Omnivore - Donuts: Ultimate jihadist weapon

Here’s another tale of food and madness.

I reported a few days back that the ultra-right-wing blogger Michelle Malkin (right) has given up Starbucks. She objected to the company’s foisting its evil “corporate social responsibility” on her, when all she wanted was a caramel macchiato. Then she learned that Starbucks refused to put the phrase “laissez faire” on someone’s customized card. Starbucks couldn’t explain why the phrase was rejected but Michelle of course suspects the company doesn’t really support laissez faire capitalism...or something.

So, she quit Starbucks cold turkey, switching to Dunkin’ Donuts. She has been a longtime champion of the company because it has been very aggressive in requiring its franchise owners to document that immigrant employees are legal. This has been a special problem along the southern border, apparently, where Mexicans by the truckload sneak across the Rio Grande to pursue the American Dream of becoming a waitress in a donut shop.

Well, the latest installment gets even weirder. Michelle learned that food star Rachel Ray (left) had done a video ad for Dunkin Donuts. But — oh my god! — Rachael is wearing a type of scarf worn all over the Middle East. It’s become trendy in Europe and America, too. But Michelle identifies the scarf as a “jihadi chic keffiyeh,” a favorite garment of terrorists. She is actually concerned that Dunkin’ Donuts and Rachel Ray may be tools of jihad — unwittingly perhaps, but who can deny that if you dress like a terrorist, you might be a terrorist? I’m not making this up.

In the interest of my readers’ welfare, I decided to visit the Dunkin’ Donuts shop on Ponce de Leon Avenue — the one in the shopping center with Whole Foods. A friend told me he recently tried to stop there but was impeded by swarming Mexican day laborers begging him for work. He assured me that he didn’t see any Mexicans decked out in jihadi chic couture, but I was nonetheless surprised that the Indian owner of a franchise so dedicated to immigration law would tolerate this spectacle.

And really, who knows? Dunkin’ Donuts could be dispatching Mexican surrogate jihadists with explosive donuts under their shirts. Imagine the horror of pink shrapnel — it looks like innocent icing — exploding in your face! Imagine your ear drums punctured by candy sprinkles and chocolate jimmies!

We entered the blindingly bright store, which shares the space with Baskin-Robbins, and found it almost deserted. I ordered three donuts and a cup of coffee (right). I am pleased to tell you that none of the three exploded. I am not so pleased to tell you that I have rarely tasted anything as repulsive as these dried-out donuts with super-sweet, almost crispy icing. This was my first visit ever to a Dunkin’ Donuts and it was on Memorial Day. Maybe the donuts were not as fresh as usual?

I will say that the coffee, which the company calls its “number one priority” was good. It wasn’t as strong as I like, but the flavor was rich.

So far, Michelle Malkin, whose insanity is so intense that she lost her gig on Bill O’Reilly’s TV show, has decided not to call for a boycott of Dunkin’ Donuts. After all, terrorists are not nearly as bad as advocates of corporate social responsibility. Meanwhile, the pussy jihadists at Dunkin’ Donuts have pulled the offending ad.

I’m stickin’ to good ole Protestant Krispy Kremes.