with A and has AND in the middle. So, you Family Days freeloaders, don’t forget to leave a donation — Give so they stay.

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Panda for ransom

Zoo Atlanta CEO Dennis Kelly announced this past week that unless individual donors come up with a half-million dollars to help pay off the Chinese government, the zoo will be forced to give back all four pandas — parents Yang Yang and Lun Lun, as well as their two offspring — when their lease runs out at the end of the year. Corporate donors have already pledged $2 million. The zoo has launched a website, www.givesotheystay.org, to solicit contributions.

“The Chinese people have asked for our help in giving them science and management techniques to protect the remaining 1,500 pandas in the wild.”

—    Kelly, from a video on the www.givesotheystay.org website

“It would break my heart, because it doesn’t get any cuter than this.”

— Nell Mayer of Atlanta, as quoted by Fox 5, on the prospect of losing the pandas

“If we had named that panda P-dizzle, would they want him back?”

—    James, from Metroblogging.com

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Xi Lan. It means “Atlanta’s joy.”

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HURRICANES: The high seas continue to use the Southeastern U.S. as their chipping green, with three more storms en route. Hanna was downgraded to a tropical storm this morning but may become a hurricane again; Savannah and cities from the Outer Banks to Miami are preparing for impact. Meanwhile, Gustav dawdles over Texarkana after sparing New Orleans the feared devastation. Still, Mayor Ray Nagin says it won’t be safe to return until at least Wednesday.

RAIN BARRELS: Especially useful during hurricane season.

RNC: Resumes today in St. Paul, with President Bush delivering a via-satellite speech at 9:30 tonight. Police have arrested nearly 300 protesters, and have charged 130 with felonies.

GRAY’S ANATOMY: Gray’s Reef, located 40 miles off the Georgia coast, shows effects of human pollution but is generally healthier than researchers had feared.

LOVE IN THIS CUB: The newborn panda cub at Zoo Atlanta has been put in an incubator for closer monitoring based on the behavior of it and its mother, Lun Lun.

BRIAN FINNERAN: Knows he’s lucky to be back on the Falcons’ roster after being out since 2005 with back-to-back knee injuries.

THE CHROME STRETCH: Google readies Chrome, its new browser it hopes will compete with Internet Explorer 8.0.

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Highly respected news organization The Onion has gripping video coverage of a tragic story we may soon face: An expectant panda, communicating through cutting-edge technology, tells the world in staccato bursts of honesty that a zoo life is not one she’d wish upon her offspring.

Officials at the zoo, which, in light of the revelation, has become a battleground for abortion rights and pro-life advocates, say they hope the panda will make the right choice. But they’re also fearful of what may transpire if they are hesitant to act.

Thank you, Onion, for opening our eyes to what will be our city’s darkest hour. That’ll be whenever Lun Lun, Yang Yang and Mei Lan get Internet access and discover the plight of their distant brethren, but you know what I mean.

Until then, we stand vigilant alongside the truth — may her blade of righteousness cut us all down to size.

Click here for the video and the heart-wrenching pleas the panda makes to her “human masters.” Click here to look at our cuddly creatures at Zoo Atlanta. We just wanna nuzzle their cute widdle nosies.

(Screenshot from The Onion)

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From the AJC:

But when Zoo Atlanta’s giant panda Yang Yang approached the object of his affection late Sunday, fellow panda Lun Lun rebuffed his attempts.

I hope their marital issues have nothing to do with Yang Yang’s CL photo shoot at The Cheetah last year. My sources tell me Lun Lun was not pleased.

(Photo by Joeff Davis)

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An AJC.com blog collected readers’ birthday greetings for Zoo Atlanta baby panda Mei Lan, who turned 1 on Sept. 6. Most were pleasant. Others were less so.

“No one cares anymore about this stupid Panda. Stop giving updates every time the damn thing goes to the bathroom.”
– T.O.

“I would send you a picture of the jungle you should be frolicking in, but that would only make you sad. Best wishes. Sorry mankind is so cruel.”
– Carolyn

“You have got to be kidding me. If we’re not signing guest books for whales we’re signing birthday cards for pandas? When did they learn to read or are people getting that lame?”
– rid0617

“If you want to make this panda story interesting then release it in North Ga during bear hunting season and see how long it last LOL.”
– Bear Hunter

“IT’s A F*ING PANDA!!!!!! IT DOESN’T READ!!!!! EVEN IF ANOTHER IDIOT READS THE CARD TO IT, THE PANDA WILL NOT UNDERSTAND THE DRIVEL YOU’VE WRITTEN!!!!”
— Steve L.

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