A weekly bulletin on musical guests playing late night TV; set your TIVOs or DVRs if you’ve got an early bedtime.

The Late Show with David Letterman, CBS
Monday, August 3: Levon Helm (original air date July 9)
Tuesday, August 4: Kelly Clarkson (July 13)
Thursday, August 6: St. Vincent (pictured, photo by Annie Clark, June 24)
Friday, August 7: Anthony Hamilton (February 11)

The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien, NBC
Monday, August 3: Gomez
Tuesday, August 4: All-American Rejects
Thursday, August 6: the Jonas Brothers
Friday, August 7: Flo Rida

Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, CBS
Thursday, August 6: Glasvegas
Friday, August 7: Sharon Jones & the Dap-Kings

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, NBC
Monday, August 3: Incubus
Tuesday, August 4: Arctic Monkeys
Friday, August 7: Julian Plenti

Jimmy Kimmel Live, ABC
Tuesday, August 4: the Script
Wednesday, August 5: Miike Snow

Last Call with Carson Daly, NBC
Monday, August 3: Brett Dennen (rerun, April 23)
Tuesday, August 4: White Lies (April 24)
Wednesday, August 5: Lily Allen (May 5)
Thursday, August 6: Ida Maria (June 24)
Friday, August 7: Bobby Ray (May 6)

Saturday Night Live, NBC
Saturday, August 8: Fleet Foxes (rerun, January 17)

For those who missed it, here’s Regina Spektor performing “Laughing With” on Conan last Thursday, from her new album, far.

A weekly bulletin on musical guests playing late night TV; set your TIVOs or DVRs if you’ve got an early bedtime.

The Late Show with David Letterman, CBS
Monday, July 13: Kelly Clarkson (Pictured, to promote her new album, All I Ever Wanted)
Tuesday, July 14: Wilco with Feist (who will perform their collaboration from Wilco the Album, “You and I.”)
Wednesday, July 15: Paul McCartney (hopefully he’s be yakking and playing)
Thursday, July 16: Grizzly Bear (to make up for their non-appearance a few months ago, when they got bumped because GM’s Bob Lutz went over. Will likely play something from Veckatimest.)
Friday, July 17: Metric

The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien, NBC
Monday, July 13: The cast of Hair (all the way from Broadway, NYC)
Tuesday, July 14: Sugar Ray (Why, oh why, did this shitty ass band have to come back? Wasn’t it bad enough they gave Mark McGrath a job over there at Extra!?)
Wednesday, July 15: Kris Allen (American Idol)
Thursday, July 16: Daughtry
Friday, July 17: Demi Lovato

Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, CBS
Tuesday, July 14: Sharon Jones & the Dap-Kings
Friday, July 17: Ray LaMontagne

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, NBC
Tuesday, July 14: Daniel Merriweather (pictured)
Thursday, July 16: the Jonas Brothers
Friday, July 17: The Dead Weather

Jimmy Kimmel Live, ABC
Monday, July 13: 3OH!3 (rerun, June 19)
Tuesday, July 14: Sean Patrick McGraw
Friday, July 17: Daughtry

Last Call with Carson Daly, NBC
Monday, July 13: Kid CuDi (rerun, March 18)
Tuesday, July 14: Nico Vega (March 19)
Wednesday, July 15: the Duke Spirit (March 20)
Thursday, July 16: Chris Cornell (March 24)
Friday, July 17: Chris Cornell (March 25)

Saturday Night Live, NBC
Saturday, July 18: Duffy (rerun, Sept. 27, 2008)

For those who missed it, here’s Conor Oberst and the Mystic Valley Band performing “Spoiled” on Letterman last Monday.

Random news bites from the last several days (excluding anything about Michael Jackson … well, mostly).

Regina Spektor’s new album, far, debuted at No. 3 on the Billboard 200 this week and the lovely Russian-born songstress is scheduled to perform on Late Night with Conan O’Brien on Thursday, July 30. Slipping to the No. 2 spot this week are the Jonas Brothers with Vines And Trying Times, which held last week’s No. 1 position. Black Eyed Peas have moved to the top of the charts with The E.N.D. And in case you BEP fans were worried, the title doesn’t foreshadow the band’s immenint break-up, but stands for “The Energy Never Dies.” Clever.

Seattle grunge metal makers Alice in Chains have confirmed the dates of their upcoming world tour, sans lead voice Layne Staley, who, if you recall, faded away into reclusivity before he speedballed to his death in 2002. The tour supports the band’s first new studio release in more than 10 years, Black Gives Way to Blue (in stores September 29). The first single, “A Looking View,” is currently streaming on their MySpace page and definitely has the feel of classic Alice in Chains, complete with the hard-meets-soft harmonies by vocalist/guitarist Jerry Cantrel and Staley replacement, vocalist/guitarist William Duvall. Here’s a statement the band released about the new song: “The song basically speaks to any number of things that keep you balled up inside. A cell of our own making with an unlocked door that we choose to remain in. Focusing our attention inward instead of reaching out to a much larger world. I think this is common to us all. It’s funny how hard we fight to hang on to a bone we can’t pull through a hole in the fence, or how difficult it is to put down the bag of bricks and move on.” Current confirmed U.S. stops include Detroit, DC, Chicago, NYC, Milwaukee, Portland and San Francisco. No telling whether the tour will bring them to Florida.

San Francisco indie rock duo The Dodos (pictured) are set to release their third album, Time To Die, via Frenchkiss on September 15. Produced by Phil Ek (Built to Spill, Fleet Foxes, The Shins), the album is marked by the band’s key instrumental elements — the energetic percussion of Logan Kroeber and the finger-picking acoustic guitar work of frontman Meric Long — with extra texture created by Keaton Snyder on vibraphone. The Dodos will embark hit the road this September and October, making stops in Tallahassee on Tuesday, October 6 at the Club Downunder, and in Atlanta Wednesday, October 7 at The Earl.

American-Australian multi-instrumentalist singer-songwriter John Butler has returned with an all-new trio and a forthcoming album featuring the fresh lineup, which includes two Aussie natives: drummer/percusionist Nicky Bomba and bass player Byron Luiters. The John Butler Trio is not coming to a venue anywhere near you, but watch out for the new album. Butler’s a pretty great songsmith.

Jeff Tweedy has always gotten under my skin. As much as I like Wilco’s music, the frontman makes headlines far too often for some asshole maneuver — like when he punched an over-rowdy fans in the face when a simple “Get the fuck off my stage” would’ve sufficed — and he oftentimes comes off as a total dick and says mean things he can’t take back. The latest was the sort of stereotypical ugliness you’d expect towards the hippies of San Francisco. After his son Spencer went shopping in Berkeley and returned dressed head-to-toe in tie-dye, Tweedy reportedly cried, “Look what you’ve done to my son, you dirty hippies!” Then, to his son, he yelled, “Now go take a bath.” What a classy guy!

All right, I know I promised no Michael Jackson news, but I just had to share this little tidbit: Jermaine Jackson, Michael’s far less successful older bro, has followed the path of the rest of the family and made a statement. “”He went too soon. I don’t know how people are going to take this, but I wish it was me.” What I want to know is, when did Jermaine lose his sense of self-worth? Poor guy.

A weekly bulletin on musical guests playing late night TV; set your TIVOs or DVRs if you’ve got an early bedtime and you haven’t already caught these appearances (or want to see them again).

The Late Show with David Letterman, CBS
Monday, June 29: Steve Earle (June 3, pictured; photo by Ted Barron)
Tuesday, June 30: The Fray (April 2)
Wednesday, July 1: the Jonas Brothers (June 11)
Thursday, July 2: P.J. Harvey & John Parish (June 12)
Friday, July 3: Rick Ross with Magazeen (May 14)

The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien, NBC
Monday, June 29: Green Day (June 2)
Tuesday, June 30: John Mayer (June 4)
Wednesday, July 1: Bonnie Raitt and Taj Mahal (June 9)
Thursday, July 2: Neko Case (June 11)
Friday, July 3: Incubus (June 17)

Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, CBS
Tuesday, June 30: Martina McBride (April 23)
Wednesday, July 1: Diane Birch (June 2)

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, NBC
Monday, June 29: Yeah Yeah Yeahs (April 15, pictured)
Thursday, July 2: Asher Roth (May 14)
Friday, July 3: Keane (May 26)

Jimmy Kimmel Live, ABC
Monday, June 29: Blink 182 (June 11)
Tuesday, June 30: the Jonas Brothers (June 16)
Wednesday, July 1: Eric Hutchinson (June 25)
Thursday, July 2: Phoenix (June 26)
Friday, July 3: Bat for Lashes (June 24)

Last Call with Carson Daly, NBC
Monday, June 29: Melanie Fiona (March 2)
Tuesday, June 30: Charles Hamilton (March 3)
Wednesday, July 1: Little Boots (March 4)
Thursday, July 2: Robert Francis (March 5)
Friday, July 3: N.A.S.A. (March 3)

Saturday Night Live, NBC
Saturday, July 4: Ludacris & T-Pain (November 23, 2008)

For those who missed, here’s St. Vincent performing “Marrow” on Letterman last week. This chick has got it going on. Keep an eye out for her.

VINYL SATURDAY

From the folks who brought us “Record Store Day” comes “Vinyl Saturday.” Once a month, we’ll be waxing you poetic with special, limited releases made specially available on Vinyl Saturday. If you’re interested in any of the limited editions, you may want to get to the store early — they won’t last long! The first Vinyl Saturday is this coming Saturday,  June 20, and will feature:

WILCO
This is a special 7″ single being released 10 days before new album (WILCO, the album comes out on 7/3)! Limited to a run of 3,800, the 7″ includes the tracks “You Never Know” and “Unlikely Japan,” an early 2003 version of the previously unreleased track “Impossible Germany.”

GREEN DAY
The vinyl version of the CD Single “Know Your Enemy” will be available at Vinyl Fever on 6/20. This vinyl is limited to 5000, and is NUMBERED. The b-side is an unreleased studio track called “Hearts Collide.”

MODEST MOUSE
Second in a series of 7″ singles being released. This one is entitled “Autumn Beds” and the b-side is “Whale Song.”

PETE YORN/SCARLETT JOHANSSEN
These two are releasing an album in September through Rhino (not to be confused with the Pete Yorn release on 6/23 through Sony), and we’ll have an advance 7″ with a duet from both of them AND a Pete Yorn demo on the other side.

ALSO, the following artists have vinyl scheduled for a street date of 6/23, but us indie retailer participants are getting them EARLY, so we can sell them to you on 6/20:

Al Green (classic reissues) – Those Darlins – Wolves In The Throne Room – Wino – Patterson Hood – Earth – Woggles – Chesterfield Kings – Cocktail Slippers and more.

Until then, to hold you over, here are the New Releases out TODAY, June 16, 2009:

VINYL:

Dock Boggs – False Hearted Lovers Blues
Dock Boggs got his start playing in the mining camps while working in the mines all over the Appalachian region. In 1927 he got a contract with Brunswick Records and began recording and playing parties in the area. This collection represents his complete recordings from 1927-1929 when Dock was at the beginning and height of his short-lived recording career.

Green Day
- 21st Century Breakdown
- Nimrod

Hatebreed – For The Lions

Incubus - Monuments And Melodies
4LP-set for the price of, like, 2 and a half! New hits collection includes two new tracks, B-sides and rarities.

Red Hot Chili Peppers
- Freaky Styley
- Mother’s Milk
- Uplift Mofo Party Plan

Roxy Music
- Country Life
- Stranded
Repressed on HQ-180 vinyl. Each comes with a poster of the cover image.

Steel Pulse
- True Democracy
- Earth Crisis

Subhumans
- Time Flies + Rats
- Worlds Apart

DVD:

Scott Walker – 30 Century Man
FINALLY!! Scott Walker gets some due in this documentary that examines his impact upon popular music. From his early days as a bass player on the Sunset Strip to his groundbreaking and wildly influential solo work, the film presents the truth about a true artist. With participation from Walker as well as insights from David Bowie, members of Radiohead, Brian Eno, Johnny Marr, WMNF’s Laura Taylor (just kidding) and others.

CDs:

1349 – Revelations Of The Black Flame
New release from the scorching band from Norway; deluxe edition has live tracks and a 20-page booklet for just two dollars more.

Apples In Stereo - #1 Hits Explosion

Big Star - #1 Record / Radio City
This newly remastered version of #1 Record / Radio City features enhanced packaging and two unreleased bonus tracks.

Bubble Puppy
- A Gathering of Promises
Reissue of 1969 psych classic with 8 bonus tracks!
- Michael Buble Meets Madison Square Garden CD+DVD Live recording features performances of his many hits while the DVD features the 60-minute concert, plus two bonus songs.

Rodney Carrington – El Nino Loco
He has no plans of changing his approach.

Will Downing – Classique
Will Downing returns with his fourteenth collection of sensual grooves and true love primers.

George Harrison – Let It Roll: The Songs Of George Harrison
George Harrison’s first-ever career-spanning solo hits collection. Special packaging includes a 28-page booklet featuring previously unseen and rare photos, and new liner notes by Warren Zanes.

Incubus – Monuments And Melodies
New hits collection includes two new tracks and a bonus disc of B-sides and rarities.

Jonas Brothers - Lines, Vines And Trying Times

Candye Kane – Superhero
Having recently beaten pancreatic cancer, Superhero showcases her renewed energy and new lease on life,

Kim Lenz And The Jaguars – It’s All True!
WMNF and Gabe Ech. favorite. Twelve new tracks include seven Kim Lenz originals, a track co-written by Kim and Big Sandy, a number crafted expressly for Kim by the Lucky Stars’ Sage Guyton, and two rampaging covers.

Major Lazer - Guns Don’t Kill People… Lazers Do
Major Lazer is the super producer duo of Switch and Diplo, best known for their work with M.I.A and Paper Planes, as well as production work for Santigold, Amanda Blank, Bondo do Role (Diplo) and Tricky (Switch).

Lee Phil – So Long, It’s Been Good To Know You
With thirty years of roadwork and songwriting, Nashville singer/songwriter Phil Lee is the real deal. You can hear it in the vivid imagery that his lyrics present, with stories of worker-bee illegals, truck-driving killers, rats, weasels, and humans with rodent-like qualities. Lee’s is a world of people on the literal and figurative outskirts, straight out of Springsteen’s Nebraska, just a little further south and with a sense of humor.

Masada Quintet featuring Joe Lovano – Stolas: Book of Angels Volume 12
This is a true jazz supergroup featuring Joe Lovano, Dave Douglas, Uri Caine, Greg Cohen, Joey Baron and John Zorn.

Dee Dee Ramone – History On My Arms
With documentary DVD..

Spinal Tap – Back From The Dead CD w/DVD
Re-imagined versions of all the hits from the classic movie, plus new tracks and an hour-long DVD featuring a newly recorded track-by-track commentary by David St. Hubbins, Nigel Tufnel and Derek Smalls.

Street Sweeper Social Club – Street Sweeper Social Club
Tom Morello and Boots Riley are Street Sweeper Social Club. This eleven-song set features Riley on vocals, Morello on guitar and bass, and Stanton Moore (Galactic) on drums.

UFO – The Visitor
Brand new material for those who actually care.

Rhonda Vincent – Destination Life
The seven time IBMA Female Vocalist of the Year returns with a stellar lineup of new, original and classic bluegrass songs. The album features her award-winning touring band in their first studio appearance.

The Waifs – Live From The Union Of Soul

The Wallflowers – Collected: 1996-2005
With leader Jakob Dylan overseeing its production and compiling the track list, the 16-track Collected: 1996-2005 is the definitive look at a critically-acclaimed favorite.

Hank Williams Jr. - 127 Rose Avenue

Holly Williams – Here With Me
The hip granddaughter of Hank Williams and daughter of Hank Jr. has created an album that wears the influence of some of her favorite artists (Tom Waits, Cat Stevens, Bob Dylan, Robert Johnson, Jackson Browne).

A weekly bulletin on musical guests playing late night TV; set your TIVOs or DVRs if you’ve got an early bedtime.

The Late Show with David Letterman, CBS
Tuesday, June 16: Ian McLagan & the Bump Band
Thursday, June 18: Phoenix
Friday, June 19: the Sounds

The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien, NBC
Monday, June 15: Spinal Tap (to coincide with the release of Back from the Dead, a two-disc 25th anniversary release with all new material that comes out June 16)
Tuesday, June 16: Gavin Rossdale
Wednesday, June 17: Incubus
Thursday, June 18: The Dead Weather (pictured, an alt rock supergroup that features bassist Jack Lawrence of The Raconteurs and The Greenhornes, the White Stripes‘ Jack White, guitarist Dean Fertita of Queens of the Stone Age and vocalist Alison Mosshart of The Kills; the foursome will release their debut, Horehound, on July 13, and they’ll likely perform that album’s first single, “Hang You from the Heavens”)
Friday, June 19: Holly Williams

Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, CBS
Monday, June 15: Camera Obscura
Tuesday, June 16: Gavin DeGraw
Thursday, June 18: Metric

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, NBC
Monday, June 15: Jason Aldean
Tuesday, June 16: Hank Williams Jr.
Wednesday, June 17: Street Sweeper Social Club
Thursday, June 18: the Fray

Jimmy Kimmel Live, ABC
Monday, June 15: Black Eyed Peas (rerun, May 6)
Tuesday, June 16: the Jonas Brothers
Thursday, June 18: Ben Harper

Last Call with Carson Daly, NBC
Monday, June 15: Doves (rerun, May 26)
Tuesday, June 16: Diane Birch
Wednesday, June 17: Zee Avi
Thursday, June 18: Peaches
Friday, June 19: the Ting Tings

Saturday Night Live, NBC
Saturday, June 20: the Jonas Brothers (rerun, February 14)

For those who missed, here’s Mos Def performing “Quiet Dog” on Letterman last week.

A weekly bulletin on musical guests playing late night TV; set your TIVOs or DVRs if you’ve got an early bedtime.

The Late Show with David Letterman, CBS
Monday, June 8: Mos Def (Performing something off his fourth and latest solo album, The Ecstatic, out June 9. Maybe “Supermagic”?)
Tuesday, June 9: Black Eyed Peas
Wednesday, June 10: Sonic Youth
Thursday, June 11: the Jonas Brothers (Won’t these kids go away already? We still have to deal with the tour stopping here August 18.)
Friday, June 12: P.J. Harvey & John Parish

The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien, NBC
Tuesday, June 9: Bonnie Raitt and Taj Mahal (Likely promoting their “BonTaj Roulet” co-headlining tour, a series of concerts where the two veteran blues artists perform separate sets with their own bands, and then take the stage together for a blues jam)
Wednesday, June 10: Rancid
Thursday, June 11: Neko Case (The rest of this week’s schedule + video of Pearl Jam on Conan after the jump.)

Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, CBS
Wednesday, June 10: Theresa Andersson (pictured, photo by Miranda Penn Turin)

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, NBC
Monday, June 8: Amadou & Mariam
Tuesday, June 9: Mos Def
Wednesday, June 10: Manchester Orchestra
Friday, June 12: Mary J. Blige

Jimmy Kimmel Live, ABC
Monday, June 8: the Airborne Toxic Event (rerun, May 14)
Tuesday, June 9: No Doubt
Wednesday, June 10: Bang Camaro (April 29)
Thursday, June 11: Blink 182

Last Call with Carson Daly, NBC
Monday, June 8: the Ting Tings (April 27)
Tuesday, June 9: Green Day
Wednesday, June 10: Green Day
Thursday, June 11: Green Day
Friday, June 12: Foxboro Hot Tubs

Saturday Night Live, NBC
Saturday, June 13: Green Day (jeez, you think we’ll get to see enough of Green Day this week?)

For those who missed it, here’s Pearl Jam closing Conan’s first day on the job of The Tonight Show with a new song, “Get Some,” off their forthcoming album.

Pearl Jam on The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien – June 1, 2009 from Bernie on Vimeo.

A weekly bulletin on musical guests playing the five-nights-a-week late night talk shows (and SNL); set your TIVOs or DVRs.

The Late Show with David Letterman, CBS
Monday, March 23: Bloc Party (pictured)
Tuesday, March 24: White Lies
Wednesday, March 25: Jesse Harris with Norah Jones
Thursday, March 26: U2 (rerun, March 6)
Friday, March 27: Lyle Lovett and John Hiatt (rerun, Feb. 4)

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, NBC
Monday, March 23: Playing For Change
Tuesday, March 24: PJ Harvey and John Parish
Wednesday, March 25: Prince
Thursday, March 26: Prince
Friday, March 27: Prince

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, NBC
Monday, March 23: Morrissey
Tuesday, March 24: Gabriella Cilmi (pictured)
Wednesday, March 25: All American Rejects
Thursday, March 26: John Rich
Friday, March 27: N.E.R.D.

Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, CBS
Tuesday, March 24: Chicago
Wednesday, March 25: Ra Ra Riot
Friday, March 27: The Damned

Last Call with Carson Daly, NBC
Monday, March 23: Melanie Fiona (rerun, March 2)
Tuesday, March 24: Chris Cornell
Wednesday, March 25: Chris Cornell
Thursday, March 26: Iglu & Hartly
Friday, March 27: Ben Harper & Relentless 7

Jimmy Kimmel Live, ABC
Wednesday, March 25: Blue October
Friday, March 27:  Keri Hilson feat. Lil Wayne

Saturday Night Live, NBC
Saturday, March 28: Jonas Brothers

If you missed it last week, here’s Modest Mouse playing “Satellite Skin,” from a limited edition EP, on Letterman last Thursday.

In answer to Stephen’s earlier question, no, I don’t really care about the Grammys. I probably haven’t watched that particular music awards show (or really, any of the current music awards shows) in who knows how long. But I figure this year, I’ll tune in just to see if I actually know or care about the nominees. I’m also kinda curious about this year’s performances, there being a huge amount of them. A few are possibly bailing out already according to E!’s live red carpet coverage — Chris Brown probably, Rihanna definitely; the rumors are that Al Green or Justin Timberlake will replace them. And Boys II Men are up for two Grammys. I didn’t even know they made a comeback! My bad.

8 p.m. U2, uninspired. Bono looks fat.

8:05 And here’s Whitney Houston looking good, looking real real good. Best R&B Album: Jennifer Hudson. She is in awe of Whitney, obviously.

8:09 Dwayne Johnson = The Rock. In case you had no idea who the fuck they were talking about. And how is he a credible music presenter?

8:13 Justin Timberlake introduces and joins Al Green with Keith Urban and Boys II Men (who lost Best R&B Album to Hudson) for “Let’s Stay Together.” Was this performance on the Grammys performance schedule? NO. Pretty nice for an impromtu.

NEWS FLASH: Chris Brown’s in trouble, sought in connection with a felony battery. Maybe that’s why he wasn’t available for tonight’s performance? And Rihanna isn’t there from embarassment? On a side note, Rihanna was supposed to sing “Live Your Life/Disturbia” as the second performance of the night, Brown was supposed to sing “Forever” later on. Brown and Rihanna were both nominated in the pop collaboration with vocals category, Brown for “No Air” with American Idol champion Jordin Sparks; and Rihanna for “If I Never See Your Face Again” with Maroon 5. Brown was also nominated for male R&B vocal performance for “Take You Down.”

8:21 Performance: “This is Coldplay.” Looks like just Chris Martin to me. Oh, and now Jay-Z just showed up. And here’s the band. I don’t know what song they’re playing, I assume it’s the single from their latest album. I’m not so much a fan.

8:27 Keith Urban introduces a lifetime achievement award for Gene Autry and then Carrie Underwood performs a song that is — what? An adaptation of an Autry song? Her own song? I don’t really understand what’s happening here and I’m not liking it. [Phil (my husband): "I keep wondering if her labia is going to come out. I can freeze frame it when it happens."]

8:32 LeeAnn Rhimes and Sheryl Crow give some award, lifetime something (who?), and award for Best Country Duo/Group Performance with Vocals: “Stay,” Sugarland. Yucky.

8:40 Al Green and Duffy present Song of the Year: “Viva la Vida,” Coldplay. (This is what they performed. Not too into it. Too AC. But I guess we all knew that’s where they were always headed, right?)

8:43 Kid Rock performs. (He’s a double nominee, really?) Is the song “Amen”? I don’t know it. Big old US flag behind him. Then, into a “Sweet Home Alabama” mash up of sorts. MM. Not sure how I feel about this. One thing I can say is, Kid Rock is a hardy motherfucker. I never thought he’d be able to stretch his career so far. Another song, it’s a medley! I don’t know this song either. “I’m a rock n’ roll Jesus.” [Okay, maybe this is all one song?]

MORE FROM THE RUMOR MILL: Chris Brown possibly in trouble for battering Rihanna, she in hospital, he M.I.A? This shiz just keeps getting jucier.

8:55 Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus perform. Snore. Both are pretty gals with nice voices, I grant. [Phil: "It's nice they include pedophile masterbation breaks at the Grammy's now."] Then they present Best Pop Collaboration with Vocals: “Please Read the Letter,” by Robert Plant and Alison Krauss. Cool.

9 p.m. Jennifer Hudson performs. Seems like the sound is off a little. Maybe she’s lip-syncing? Okay, maybe she’s not lip-syncing. Her performance seems pretty heartfelt.

9:09 The Jonas Brothers with Stevie Wonder, who’s apparently breaking the all-time record for performances at the Grammy’s with tonight’s guest spot. Stevie is, of course, great. The pasty white Bros. are a bit lame. And the kid in coral, he’s the happy one, right?

9:14 Blink 182 present Best Rock Album: Coldplay, Viva La Vida or Death and All His Friends [Phil: "Coldplay is dressed like queer Sgt. Pepper."]

Oh, my, God, this shit is so freaking long. I’m over it already.

9:22 Craig Ferguson. I like this guy. Up for a Grammy for Best Solo Performance in a Sex Tape. Haha. He introduces Katy Perry. I feel this way about Katy Perry: Meh. And if I never hear this song again …

9:27 Kayne West performs with Estelle [I don't know who she is]. I can’t help it, I like Kanye despite all his big-headedness. Or, as Diddy would say, bitchassness. Sounds like the backing track needs to be turned up, though. I think Kanye is trying to bring back ‘89 with that jacket. Then, he gives Best New Artist: Adele. Nice! A UK “heartbreakin soul” singer wins over the Jonas Brothers! Loves it! She performs on two different late nights this week.

Update: The gal who was performing with Kanye was Estelle.

9:36 Morgan Freeman. I just saw The Bucket List this weekend, hah! He’s here to introduce “poet, performer, pirate, dreamer, friend” … Kenny Chesney! I didn’t expect that! I know why Renee Zellweger left ya — ’cause you’re a depressing ass motherfucker!

9:40 Diddy, Natalie Cole and Herbie Hancock present Record of the Year: “Please Read The Letter,” Alison Krauss and Robert Plant.

9:48 Queen Latifah gives a lifetime achievement award to Dean Martin; then introduces four superstar artists, Lil Wayne, Jay-Z, T.I. and Kanye West with a very pregnant M.I.A. A mash-up. Not familiar with this. I say: Meh.

9:54 Kate Beckinsale is talking about Macca (Paul McCartney), I think… she introduces Macca (nominee) with Dave Grohl: “I Saw Her Standing There” (Grohl on drums). He can do no wrong…

10:04 Jack Black and Charlie Hayden, the latter of whom is apparently the former’s father-in-law and up for a Grammy; another lifetime achievement award, jazz master Hank Jones. Then, the duo introduce Best Male Pop Vocal: “Say,” John Mayer.

10:07 Jay Mohr and LL Cool J present a live performance by Sugarland and Adele. Sugarland is the country duo. Adele is solo, then is joined by the Sugarland lady. Me likes Adele better.

10:19 Gwyneth Paltrow looking hot in a tiny little sparkly dress introduces Radiohead with USF Trojan Marching Band, “15 Steps.” Thom York’s looking a little scragglier than usual. I like the idea of the marching band doing all the percussion, I just don’t know if it really works so well. I feel like maybe there’s too much going on?

10:28 Samuel L. Jackson talks some gibberish about making music, then introduces T.I. and (his buddy) Justin Timberlake. I like this. It’s, dare I say, classy? And from a dude who’s about to do a year in jail for illegal possesion of firearms. Although, you could argue that anything Timberlake does classes it up a bit. I think this is my favorite performance of the night thus far, even more than Radiohead.

10:34 Yakking by President of the Recording Academy > soap box request a cabinet position for a Secretary of the Arts to promote our stuff on a worldwide level. Obama a Grammy winner? I wasn’t paying attention… sorry.

10:30 Out comes Smokey Robinson to honor the Four Tops with a lifetime acheivement award. (I guess they give out several a night.) Robinson is then joined by sole surviving Four Tops member Duke Fakir, Robinson, Ne-Yo and Jamie Foxx for a medly performance of “I’ll Be There” > ? > “I Can’t Help Myself.”

10:50 Neil Diamond performs “Sweet Caroline”

10:54 RIP everybody — Richard Wright, Jerry Wexler, Freddie Hubbard, Jimmy McGriff, Eddy Arnold, Odetta, Jo Stafford, Levi Stubbs, Merl Saunders, Delaney Bramlett, Alton Ellis, Earle Hagen, Isaac Hayes, George Carlin, Bo Diddley, others I didn’t get … and a performance by BB King, Buddy Guy, John Mayer, and Keith Urban. Nice stuff.

11:03 Lil Wayne performs with Robin Thicke and Allen Touissant; Gary Sinise introduces. Full on band with dancers, brass section (NOLA-natives obviously), Terrence Blanchett?, etc. Ah, Dirty Dozen Brass Band!

11:10 Will.i.am and T-Pain present Best Rap Album: Lil Wayne. Was there ever any question?

11:18 Zoey Deschanel (actress, recently of She & Him with M. Ward) presents T. Bone Burnett with Robert Plant and Alison Krauss performing “?” Another medley?

11:23 Green Day gives the final Grammy of the night, Album of the Year: Raising Sand, Robert Plant and Alison Krauss. I will say I thought for sure it was going to Radiohead for In Rainbows, but I suppose Plant/Krauss was a suitable second choice. Or first, if you’re the Grammy Judges…

11:27 Closing with Stevie Wonder. If all else fails, turn to the master. Good night, folks!