PopSmart

In the spirit of holiday giving, PopSmart is proud to present to you the long-lost final passages of the original text of the classic children’s book How the Grinch Stole Christmas!, before editorial tampering made it more commercial:

… Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mt. Crumpit,
He rode with his load to the tiptop to dump it!
“Pooh-Pooh to the Whos!” he was grinch-ish-ly humming.
“They’re finding out now that no Christmas is coming! “They’re just waking up! I know just what they’ll do! “Their mouths will hang open a minute or two
“Then the Whos down in Who-ville will all cry BOO-HOO!”

“That’s a noise,” grinned the Grinch,
“That I simply MUST hear!”
So he paused. And the Grinch put his hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low. Then it started to grow …
But the sound wasn’t sad!
Why it sounded … mad!

“HEY? Where’s all our stuff?”
“FFFUUUCCCKKK!”
“Daddy, where’s my pantookah?”
“All our Christmas shit’s gone!”
“Do you know how many hours I spent basting that roast beast?”
“Do you know how long it took ME to put together the electro-who-cardio-schnook?”
“What kind of Who could have done such a thing?”
“Check the security camera!”
“Look on the surveillance tape — Santy Claus is taking our last can of Who Hash!”
“That’s not Santy Claus — he’s not wearing any pants! It’s the Grinch!”
“THAT asshole?”
“Where’s my shotgun?”
“Let’s kick his furry green ass!”
“And his little dog, too!”

Posted in Books, Humor | Leave a comment