Fresh Loaf

UPDATE: This might NOT be the coolest contest ever, because the Clermont is facing foreclosure. More to come. Stay tuned!

Atlanta’s favorite den of iniquity is calling “all designers, architects, students, creative geniuses, butlers, bell boys, photographers, tourists, bartenders, dancers and engineers” to try their hand at redesigning the iconic Clermont Hotel.

But it’s not the hotel’s infamous basement lounge — where boobs obliterate beer cans and strippers strut their sometimes sagging stuff — that needs a makeover. No way.

Rather, it’s the hotel’s lobby, rooftop and guestrooms that are dying for a new look. (And, in the case of the rooms, a new set of sheets.) The real estate brokerage firm that’s attempting to sell the hotel — while preserving the lounge, of course — is offering $1,000 (rad), a weekend at the Clermont (sorta rad, as long as you bring your own linens, air freshener and earplugs) and a year’s supply of Whynatte energy drink (a seemingly unappealing but reportedly tasty latte in a can) to the winning design.

Second prize is somewhat less desirable: a PBR tall boy and a lap dance.

According to the submission form:

Candidates are requested to submit design concepts that visually convey the re-birth of The Clermont Hotel in Atlanta, Georgia. The Clermont Hotel is a long standing icon just to the east of Midtown Atlanta and home to the nationally renowned Clermont Lounge which opened in 1965. Submissions should capture the uniqueness and funkiness the Clermont is known for. … Candidates are encouraged to work within perspective views (supplied on web site) and provide a concept statement.

The deadline for entries is July 22. Might I suggest this for inspiration?

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Jesse Altman, CEO of Grant Park-based coffee energy drink maker Whynatte, says the Perception of Crime in Atlanta broke into his company’s headquarters early Tuesday evening.

Altman says building security cameras captured images of the Perception of Crime in the shape of three young men who walked off with two of Whynatte’s laptops, some cash, and an assortment of electronics.

From Altman’s e-mail to Perception of Crime Watch®:

Cops dusted for fingerprints – said that it would take 6-12 months to run the prints since it’s a non-violent crime. Office next door was burglarized last week.  Cars have been getting broken into on a weekly basis.

Altman’s frustration with the Atlanta Police Department’s apparent inability to quickly cope with property crimes was echoed to me this week by a staffer at Midtown’s Grady High School.

The staffer, who wishes to remain anonymous, contacted me after at least two perceived thieves broke into the school early Tuesday morning and stole 26 student computers.

The staffer told me the school’s monitored burglar alarm was triggered by the perceived burglars, but police did not respond for several hours. The AJC reports today that the area around Grady is experiencing a rash of similar perceived crimes.

If the Perception of Crime in Atlanta has burglarized, robbed or stabbed you, drop us a note.

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