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LEAD STORY: Terrorism Gets Pizzazz: A physical fitness video, purportedly made in April by a U.S.-based al-Qaida operative, gives workout tips to jihadists, urging that they “train as hard as possible” to inflict maximum damage on “the enemies of Allah,” according to an ABC News report. Exercises such as crawling long distances on hands and knees are demonstrated by people in flowing robes. The narrator discourages using gyms and fitness centers because of the “un-Islamic” music and “semi-naked” women. And a video released in May, purportedly from al-Qaida in Somalia, features an English-speaking rap singer making a recruitment pitch to U.S. and European youth, including such verses as: “Mortar by mortar/Shell by shell/Only going to stop/When I send them to hell.”

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Do bras keep breasts from sagging as you get older? I’ve heard reports that they do nothing at all.
— CURIOUS

Oh, bras probably do something. It’s just that nobody can agree on what it is. I won’t pretend to have the definitive answer, but here’s what we’ve established so far:

1) The medical term for breast sagging is breast ptosis. One often hears that “the French have a word for it,” “it” being any inscrutable aspect of daily life. If the French ever get stumped, however, ask a doctor.

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(Illustration by Slug Signorino)

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How lethal are Tasers? I know there’s talk about police being Taser-happy and torturing people with these devices, but has anyone been Tasered to death?
— DUGIE C., CALGARY

News a little slow getting up to Calgary, Dugie? Lots of people have died after being Tasered — which is not to say they were necessarily Tasered to death. According to a widely publicized Amnesty International study last year, 334 people in the U.S. plus 25 more in Canada died between 2001 and 2008 after being zapped with a Taser by cops. The Taser’s defenders say it beats shooting people and reduces the risk of stray bullets injuring bystanders. Wrong argument, says AI. The Taser isn’t a replacement for guns but rather for billy clubs and such — for a lot of cops, it’s become the default method of subduing the unruly. OK, getting whupped upside the head in the old days wasn’t a pleasant experience, but at least it didn’t involve 50,000 volts.

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(Illustration by Slug Signorino)

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I recently heard a rumor that sugar processed from beets contains traces of a poison used as a combat weapon in World War II. Is this true? What’s the difference between beet sugar and cane sugar, anyway?
— TOMLOBUR

A good rumor, which this is, is like an Indiana Jones movie. There’s a grain of truth to it, life and death are at stake, and you know Nazis are somehow involved.

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(Illustration by Slug Signorino)

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My girlfriend and I were fighting over which led to a greater chance of getting cancer, smoking or tanning. I probably average a cigarette a day, and my girlfriend usually goes tanning two or three times a week. Who gets cancer first?
— DAVE, COLUMBUS, OHIO

A slo-mo suicide pact — quel romantique! The competitive aspect bugs me, though. Why not jump out the window hand in hand and have this end in a tie?

Research on light smokers is fairly sparse (heavy smokers get most of the ink), but what there is won’t be much comfort. One Norwegian study, which tracked more than 40,000 people for up to 30 years, found the risk from smoking just one to four cigarettes per day was surprisingly high. For men, the risk of dying from lung cancer was 2.8 times higher than for nonsmokers; for women, it was more than five times higher. The cardio news was bad, too: The risk of death from ischemic heart disease was 2.7 to 2.9 times higher than for nonsmokers. Overall, light smokers’ risk of dying from any cause was about 50 percent greater than nonsmokers’. (This means within a given period of time, you understand. The long-run risk of death for anyone short of the Virgin Mary is a solid 100 percent.)

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(Illustration by Slug Signorino)

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What are the risks of anal sex if the partners are heterosexual and monogamous? Could one contract some disease? And if so, how bad is it?
— GUERITA2KOO

Anal sex, eh? Well, I suppose anything beats another round of “Gilmore Girls” reruns. But let’s get one basic concept on the table right away. While there’s no denying anal sex has a certain kinky charm, the rectum was designed as an exit, not an entrance. So yeah, you take some risks.

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With modern medicine and hygiene and diet, we’ve extended life expectancy far beyond what it’s ever been. Yet we all still get old and die. Few make it past 80 or 90 years, and almost nobody makes it past 100. Is there any real hope of something that could allow humans to stop or slow the aging process?

— Eric R., Los Angeles
My initial reply was: Want to stop aging? Move to the developing world, where they’ve got the problem licked. With frequent war, famine, and disease, getting old isn’t an issue for vast swaths of the population. On reading your note more carefully, however, I see your beef about aging is that it makes you die, meaning early death probably isn’t the strategy for you. So instead, I give you Cecil’s Guaranteed Longevity Plan. We’ll start with the easy steps and work up.

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I keep hearing pit bull owners claim their dogs are no more dangerous than any other medium-size to large dog. It’s just bad press, they say. Are there any statistics that prove that they (the dogs, not the owners) are more dangerous or aggressive than other dogs? Maybe they are generally docile but so powerful that when they do attack they cause more damage.
— DECENT DOG-FEARING AMERICAN

Not sure this is a distinction of importance. “Sir, my little Muffy is a docile creature who doesn’t know her own strength. Let me get a flashlight and we’ll see if we can find your arm.” So let’s skip the pit bull owners’ rationalizations and get to the gut question: How dangerous are these dogs?

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My buddies and I have been considering (while drinking) the idea of becoming “airship pilots.” I put this in quotation marks because we cannot find any information on how this (possibly fictitious) profession could be pursued. We have looked into both purchasing an airship and gaining the credentials to pilot one. We cannot find any information beyond stuff about owning amateur hot air balloons. We are frustrated (and possibly drunk) and desperately need to know a few things only you can answer. First, how do you obtain pilot status for an airship? And second, how can we buy our own airship, zeppelin, or dirigible?
— THE THREE “AIRSHIP CAPTAINS”

Fictitious? What makes you think airship piloting is fictitious? You think those are monkeys flying the Goodyear blimp? In fact, an entire federal department, the Federal Aviation Administration, is charged with making sure airships and other airborne craft are operated by qualified personnel, as opposed to, no offense, a bunch of drunks. If you still want to do this once you sober up, here’s how.

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(Illustration by Slug Signorino)

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I once saw a man on “Oprah” who always unplugged appliances because he didn’t want to pay for “phantom” electricity that would leak through the plug even when the appliance wasn’t being used. Recently, a coworker told my husband he saved a lot of money unplugging TVs, computers, etc. Am I really wasting money leaving appliances plugged in even if I turn them off?
— Rebecca

I’ve heard people are selling capacitors to lower electrical bills. Is that possible?
— Big Red

With everyone trying to economize these days, you’re going to hear a lot of dubious ideas about reducing energy costs. Here are a couple. We’ll start with the dumber one.

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(Illustration by Slug Signorino)

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I recently saw a special on the Large Hadron Collider, which, among other things, hopes to find evidence of the “God particle.” Since physics is not my strong suit, I’ve tried to understand this particle through the library and the Web, but everything I find makes my eyes glaze over. Cecil, please explain the God particle in layman’s terms.

— J.S., Palatine, Ill.

Some people find God in church, some in the great outdoors, but it takes truly transcendent geekiness to find divinity in the Large Hadron Collider.

Your question takes us to the strange world of quantum physics, where most folks find almost nothing makes intuitive sense, and which even I find is best grasped with the aid of some good Cabernet. For years physicists have sought a Theory of Everything that would explain how all the particles and forces in the universe interact to produce the workaday world. So far they’ve made some progress: The so-called Standard Model explains the relationship between three of the four fundamental forces, namely electromagnetism, the strong nuclear force (holds atomic nuclei together), and the weak nuclear force (has to do with radioactivity). However, the Standard Model leaves out that fourth force, gravity – a nontrifling omission – and hasn’t been significantly revised since the heyday of Emerson, Lake and Palmer. The God particle and the Large Hadron Collider are an attempt to get things off the dime.

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In a Straight Dope staff report I read online, the writer kindly reminded readers that € is the symbol for the euro. As a European, it seemed to me to be unnecessary until I recalled the old stereotype that we, the Europeans, so enjoy believing about the general American populace: that they’re stupid and/or blind as far as the rest of the world is concerned. So, my question to you, an American who is no doubt not stupid or blind as far as I know, is how close to the mark are we Europeans in assuming that Americans are generally dumb? Where do “y’all” rank globally? And, while we’re on it, where do European countries rank? And, if it turns out we were all wrong about our neighbors across the pond, is there a reason why Europeans would spread such filthy lies about your noble and intelligent nation? Please help restore my faith in America.

— Geert S., the Netherlands

You think we’re stupid? Just because we let a smirking doofus steal our presidential election and lead us into a bogus war? Come on, that was years ago! Let bygones be bygones. Besides, didn’t we just elect the most fab president ever?

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Why is it that if you film an act of prostitution and call it porn, suddenly it’s legal? The only difference I can see is that the male performer is also being paid, but that can’t be the case for all pornography.

– Adler, Toronto, Canada

Just imagine the arraignment: The prosecutor says, “Your honor, the video recording in question shows defendants Mr. Long and Ms. Luvzit engaging in coitus in what appears to be a baseball dugout. Defendant Luvzit is wearing a cap, stirrup socks, and cleats, while defendant Long is dressed in the top half of an umpire’s uniform. After several minutes of explicit sexual activity, during which time defendant Luvzit is heard to moan, yell, and exhort defendant Long to continue (repeatedly complimenting him on his “command of the strike zone”), defendant Long withdraws and ejaculates in full view of the camera.”

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(Illustration by Slug Signorino)

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Is there such a thing as a true intersex person? If so, could they get themselves pregnant? Would their baby be a clone?

— Atrehyeu, via e-mail

I’ll give you credit for one thing, Atrehyeu. You used intersex, the term for those with genital anomalies that many prefer to hermaphrodite, which is a bit too redolent of the freak show for some tastes. In other respects, however, you could stand some serious ignorance intervention.

Strictly defined, intersexuality is when someone’s genitals are either ambiguous or combine male and female elements. Something like one person in 5,000 is different enough from the standard model to be considered intersex.

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My friend says Christians weren’t actually thrown to the lions in ancient Rome, but when I was at the Colosseum, I saw a big cross there in honor of all the Christians martyred at that spot. He insists this was just made up by the church to perpetuate their religion. What gives?

— vbunny

The story has its suspicious aspects, I guess. According to the historian Tacitus, Christians during Nero’s time (at least) were mainly torn apart by dogs, crucified, or burned alive – no mention of lions. The Romans did throw people to lions on occasion, and Tertullian, writing later, remarks that the Romans were always ready to exclaim, “Away with the Christians to the lion!” whenever times got tough. However, Tertullian doesn’t claim he witnessed any martyrdoms-by-lion personally, and anyway he was a Christian himself. Fact is, while the Romans evidently fed Christians to animals, and people to lions, we have no source stating directly that they specifically fed Christians to lions. So theoretically it’s possible the whole Christians-lions thing was a Christian ploy for sympathy.

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