My ‘Dear John’ letter to governor candidate Bill McCollum
June 3, 2009 at 6:42 am by Dan Sullivan
By Dan Sullivan
PoHo contributor
Dear Attorney General Bill McCollum,
There’s no easy way to tell you this, so I think I’ll just go ahead and say it: I think we should see other people. Don’t get me wrong, you’re a great guy and all, but I’m just not so sure I can handle a serious relationship with you for governor. It’s not you, it’s me. Well, actually, it’s just you.
If you really want to know the truth, my heart has been stolen by another. Her name is Paula Dockery. She’s a delightful girl who lives in Lakeland. I only just recently became friends with her on Facebook, but the more I hear about her, the more I really want to see her make a run for governor in 2010.
I don’t doubt that Republican Party of Florida Chairman Jim Greer had good intentions when he fixed me up with you. And you really are a great guy. But as my buddy Marco Rubio has been repeating in his speeches lately as he travels the state, Floridians (i.e., me) deserve a choice in this election season.
I’m not saying I don’t want anything to do with you. You’ve done an admirable job in your many laps around the political racetrack. Heck, we all know you were a better man for the U.S. Senate in 2004 than Mel Martinez. You were robbed, there, Bill. But we gave you the AG spot as a consolation prize in ‘06. That ought to be good enough — a nice way to cap off a long and eventful career in politics. After all, did you really want the Clinton impeachment hearings to be the main highlight of your career?
Don’t take this too hard, Bill. You should be proud of all you’ve done. As AG, you’ve done great work in getting tough on cyber-criminals. Of course, I must admit all this talk about you paying millions to a former campaign consultant to produce anti-cyber crime ads right before you start your campaign does rub me the wrong way. The whole thing gave me a weird Buddy Johnson vibe when I heard about it.
At this point, Bill, I think we should just be friends. You’ve paid your dues and done your time. Now you and the wife can have a nice quiet retirement back in Brooksville.
When it comes to the governor’s race, my fellow voters and I simply prefer someone younger and more eloquent. Someone more of us can relate to on a personal level. Paula is all of those things.
Her most recent claim to fame of course was her single-handed blockage of the SunRail-CSX deal – which would have been a shameless waste of taxpayer dollars had it been allowed to pass. In the face of extreme pressure from fellow state Senate Republicans to back down on her opposition to SunRail, Paula stood her ground. She told the whole story at the most recent Polk County Republican Executive Committee meeting.
Paula is the kind of politician who can get the state out of the economic mess that too-tan Charlie is leaving behind. She also has all of the most important bases covered – pro-life, anti-tax, pro-family. Granted, I was a little concerned when some of my Ron Paul-worshipping friends took a liking to her. But from what I can tell, Paula is no libertarian nutball. She’s a sensible conservative who knows that the taxpayers are the boss, not big corporations or lobbyists or political bigwigs.
Simply put, Bill, we can’t have just another old white guy whose been in politics for nearly 30 years going up against Alex Sink. We need someone principled and down-to-earth. If given the choice, I choose Paula.
Don’t take this too hard, Bill. You really are a great guy.
All the best,
Dan
