The Political Whore

By Scott Farrell
PoHo contributor

Scott Farrell is the host of The Scott Farrell Show weeknights from 9 – 11 pm on  NewsTalk AM 820 WWBA.
For the past few days we have been bombarded by reports in local print and tv media about the terrible conduct at this past Gasparilla Day Parade. Don’t believe the hype.

The latest numbers available estimate that 350,000 people attended the day parade on the afternoon of Feb. 7.  Local police agencies report that 141 arrests were made in connection with the parade. That’s not a lot when you consider more than one-quarter of a million people were jammed into the three-mile parade route. As to the the local residents who spent their past Saturday videotaping various examples of debauchery in their neighborhood – assuming they are not videotaping for their own prurient pursuits – their claims are valid.

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One camera, some footage of paradegoers dancing, top with a music track, and voila!

Just a fun day filming the buds along the parade route with your iPhone 3G when some ass-bustin’ goes down a few feet away:

I love the title and simplicity of this beautiful piece of filmmaking from 2008, so I couldn’t resist running it in this year’s roundup. And slo-mo to boot!

The first of my posts today wrapping up the spectacle that is Gasparilla.

Chapter One, the Word of God vs. the Idolators of The Beads:

Going to the parade, concerts, parties or anything connected to Gasparilla? Have a Twitter account? Then you are all set to join CL’s Parade of Tweeters, covering all the festivities of Tampa Bay’s pre-eminent annual buccaneer bacchanalia for those of us who are going to be stuck at work or at home in front of our laptops.

Here’s how:

1. Sign up for a free Twitter account (or use your existing account).
2. Have a blast at Gasparilla on Saturday and/or in the days leading up to the pirate invasion.
3. Send us a tweet when you see something interesting, funny, stupid, naked, comment-worthy, etc. Just use your telephone’s txt messaging capability to send a tweet, using Twitter’s 140-character limit. (You can also submit tweets via your computer if you are at a party or on the Bayshore with wireless access.)
4. Make sure you include the hashtag #gasparilla in your txt msg. For example: “Holy beads! I just saw Gayle Guyardo! #gasparilla”
5. Hit send on your cell phone. Your tweet will automatically appear on our Gasparilla page, cltampa.com/gasparilla, along with the rest of the CL Parade of Tweeters’ info and photos from the frivolity.
6. As if that wasn’t enough for your 15 Minutes of Fame, we’ll take the best and run them in our print edition the week after Gasparilla. And we’ll chose the very best to receive a free meal, from our Eats or Bites programs in the CL Deals section.
7. And while you’re in Twitter online, be sure to follow PoHo for political news tweets and cl_tampa for all our Creative Loafing breaking news in arts, music, food and the rest.

You make the call, given that some folks believed that Newschannel 8 anchor Gayle Guyardo was perhaps tipsy during her call of the 2008 Gasparilla Parade:

It’s always hard for me to tell which is more embarrassing and horrendous to have to live through in Tampa: Guavaween or Gasparilla. But Gasparilla is much bigger and more widely known, so I gotta go with that one. I’m not a fan; sure, I’ve been a handful of times over the years, and sure, I’ve caught some beads. Never got real drunk or pissed in somebody’s yard or attended a big, lavish Gasparilla Day bash at somebody’s Bayshore Boulevard home, so I know that doesn’t make me much of a South Tampan.

I got off on this tangent after reading a helpful prep list over at Sticks Of Fire:

Here are my top ten tips for successfully getting through Gasparilla Day:

1. Eat a decent breakfast. You never know where your next meal might be.
2. Pack light. Leave the coolers at home.
3. Hide a $20 in your sock. You will need it later.
4. Sunscreen. Trust me on this one.
5. Charge your cell phone the night before.

I’ll let you wander over there to find the other five suggestions, one of which is to take it easy on the kids and seniors as you drunkenly blast over them to grab a set of $0.002 beads. Which is why I hate Gasparilla; it brings out the worst in people, which is saying something when you consider this is Tampa Bay so the bar isn’t set real high anyway. I have not attended one of the piratefests at which I didn’t see exactly that happening, kids getting mowed over or shoved aside from idiots in pursuit of the prized beads.
(Photos: Jimmy theSuperStar/flickr.com)