Fresh Loaf

Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano today named Mayor Shirley Franklin to serve on an advisory task force that will review the federal agency’s effectiveness in informing the public about terrorist threats.

“I have assembled a task force, made up of Democrats and Republicans, elected officials at the state and local level, security experts, law enforcement officials and other professionals to assess our current threat level system and provide options for any improvements that are needed,” Napolitano said in a statement. “My goal is simple: to have the most effective system in place to inform the American people about threats to our country.”

The task force, which includes mayors, governors, private-sector bigwigs and former intelligence honchos, will review the current advisory system and its impacts on local, state, federal, tribal law enforcement agencies, the private sector and the general public. It will then issue recommendations to Napolitano, who will forward the task force’s report to President Barack Obama.

Says Franklin: “As the home of Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport, which is the busiest airport in the world, it is very important to me in this post 9/11 environment that we review the Homeland Advisory System to measure its current effectiveness.”

(Photo by Joeff Davis)

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Pakistan is collapsing into civil war, causing world leaders, pundits and assorted chickens, wusses, pussies and scaredy cats to start freaking out.

Why the freakness?

Outside observers are afraid the world is about to confront a nuclear nightmare. They’re afraid Pakistan’s super-violent, fundamentalist Taliban fighters might be able to get their hands on one of Pakistan’s nuclear weapons.

Is it possible?

Yes. It’s actually happened before.

In 1965, an organized crime group led by a man named Emilio Largo stole a French fighter jet loaded with two nuclear weapons.

Largo and his crew hid the weapons in an underwater cave in the Bahamas. Largo threatened to nuke Miami unless he received a sack of diamonds worth approximately $2 billion in today’s money.

Largo was on the brink of bombing Miami, but was thwarted at the last minute by a heroic British government employee who not only found the nukes, but also killed Largo and stole his mega-hot girlfriend…

Continue reading Don’t Panic

(Photo illustration by Andisheh Nouraee)

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Forsyth County fire investigators confirm the January 18 fire that destroyed Pamela Graf’s home was indeed arson.

Because graffiti reading “beware bitch your black boy will die” was found on a fence next to Graf’s home, and because Graf had an Obama campaign sign in her front yard, local and federal investigators are trying to determine if the arson was politically motivated.

If the fire was motivated by Graf’s support for Obama, the attack would appear to meet the U.S.’s legal definition of terrorism.

The term “terrorism” means premeditated, politically motivated violence perpetrated against noncombatant^/*/ targets by subnational groups or clandestine agents, usually intended to influence an audience.

At the time of the fire, Graf was in Washington, D.C. for events marking President Barack Obama’s inauguration. She has three children. No one was injured in the fire.

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U.S. CONSULATE: In Turkey attacked by gunmen; three attackers and three police officers are killed.

ATHEIST SOLDIER: Sues the U.S. military, not seeking compensation but seeking to end the religious discrimination in the military he says cost him his career.

MARSUPIAL DU JOUR: Dawsonville’s Kangaroo Conservation Center, the largest collection of kangaroos outside Australia, will be featured on NBC’s “Today” show Thursday morning.

FLIER, FLIER: Obama distances himself from Vernon Jones over Jones’ campaign flier that photoshopped the two of them together, giving the appearance that Obama has endorsed Jones, which he emphasized Tuesday that he has not.

FOREIGN AFFAIR: CBS News’ aptly titled chief foreign affairs correspondent, Lara Logan, tells the Washington Post she’s pregnant from a foreign affair she’s having with a married federal contractor she met while working in Iraq.

“HYPERMILING”: Not driving like a jackass can save gas, just don’t be a hypermiling jackass.

POT STICKLER: The lawyer for a man charged with possession of a garbage bag of pot in his trunk says that if the arresting officers — who originally pulled the man over for a broken tail light but then said they smelled pot — can’t recreate the feat in the courthouse parking lot, the charges should be thrown out for lack of probable cause.

TILTING AT WIND TURBINES: Offshore wind energy in Georgia has gained some steam after Navy and Georgia Tech research shows it may be practical, although it’s still a long way from reality.

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Say you’re a college student. And you’re assigned to do a project on the history of Georgia’s poultry industry. You want to go inside a poultry plant to see how chickens are processed, but every plant says no. So, instead, you stand outside a poultry plant and snap a few digital shots to show your teacher that you did try.

What’s next?

How about a visit from the FBI?

UGA student Jim Diffly was first stopped by a Hall County deputy sheriff who not only asked him about the photos, but also allegedly asked him about his dreadlocks and his beard. Yes, that’s certainly suspicious, especially on a college student.

According to the Gainesville Times:

Hall County Sheriff’s Maj. Jeff Strickland said the deputies responded to a report of a suspicious person and that Diffly was questioned not because of his appearance, but because he was photographing a potential terrorist target.

Authorities believe that large industries in the nation’s food supply are at risk of what officials term “agriterrorism.”

“We regard all calls that could possibly involve agriterrorism as serious,” Strickland said.

Yes, if I’m a terrorist, I’m going straight for a chicken plant. Hit ‘em where it hurts.

But that wasn’t the end of it. The FBI called Diffly and asked for a sit-down. At first, he thought it was an April Fool’s prank by one of his friends.

Except it wasn’t. An agent actually drove to Athens to meet with him. As a sign of protest, Diffly wore a camouflage t-shirt with a yellow AK-47 on the front. He also brought his professor.

Sleep well, America. Your safety is in good hands.

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