Fresh Loaf

Robbie: She fixed a few potholes, she kind of got the Beltline started, and that’s about it. The sewer still isn’t fixed, crime is out of control, the budget is a mess. She’ll go down as the mayor who didn’t do much of anything. She fixed a few potholes, but there are still potholes. She fixed the budget a little bit, but the budget is still a mess. She started the Beltline, but the Beltline is still so far out of reach. She’ll go down as the mayor who never finished anything she started. Her legacy is eight years wasted.

David: A lot of people give her shit, but she revamped the damn sewer system. It wasn’t popular, but she made tough decisions that had to be done. She’s a decent person. She’s got family issues with her kids, but her legacy will be that she made Atlanta face up to the fact that we were 100 years behind in our infrastructure — and she started the foundation to correct it. She had the guts to do what was necessary. She’s going to come out historically very well.

Zen: Bullshit. People came to Atlanta to party. That’s what we were known as. She took that away. She took away the essence of Atlanta. Now it’s, “What time are the clubs closing? When is the booze going to be cut?” Now it’s, “Why did I even go out?” Ray Lewis had nothing to do with regular old Atlantans. People who do crime are going to do crime, regardless. People who go to clubs go to dance and have a good time. They don’t go to kill people. How in the hell did they get it in their minds that the nightlife was the cause of any crime? She ran this city into the sewer.

(Photos by Jeff Slate)

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Dr. Fifi: I’m OK with it. It’s two gay holidays together. It would be nice to have some warmer weather, but I’m just happy to be back in Piedmont Park. It’s National Coming Out Day, and National Coming Out Month in October. That has a lot of significance. I heard a lot of people are traveling to Atlanta Pride because it is in October. More people will be here. Any time we come together as a community we’re strengthened. I’d prefer June, but the fact that we get it back in Piedmont Park, it really doesn’t matter to me when it is.

Ken: It’s an abomination. Gay Pride is the anniversary of Stonewall. Stonewall is in June, not October. It has nothing to do with Halloween. It has to do with significant events in the Gay calendar and significant events that happened in June. That’s part of our history. We don’t change history. I’m all about Piedmont Park. However, you need to honor what you need to honor, and location is not the reason we do this. I am ashamed of the Pride Committee for agreeing to this. I know people on the committee that are my friends, and I am ashamed.

Chris: Piedmont Park would only let us to do [this] weekend, and it turned out to be Halloween. Having it on Halloween will inspire people to dress up more, participate more, and it will be a lot more fun than everybody sweating in the heat in June. Having it at the different time of year does not take away from what happened at Stonewall. Around the country, Gay Pride has been celebrated at different times. It makes no difference in remembering those that were at Stonewall. We always have those thoughts with us, whatever month it would be.

(Photos by Jeff Slate)

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Stennis: Love-hate. We once rode across the park for a couple of hours. I love the pumpkin — but hate it when I cut a hole in its face. What if I cut a hole in your face? You’d be furious. When I’m in the truck, I take him on adventures, butter him up a bit, have a great time. I ride around with him for a couple of weeks, like a dog in the car, then put a knife to him. A couple of years ago, I made him look like he was throwing up. I called him Puking McPukerson.

Jessica: Intimate. You got to name it, right? Maybe you’re feeling sassy; you name him George. Maybe it’s sexy; you name it Sasha. You pray to it. The lord, man, is amazing. He will download some stuff. God created it, and you’re turning it into some beautiful creation. God made that pumpkin for a reason. When that seed entered the earth, it grew for a reason. God named that pumpkin before it was even a sprout. It’s glory to God. Put that light inside it, it’s like Christ is inside you, right? It’s light flowing from the darkness.

Aleesha: I named my pumpkin last year Bubbles. It calls you in Wal-Mart, it reaches out to you. You pick him up, you turn him around. Bubbles was very cool. He had a nice little ride in the grocery cart, kind of helped me pick out some eggs, a little cheese. I think Bubbles thought he was having dinner with us later on. But I feel bad about cutting him up. Feels gross and sticky. You feel like you’ve killed him. We were very careful with him, so we made him look extra special. We made him blow a bubble. But I killed Bubbles.

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Karl, sophomore: Lisa Borders. I like her transportation issues more than anything else. She seemed to be the only candidate who actually knew anything about transportation, and who wasn’t trying to do the John Oxendine plan where you just kind of pave through the city. Mary Norwood is pretty good, but she feels more like gentrification. And she comes in and drives a Buick.  That just stuck in my head. Lisa is the only one that comes off as being able to handle the job.

Ariel, senior: I’m leaning towards Kasim Reed. Crime is a real big issue right now, and he has some of the best ideas as far as hiring more police officers. As a Georgia State student, we’re in the middle of Atlanta. After 6 o’clock, all the stores close. It’s weird, because it’s still daylight but people don’t feel safe. I feel what he’s trying to do is put that police presence back into the city of Atlanta, which is real important for me as a student. I saw yesterday that he was talking about hiring 750 more police officers.

Jessica, senior: Mary Norwood, mostly because I like to vote more conservative. The most important issue to me is taxes, especially since I’m a new Atlanta resident. Not that I pay property taxes, but my water, sewer are taxed highly for a lot of reasons. I’d like to see, at least on a local level, someone I can relate to on some views, compared to Kasim and Lisa Borders, who are more liberal. Economically,  we need reform, and Atlanta is not doing very well managing its finances right now.

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Craig: I think it’s good [to ban smoking]. You got some cigarette smokers who are not responsible, some who don’t care if there are kids in the facility. Also, in some places cigarette smoking causes forest fires. I smoke half a pack a day. Cigarette smoking should be illegal. If they didn’t allow me to smoke it would be helpful. It was a stupid thing I got into. With some help, I’d probably be able to kick the habit. One thing you have to remember is your freedom may infringe on other people. Smoking in public places destroys other people’s health.

Michaelyn: Absolutely. You come here for fresh air. Cigarette smoking has nothing to do with fresh air. Cigarettes give me migraines. I walk by someone who has one little bit of cigarette [smoke] and it triggers migraines. I was just walking in the park. I had to go 50 feet out of my way because I saw someone smoking. I knew I would get a migraine if I walked by. What if I came here for a run and I got a migraine? That’s wrong. I want to go in my city to go running, but I can’t because people come here to smoke.

Chip: That’s absolutely ludicrous and absurd. I’m responsible when I smoke. I keep the butt and make sure it ends up in a trash can. I want to smoke in a park, and I do. It’s no longer my problem if someone is next to me. Move away from me. It’s absurd that someone’s smoking is taking away their fresh air. It’s a big fuckin’ huge outdoor park. As long as I’m not bothering someone directly, I should be allowed to do what I want. This is America.

(Photos by Jeff Slate)

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Madam C.J.: No. You might be intoxicated, and you might have a fantasy to have sex in a bar. But the bathroom is perfect for that. Even if you’re having sex in the open, though, you shouldn’t be arrested. You should be given a slap on the wrist and told to stop; and if they continue, just 86 them; you can’t come back. It’s really not that deep. I’ve had sex in a club before. In the bathroom. I mean, hey, we did it, it was fun, I took care of what I needed to take care of. I’d do it again.

Alani: Of course they should be arrested. It’s not appropriate at all. You do stuff like that at your home. Why would you want to have sex in a bar? It’s nasty. First of all, it’s so unsanitary. You don’t know what people have. People use the bathroom, and nobody wants to have to deal with that. Two, it’s just gross. It’s not classy, and you have to have very low morals. It’s just dirty. I think people who disagree with me are sick.

Roper: If you’re not paying for it, it’s nobody’s business but your own. If it’s prostitution, cops have a right to bust you. But if it’s two consenting, drunk-ass adults, by all means hit the bathroom. I don’t want to necessarily see them having sex on [the] patio [of the bar I work at], but if they are, all I’m going to say is, pull up your pants, pay your tab, quit being a dumb-ass and go finish the rest of your evening. I have the right to throw them out, and the police have the right to give them a ticket for indecent exposure — but not an arrest. Everybody screws. It happens in every establishment you go to, not just bars.

(Photos by Jeff Slate)

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Ann: Depeche Mode at Lakewood. Amazing. I’m like an old-school Depeche fan. I don’t like a lot of their newer stuff. They’re from the ’80s. It’s kind of a gothy peppy sound. It’s very danceable. Voltaire the worst. I hate him. He was really rude. He has no respect for the audience. I didn’t like the way he talked, the way he treats people. It’s obvious how objectifying he is. It’s retarded. I only went because I was going to a dance party afterwards and he wouldn’t get off stage so I was forced to listen to him play.

Nicholas: Marilyn Manson. It kept me on the edge of the seat that I would have been sitting in. Last year when he came through he put on a big old grand show and he wasn’t all that. This year he came out just wearing a razor blade T-shirt. No special effects and just did his sets. I didn’t like I.C.P. [Insane Clown Posse]. They came out and did this Christian thing. The sound wasn’t any good. And one of them was fuckin’ drunk up his ass so he was fuckin’ up the performance left and right. You really can’t take them too seriously anyway.

John: Janet Jackson. Just terrible. The costumes was hideous. It looked like it was Halloween. Her vocals weren’t  all that great. I’d rather listen to somebody like strangle a cat. It was very uninspiring. Janet should retire. Regina Spektor was the best. She has amazing lyrics. She’s not as strong as vocalist as, say, Christina Aguilera, but I’ve always loved her music. Really intimate. It’s not a big production. She just plays her instruments on stage. It’s very raw, stripped down.

(Photos by Jeff Slate)

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Kristen: I hate football with an intense passion because my father is obsessed with it. He always got so into it during holidays that he would scream and yell, and we would have to compete for attention. I played with Barbies. I remember my father and his brothers and how much they yelled. They were like zombies. When I hear the sounds of football today, I think of angry men yelling together. It makes my skin crawl. When I walk past a sports bar, I walk a little faster. For me, when someone scores a touchdown and everybody yells, it’s like PTSD when a bomb goes off and everybody ducks for cover.

Steve: A bunch of pussies. They’re fat guys wearing pads, on steroids. I’m a rugby player. Those guys wouldn’t last five minutes playing rugby. I don’t bait dogs. Football is very little technical ability, no thinking involved. Rugby doesn’t stop. You don’t have time outs, you don’t stop every five minutes and tell somebody, “I’ll be here, throw me the ball.” I played American football in Scotland. Crap. It’s like playing cricket. I was a lineman. Most of the time I never touched the ball. It was like, “This is the stupidest fuckin’ game in the world.” When rugby players play against American football players, they kick their asses in both games.

Sean: I’m not like Mr. Anti-American, but it just seems chauvinistic and very fake. Plus, it has nothing to do with your feet. It’s holding the football in your hands. I feel like handball is what football should be called. It just doesn’t make any sense. And everything is done on the old numeric system. Feet, yards — everybody else is using the metric system, like, for the past 100 years. It’s just so out of date. A bunch of B.S., pretty much.

(Photos by Jeff Slate)

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Jennifer & Neil, Chicago: We’re Helga and Olav from Stupendgarden. We’re a beer girl and beer boy. We’re really impressed with the ambassadors and the greeters. We’ve never seen that before. It was very welcoming. We went to McDonald’s in Buckhead and people were very accepting of our differences. Chicago has three comic book conventions, but because it’s so large and there’s so many other conventions, it’s too spread out. It doesn’t have that homey feel that it does here. You wouldn’t feel as welcom[ed] in Chicago as you do here, although we love Chicago. Go Cubs!

Raven & Treg, Cincinnati: We love it. You guys have an amazing bus system. It’s clean, efficient. Cincinnati has nothing like it. And no one yells at you on your buses. In Cincinnati, law enforcement wouldn’t cooperate. They tried to have the Botcon [Transformer] Convention there and it was horrible. When the world comes to an end, you’ll want to move to Cincinnati because everything there happens 10 years later. The bus here runs every 15 minutes. Awesome. With Cincinnati, half the time they don’t know what they’re doing. And your hospitals are awesome. We got in and out in less than two hours. The doctors were so efficient and so clean.

Sascha & Lance, Walnut Hill, Fla.: Atlanta is a pretty central location. It’s a major city but it still has that Southern hospitality. That makes it appealing to people coming from out of town. MARTA is wonderful — although it is a little uncomfortable when you get on in full costume. They do look at us like we’re crazy, but they’re nice. Though we did scare a little girl this morning. The transportation in Orlando is awful. This is the biggest convention in the South and we enjoy being in Atlanta so much.
(Photos by Jeff Slate)

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Ed: Because I hate the Beatles. Ringo’s music is terrible. The Monkees were way better. Their haircuts were better, their outfits were way better, and did the Beatles have a TV show? No, I don’t think so. The Monkees, dude. How could you deny my little Davy [Jones]? John Lennon partied too much. Yoko brought them all down. I don’t listen to them because of Yoko. She was the ninth Beatle, dude. I really loathe them. “Daydream Believer” by the Monkees — the Beatles never had a song like that.

Victoria: Because I’m an 18-year-old college student. People think we’re really dumb. People who have children — and whose children are grown — now think their children were the best little angels in the world. But they think the rest of us 18-year-olds are stupid. We’re young. We’re trying new things. But when we try new things, people think we’re stupid. They don’t think we hear what they say. We hear, and we don’t forget. And the media makes us all out to be stupid most times.

Danielle: Old Southern traditions die hard, and the way to deal with a woman with a mind is to look at her and treat her like she’s stupid, because they don’t understand. They don’t understand my sarcasm. I get that blank stare. They have their mouth gaping, looking at you like they’re waiting for something more — but there is nothing more. It’s usually older Southern men with really big mouths with small teeth. Fuck the South. I don’t like the bugs here. I don’t like the trees here. I like snow.

(Photos by Jeff Slate)

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Jay: We can cook better than other chefs in other cities. It’s a great town for chefs, especially for entrepreneurship. You name the top 10 restaurants in Atlanta right now, and probably six or eight of them are owned by chefs. That’s not the way it is in other cities. Good restaurants can last around here. Some cities are very fickle. You have great restaurants, and five years later they’re gone. In Atlanta, if the place is good it tends to endure. And it’s a friendly fraternity. The chefs don’t look at each other as competitors.

Lis: I come from Spain and Venezuela. Atlanta is a little bit of everything. You get a little bit of the South and the Northeast. It’s still virginal for a lot of new things. So for any chef that wants to work and get a start, which is so hard, Atlanta is definitely a great place. It’s big enough but not quite there yet. It’s not New York or L.A. where, with all the competition, you have to be a great, great chef to be OK. Here, you can start with a little thing, and if you’re unique and stay truthful to what you do, you’re going to be OK.

Scott: The influx of some of the celebrity chefs is attracting a lot of attention. A lot of diners are trying to expand their horizon, and sometimes the food is further beyond what they’re ready for. That being said, there’s such a great mix of locally owned restaurants. It’s a shame we can’t bring more people from outside the Perimeter inside, where so many of the restaurants are. It’s like there’s a definitive line at the Perimeter. If you’re outside, you have to be a chain, inside it’s exactly the opposite. Not a whole lot of intermingling.

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Matthew, 10: It’s cheating, and it’s just not right. It’s not good for your body, either. Just not smart. I’d be very disappointed if any of the Braves used them. I’m a big fan and I’d hate to lose any of them, but if they’re caught they should be suspended for a little while — but then be able to come back and play. I would have liked Manny Ramirez a lot more if he hadn’t used steroids. He was one of my favorite players. I’m very aware of what’s going on [with steroids], but not many of my friends talk about it.

Rachel, 16: More players than David Ortiz and Manny Ramirez used steroids. A lot of players did, and that should be taken into account — that it wasn’t just them. They should say everybody or nobody. They shouldn’t just pick and choose. But the suspension for Manny should have been longer. Most of my friends [in Los Angeles] don’t agree with me. I’m less of a Manny fan now. Baseball has lost some of its magic — because looking back, not everything is what it seemed.

Denham, 11: They should be suspended for 80 games. It really affects the game and how I watch it. I wonder if Albert Pujols does them, with all the records he has. But I don’t think the list should be released, because a lot of people won’t come. They’ll think they’re all juiced and no one wants to watch them. My friends and I talk about players who we think may have done steroids. When you see players that are juiced up, it takes away from the game because it’s not how the game was supposed to be played. Players like David Ortiz really disappoint me. I really liked him and Alex Rodriguez.

(Photos by Jeff Slate)

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Crab Louie: I played music before I understood the Beatles. Once I got the Beatles, understood the musicianship, it was easily a redefinition of my approach to crafting songs, to instrumentation, to you name it. Even my bass playing. White folks never heard bass being played like that. [It was] nothing short of a complete overhaul of my understanding of how I should approach the instrument and engage the public. I prefer John Lennon as a songwriter, but I can’t help but show love for Paul McCartney. Favorite Beatles song: “Mother Nature’s Son.”

Lauren: He’s pretty much affected any modern musician. His involvement with the Beatles paved the way for all different kinds of experimental music. I actually play metal. He paved the way for people like Black Sabbath and Led Zeppelin and everybody after him. He’s pretty much the predecessor for everything. And I look at him for more than music, too, in terms of him trying to lead an ecological life. He’s a vegetarian. He’s really a great person, musically and ethically, too. Favorite Beatles song: “Eleanor Rigby.”

Kevin: His bass playing was so original. You will hear that bass melody inside the song itself. It’s melody inside another melody. Fantastic. In most songs, the bass is in the background. They’re the rhythm section. With McCartney, the bass makes a lot of those Beatles songs. The refrain with “Lucy in the Sky [with Diamonds],” it’s all the bass. In “Come Together,” it’s the sliding bass that really captures it. He just didn’t play a bass note, he put a whole melody right into the song. I always think how can I make a bass line really carry a song. Favorite Beatles song: “I’m Looking Through You.”

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Cait: A Bocce tournament. It takes skill, determination and certainly an amount of humility that most people just don’t have. I’m not interested in politics. Just another face with the same story. I’d like to see a politician play Bocce. I actually challenged a candidate to play Bocce and to talk and have a beer and throw some balls around. Whoever the candidate is, it would show they were a person like myself who is struggling with a lot of issues but approaching the problems with patience, much like tossing a Bocce ball.

Byron: I got to meet the mayor of Atlanta, the woman with the gray hair, and it was like, who are you? I didn’t even know she existed. I’m from St. Louis, and Mayor [Francis] Slay made it a point of interest for his citizens to know who he was, even though he was a Republican. I don’t think politicians in Atlanta have any interest in, like, “Who are you?” So how would you get my vote? Make yourself relevant to me. I’m the voter here. I’ve been a resident of Atlanta for two and half years and am completely ignored.

Chase: If they can suck my dick and lick my balls at the same time, then maybe, yeah. I can’t even phantom, or whatever the vocabulary word is for it, contemplate, a mayor. I don’t care, really. Honestly. I’ve voted every time for myself. I sign my name in there every time, dog. My name is Chase Hill. I vote for myself, and I get other people to vote for me, too. I was voted the best looking in high school. I should be president or mayor or whatever we’re talking about. I’m a champion, dude.

(Photos by Jeff Slate)

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Mitch: When my horn is clear, my spirit is high — and everything is all right. The tips come with it. I just let the spirit carry me. My music is a spiritual thing. It’s not like a car. If my music touches people, it’s a done deal for me. If I would have let the economy affect me, my music would be depressing. My tips are dependent on my level of performance, not on how the economy’s doing. I come out and entertain people and help lighten the load. And if I don’t do good on the street, I’ll go to church with it.

Walker: Definitely. In Little Five before the recession on a Saturday afternoon, everybody would have money. Now, everybody still comes out — but they don’t have any money. If we played for an hour, we might get 10 or 12 bucks, maybe. Before the recession hit, on a good night, we’d make $40, $50 or $60. It’s a lot more competitive now because there’s less money. I’m 17. I have to support myself. I actually got a scholarship to the school of music at Berkeley. But I can’t go because I didn’t graduate high school.

John-James: Before, you’d probably make $50 in an hour or two. Now, if you get $20 from 11 [a.m.] to 2 [p.m.], you’re all right. I used to get a $5 tip here, a $5 there, sometimes $20. Now they’re tipping a dollar or 50 cents. It’s not happening. In Atlanta, you don’t find a lot of musicians playing in the street like New York. There’s less people out, and a lot don’t tip no more. Sometimes the cop comes [and] tries to give you a ticket or asks you to move. What makes a city a city is when it has art and music around. Streets are sad here.

(Photos by Jeff Slate)

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Little Kathy: Very sad. I’ve been working here for over 20 years. I came here when I was in my 20s. I can’t even imagine life without the Clermont. I’ve always had a positive thought that everything will work itself out and that we’ll be OK. If there are new owners, they will take into consideration that lots of people love the Clermont. They come from all over the world. It’s a landmark. We have girls from 21 to 60. Here, you really get to know the customer — not like the other clubs where they don’t even remember your name.

Pink: Different. It’s an institution, a rite of passage. For a lot of guys, it might be the first time they’ve seen a naked woman, or they might be going through something at home and they need to talk to one of the girls and maybe feel better. I’ve taken [the Clermont's impending foreclosure] in stride, but it upsets me a little bit. We’re a family. People care about each other. You don’t get that in a lot of strip clubs. This place has helped me through a lot of tough times. The money is great and there’s no pressure. I love it here.

Blondie: I’m not worried about it. The public would have a fit if this place was closed down. It’s a monument. I’m very optimistic they won’t close. If they closed, they’d just open somewhere else — but it wouldn’t be the same. This is a very easy spot for everybody to come to. I just walked to work. And guys, when you sit around the bar and don’t tip the girls, I’m disgusted by that. We give them a great show. I do a beer crunch between my breasts. I used to do it for $5 but I had to go up to $10.

(Photos by Jeff Slate)

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Tuck: Atlanta Eagle on Wednesday. It’s the only straight rock ‘n’ roll dance party at a gay club. Good-looking girls, bad-ass boys, fat men with skid marks on their underwear with nothing else on, and rock ‘n’ roll. You got young hipster girls that are just all fucked up as hell and don’t know how to dance. They’re white as hell, you know what I mean? They look like a bunch of broomsticks held together with duct tape. The gay dudes look like zombies, gangly-ass bitches moving like the guy in The Wizard of Oz who can’t walk and shit. This thing is hoppin’!

Tinniewinnie: Gold Club at Underground. They’re doing the latest dance, but it looks horrible. It’s like, all the walk-it-outs and bows, the stanky leg, the bird walk, surfin’ and swaggin’. It’s Down South hip-hop. Looks like they’re doing some weird wild animal mating ritual, when animals are mating and they do their little dance to get somebody to come. They think they’re doing it right, ’cause they get really into it. But it’s looks like Animal Planet. I’ve seen people do it right, but these people doing it? Yeah, right.

Jackie: Moondogs in Buckhead. Love it. Totally grimy, dirty bar. Lots of drunk fraternity and sorority people that are dancing to all hip-hop, and they’re all white and they don’t know they can’t dance. Everybody is falling. A lot of bumping and grinding. Girls try to break it down, get low, and they fall or their dress slips off. Then you have the token few guys who actually can dance, but they kind of get bumped off the dancefloor. They’re always by themselves. Then people dance on the stage. They think they’re really good. Not so much.

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Annelise: My father reads the Declaration of Independence every Fourth of July out loud. We have it on our door. He pulls it down, reads it out loud to my mom, the dog and me. He’s a lawyer. It’s why our country was started, so we should remember it. I had a friend over last year and he read the Declaration of Independence. It was great. Then we went to the Waffle House afterward. Now that’s American. Then [for dinner] my mom makes a really big meal and we have an American flag ice cream cake. We’re very patriotic.

Bubba: I like to shoot guns on the Fourth of July to celebrate my freedom. Commie bastards come over to kill us. They’re continually slapping us in the face. I’ll shoot anything that moves — vermin, ’coons, squirrels, greys, beer bottles, armadillos, chickens. Then I eat a pig. I put an apple in his mouth. It’s traditional barbecue, man. And then maybe I’ll ride some motorcycles and watch some fireworks in the graveyard over there at Marietta Boulevard and hang out with the G.B.C. It’s a secret society, man.

Zeus: The independence of America is really the independence of so many other people and different cultures. So I try to spend time with as many friends from different cultures, because that’s what the United States is. If it wasn’t, it would be boring. It’s cool that you can walk through a neighborhood within a 10-block radius of Atlanta and see people from all over the world. Best day to do that is on the Fourth. Everybody barbecues, but every culture has their own dishes. They all bring a little bit of [it] home with them. It’s like, “Wow, I’ve been around the world today.”

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Orlando: Never. I’m from Havana. Everybody plays baseball In Cuba. I was a catcher. And we all grow up loving the Yankees. The Yankees have been a winning team for years. They’ll spend the money. The Braves won’t. They let [Rafael] Furcal go and [John] Smoltz go. He had plenty of gas in the tank. If you let them go, you don’t know much about baseball. The Yankees are all about winning. It’s not about money. The Braves are about money — keeping a limit on it. You can only go so far.

Jeannine: You would have to pry the hat from my cold, dead hands. Everything that is good about America is represented by the New York Yankees. Yankee fans are true fans, in good times and bad — unlike Red Sox fans and Braves fans who don’t understand you root for your team even when they’re bad. Many aspire but few can achieve the greatness of being a Yankee fan. Braves fans need to learn not to Yankee-hate, but to congratulate and appreciate. Bobby Cox learned to win by playing for the Yankees. Braves fans should be grateful for us.

Steve: Never. Born and raised in the Bronx. Everybody has the same sense about Yankee fans: that we’re abrasive, conceited and cocky. But Yankee fans are people, too. We have a lot of pride because of the history of success. Yankee fans are lovers of baseball and the history of baseball and the American tradition of it. Yankees fans embrace all the same things that Braves fans embrace. Baseball brings everybody together. We should all be proud of what baseball is and how the rest of the world has embraced it. But the Red Sox suck.

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Pam: Grant Park in the middle of the night. There’s a hole in the fence on the east side. Go through some bushes, cut through the fence and you’re at the pool. You have to have a couple of reinforcement cocktails to break the law like that. It’s a chain-linked fence but there’s enough of a crawl space to shimmy under it. Never been caught. It’s a nice pool when there’s not a bunch of kids in it. You can swim real laps. You definitely feel like you’re a mischievous child sneaking into a pool.

Edward: The W Hotels. Have your bathing trunks underneath your pants, keep a low profile, a drink in your hand is a nice touch, and tip your bartender well. If you can go with a good-looking woman, they’ll never give you a hard time. But you got to be totally ready if someone says you have to leave. Don’t overstay your welcome. It’s a high-class place. They’re going to be very respectful. It’s not like they’re going to arrest you. It’s not about a scam. It’s about easing in, taking advantage of the situation and easing out.

Brianna: Inman Park. We usually jump the fence. It closes at 9. We ended up going like at 12 last year but the police showed up. It’s awful when they come. They took our names and drove us home. It’s mostly embarrassing but I’m still going. If you don’t get caught then it’s like the best because it’s heated, it’s huge and it has a diving board. You can do lots of awesome stuff on a diving board. It’s pretty easy to jump the fence. Just don’t be loud. There’s apartments all around and the cops will come.

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Arthur & Mack: He’s more than paid his debt. It’s time for him to play ball. We’ve all messed around on some occasion. The punishment was a little excessive. They’ve done damage to his entire career. I would have bought season tickets if the Falcons got him back. For him personally, he should do something for dogs just to show people he’s not the tyrant they portrayed in the newspapers. For me, it’s not really necessary. People are going to love their dogs regardless. He really didn’t mess up anything.

Vor & Ceesah: He hasn’t paid enough. Eighteen months is a slap on the wrist. The NFL should set an example that this stuff will not be tolerated. It’s not like the NFL really took action against him. The government and the state took him to jail. The NFL should ban him for another two years. Vick sets such a bad example for the breed. We get a lot of crap — I can’t even take Ceesah to most day cares in the city. Vick has still got his mansion and his money. Where it really hurts him is not being able to play.

Dante & Diesel: Yes. I agree with the ruling that he should never own another dog, but he’s paid the price more than anybody for dog fighting. There’s a lot of people that fight dogs. They put a huge name on it to take responsibility. But the punishment was appropriate. I don’t know whether he’s remorseful, but he’s obligated to do something for these dog organizations. I’d give him a chance [with another team], and whoever wants to support him … that’s up to them. But I’m an Atlanta Falcons supporter, and I’d rather not support him. Dogs are close to my heart.

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Jennifer (with Ava & Ellie): You should allow the strollers, because for people with small kids, it’s just not practical to go to a street festival without a stroller. With a small child, you can lose track of them. Even though we love our dog, it’s better not to have them at the festival, because they are unpredictable and they can poo on your foot. Even though my dog is very well-behaved, she does get skittish in the crowds — and if somebody came up behind her and started petting her, who knows.

Daron (with Parker & Buffy): If we can’t bring our babies, they can’t bring theirs. No strollers, no dogs. Dogs are our babies, and for those of us without children, it’s kind of unfair that we can’t bring ours to the festival to enjoy it as well. My dogs are under control all the time. They’re 4 pounds apiece. They’re not going to hurt anyone. There are more dogs vaccinated than kids. Baby strollers are cumbersome, they get in the way, you have to step over them, they park right in front. It’s a mess. It is sort of discrimination.

Barbara (with Scooter & Baby Girl): Dogs should be allowed as long as you control your dog. If you don’t control them or if you don’t clean up their poo, you don’t need to have your dog there. But my dogs are part of my family and they’re in a stroller, so why not? I resent it. They should be allowed to go. There’s nothing wrong with your dog being at these festivals. They’re family and really well-behaved. If you love your dog you take care of it like a baby, probably even more so.

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Penny: My significant other doesn’t have any tattoos, which I love. But if she did, I’d want her to have an invisible one that you could only see in the black light that hangs over my bed. It would be a little secret between us. I’d get to see them, but nobody else would. It’s sexy she has no ink. I like her plainness. It’s delicious. She loves my ink. She plays with them. I love my tattoos, but I’m not a girl. It’s hypocritical, but that doesn’t change a thing. I’ve seen a lot of girls with a lot of ink and really bad tattoos.

Rhonda: Yes. That shows they’re going to have something in common with me, just like Buckhead people having blond hair. But I’d prefer someone with unique tattoos. A lot of guys have tribal tattoos, and it’s like, “Wow, that’s not original.” Then they try to create a deep meaning behind it instead of admitting they got a really stupid tattoo. With Japanese symbols down your back you look like an idiot. It’s been done 5,000 times — not to mention you’re not fuckin’ Japanese.

Brit: Yes, I do. I know that she has money to waste. I also find a girl with tattoos creative. I don’t like it when the tattoo says, “Property of Scooter.” I don’t know who Scooter is. If you have one, it might be scary. You might be looking over your shoulder going, “Scooter is about to walk through the door.” I don’t like a tattoo that says, “Snookie’s girl.” It’s a jail-style tattoo. It shows that person made a bad long-term decision. And Snookie may come through the door and say, “It’s obvious she’s my property.”

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Price: Most of the chicks love drummers. I’ve heard that a million times. We do most of the work and we’re driving the song. We control stuff more than anyone. It’s a powerful feeling. Takes a lot more energy being a drummer. But that’s cool. With the girls, as long as you’re hitting something, it’s fine. They just like the way you look back there, banging around. Not many people play the drums. You can find guitarists all over town. People who don’t play the drums think it’s insanely interesting.

Bob: I don’t think so. We’re a shy lot. We’re modest, not when we play, but our demeanor. Rock stars, blues players get them. We’re always at a disadvantage because we’re always sitting down and everyone else is standing up around you. Drummers have our own little world. We are more discreet and don’t advertise our exploits. We drummers talk about drumming with each other because nobody else will talk to us about it. The other musicians have no idea what we’re doing. Funny thing is, if the drummer isn’t good, it’s really hard for the band to be good.

Jake: Yes. There’s an old cliche that the drummer was the bad boy. I think that’s true. Of all the bands around here, the drummer is usually the hard-ass. I don’t know why. Maybe from swinging the stick. Drummers do get the ladies. It’s a dead heat between the lead vocalist and the drummer. It’s the aggression it takes being a drummer. It’s a very primal thing, holding the sticks, beating the drums. It’s also a proven fact that drummers, with all the activity, arouses a woman’s sexual desire when you’re all sweaty. [It's] a lot of extra work being the drummer.

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Celia: She made me watch The Exorcist when I was 5 and told me that was going to happen to me if I didn’t pray. I was devastated. I wore a rosary around my neck until I was 7. I have recovered. The Exorcist is no longer a scary movie — but every time I hear the soundtrack I do get a little frightened. She also told me that Jesus was watching me at all times, so when I was in a room by myself I was afraid to do something bad. I am now agnostic. And I’m afraid of Jesus Christ.

Andrew: Let me count the ways. When I was 16, my mother thought it would be a good idea to move to Key West. So instead of finishing high school with some sort of adult supervision, I finished on my own. I came home from school, got off the bus and there was a note: “I’ve gone to Key West.” I have lots of issues. I can’t hold a relationship. Lots of sedation and therapy. I did inherit my mother’s love of pills. But I’m a forgive-and-forget kind of guy. I did do a bunch of mushrooms in the Virgin Islands with her.

Amy: My mother has borderline personality disorder. She’s a fuckin’ maniac. Bless her little fuckin’ Ph.D. heart. When I was in high school, I was a singing telegram and my mother hired me for one of her lovers. She was married. So I delivered a singing telegram in a thong bikini to one of her lovers, delivering balloons. She was a [Washington] Redskins fan, so I came as Pocahontas. I learned the Redskins theme song. She then proceeded not to claim me as her daughter.

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