The Political Whore

R.I.P. George Carlin. The brilliant, subversive, hilarious, precedent-setting comedian was 71. In his honor, here is one of Carlin’s all-time classics: Baseball & Football.

• Obama in bed with Big Ethanol?
• Newsweek has it 51%-36% Obama over McCain.
• Tom Brokaw to host Meet The Press through the election.
• The Mississippi River appears to be cresting.
• Is Bob Barr Nader 2.0?
• So far, Amendment 1 has failed to live up to Crist’s hype.
• 49% think government should regulate in the Internet like TV or radio. In other news, 49% of the population just pooped and need the government to help them wipe.
• The Love Guru tanks. You’re welcome.

One-time CL staff member and current freelance contributor Dawn Morgan is sharing her journalistic talents with other news organizations around town. Just today, Dawn interviewed journalist/political organizer David Sirota about his new book The Uprising, a chronicle of the “burgeoning backlash against the Establishment, government, and media’s unrealistic representation of the people.” The interview is set to run on tonight’s WMNF evening news, but you can get a sneak peak here. Or, tune in to WMNF tonight between 6-7 p.m. on your final hellish commute of the week.

If that doesn’t work for you, hit up the WMNF website in a few days for an archived clip.

I searched YouTube for an hour last night looking for something — anything! — worth sharing with the Short List faithful. I finally did a search for “first day of summer” (which is tomorrow, by the way) and found this:

• Israel’s been practicing bombing Iran’s nuclear facilities. How long until practice makes perfect?
• Obama skips public funding, the first major candidate to do so since the system began in 1976.
• Signs point to Florida in the search for the smoking gun in the tainted tomato investigation.
• After really thinking about it, that stuff that looks like ice in the new photos of Mars tuns out to be … ice.
• 3 years old: Over/under on age of Jamie Lynn Spears’ new baby girl when she’s taken into custody by the state.
• I call no way: A Croatian woman who died in 1966 while sitting in a chair watching TV was just found undisturbed after 42 years.
• Screw HD. 3D TV debuts in Japan.
• The Rays sweep the Cubs.

Michelle Obama charms the ladies of The View. Warning: This video is pretty long. If you hate The View, don’t bother.

• Big Oil carves up Iraq.
• The Royal Bank of Scotland yells fire in a crowded global marketplace.
• In retrospect, Tiger Woods winning the U.S. Open was even more spectacular than anyone realized.
• The Washington Post loves the new Firefox browser. I can’t get it to open without it crashing immediately.
• Progress in the war on cancer comes one obscure, cutting-edge technique at a time.
• I’m sure that burger’s tasty, but $200 tasty?
• Your tax dollars at work: The shape-shifting robot.
• Rays beat the Cubs … again.

Ever wonder how to make a viral video? The process has been boiled down to these nine easy yet mostly duplicitous steps.

• Reintroducing Michelle Obama.
• The All-New Barack & Hillary Show to debut next week with a joint appearance to (what else?) rally donors.
• Obama up by six over McCain. That stat leaves ABC News wondering if it’s panic time … for Obama.
• Rolling Stone’s Matt Taibbi disassembles the Straight-Talk Express.
• Florida prepares to overhaul the method of tabulation of high school graduation rates. Want to bet the numbers go down?
• Lock up the pharmacists? Prescription drugs do far more societal damage than illegal ones.
• R.I.P. Cyd Charisse. If you’re under the age of 50, you just went “who?”
• The Celtics bury the Lakers in six.
• In an ongoing effort to piss of the AP* and get them to sue us, I will be running long quotes from AP stories for the foreseeable future. Today’s quote is from a story about Gov. Charlie restoring voting rights to 150,000 ex felons:

More than 115,000 former felons who completed their sentences have had their civil rights restored since a new state rule went into effect 14 months ago, Gov. Charlie Crist said.

The rule by the Board of Executive Clemency, which Crist chairs, restored rights almost automatically, ending a policy of requiring the panel to act individually on every restoration of rights request. The rights include voting and the ability to get state and local licenses for certain types of jobs.

“Once somebody has truly paid their debt to society, we should recognize it,” Crist said Tuesday. “We should welcome them back into society and give them that second chance. Who doesn’t deserve a second chance?”

The 115,000 former felons Crist cited account for more than half of all former felons in the state who have had their rights restored during the last 14 years, according to the governor.

The governor made the announcement at a two-day summit of state officials, lawmakers, community activists, prison ministers and others to brainstorm ideas for keeping former inmates from returning to crime after their release.

* – I had originally put periods after the A & P in AP. Fortunately, AP’s #1 fan sent me an e-mail informing me of my mistake. Thank’s #1.

Today is Firefox 3 release day. If you’re still using Internet Explorer, we really have to talk.

• “Crist. Oy. Brought in as the keynote speaker because he’s on the short list of potential McCain running mates, his performance Friday night truly did help his party. By showing unequivocally he would be a complete disaster for the GOP – the worst running mate since Dan Quayle.”
• The Dems cave on Iraq. Again.
• McCain’s plan for energy independence: Tap that coastline!
• Hi, I’m the nation of Iran and I’d like to close my account today.
• The AP seems ready to tell bloggers “hands off our text.” But first, the news organization will meet with a “blogging group” to make it look like they’re actually seeking council from those they wish to restrain.
• “George W. Bush is behind the Phish breakup.”
• Legendary: Tiger Woods wins his third U.S. Open. (By surviving a 19-hole playoff. On a bum knee. After not walking a golf course in months).
• R.I.P. Stan Winston.

I usually don’t pimp golf, but Tiger Woods put on a show this weekend at the U.S. Open. His bum knee a constant distraction, Tiger made a dramatic birdie putt on the final hole to force an 18-hole playoff with Rocco Mediate.

• How do you replace Tim Russert? You can’t. But the fact that “It’s going to take four or five people to replace Tim,” does help clear up how an apparently healthy 58-year-old keels over at his desk.
• The Saudi’s open the spigot.
• Historians heart Obama.
• If this new “super-paper” really is “stronger than cast iron,” will a paper cut require hospitalization?
• The attack of the killer tomatoes continues …
• Hulk does incredible business.
• Festival drama: Kanye West pulls a Bonnaroo”debacle.” Meanwhile, M.I.A. announces her retirement from touring right from the stage.
• The Lakers force game six.

Shocking news from the New York Post, which is reporting that NBC News icon and Meet The Press host Tim Russert died today of an apparent heart attack.

We’ll have more on this as we digest the news.

(Photo Credit: Hyku) 

In Honor of Fathers Day, I present this short film that I did not make but found on YouTube.

• Obama’s new website takes a page from the Snopes playbook.
• The Supreme Court undercuts Guantanamo’s legal basis for existence. Bush Administration says they will abide by the ruling (which probably means they won’t).
• Shade of Hillary? Ron Paul’s concession speech contained no actual concession.
• Props to Fox News (no, really): The nut-net pulled ED “terrorist fist jab” Hill from the air.
• Olbermann sees a well-deserved backlash.
• And the award for the “worst drink in America” goes to …
• We now know that your cell phone won’t cause corn to pop, but how much radiation is it really pumping into your skull?
• 3-1 Boston.

Who on earth would have the audacity to publish a memoir titled A Bold Fresh Piece of Humanity? Why, it’s none other than Bill O’Reilly, whose tome will land in bookstores on September 23. Ironic, I know, since all things Bill-O seem anathema to literacy.

In retrospect, you should have guessed, right? Only the dean of Fox News blowhards could lack self-awareness at the level necessary to slap that title on a book jacket. A Bold Fresh Piece of Humanity is a title far beyond even Hannity’s usual self-absorption.

Is there a more egotistical title possible? Some alternate possibilities:

Read the rest of this entry »

McCain’s been taking flack from the left for saying that it’s “not too important” when we get the troops out of Iraq. The McCain folks say that’s taking it out of context. See for yourself:

• James Johnson quits Obama’s V.P. hunt due to “a growing furor over his business activities.”
• Bad weather: Tornado hits a boy scout camp in Iowa, killing 4 and injuring 40.
• Denied: House votes down 3-month extension in unemployment benefits.
• Stocks down, oil up, summer dolldrums early.
• It’s alwasy a good sign when the governor signs the state’s $66.2 billion budget behind closed doors.
• Shia Lebeouf “‘faggot’ slap video” makes the rounds. Check it out here.
• Headline of the week: “Farrah Fawcett Cashes In On Battle Against Anal Cancer.”
• Speaking of cancer, Paul Newman’s got it.

Planning to vote Republican? Watch this video and then share your ideas for our nation in the comments section.

• U.S. bombs Northwest Pakistan, killing 11 Pakistani soldiers. Aren’t they a War On Terror teammate?
• Bush Sabrerattles with Merkel at press conference in Germany.
• Strickland bails out of the running for Obama’s V.P.
• Soaring New York landmark that looks like a hood ornament seeks rich Arab investment fund for romance, long walks on beach, $800 million.
• ADHD: It’s in the genes.
• Sleep can kill you! (Or at least shorten your life.)
• NBA officials fixed playoff games? No way! Those called fouls always look legitimate to me.
• Lakers finally win one against the Celtics, series stands at 2-1 Boston.

This just in from the Creative Loafing food safety division: Attack of the killer tomatoes!!!

• The $100 Million man.
• Trouble brews on the Chinese stock market.
• “Florida Governor Charlie Crist says the Democratic National Committee is cheating Florida delegates out of half of their votes at the national convention this summer.” Someone please inform the Gov that the Dems were just following the GOP’s lead.
• Decision day at the Supreme Court.
• “Terrorist Fist Jab” comment on Fox News a new low for the propaganda network.
• Apple debuts the iPhone 3G and iTunes App Store. Could it be the grim reaper for the GPS industry?
• Gay marriage = economic stimulus.
• The real “surge”: Gas prices crest $4 a gallon.

Side question: What do you think of the new, lean PoHo logo? Sound off in comments.

In case you missed it over the weekend …

Clinton endorses Obama.

• Wolfson reflects.
• The G.O.P. skittish about McCain? Shocking!
• Meanwhile, the candidates are pitching The John & Barack Show to multiple networks.
• Southbound I-75 at U.S. 301 in Ellenton is now open for business.
• Kill-joy scientists prepare to figure out how much brain cancer we’re giving ourselves with all that cell phone use.
• Come visit beautiful Garbage Island.
• Big Brown poops out out on Triple Crown run.
• 2-0 Boston.

In case you always wondered what a boulder made of legos would look like rolling down a hill …

It’s a boulder made of legos rolling down a hill.

• Ok, she’s really out. I think.
• The V.P. hunt begins.
• Obama vs. Lieberman.
• Oprah does the “happy dance” over Barack’s victory.
• You might want to avoid the Ellenton outlet mall for a few days. (Sorry Ham Gravy.)
• Go fuck your cousin! No, really, it’s OK.
• Heeeerrrrreeeeeessssssss foreclosure!
• The Red Wings win the cup.

And so we reach the end of what will surely be the wildest primary contest of my lifetime.

Thank God Wolf Blitzer is there to make sense of it all.

• Obama “claims” the nomination.
• Hillary makes no decisions.
• McCain rips off Obama’s slogan but can’t match Barack’s stage presence.
• And what was up with that ugly green backdrop anyway?
• Who wants to live forever? (How about just past 90?)
• The Lightning show coach John Tortorella the door.
• Game one in Boston seems like old times for the Rays.
• Advantage: Lakers.

The AP just called the democratic primary for Barack Obama.

After over a year of the daily campaign, I have to admit that I have a hard time believing it’s really done. Or, to put it another way, I still expect that at any moment Hillary’s decomposing hand will burst forth from below the ground of her shallow grave, grab a startled Obama and drag him down into the abyss.

But I guess that’s not going to happen. It really is over.

Knowing this, I’ll still tune in to the cable news nets tonight, if only because I’m an idiot and because I like to watch Olbermann and Matthews share uncomfortable silences. Plus, if I don’t watch, I’ll miss Terry Mcauliffe somehow pull off congratulating Obama while still calling his mother a whore.

How about you? Sticking around for the victory speeches or shall I just call you when the general election heats up?

(Photo Credit: Allison Harger)

#4 is the best.

• “McCain’s Top Strategist Lobbied For Iran-Linked Firm”
• “America’s house prices are falling even faster than during the Great Depression”
• “Hillary Clinton in negotiations for Barack Obama to help pay off her debts”
• “Dick Cheney’s Incest Joke Irks Virginian Lawmakers”
• “Huge Confederate Flag to Fly Over Tampa”
• “Designer of Pringles can is buried in his invention”
• “Rocker-Lawyer Pesters R. Kelly, Gets Boot from Courtroom”
• “It’s not the biggest house that ever sold in the Tampa Bay area, but it’s the priciest”

Universal Studios Hollywood caught fire over the weekend, destroying priceless artifacts of film history …

There goes my dream of owning the sets from Back to the Future.

• Congrats Floridians & Michigonians: You count again.
• Clinton wins Puerto Rico.
• McCain, Phil Gramm and the “Death Bond.”
• Is the U.S. operating “prison ships”? Humm, that does sound like us …
• The Rays continue winning in dramatic fashion.
• Sex sells at the box office.
• Forecasters advise that you disregard forecasters.
• R.I.P. Yves Saint Laurent.

Scientists have planted electrodes in the head of a monkey that allow it to control a robotic arm with its thoughts. Here’s the video:

Notice how they force the perspective so you can’t tell that the top of the monkey’s head is chopped off or that wires are streaming out of his exposed brain. Have a good weekend everyone.

• The end is nigh?
• Military suicides hit a new record in 2007.
• It’s going to be tough to encourage HARTline ridership if the buses run over any more customers.
• Obama’s releases cocktail-napkin-sized health record. (He’s fine.)
• Frickin’ hurricane season doesn’t event start until Sunday, but we already have the first named storm of 2008.*
• Headline of the week: “Is Grandma drugged up?” (CNN)
• Stonehenge: It’s a cemetery!
• More on that Colorado alien video: It’s the real deal! (Says this guy.)
• Today’s Short List brought to you by Octagon Global Recruiting.

*-As WP pointed out in the comments section, Alma is a Pacific hurricane, and the Pacific hurricane season started on May 15. I’m a dumb ass. Thanks WP.

The Federal Election Commission is out with their April “contributions by date” report. As I’m sure you remember, the day after the Pennsylvania primary the Clinton camp claimed to have raised $10 million dollars in the wake of Hillary’s big win. So, how’d they really do?

April 22, 2008: $226,294.60
April 23, 2008: $1,738,154.61
April 24, 2008: $2,578,730.28

That’s a total of about $4.5 million, which leaves Clinton’s initial claims off by about $5.5 million (and that’s with an extra day). That seems like more than a math error; that seems like they were lying and they knew it.

That the Clintonites would lie isn’t much of a revelation these days. Sadly, the campaign did some other figuring that night, and decided that a lie today would be forgotten tomorrow. The calculation was that no one would care or remember by the time the FEC’s report was released at the end of May. Or if they did, it would be too late, anyway. After all, the voters are just a bunch of ignorant rubes who will believe whatever the Grande Dame tells them to.

Swallow it down Democratic primary voters. Choke on it. And like it, you miserable swine.

(Photo Credit: Professorai)

Lost finale tonight. Predictions in the comments section.

• The general election begins next Tuesday.
• “Team McCain: Ready for Prime Time?”
• Did the press do anything without Bush’s permission between 2001-2004? Apparently not.
• Still not a recession (until we figure out how the government keeps cooking this number).
• “[Obama] is a rock star. I love what he is saying about education. I think he will win and I am anxious to meet him.” —Rupert Murdoch.
• “Good luck with your layoffs, all right? I hope your firings go really well.”
• A solar-powered iPhone?
• Ready for his/her close-up: E.T.

I get daily e-mails from something called GOPUSA. Depending on your point of view, GOPUSA is a collection of morons on the lunatic fringe or a brave group of conservatives keeping the liberal media in check. GOPUSA’s mantra is “Bringing the conservative message to America,” which leaves me wondering where they’re importing it from. (I’ve got my cash on outer space.) Today’s nutblast landed in my inbox with the headline, “Rachael Ray, Dunkin’ Donuts And The Keffiyeh Kerfuffle.”

I was intrigued. Was this an announcement for a new breakfast item? A word-association game? A spelling test?

Sadly, no. It seems that Ms. Ray has run afoul of conservatives, including Michelle Malkin, who filed today’s GOPUSA screed. Some quotes:

I’ve been a fan of Dunkin’ Donuts for years. Their Munchkins are heaven. Their coffee is better and cheaper than Starbucks. And the company’s management has taken a brave and lonely stand in support of immigration enforcement — refusing to hire illegal aliens and blowing the whistle on applicants with bogus Social Security numbers.

So it was with some dismay that I learned last week that Dunkin’ Donuts spokeswoman Rachael Ray, the ubiquitous TV hostess, posed for one of the company’s ads in what appeared to be a black-and-white keffiyeh.

Malkin wants you to know that she loves Dunkin Donuts, especially since they’re one of the few employers in the country willing to root out illegals and send them packing. This isn’t all about the donuts, however. This is about Rachel Ray and her choice to wear an “offensive” clothing item in an ad. That item: a “black-and-white keffiyeh.” A what?

Read the rest of this entry »

Great moments in presidential speechifying.

• McClellan spills the beans on Bush.
• Obama confuses two Nazi prison camps, the Right declares him unfit to lead.
• Al-Qaeda calls for WMD attacks on the West.
• Where else? “Max Hardcore” on trial for obscenity in Tampa.
• Look who’s on Facebook now …
• The “Zero Punctuation” guy slows down for an interview.
• “True Romance: 15 Years Later.”
• Slice & Dice: The Macbook Air.

Weezer gets it.

• Americans cut back on driving at historic rate.
• I don’t get it: If that’s an actual picture of NASA’s Phoenix lander on Mars, who or what took it?
• Someone’s shooting rockets at Continental airlines flights over Texas.
• About as grim as it gets.
• Guess who’s got the best record in the majors?
• It’s the thought that counts.
• Quitting smoking: Good. Losing control of the car because of the prescription quit-smoking drug you’re taking: Bad.
• R.I.P. Sydney Pollack.

Guess who just brought up the June 1968 assassination of Bobby Kennedy as justification for staying in the Democratic primary race?

What’s next? Add your guesses in the comments section.

Happy Memorial Day Weekend everyone!

• McCain is quite healthy — for someone who could die of natural causes at any moment.
• Not so fast gay couples in California …
• Hillary’s next move: handing out pitchforks and torches.
• Hot rumor: Hillary asked to be V.P., and Obama said no.
• Driving this Memorial Day weekend? Better get a loan.
• China and Russia band together in opposition to U.S missile defense.
• Texas: The land of big hats, big trucks, and big time illegal child seizures.
• Tarantino gives a great fuckin’ lecture at Cannes.

The Empire Strikes Barack

• Charlie Crist shows up on McCain’s short list … and mine.
• If Hillary is angling for the VP slot, she sure has a funny way of showing it.
• Clarification: Despite her high-horse prancing, Mrs. Clinton is responsible for Florida’s votes not counting.
• The decider is overridden.
• The Port of Tampa almost exploded this morning.
• American Airlines to start charging $15 for first checked bag. What’s next, $2 to use the can?
• Facebook gets a facelift.
• Six degrees of Paris’s hoo-hah.

Sen. Barack Obama’s appearance at the St. Pete Times Forum is over, but the battle for Florida’s 27 electoral votes is just getting underway. In a poll released Monday, Rassmussen has Sen. John McCain out in front of Obama 50%-40% in Florida. This 10-point lead is down from the 15-point advantage McCain enjoyed last month. Digging below the surface of the numbers reveals some other interesting tidbits:

• Obama leads among voters earning less than $40,000 a year — the group he’s struggled with the most in his race with Hillary.
• Obama is up 22 points among voters under 30. McCain leads among all other age groups.
• The God-fearing still love the Republicans, as McCain maintains a lead among churchgoers.
• McCain’s favorability rating is at 50%, Obama’s is at 48%. This represents a 12-point drop for McCain and a 6-point increase for Obama since April.
• Almost 30% of Democrats tell the pollster they will vote for McCain in the fall.

On that last point, Markos at Daily Kos is chalking up Obama’s weakness to the ongoing battle with Clinton and the raw feelings of her supporters. If that’s the case, Obama simply has to win back Florida Dems (something that seems very likely to happen before the election, primary bad blood or no) and the Sunshine State is a dead heat. With McCain behind in fundraising and currently purging unhappy lobbyists from his campaign staff at an alarming rate, a 10-point lead may not be very good news after all.

But don’t get too cocky yet, Obamaheads. Rasmussen still puts the likelihood of a McCain victory in Florida at 75%.

A lion in winter.

• A split decision in Kentucky and Oregon, but Obama clinches the pledged delegate majority.
• Hillary now $31 million in debt. Maybe she is the right person to steward the economy after all.
• Going to see Barack in Tampa today? Arrive early.
• “This will make Watergate look like Child’s Play.”
• Israel holds peace talks with Syria. Who knew the Israelis were so reckless and inexperienced?
• Sell your Apple stock: They just opened a store in Brandon.
• The NFL owners opt out of the league’s labor contract. This type of brinkmanship worked so well for professional hockey.
• Chupe mantequilla de mi culo!

(Photo Credit: Brian Finifter)

You’re a grand old flag …

• Israeli newspaper claims Bush will bomb Iran before the end of his term.
• Clinton claims lead in popular vote, but only if you use Hillary Math.
• Obama leads Clinton 55-39 nationally among Dems in yesterday’s Gallup poll.
• Can someone please teach Bill Kristol how to do research before he helps mislead us into a costly and destructive war? Nevermind.
• Sore loser: Geraldine Ferraro.
• Red Sox pitcher Jon Lester goes from being treated for cancer to throwing a no-hitter in two short years.
• Yawn: Napster starts selling MP3s. That only took 8 years.
• Indy to shatter box office records?

A little dose of straight talk.

• McCain to hit up the RNC for campaign cash.
• The “very, very, very old” candidate also hit SNL for one of the worst guest appearances ever.
• Obama draws 75K in Oregon.
• Clinton finds a new scapegoat: the media.
• This just in from Germany: Too much smiling can kill you!
• Olbermann vs. O’Reilly — the feud escalates.
• Time digs Crystal Skull.
• Is Sir Charles headed for skid row?

Have a good, non-violent weekend.

• Ahead of the curve: The California Supreme Court legalizes gay marriage.
• Lame Duck Watch: Bush rips Obama as an appeaser and begs the Saudis for cheaper oil.
• “Behind the Bush-Obama Smackdown.”
• “Bin Laden” releases yet another blowhard tape.
• America the masochistic.
• Indiana Jones invades France.
• Whoa Angelina, did you gain some weight?
• Nintendo’s latest sales strategy: Help the customer live longer.

Colbert buries O’Reilly.

• Edwards hops down off the fence.
• “The Al Gore watch starts now.”
• McCain outlines his four year plan.
• Republican members of congress brace for a November bloodbath.
• The Rays re-up Scott Kazmir’s deal.
• Save the polar bears.
• Syesha comes home … for good.
• I forget what this story is about, but that’s apparently normal.

Maybe the Republicans are on to something …

• “Americans are gloomier about the direction of the country than at any point since 1992… .”
• “The Angry Earth” (featuring a guest appearance by the State of Florida).
• “Chinese stocks fell after the strongest earthquake in 58 years struck southwestern Sichuan province, killing 10,000 people and damaging power plants and transmission lines.”
• “‘Gruesome scene’ in Lutz”
• “Expert: Older people more content because of lowered expectations”
• “We know Conan O’Brien, and Jimmy Fallon is now Conan O’Brien.”

And finally, a double-shot from Time:

• Darfur Rebel Leader Vows: More War”
• “Why Pakistan’s Government Collapsed”

(Photo Credit: Gloom)

Dave is so friendly.

• How Barack first found his groove.
• Choosing sides in the battle of the ballpark.
• China’s got a whole lot of shakin’ going on.
• Ron Paul plots a Republican convention revolution.
• A new book pulls hip-hop culture out of the closet.
• On thin ice …
• The Dali look-a-like contest has a winner.
• Speed Racer hits the skids.

What will you do with your government stimulus check?

• Barack’s “victory lap.”
• Hillary just keeps on campaigning.
• “Dear Barack, why are you being such a stickler for the rules?”
• Let the Lebanese civil war commence.
• Citigroup to trim about $400 billion worth of fat.
• WTF: The 3-year old St. Pete boy who has never fallen asleep.
• Your Lost recap. (I have to start watching the show alone so I can hear over all the people in the room bad-mouthing it as it plays.)
• Dude, that’s not what we meant by “head shop.”

Couch potatoes unite!

• The mother of the St. Pete courthouse gunman blames shootout on “antigovernment Web sites.”
• Clinton’s five big boo boos …
• … and her three options.
• Bush mucks with the FCC to help out his old buddy/election law-flouter John McCain.
• Toyota feels the sting of the U.S. economic slowdown.
• The high price of intelligence.
• The Olympic torch makes it to the protester-free summit of Mt. Everest.
• No GTA IV in India. Reason: a global shortage.

Russert called it, so you know it must be over.

• Split decision …
• … but Hillary’s running out of options.
• Breaking down the “Limbaugh Effect.”
• Ron Paul just keeps on runnin’.
• The Unlucky 13: Florida banks living on the edge.
• Bill Gates predicts the future.
• The Rays new stadium: The windup before the pitch.
• Turns out the White House was fond of recycling their e-mail backup tapes.

See you at Radiohead tonight?

• Please God, let it somehow end tonight.
• Myanmar tries to pick up the pieces.
• McCain denies he didn’t vote for Bush in 2000, which is puzzling since it was the best news about him in a week.
• “She said, ‘You’ve been accused of wizardry,’ Piculas said.”
• The DC Madam’s suicide notes. Notes, plural. Uh-huh.
• Oil: Still cheaper than a house made of gold bars.
• When Yanks vs. Sox turns deadly …
• Come and get it: Free Nine Inch Nails.

Barack bounces back …

• … Just in time for The Final Push.
• They shoot horses, don’t they?
• Today’s sign the sky is falling for the Republicans: Cazayoux defeats Jenkins in Louisiana.
• Hear a gun shot, see your neighbor lying on their porch, assume she’s sunbathing?
• We’re #2! We’re #2!
• Iron Man turns to solid gold at the box office.
• Could GTA IV whack the Wii?
• The Sox sweep the Rays.

(Photo of Obama at UNC by Runder.)

Our new hero. Have a good weekend everyone.

• Happy days are here again!
• It’s great that the convicted D.C. madam chose suicide over prison, but did she have to do it in the Bay area?
• The polls continue to tighten.
• More surprising: Obama’s proposed $15 billion tax on oil company profits, or the fact that $15 billion is only 10% of what the bastards walked away with last year?
• Bush makes history.
• Hot or not? Barbara Walters got in on with a married U.S. Senator back in the ’70s.
• Puff, Puff, Give: Smoking weed will not give you lung cancer, and it might even protect you from it.
  
• Bombs away! It’s raining babies in India.

Happy fifth anniversary.

• Obama takes a beating, still manages to pick up another Superdelegate.
• Hillary’s never had plastic surgery or heard of Red Bull, but she does have a thing for Honest Abe. Oh, and “testicular fortitude.”
• The experts agree: The McCain/Clinton gas tax holiday is a crap idea.
• The Bush Administration and the telecoms conspired to hide their illegal activities. Can’t we just give these nice Americans immunity already?
• Another Bay area teacher has been arrested after an inappropriate romantic relationship with a student. This time, however, the perp is male. Let’s execute him!
• Troxler gets robbed!
• First take: “Unlike the irreducible element that is its namesake, Iron Man the movie is an alloy, a combination of several different and disconnected components that don’t manage to unite to make a coherent whole.”
• A $199 iPhone? Don’t count your chickens just yet.

Dude, you gotta read your deed restrictions.

• Obama cuts off the ravin’ Rev.
• Mrs. Irrelevant.
• U.S. preps military action against a “hostile” Iran. I’d suggest “Operation: National Suicide” as a title.
• U.S. economy staves off recession with .6% growth. I feel better, don’t you?
• Figuring out the rice shortage. (Hint: The problem isn’t just ethanol.)
• Al Franken finally pays his taxes.
• Paula Abdul’s got issues with her short-term memory.
• Lede of the week: “A teen accused of plotting to blow up his high school told police that he wanted to die, go to heaven and kill Jesus, federal authorities said Tuesday.”

Who said it? Can you match the quote to the name below?

• “… my general feeling is that the recession will be longer and deeper than most people think.”
• “I would hope that we could bring them all home. …”
• “At the heart of my approach is a simple belief. … Middle-class families are paying too much and oil companies aren’t paying their fair share to help us solve the problems at the pump.”
• “The displays of personalities such as Barbie, Batman, Spiderman and Harry Potter… as well as the irregular importation of unsanctioned computer games and movies are all warning bells to officials in the cultural arena.”
• “It all adds up to a new level of depth for an interactive entertainment experience.”
• “Indictment should also be against Sony and Microsoft which are making this pornographic game available to minors, and openly so, on their PS3 and Xbox systems.”
• “Annie took, like, a beautiful shot, and I thought it was really cool. That’s what she wanted me to do, and you can’t say no to Annie. … I think it’s really artsy. It wasn’t in a skanky way.”

A. Jack Thompson

B. John McCain

C. Seth Schiesel

D. A complete fucking liar Miley Cyrus

E. Warren Buffett

F. Hillary Clinton

G. Iranian Prosecutor General, Ghorban Ali Dori Najafabadi

(Photo Credit: Aymlis)

He shoots, he scores?

• The Rev. Jeremiah Wright speaks, people listen here, here, here and here.
• Good news from the NY Times: “Eight years after the debacle of ‘hanging chads,’ Florida once again seems to be courting electoral trouble.”
• Counting up all the new Democrats may take a while.
• This isn’t news, this is a sign of the apolocalypse. [Click at your own risk. Seriously.]
• Oil prices: Still cheaper than a condo in downtown St. Pete.
• Hot theft: Dashboard GPS units.
• The Bucs get speed, speed and more speed in this year’s NFL draft.
• I don’t believe Miley Cyrus. At all.

Have a good weekend everyone. Be safe.

• The Old Gray Lady is a real bitch.
• Undeclared superdelegate and highest ranking African-American in the congress James Clyburn rips the Clintons for, among other things, being “hell-bound to make it impossible for Obama to win [in November].”
• Rush Limbaugh dreams of “riots in Denver” during the Democratic National Convention. I dream of an undiscovered gas leak in Rush’s smoking room.
• Willie Mays Hayes gets three years for tax evasion.
• Atlanta bar owner unveils the “bum bot.” St. Pete police are sure to be intrigued.
• Place your bets: Is this story fact or fiction? (I vote fiction.)
• God I miss inhaling “the secretions of a beaver’s castor glands (located near the animal’s genitals).”
• Glory days: Images from before the prohibition of everything but alcohol and cigs.

Anybody got a quarter I can borrow?

• Clinton gets a cash infusion …
• … And invents new math to put her ahead in the popular vote.
• Gen. David Petraeus gets a big promotion, moves to Tampa.
• Florida lawmakers propose a Christian license plate. Can the Satan license plate be far behind?
• Ford turns a profit!
• “The surviving baby raccoon, named Miracle by veterinarians, is being treated at a local animal hospital.”
• And the world’s most Googled woman is …
• Apple preps for the coming iPod slump.

Hillary wins it!

• What does it all mean?
• “The Low Road to Victory.”
• What’s next?
• McCain’s lovin’ it.
• Delta loses billions.
• Bush breaks the record for lowest Gallup approval rating ever.
• The L.A. Times chops up “parodies of themselves” Pacino and DeNiro.
• Lost in real life. (Minus the smoke monster.)

Prediction: Hillary by 8.*

• What does it all mean? Five things to pay attention to when watching primary results tonight.
• Cash crunch: Obama is flush while Hillary is drowning in debt.
• A match made in heaven: Bush & Deal or No Deal.
• Oil: Still cheaper than a fake Marilyn Monroe sex tape.
• Happy birthday DARPA.
• Earth Day hits the funny pages.
• Gas is so expensive, Bay area residents are actually riding the bus.
• First the Harry Potter chick, now it’s “racy” pictures of Miley Cyrus.

* – Prediction arrived at by determining what Clinton margin of victory would be the most inconclusive. 8 points is short of the blowout Team Hillary needs, but it’s not close enough for Obama to declare victory.

The great unraveling.

• “Superdelegates Unswayed by Clinton Attacks.”
• Dean tells Supes, “make up your friggin’ minds now.”
• Superdelegate Robert Reich (Bill’s first Labor Secretary) goes all Judas and endorses Obama.
• Supes play down Pennsylvania.
• Supes “worn out” by tone and length of campaign.
• Obama responds to the debate, promises to “get tough” with McCain in the fall.
• Colbert gets Hillary and Barack (same night, different segments, both very funny).
• Bill Ayers speaks! Well, he blogs, anyway.

IN OTHER NEWS:

• A Whole lotta shakin’ goin’ on.
• Headline of the week: “The Pope Tackles the Sex Abuse Scandal.” Really? Did he roll around on the floor with it too?
• Teenagers rejoice! Scientists think they have a cure for acne.
• Why is a member of the House of Representatives from Alaska slipping in $10 million earmarks for road upgrades to I-75 in Florida after the bill had been voted on?
• Flowers on the moon: Closer to reality.
• Secret blueprints for the new World Trade Center found by a homeless man rooting through a NYC garbage can.
• Batter up: Last night’s Rockies-Padres game went 22 innings, the longest MLB game in 15 years.

(Photo Credit: Franco Folini)

UPDATE: WP has posted a link in the comments section to a story about the Florida Legislature proposing a bill to ban “bumper nuts.” Good lookin’ out, WP!

I’m ashamed to be an American today.

• “Worst. Debate. Ever.”
• Clinton comes out guns ablazin’, Obama ducks and covers.
• Is Barack electable? “Yes, yes, yes.”
• Consensus: Chuck & George sucked big time. They were so bad, they were heckled.
• They were so bad ABC’s viewers noticed and flooded their website.
• They were so bad Philly.com wrote them an open letter detailing the shame they brought upon the media. (Man, if you make the media feel ashamed …)

IN OTHER NEWS:

• The dollar just keeps on sinking.
• Pope calls dozens of priests molesting hundreds of children “a deep shame.” Dozens of priests call it “a good time.”
• PS – The abused aren’t really down with the pontiff’s mea culpa.
• Joe Lieberman ready to rock the Republican convention?
• The father of Chaos Theory dies in Massachusetts, rain is reported in Tokyo.
• Chug! Chug! Chug!: A chemical used to make plastic water bottles may be killing you.
• Now that’s a nice cruise ship.

(Photo Credit: Daquella Manera)

Dear Penn-heads,

You have a lovely state there in the northeast. I’ve traveled through it many times and, aside from the large swatches of territory completely destroyed by 20th-century industry (Hello Pittsburgh!), the natural beauty Pennsylvaniaites gaze upon daily is inspiring. Plus, the preservation of a hole Ben Franklin used as a toilet when he lived in Philadelphia shows you have great reverence for history and the nation in which we live.

Tonight, Philadelphia plays host to another shit-filled bottomless pit when the Democratic presidential primary debate between Sen. Barack Obama of Illinois and Sen. Hillary Clinton of Illinois Arkansas New York Scranton comes to town. This will be the 21st such meeting of the candidates. What you guys hope to glean about these two that you did not pick up on in the previous 20 debates is a mystery to me, but I admire your thoroughness.

Next Tuesday, you will take the knowledge acquired this evening to the polls and select the person you want to run against Republican John McCain in the fall. Like many votes, this one will be completely meaningless. Just to fill you in on what’s happened so far: Barack Obama has already won the nomination and no one wants to tell Hillary Clinton it’s over. He’s won twice as many states, building an insurmountable lead in both the popular vote and the pledged delegates in the process. So, the charade continues and the fine people of Pennsylvania are subjected to wall-to-wall campaign advertising, news reports and talking head rants.

You, great voter of Pennsylvania, have a rare and historic opportunity. You can end this soul-eating Bataan Death March of a primary season by rejecting Hillary Clinton’s candidacy and granting Barack Obama a surprise victory in your state. This is your moment to shine PA! If you don’t step up and send Hillary back to the Senate, Indiana’s just going to do it in three weeks anyway. Why let those Hoosier assholes steal your glory? Do the right thing and end the primary season. The nation will be forever in your debt.

Thank you,
Joe Bardi

Hell hath no fury …

• Clinton vs. Obama: Round 21 tonight.
• The Senate passes a bill giving billions to auto makers and the airlines under the guise of helping struggling homeowners.
• Chris Matthews for Senate?
• Hillsborough Election Supervisor Buddy Johnson’s got some explaining to do.
• More on those tasty McCain family recipes stolen from the Food Network. When all else fails, blame the interns.
• Oil: Still cheaper than owning your own island.
• Only 17 days until “Shutdown Day.” Have you finished your shopping yet?
• With child: Ashlee Simpson.

For those about to rock, we salute you!

• Papa Bear Clinton is back on the campaign trail: “But there was a lot of fulminating because Hillary, one time late at night when she was exhausted, misstated and immediately apologized for it, what happened to her in Bosnia in 1995.” Um, Bill, you got a few misstatements there. I’m sure it was just a senior moment.
• And Bill, about those retirement benefits …
• You mean Cheney had a hand in OKing torture? What a shocker!
• Stonehenge starts giving up its secrets.
• Highway to the danger zone: American cancels another 570 flights.
• Come on Floridians! Your cutback in flushing cash down the Lottery toilet is hurting the school system.
• Remember that crazy Marine who killed his pregnant Marine girlfriend and fled to Mexico? He fnally got busted.
• The iPhone is killing the Internet!

(Photo Credit: Rob Ball)

Isn’t it inspiring when local luminaries attract national attention to Central Florida?

• From “It’s gonna be a blowout!” to “It’s a miracle we’re still in the lead,” The Clinton campaign begins manipulating expectations ahead of the Pennsylvania primary.
• Obama snubs the gay press first in Texas and now in Pennsylvania. Shocking! There are gay people in Texas.
• Long lines? At Tampa International?!!? Thank you American Airlines!
• Packing heat at the office? A-OK with the Florida Legislature.
• The sordid tale of Joe Lieberman’s crashing website.
• Scrambled eggs can kill!
• Gizmodo’s take on the future of high-speed internet: “We’re Totally Screwed.”
• Can anyone beat Tiger at Augusta?

Come on San Francisco, light my fire.

• Patraeus, the candidates and the showdown on the Hill.
• Bigger threat to computer systems, you or al-Qaeda? Hint: Don’t check Afghanistan for the answer.
• Bush administration euphemism of the day: deferred prosecution.
• Before your next visit, please consult the Tourist’s Guide to Baghdad.
• Home opener: Crist throws out the first pitch, the Rays lose 6-5.
• Disney animation makes a big move to 3-D.
• According to a new study, violent video games promote relaxation more than violence.
• Just when you though Facebook couldn’t possibly eat more of your day, presenting Facebook Chat.

(Photo Credit: Donnay)

Now that’s an Olympic torch relay.

• Time magazine names its Top 25 blogs. Guess who’s not on it? (Bastards!)
• Stupid Headline #1: “Crackdown on Militias May Add to Instability in Iraq” (Gee, ya think?)
• And the Pulitzer goes to: Bob Dylan.
• Noisy fish terrorize Cape Coral, Fl. Yes, that’s fish. The underwater kind.
• Men’s Health airs the restaurant industry’s dirty laundry.
• Stupid Headline #2: “Depression linked to Alzheimer’s” (Gee, that’s just about everyone, isn’t it?)
• Kansas beats Memphis in OT to bring March Madness to a close.
• The Lightning nab the #1 pick in the NHL draft.

Hey, who let the old guys on YouTube?

• Obama rakes in $40 mil in March. Hillary score half that.
• Citing the agency’s ineffectiveness against natural causes, McCain turns down secret service protection.
• 81% of Americans feel nation should pull over, ask for directions.
• Why King’s dream still matters.
• Moqtada al-Sadr plans “million-strong” march in Najaf to protest American occupation of Iraq, disprove old axiom about safety in numbers.
• Bush gets no love from the historians.
• Tampa Bay: Home to sun, sand and porn fantasy camp.
• Scientists and DOT professionals plan an experiment to determine the point at which human beings explode by closing a northbound lane on the Howard Frankland for three days next week during the daytime.

Yesterday’s viral video today …

• A possible compromise in the Florida delegate clusterfuck bubbles to the surface.
• Bush’s final NATO summit is marked by success and failure.
• Caffeine does the body good.
• The mark of leadership: Are those new sneakers I see?
• See honey, 5 minutes is ideal!
• Seinfeld — The Lost Episode: The Car Wreck.
• The iPhone shortage: Is a new model on the way or is the gray market taking over.
• “I’ve turned into the Rolling Stones of hip-hop.”

CLINTON DROPS OUT!!!!

• Joint Clinton/Obama press conference planned for 6:30 p.m. eastern.
• Insiders say campaign collapsed under fund-raising strain.
• Bill reportedly heartbroken he Hillary didn’t win.
• Obama campaign said to be elated, exhausted.
• Candidates agree to deal to seat Florida and Michigan delegations.
• Democratic party elders breathe a sigh of relief.
• How will the cable news networks fill the time between now and August?
• John McCain calls to congratulate Obama, negotiate public financing agreement.

(Photo Credit: Joe Crimmings Photography)

Flashback Friday.

• The Hillary Deathwatch. (Don’t worry: They mean the candidate, not the person.)
• “This is like any other cover-up,” Mr. Remes said. “We’ve only scratched the surface.”
• Recession? Probably. Depression? No way.
• Now, where did I put that high-yield nuclear warhead?
• Did the latest al-Qaeda tape give the “attack” order?
• Man found dead, full of bullet holes and laying in U.S. 19 in South St. Petersburg.
• Is there anything better than recorded phone calls involving Courtney Love?
• Hack a Mac in “two minutes flat.”

Still alive.

• MSNBC’s kick-ass number cruncher Chuck Todd goes inside the latest poll numbers.
  
• The little lady should be seen and not heard: Clinton’s moneymen sent a letter to Nancy Pelosi telling her to shut her trap about superdelegate voting.
• Joe Klein floats Al Gore as the possible democratic nominee. Time to retire, Joe?
• McCain puts Russia squarely in the enemy category.
• The New York Post has linked Spitzer to a second call girl ring (“And There He Ho’s Again”) and provides details on the couple that ran Emperor V.I.P.
• Shuttle Endeavor zips by with a bang.
• The L.A. Times retracts their “Diddy did it” Tupac murder story. Puff is still guilty of murdering Led Zeppelin’s “Kashmir” for that shitastic Godzilla remake, though.
• Adobe’s Photoshop goes online in an “Express” version, and by “Express” they mean free.

(Photo Credit: Steve Rhodes)

oops.

• 4000.
• The surge just keeps on surging.
• Debate gamesmanship: Now Hillary’s not sure she can make it.
• The wisdom of Pat Buchanan: “No people anywhere has done more to lift up blacks than white Americans.”
• Tampa Bay makes a play for a “world’s horniest teachers” designation.
• Google continues the push for a national wireless network.
• “As soon as I saw her coochie, I told Jason, this is special.”
• Britney Spears appears on TV and doesn’t completely suck. Call it a comeback?

Happy “Gangsta Thursday.”

• Hillary’s chances continue to narrow.
• Hey Tampa, Guess who’s coming to dinner? Why it’s Barack’s pastor, Rev. Wright.
• And speaking of wacky pastors, what’s Hillary got in her closet?
• Osama bin Laden uses his first message in months to bitch about cartoons. Praise Allah he’s never seen The Far Side.
• Today’s leading economic indicator: The decline of Starbucks.
• The cubicle turns 40.
• Indie video games take off with Crayon Physics Deluxe.
• How about them Cowboys!

Greatest last five seconds to a crappy cell phone video ever!

• Yesterday’s Obama race speech was a hit.
• Bush: Iraq was was worth it. (In fairness to the Prez, what’s he supposed to say?)
• Mediocre radio slugfest: MJ battles Bubba.
• Much to Joe Francis’ delight, Ashley Alexandra Dupre went “Wild” four years ago.
• Not a Scientologist: Will Smith.
• Tina Fey smacks The Daily Show.
• R.I.P. Arthur C. Clarke.
• R.I.P. Anthony Minghella.

“Clean up on aisle 1234-5678-9101-1121.”

• A security breach at Hannaford Bros. Supermarkets (owners of 109 Sweetbay stores in Florida) “exposed 4.2 million credit and debit card numbers and led to 1,800 cases of fraud.”
• Hillary is going to win big in Pennsylvania and there’s nothing Obama can do to stop it.
• No re-vote for Florida.
• CNN/Opinion Research Corporation survey has Obama up 52-45 nationally.
• This November, vote to shift your property tax burden to the backs of the poor.
• Meet the new boss: The new New York governor and his wife both admit extramarital affairs.
• Real conservative guys: Wall Street gets a massive government bailout. Main Street? Not so much.
• The Dali Lama threatens to resign. Can reincarnated Gods actually step down?

(Photo credit: Porkfork6. Porkfork is a St. Pete resident who has taken some great pictures of Weedon Island and Roser Park. Check out his Flickr page.)

No end in sight.

• Obama answers every question the Chicago Tribune can think up about Tony Rezko, escapes intact.
• The kicker: Rising gas prices may wipe out any economic benefit of the coming Bush stimulus checks.
• How low will it go? The stock market preps for a rocky Monday.
• Sure Gov. Crist used to smoke weed recreationally, but that’s no reason to change drug policy.
• What Florida needs now is more traffic laws.
• The rich history of St. Patrick’s Day, more recently known as an excuse to wear green and get shit-faced in public.
• Office pool alert: Get your printable NCAA tournament bracket sheet here.
• Beverly Hills 90210: The Spinoff.

(Photo Credit: debaird)

St. Pete’s Scientologists have a request for a restraining order against street protesters “Anonymous” denied by a Pinellas judge, and almost immediately the bomb squad is called in to investigate a suspicious package (which turns out to be nothing). Coincidence?

• USA Today ponders if Hillary is about to sink the Democratic party.
• The media digs into Obama’s past, with stories on his inspirational mother and his vitriolic ex-pastor.
• After a busy night, Ashley Alexandra Dupre deletes her MySpace and Facebook pages.
• Stop this thing, I want to get off.
• What’s your credit score? Does it matter? What is a “credit score,” anyway?
• The Harry Potter box office finale: One is not enough.
• Does the quit-smoking pill Chantix lead some people to suicide, or is that just the quitting smoking?
• Time Mag’s Lost wrap. Personally, I thought the “Desmond displaced in time” episode two weeks ago earned an A+, but the following week (”Ben loves Juliette”) sank to a melodramatic C-. Last night the show rebounded a bit, earning a solid B. Hey Lost producers: More A+ please!

(Photo of a bomb squad member in downtown St. Pete yesterday, by Loaf Account Executive James Ostrand)

Let us all now gawk at the woman Spitzer paid for sex.

• Could Spitzer’s frugality have led to his downfall?
• Hillary plots victory in Pennsylvania.
• In the wake of Adm. William Fallon’s resignation, Cent Com in Tampa cuts 1100 jobs.
• Of all the resignations this week, Geraldine Ferraro’s takes the prize for the most self-righteous.
• Just when you think it can’t get any worse, the mortgage crisis deepens.
• We’re killing the Internet with our love!
• The Rays and Yankees come to blows.
• Yes, they made a sequel to The Lost Boys … and Corey Feldman is in it!

“Mr. Sinbad! Mr. Sinbad! Do you have any comment about your trip to Kosovo with Hillary Clinton?“

• Good bye , Eliot Spitzer.
• Obama wins Mississippi, which doesn’t count toward the nomination since the state’s full of black people and Hillary didn’t win it.
• Spin control: Geraldine Ferraro.
• Leave it to the Dems to fight over what a “winner” is.
• Oil at $110 a barrel: Still less expensive than a new kidney.
• Your tax dollars at work: Tampa Rep. Victor Crist proposes a law regulating the amount of toilet paper in restaurant bathrooms. Square-sharing to remain legal.
• War with Iran? Not on Admiral William J. “Fox” Fallon’s watch! In other news: Fallon just resigned.
• Spokesperson Dana Perino comes clean on the Bush Administration’s monetary policy: “I’m under strict instructions, and have been from the beginning, to not talk about the dollar, and I’m not going to get fired to satisfy your question.”

Down goes Spitzer!

• Hillary: You can be my wingman any time. Obama: Bullshit, you can be mine.
• How hard is it to release a tax return?
• Fingers crossed: Karl Rove tells a group of college students that he expects to be indicted by the end of the year.
• Three shot, two dead in Camelot.
• Down goes Ooze and Schmooze!
• Can anyone define “natural selection” for me?
• Welcome home Warrick Dunn.
• SXSW is all a Twitter.

Not only does “spring ahead” suck, it might be bad for your health, too.

• Fresh off winning Wyoming, Obama dances with Ole’ Miss.
• Now Hillary, about that experience …
• Florida and Michigan Dems planning to mail it in?
• Without Walls Lakeland has a buyer … and it’s Without Walls Lakeland.
• A new website lets citizens rate the performance of individual police officers. The cops, naturally, are furious.
• The latest front in the war on drugs: Itty-bitty plastic bags.
• Welcome to Facebook, what’s your blood type?
• Sir Paul signs a huge deal, finally delivering his old mates to iTunes.

(Photo Credit: Bimsboy)

Get comfy. We’re going to be here a while.

• A “minor explosion” rocked a military recruiting station in Times Square this morning.
• The Clinton campaign plots their next move and take time out to fight like cats and dogs amongst themselves.
• What’s wrong with this New York Times headline: “Clinton Success Alters Delegate Race’s Dynamic”?
• Obama’s next move? Attack? Chase the super delegates? Cry a bit?
• Will Florida try and call “do over?”
• Ron Paul wins it!
• If you’ve ever wondered what Helen Keller looked like, so did she.
• Don’t let grandpa drive the fire truck.
• Big Cable vs. NFL Network.

(Photo Credit: Westendraider)

Still alive!

• More Texas/Ohio wrap here, here, here and here.
• McCain officially seals the deal.
• Hillary’s got a math problem. Newsweek’s Jonathan Alter crunched the numbers too, and he reports the race was over weeks ago.
• Now what?
• “The $2 Trillion Nightmare” exposed.
• Want to buy a church? Without Walls goes on the market for $30 million.
• Gary Gygax’s hit points drop to zero.
• Moses liked the drugs.

(Photo Credit: Joe Crimmings Photography)

UPDATE: Here’s a few more I missed the first go-round:

• Garrison Keillor puts his prairie home up for sale. Who knew he lived next door to Lori Anderson?
• Bush finally indicted! (But only in Vermont)
• Invite Travolta to your film-fest party, but don’t you dare take his picture.

                                                                                Please God, let it end today.

• Texas and Ohio finally vote! Who will win? What does “win” even mean? If we can’t figure out how to define “win,” can it ever end? 
•  Canada defends Obama. 
• Got a few days? Everything you ever wanted to know about John McCain’s economic plan.
• The truthiness behind the “Colbert bump.” (Oh, it’s real.)
• Dear Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales: “I only have one thing to say to you: You are the sleazebag I always suspected you were, and I should have listened more carefully to my gut instincts …“
• The new Girl gang-banger memoir Love and Consequences is a fake. The fun part: No one figured it out till the author’s sister saw her picture in the NY Times. 
• Elisabeth Hasselbeck gives her View: Gloria Steinem = evil.
• Amy Winehouse and her expanding face.

(Photo Credit: Jeremy Ryan)                                                                                                                                                            

I don’t know if I want The Joker leading off my endorsement list, but I guess Hillary will take any endorsement she can get right about now.

                                                                               Who’s hungry?

• Obama goes for a “knockout blow.” Clinton lays the groundwork for fighting on after Tuesday. The polls remain inconclusive.
• Gov. Charlie says he’d “support” a democratic primary re-vote, and by “support” he means “pick up the tab for.”
• Dynasties among us: NY Times sports mag Play gets all Greek-tragic about the Steinbrenners of Tampa and visits the would-be Venus and Serena Williams of golf in Bradenton.
• Going to war: Venezuela and Columbia.
• Hillsborough County Fire Chief Bill Nesmith gets hot under the collar, ends up booked for aggravated assault after threatening to kill his wife then himself. (Brian Blair always thought he seemed perfectly nice at church, though.)
• Mick Jagger = assassination worthy.
• Damn it, Rover! Drop that chew toy.
• Gasparilla filmfest gets something new: audiences.

(Photo Credit: qthrul)

USF Hires a new assistant football coach, while an ex-UF linebacker has a bad day.

• The final weekend? Obama leads in Texas and is even in Ohio.
• Fund raising juggernauts: Clinton nabs $35 million in February. Obama may have crested $50 mil.
• Las Vegas Police are investigating a package sent to a hotel that may contain poisonous Ricin. The real head-scratcher: The hotel targeted was the Extended Stay America.
• If you can read this, you probably need a nap.
• His propaganda mission complete, Prince Harry is headed home from Afghanistan.
• Getting an upgrade: Prime Outlets Ellenton.
• Will Farrell in Semi-Pro: He’s funny, he’s not funny, he’s only funny if you like this kind of thing.
• Batman merges with Bilbo.

(Photo Credit: Sylvar)

“Without telecom immunity, how will the government know what you are telling your grandma over the videophone?”

• Bush tempers his absurd demands for telecom immunity and more war money with a request for increased AIDS funding. One out of three ain’t bad.
• McCain says “Obama doesn’t know Al-Qaeda is in Iraq!” Obama responds: “Of course I do, John, you helped put them there.”
• Is McCain a “natural-born” citizen? It’s not as open and shut as you think.
• Bloomberg bows out before he was even in.
• It’s always an event when Keith Richards talks to the press.
• Apple prepares the iPhone development roadmap.
• Time to upgrade those contact lenses?
• Best Onion headline of 2008 (so far): Diebold Accidentally Leaks Results of 2008 Election Early.

Tonight on MSNBC: Clinton. Obama. The rumble in the rust belt.

• Somali Costume-gate: Clinton pleads ignorance, Obama calls her out, what do the robes signify, and how is this affecting the polls?
• McCain suddenly realizes the Iraq war ain’t that popular and starts backtracking fast.
• Welcome back: Inflation.
• If you’re reading this instead of the printed word, consider yourself part of the solution.
• The New York Philharmonic rocks Pyongyang.
• I’m a little depressed at the new study saying anti-depressants don’t work in people who aren’t severely depressed. What can I take to fix the situation?
• Can you be too hot to fly? Two Oldsmar hotties say yes (with picture).
• Scientists report the end is near! (”Near” = 7.6 billion years.)

(Photo Credit: Mike Licht, notionsCapital.com)

“Can we not talk about this in front of the wife?”

• NY Times reports Senator McCain had an affair with a lobbyist in the late ’90s and maybe did her political favors.
• McCain responds: “At no time have I ever done anything that would betray the public trust or make a decision which in any way would not be in the public interest and would favor any one or any organization.”
• Both McCain and the hottie lobbyist deny the affair and the campaign is pissed.
• The Washington Post’s version of events seems to back up the NY Times account.

In other news:

• Toiletries? Check. Directions to Tampa International? Check. A box-cutter stashed in a hollowed-out book? Check.
• The Teamsters endorse Obama.
• Dems debate tonight in Texas.
• Is Hillary’s campaign going broke?
• Launch that sucker, yeah! The Pentagon blows away a damaged satellite.
• Amy Winehouse knocks back a big Grammy bump.
• A whole lotta shakin’ going on in northern Nevada.
• Coming soon to a theater near you: Monopoly. Yes, the board game.

(Photo credit: Photo-Mojo)

Frontrunner.

• 10-0 since 2/5.
• Wisconsin exit polls foretell a rough ride for Hillary.
• Obama leads Clinton by 14 points nationally.
• On to Texas and Ohio.
• Jon Stewart battens down the Oscar hatches.
• Prepare to fire!
• Lunar eclipse tonight. Try to keep the howling to a minimum.
• Sharper Image files for bankruptcy. Now where will I get a deluxe foot massager-MP3 Player-food processor-that’s also a suitcase? (It makes a great gift!)

(Photo Credit: SEIU International)

“And if you get in my way, I will destroy you!“

• Wisconsin, Hawaii vote today. Do I smell a Clinton comeback?
• Clinton plans to go after Obama’s pledged delegates. But they can’t go against the will of the voters, right? Wrong.
• On Jan. 29, the U.S. military struck al-Qaeda inside Pakistan without the Musharraf government’s permission. Didn’t Bush just rip Obama for saying he’d do exactly this?
• Shhhhh! U.S. banks “quietly” borrowing billions from the Federal Reserve.
• Do I detect a pattern? Another Hillsborough sheriff has been caught on tape abusing a prisoner at the Orient Road jail.
• Worried about Internet predators fondling little Billy? You can calm down.
• Lindsay Lohan bares all for a Marilyn-insipred photo shoot. Drug-related suicide is now on deck.
• Get well soon: Dick Fletcher.

(Photo Credit: Nrbelex)

Watch out for falling debris.*

• The Florida connection to the Northern Illinois University shooting? The gunman’s dad lives in Lakeland.
• M&M Twins: Mitt endorses McCain.
• The Supers are starting to shift to Barack, as are the giant labor unions. Plus, he’s got the lead in a new poll out of Texas.
• More prognostications of Hillary’s demise, this time from Peggy Noonan in the WSJ.
• Will Obama’s Chicago ties derail his electoral chances?
• Today’s friend of torture: Joe Lieberman.
• Hot Rumor: Al Pacino’s on board for a cameo as the head baddie in the next Bond flick. Hoo-Ah!
• Alicia Keys = Prince?

*Satellite depicted is not the one being blown out of the sky by the Pentagon. Photo credit: PRNewsFoto/Space Systems/Loral.

Hey, PoHo blog peeps, will you be our valentine?

• America loves Obama!
• But Ohio still loves Hillary!
• Huckabee loves the Cayman Islands!
• Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke and Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson love the economy in ‘08!
• Space station astronauts love their firearms!
• Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia loves torture!
• Jane Fonda loves the C-word!
• Developers, Apple fanboys and me love the upcoming iPhone/iPod Touch developer’s kit!

“You stay away from me!”

• Civic pride: Tampa is mentioned on the Today show! I’m not from here: The subject was a Hillsborough County Sheriff caught on tape dumping a disabled man out of his wheelchair and onto the floor.
• Obama and McCain pile up the w