Fresh Loaf

Blayne’s words not mine. The tank-topped tanorexic likened Klum to the Star Wars villian by saying “She’s shiny on the outside and crazy on the inside.” Huh? She’s way more fembot than Vader.

Other memorable quotes from last night’s “green” episode:

Jerell: “I am saucy!” (after Jennifer “snatches up” his model).

Tim (to the group): “How is everyone?”
Suede: “Dandelions.”

Natalie Portman guest judged last night’s challenge, which included sending the models to Mood for environmentally friendly materials (Portman recently launched a vegan shoe line). Wesley’s, Leanne’s and Joe’s models all returned with the same shiny brown satin (dubbed “team ugly brown fabric” by Jerell) that landed both Wesley and Leanne in the bottom three with Korto. Wesley was sent home — ack! Only the second episode and I’ve already got strike one against my final three prediciton.

The episode’s premise was well-intentioned, but I think it would’ve been more ineteresting and effective to have the designers repurpose used clothes from Goodwill or vintage shops instead of buying brand new materials.

My personal favorite was Terri’s belted midnight-blue dress, but Suede’s criss-cross tutu won.

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Season five of “Project Runway” premiered last night and already it’s more interesting than season four. Christian annoyed me with all of his “fierce” talk, and it seemed more than ever that the judges were eliminating based on reality-show-ready personalities rather than true design talent. Where were the Jeffreys, Michaels, Santinos and Nicks?

Challenge numero uno: Grocery store chic with season one’s Austin Scarlett. Here’s a quick rundown of the premiere’s highs and lows, and some early predictions for season five finalists.

AN EARLY LEAD: Kelli. Innovative enough to make vacuum bags and coffee filters look hot. Challenge winner.

SILENT BUT DEADLY: Jennifer. Sure, it looks like she shops the Kohl’s sale rack and studied biochem, but the stills of her work exposed an ethereal and surrealist style that was surprisingly playful and elegant.

SEE YA, WOULDN’T WANNA BE YA: Jerry/Blayne. Jerry got the boot last night and I’m already over Blayne. No doubt they’ll keep him around for sheer wackadoo factor. Were those tanks HyperColor?

MY NEW GAY* BEST FRIEND: Jerell. He’s already calling Blayne out; his quote of the night went something like, “He needs to pack up all that ‘licious,’ put it in a suitcase and give it back to the girl next door.” Love it. (*It hasn’t been confirmed yet that my “New Gay Best Friend” is, in fact, gay. I’ll keep you posted.)

OH NO, SHE DIDN’T! Suede. I kinda want to love him, but – yikes – that gingham tablecloth dress!

WHAT’S THAT DUDE DOING HERE? Joe. He looks more cement galoshes than haute couture, but his pot holder/noodle/tablecloth halter and mini skirt combo was actually one of my favorites.

FINAL THREE PREDICTION: Daniel, Leanne, Wesley.

Tune in this time next week for more. I’m OUT.

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