Fresh Loaf

(closes eyes, grips fists) Please let it not be Perdue. Please let it not be Perdue.

Oh! Hi there. (shuffles papers, sits up straight) Beltway columnist Robert Novak, the Corvette-drivin’, right-leaning pundit who prides himself on his “Prince of Darkness” moniker, says John McCain’s pick for his running mate will be announced sometime this week. Mitt Romney’s been speculated as the most likely candidate.

Barack Obama will pick — you guessed it — Bicycle Shorts Man. Good night!

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Enough already! Senators McCain and Obama are playing coy this Memorial Day weekend about their vice presidential selection process.

I’m not going to play that game; I’m going to level with the American people: Yes, I’ve been entertaining political leaders this weekend with the express purpose of vetting them as possible running mates.

We’re checking into geographical, ethnic and regional balance, as well as chemistry, and so far I have two frontrunners. One is an aggressive, white male with a strong instinct to go on the attack, no matter what the situation. The other would be a more revolutionary choice: She comes from a mixed background and likes to chew on leather. Both are southerners with natural charisma.

Please let me know if you’d like to be considered as well.

Below is a photograph of the two. The one on the left is Coconut. The one on the right is Peanut. Please let me know your preference or if you have a pet who’d like to be considered as well.

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