Posted by Leilani Polk on Jul. 20, 2009, at 1:20 pm
Last Thursday, on the 40th anniversary of the Apollo 11 mission to land on the Moon, NASA came out with the embarrassing news that it had somehow, over the years, managed to record over America’s most important historical footage of said trip to the Moon’s surface. You know, the famous footage of Neil Armstrong’s “one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind,” the one that all those conspiracy theorists say is faked Wag the Dog style? Yeah, that footage.
(Apparently, in the 1970s and ’80s, NASA had a shortage of tapes, so it erased about 200,000 of them and reused them, including ones documenting the historical event.)
Luckily, NASA’s news came with a Hollywood saves-the-day solution: those crafty preservationists who restored Casablanca are digitally sharpening and cleaning up grainy footage of the moon landing taken from four sources NASA scrounged from around the world. The results are said to be better than what TV viewers witnessed on July 20, 1969, and according to senior NASA engineer Dick Nafzger, “There’s nothing being created; there’s nothing being manufactured.”
In honor of NASA’s royal fuck-up, I’ve made up a playlist of songs dedicated to the moon. There are a great deal more than 10, and some are rather obvious, but headlines are better with nice round numbers … interesting how many of these songs were produced in the ’70s. I guess a mission to the moon will inspire some songs, huh? Read the rest of this entry »
Entertainment industry trade publication Venues Today announced that Ruth Eckerd Hall ranked #10 in the world in venues having 5,000 seats or less.With that same ranking, Ruth Eckerd Hall is #2 in venues having 2,500 seats or less.
This ranking is based on concert and event gross from April 16 to May 15 2009, with 11 performances during that period.Ruth Eckerd Hall ranked higher than such prestigious venues as the Arie Crown Theater in Chicago, the Bob Carr Performing Arts Center in Orlando and The Balboa Theatre in San Diego, California.Read the rest of this entry »
Posted by Leilani Polk on Feb. 15, 2009, at 1:47 pm
We all know the standard classic mixtape love songs – “Wonderful Tonight” by Eric Clapton,” Lionel Richie’s “Endless Love,” Stevie Wonder’s “Golden Lady,” “I Will Always Love You,” (Dolly or Whitney, you pick the version), “At Last,” by Etta James, most of the Beatles’ early catalog. But what about modern, 21st century love songs, i.e., those that came out after January 1, 2001?
Up until I started preparing this, I never really thought much about it, but surprisingly, I came up with a wealth of ideas, almost too many. The songs I thought up are not necessarily traditional ballads (though there are several), are not always romantic or saccharine or even very nice, do not always offer bold statements of devotion or everlasting ardor. But in each, the meaning is clear even if it isn’t always spelled out clearly.
“Fell in Love with a Girl,” The White Stripes, White Blood Cells (2001)
The song made stars of pasty, Detroit-based indie alt blues duo Jack and Meg White, both because it was nice and short and tasty raw, and because it has a really cool Lego video. Check it out, if you haven’t already seen it a few dozen times.
Posted by Leilani Polk on Jan. 20, 2009, at 8:01 pm
Guitar World recently offered up a list of the “Top 10 Stupidest Band Names of All Time” and I gotta say, it doesn’t look like they put a lot of thought into it, like someone had a good idea but didn’t use enough brain power to carry it out properly. Here’s the list:
1. The Beatles
2. Limp Bizkit
3. Boy Parts – Throbbing Gristle, Revolting Cocks, Iron Sausage
4. Girl Parts – Nashville Pussy, Bush, Pussy Galore, Hot Tuna
5. Scatological Names – Butthole Surfers, Fudge Tunnel, Butt Trumpet
6. Place Names – Nantucket, Boston, New York City, Europe, Asia, Chicago, Wakefield, Landale
7. Yes
8. Toto
9. The Presidents of the United States of America
10. The Band
First off, it’s not even an authentic Top 10 (see numbers 3 through 6). Second, The Beatles? You’re a writer at a marginally well-known rag that covers music, solely, all the time, and you can’t come up with a better bad band name than The Beatles? And you stick it up top, in the number one slot, as if to say it’s the worst band name of all time, even though the list is supposed to be in no particular order. And if it really is in no particular order — The Beatles were the first band you thought of? Really? I don’t want to judge, but I am. So I’ve made my own highly subjective, somewhat thoughtful list of awful band names in response. In no particular order: Read the rest of this entry »
Hey! In case you care about what we liked this year, here’s our Top 10 for 2008. Enjoy!
1. The Roots – Rising Down
2. Metallica – Death Magnetic
3. Soulfound – Is a Rock Band
4. The Mars Volta – The Bedlam in Goliath
5. Death Cab For Cutie – Narrow Stairs
6. Nine Inch Nails – The Slip
7. The Sounds of Animals Fighting – The Ocean and the Sun
8. Anberlin – New Surrender
9. Thrice – Alchemy Index Vol. 1-4
10. CSS – Donkey
Perhaps you’ve heard about Gov. Rod Blagojevich getting busted for trying to auction off a senate seat.
Poor guy.
Now Obama is urging him to resign. I say, throw Blagojevich’s corrupt ass in jail. Or better yet, prison. With a big dude named Bubba.
Top 10 Songs for Blagojevich
1. “Christmas in Prison,” John Prine
2. “Xmas in Jail,” Asleep at the Wheel
3. “The Governor,” James McMurty
4. “Jailhouse Tears,” Lucinda Williams w/Elvis Costello
5. “Jail,” Dan Bern
The Loaf music staff, Snider and Tatangelo, will be issuing our Top 10 albums of the year later this month, but the ball is already rolling. Here are the year-end best-of lists from Time, New York and England’s The Guardian. Click on the name of each mag and it’ll take you directly to their survey.
Time
1. Lil Wayne, Tha Carter III
2. TV On The Radio, Dear Science
3. Metallica, Death Magnetic
4. Girl Talk, Feed The Animals
5. Vampire Weekend
6. Kanye West, 808s And Heartbreak
7. Santogold
8. Portishead, Third
9. Lucinda Williams, Little Honey
10. Duffy, Rockferry
Thanksgiving Weekend just didn’t provide enough do-nothing time for me so I decided to take this entire week off and have me a stay-cation. I’m going to re-alphabetize my CD collection, dust my apartment, finish a couple books, write haikus and whatever else I feel like doing. Which will surely include some light blogging. Here are the tunes going through my head:
Top 10: Vacation songs
1. Vacation, The Go-Go’s
2. Holiday Road, Lindsey Buckingham
3. Fish and Whistle, John Prine
4. Too Much of Nothing, Bob Dylan and the Band
5. It’s My Lazy Day, Willie Nelson and Merle Haggard
6. Situation Vacant, The Kinks
7. Lazy Days, The Byrds
8. One Big Holiday, My Morning Jacket
9. Home Sweet Home, Breaux Freres
10. Another Sunny Day, Belle & Sebastian
This might be the coolest duet of my lifetime. Or at least of recent memory. Jack White and Alicia Keys are teaming up for the theme song to the upcoming James Bond flick Quantum of Solace, reports Billboard.com. White wrote, produced and will play drums on the song (which kinda makes you wonder how much drumming Meg actually does in the studio, right?). The tune is titled “Another way to Die.” The film opens November 7. The soundtrack drops Oct. 28. In keeping with my optimistic belief that the the White/Keys joint will totally rock here’s a tally of my favorite duets.
Top 10: Duets
1. “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough,” Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell
2. “Summertime,” Ella Fitzgerald & Louis Armstrong
3. “Pancho and Lefty,” Willie Nelson & Merle Haggard
4. “Under Pressure,” Queen and David Bowie
5. “Fairytale of New York,” Shane Magowan (The Pogues) with Kirsty MaColl
6. “Hunger Strike,” Eddie Vedder and Chris Cornell (Temple of the Dog)
7. “Jackson,” Johnny Cash and June Carter
8. “Love Hurts,” Gram Parsons and Emmylou Harris
9. “2 of Amerikaz Most Wanted,” 2Pac & Snoop Dogg
10. “Two Story House,” George Jones and Tammy Wynette
How does one cope? Well, besides thoroughly self-medicating yourself with drugs and escapist novels, the only other option is good music, and, in my case, blogging and writing. So let’s get past the gloom and doom and have a little fun — if you can call it that — with songs that speak to our country’s current economic woes.
Top 10: Songs about the economy
1. “Mr. President (Have Pity on the Working Man),” Randy Newman
2. “How Can a Poor Man Stand Such Times and Live?” Bruce Springsteen
3. “No Depression,” The Carter Family/Uncle Tupelo
The Boston Phoenix recently ran an intriguing, exhaustive piece titled “50 Bands, 50 States,” which names the best acts within every state in three categories. For Florida, the New England alt-weekly dubbed Lynyrd Skynyrd “All-Time Best Band,” Tom Petty “All-Time Best Solo Artist” and the Miami metal outfit Torche “Best New Band.” Pretty cool idea. Had us buzzing at the office for a day or two last week. Here’s my variation on the concept: a list of Top 10 Florida acts, with the caveat that they must be currently based in Florida. (This counts out Petty, who fled to California decades ago.) Here’s the tally, in alphabetical order:
Against Me!
Gainesville
The Gator Country quartet has broken big this year, rising from the indie ranks to international recognition without losing a shred of smarts or punk attitude. Few major label debuts have been as assured and gratifying as Against Me!’s 2007 release New Wave, which features standout tracks like “Thrash Unreal,” “White People For Peace” and the funky (by white people standards) “Stop.”
Black Kids
Jacksonville
The MySpace buzz band may never live up to the hype, but I still dig the quintet’s irresistible brand of New Wave-inspired dance-rock. Plus, you got to like songs about a gal getting caught after dark in the park “giving head to a statue” (“Underestimated My Charm.”)
Cat Power (pictured)
Miami
Chan Marshall might have been born in Hot ’Lanta, but she resides in Miami, according to her website, and stayed at the psychiatric ward of Miami’s Mount Sinai Medical Center, according to a 2006 Spin magazine profile, so, y’know she’s ours. A sad sack? Sure. But the girl can give you chills, and the indie soul of The Greatest is sadcore brilliance.
Anyone who reads my Bar Tab column knows I’m quite fond of whiskey, especially Irish whiskey. As a rule, I only drink wine and beer during the week, but this week has been a royal bugger and I think tonight I might have to cuddle with my sweetie Jamie. Or, better yet, finally drink the 12-year-old single malt whisky a dear and kind coworker brought me back from her trip to Scotland.
Top 10: Whiskey songs
1. “Whiskey River,” Willie Nelson
2. “Whiskey in the Jar,” Thin Lizzy
3. “Whiskey Bent and Hellbound,” Hank Williams Jr.
4. “Tennessee Whiskey,” George Jones
5. “One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer,” John Lee Hooker
6. “Whiskey Lullaby,” Brad Paisley with Alison Krauss
It’s a rainy Monday and I have a shit-ton of work to do this week. My former employer McClatchy just announced widespread layoffs, leading to the dismissal of an editor I highly respected and worked with directly and indirectly — and drank with off the clock on his dime, and attended a couple shows with that we both enjoyed — for several years at the Bradenton Herald. A talk with another former editor confirmed that the smell of death permeates every news room in the nation.
Others have it worse, I know, but that’s not much comfort. Is it? Anyway, whenever I feel myself slipping over to the dark side, which has been the case today, I put on something like the compilation I recently made called “Mellow My Mind.” It’s mostly ’70s stuff. A great decade for laid-back songs that celebrate being on the losing end. Here are 10 tracks from it. Not exactly uplifting (except for Rev. Green’s glorious gospel number), but soothing, like brown whiskey.
Top 10: Mellow songs
1. “Jesus Is Waiting,” Al Green
2. “These Days,” Gregg Allman
3. “Roll Um Easy,” Little Feat
4. “A Man Needs a Maid/Heart of Gold” (Live at Massey Hall), Neil Young
I just went back and listened to The Old 97’s new disc Blame it on Gravity again and decided it’s the best entry in the band’s catalog, which means it’s one of the best alt-country albums of all time, which means I need to make a list. (For my four-star review of Blame it on Gravity click here and scroll down.) To simplify things, the CD had to come out after Uncle Tupelo’s 1990 debut No Depression — or else this tally would probably be all Gram Parsons’ bands, Townes Van Zandt and Outlaw Country classics. Anyway, her ya go:
Top 10: Alt-country albums
1. After Awhile (1991), Jimmie Dale Gilmore
Killer track: “Tonight I Think I’m Gonna Go Downtown”
2. Car Wheels on a Gravel Road (1998), Lucinda Williams
Killer track: “Drunken Angel”
3. Human Remains (1996), Terry Allen
Killer track: “Back to Black” (w/Lucinda Williams)
4. Anodyne (1993), Uncle Tupelo
Killer track: “Give back the Key to My Heart” (w/Doug Sahm)
The most important rock band to release its debut album in the past 20 years? It’s a tough call, one I grappled with for a music feature running in Creative LoafingApril 30. The chief factors are influence, innovativeness, listenability and live prowess. I’m using the term “rock” loosely, including most of the sub-genres (emo, post-rock, etc.) that have emerged in recent years. Here’s my list of 25 bands (in alphabetical order), from which I will choose The Greatest. What would be your pick? What bands should have made the Top 25? Keep in mind, acts like the Pixies (pictured) and Guns ‘N Roses just missed the timeline cutoff.
Animal Collective
Bikini Kill
Beck
Bright Eyes
Deicide
Green Day
Interpol
Jane’s Addiction
The Mars Volta
Modest Mouse
Mogwai
Nirvana
Oasis
Pavement
Pearl Jam
PJ Harvey
Radiohead
Rage Against the Machine
Smashing Pumpkins
Sublime
Sunny Day Real Estate
Tool
Uncle Tupelo
Weezer
The White Stripes
In my latest Bar Tab column, “The ultimate bar (part one)”, I list ingredients for the perfect watering hole. It’s a Dr. Frankenstein approach where I imagine combining the best characteristics of my favorite local pubs, taverns and saloons to create the greatest drinking establishment known to mankind — or at least what I would find superior. I’m also asking, you, reader, for suggestions. What would your dream bar feature? What would be the ideal location, setting, menu, etc.? Should it include pool tables, darts, Golden Tee? Would there be toilet attendants? Submit your suggestions via email to wade@cln.com or post a comment on the story.
Here’s a list of songs about bars, bartenders, and events taking place inside bars: drinking, dancing, hooking up, fighting, etc.
Top 10: Saloon songs
1. “The Piano Has Been Drinking (Not Me),” Tom Waits
2. “Closing Time,” Leonard Cohen
3. “One for My Baby (And One More for the Road),” Frank Sinatra
4. “Swinging Doors,” Merle Haggard
5.. “One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer,” John Lee Hooker
6. “A Million Miles Away,” Rory Gallagher
7. “Up Against the Wall, Redneck Mother,” Ray Wylie Hubbard
8. “Thrown Out of the Bar,” Hank Williams III
9. “Bartender’s Blues,” George Jones and James Taylor
I’ve been a Bob Dylan fan ever since the age of 12 or 13, when I discovered my dad’s vinyl copies of Greatest Hits and Desire. His work has consistently fascinated me more than any other popular musician’s. I took a poetry class at USF about eight years ago and my professor, the cowboy poet Willie Reader, who passed away shortly after the semester ended, allowed me to do a paper on Dylan’s lyrics. It ran about 20 pages and I earned an “A+,” a rare accomplishment for me in those days. The assignment prompted a friendship between Reader and I; one that led to many long talks and us attending a Willie Nelson concert together. The Dylan paper and, more importantly, the positive feedback I received from Reader, would also eventually lead me into a career of music criticism.
I took great pleasure in seeing Dylan recently collect a Pulitzer Prize:
A Special Citation to Bob Dylan for his profound impact on popular music and American culture, marked by lyrical compositions of extraordinary poetic power.
In honor of Dylan’s recent award from the literary world, here’s a list I obsessed over longer than I care to admit.
Top 10: Bob Dylan lyrics
1. “Mr. Tambourine Man,” Bringing It All Back Home (1965)
Killer lines: “I’m ready to go anywhere / I’m ready for to fade/ Into my own parade / Cast your dancing spell my way / I promise to go under it.”
2. “Idiot Wind,â€Blood on the Tracks (1975)
Killer lines: “You’ll never know the hurt I suffered nor the pain I rise above / And I’ll never know the same about you, your holiness or your kind of love / And it makes me feel so sorry.â€
3. “Every Grain of Sand,â€Shot of Love (1981)
Killer lines: “I gaze into the doorway of temptation’s angry flame / And every time I pass that way I always hear my name.â€
4. “Desolation Row,â€Highway 61 Revisited (1965)
Killer lines: “To her, death is quite romantic / She wears an iron vest / Her profession’s her religion / Her sin is her lifelessness / And though her eyes are fixed upon / Noah’s great rainbow / She spends her time peeking / Into Desolation Row.â€
5. “Jokerman,â€Infidels (1983)
Killer lines: “Shedding off one more layer of skin / Keeping one step ahead of the persecutor within.â€
6. “Like a Rolling Stone,â€Highway 61 Revisited (1965)
Killer lines: “You used to ride on the chrome horse with your diplomat / Who carried on his shoulder a Siamese cat / Ain’t it hard when you discover that / He really wasn’t where it’s at / After he took from you everything he could steal.â€
7. “It’s Alright Ma (I’m Only Bleeding),â€Bringing It All Back Home (1965)
Killer lines: “The hollow horn plays wasted words / Proves to warn / That he not busy being born / Is busy dying.â€
8. “Highlands,â€Time out Of Mind (1997)
Killer lines: “The sun is beginning to shine on me / But it’s not like the sun that used to be / The party’s over, and there’s less and less to say / I got new eyes / Everything looks far away.”
9. “Blind Willie McTell,â€Bootleg Series Volumes 1-3 (1991); an outtake from Infidels
Killer lines: “Well, God is in heaven / And we all want what’s His / But power and greed and corruptible seed / Seem to be all that there is.â€
10. “A Hard Rain’s A-Gonna Fall,”The Freewheelin’ Bob Dylan (1963)
Killer lines: “Heard ten thousand whisperin’ and nobody listenin’ / Heard one person starve, I heard many people laughin.’”
The old legalized-gambling debate has been reignited thanks to Gov. Charlie Crist’s desperate plan to solve our economic woes with “enhancements” to the Florida Lottery. The gov promised not to play this card when he campaigned in 2006 and is now getting blasted by fellow GOPers such as his predecessor, Jeb Bush, who likens gambling to a “narcotic.” Will more lotto options lead to widespread scratchoff addiction? Save the economy? Or have absolutely no effect on most of our lives? It’s a hot-button issue, folks, one that deserves a soundtrack.
I’m stoked. The only grunge band that still matters, Pearl Jam, announced late yesterday an East Coast tour that will bring them, with Kings of Leon, to the the St. Pete Times Forum in Tampa, June 12. If you were a teen in the early ’90s, chances are Pearl Jam made an impression on you. At age 14, they were my favorites. In eighth grade I wore a black Pearl Jam Ten T-shirt — the one with the stick figure on the front and piece of legal-pad paper on the back — at least once a week. Pearl Jam and I had a falling out in my mid-20s; just wasn’t feeling the whole hard rock, introspection thing. But in recent years, I catch myself going back to their CDs quite often, perhaps it’s a nostalgia thing, perhaps it’s just that Pearl Jam is the best rock band to come along in the last two decades save for maybe Radiohead.
Anyway, the last time I saw Pearl Jam in concert was August of 2000 at the St. Pete Times Forum back when it was called the Ice Palace. That was during my wild college days and about three dozen of us met up for the show, swapped contraband and made our way into the venue just in time to catch the tail end of opener Sonic Youth’s set. A few of my friends were flopping around like fish by the end of the night thanks to all the pre-partying but I had a well-calibrated buzz. My memories of Vedder taking slugs from a wine bottle in between singing his ass off are vivid. Pearl Jam turned in a mighty performance that evening.
Before becoming a critic, I never checked set lists online before attending shows — which is really the best way to attend shows but not a viable option if you’re reviewing on deadline — so it was the Pearl Jam cover songs that night proved to be the most pleasant surprises. The band segued from “Daughter” into “Another Brick in the Wall Pt. 2″ and me and the other 15,000-or so in attendance gleefully sang along to the infamous chorus of “We don’t need no education.” Pearl Jam returned for three encores with the final being a rabble-rousing rendition of Neil Young’s “Rockin’ in the Free World,” a song I first became aware of when PJ and Young played it at the MTV Music Awards together in ‘93 (see clip below).
In 2000, Napster was alive and well. The day after the Pearl Jam show, I skipped class and went on a downloading frenzy, determined to find what other songs the band covered in concert. I still have burned CDs containing all those performances, which can be found on YouTube or the official “bootleg” discs Pearl Jam has released.
‘Tis the season for Florida’s beaches to host bikini-clad beauties, wet t-shirt contests, underage drinking, random hook-ups and other assorted debauchery involving America’s Student Bodies. It’s been more than a decade since my high school buddies and I spent a spring break storming the beaches of Clearwater, Daytona or Panama City. Good times. Real good times. We’ll leave it at that. Anyway, here ya go:
Top 10: Spring break songs
1. “Fight for Your Right (To Party!),” Beastie Boys
With the national holiday of Ireland only a few days away, it’s time to rundown the top Irish music acts. Will stadium rockers U2 outrank soul man Van Morrison? How about hard rockers Thin Lizzy and underrated blues-rock guitarist Rory Gallagher? And we can’t forget about those punks The Pogues and traditional music purveyors like the Chieftains. Will Enya make the final cut? Anyway, here’s the list:
The Old 97’s (pictured) first studio album in nearly four years, Blame It on Gravity, doesn’t come out until May 13 but an advance copy reached my desk today. If you’re a fan of the band’s smart, catchy, emotive twang-pop, rest assured, it’s another compelling disc from one of the most consistently satisfying alt-country acts around. I’m still gleefully digesting the album, but one song that immediately caught my attention is “Dance With Me” (it can be heard here), which joins a great tradition of songs that feature the word ‘dance’ (or ‘dancing’) in the title.
Top 10: Dance songs
1. “Dance to the Music,” Sly & the Family Stone
2. “Save the Last Dance for Me,” The Drifters
3. “Dancing Queen,” ABBA
4. “Dancing Days,” Led Zeppelin
5. “Dancing in the Dark,” Bruce Springsteen
6. “I Just Want to Dance with You,” John Prine/George Strait
On Tuesday, four primary elections could squelch Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton’s wish of returning to the White House as our country’s first woman president. The former Democratic front-runner and world’s most famous female cuckold appeared poised for victory in the early rounds of this brutal bout but if Clinton gets knocked down in Texas and Ohio she’ll likely throw in the towel — her own hubby has indicated as much.
I’m not counting Hillary out, though. Senator Barack Obama’s 11-state roll finds him riding high but his opponent is famously scrappy and has maintained a relatively classy campaign in the face of recent failures — a factor that might swing voters to her corner.
I’ve gunned for Obama all along but suddenly feel sympathetic towards Hillary, who has gotten scrutinized by the press while her upstart rival largely enjoys a free pass. Plus, there would be nothing more riveting than seeing the contest come down to a convention floor battle goosed by superdelegate shenanigans and looming lawsuits. Here’s to hoping Hillary pulls through tomorrow and keeps this spectacle alive.
Leap Day, aka bissextile day, has always puzzled me. I don’t have the head for numbers or a strong enough understanding of astronomy to really comprehend it. “February 29″ looks weird on the calendar. Every four years, it sneaks up on me. I gaze down at the date displayed on my phone and feel like something is off. The phenomenon bewilders me — and probably also confuses a whole lot of second graders. Here’s a song list to commemorate this calendar screw-up.
1. “Leap Year Blues,” Big Bill Broonzy
2. “A Strange Day,” The Cure
3. “Jump,” Van Halen
4. “Waiting for the Great Leap Forwards,” Billy Bragg
Me (pictured right) aiding CLcopy editor Anthony Salveggi during his turn at the dreaded wheelbarrow crawl. Photo by Jamie Ostrand.
Creative Loafing co-sponsored (with Tampa Bay Club Sport) its 3rd Annual Field Day Saturday. There were 36 teams in all, raising (by early estimates) more than $3,200 for the Special Olympics.
Team McLovin (pictured left). Photo by Melanie Kools.
There were two CL squads: I played on the team dubbed McLovin. We did OK. No one on our team took it too seriously. The old athlete in me, though, refused to half-ass the few events I signed on for despite my horrid chest cold and, well, hangover.
Me (pictured right) crawling through the mud during the wheelbarrow race. Photo by Melanie Kools.
Problem is, I haven’t exactly kept myself in the best shape in recent years. It’s been more than a decade since I was wrestling for Tampa’s Gaither High School in the 135 weight class and could easily do something like the human wheelbarrow, which we used to do over and over in practice to build up our cardio and upper-body strength.
Here I am competing (pictured left) in the day’s final — more stressful, but far less physically demanding — water balloon toss event. Photo by Melanie Kools.
Yesterday, with 300 people watching and ample amounts of beer, cold medicine and Red Bull coursing through my veins, I crawled across the 30-yard lane on my arms as fast as I could, out-pacing most of the competition, many of whom were strapping college students. After the event, though, it took me 20 minutes, two beers and a cig to finally get my heart-rate back down to normal. Today, I’m hurting in places I didn’t even know I had.
Threatening to bite the nose off an innocent bystander. Photo by Melanie Kools.
Top 10: Songs about hurting
1. “I Want You to Hurt Like I Do,” Randy Newman
2. “The Shape I’m In,” The Band
3. “The Price You Pay,” Bruce Springsteen
4. “Everybody Hurts,” R.E.M.
5. “Seven Year Ache,” Rosanne Cash
6. “Hurt,” Nine Inch Nails
7. “House of Pain,” Faster Pussycat
8. “Hurts So Good,” John Mellencamp
9. “The High Cost of Low Living,” The Allman Brothers Band
Don’t know exactly what prompted me to devote a song list to footwear. I own far less shoes than most adult men and only purchase a new pair when an old pair verges on falling apart. Anyway, here ya go:
Top 10: Songs about footwear
1. “Blue Suede Shoes,” Carl Perkins/Elvis Presley
2. “My Adidas,” Run-DMC
3. “These Boots Were Made For Walking,” Nancy Sinatra
4. “Boots of Spanish Leather,” Bob Dylan
5. “(The Angels Wanna Wear My) Red Shoes,” Elvis Costello
6. “Fuck Me Pumps,” Amy Winehouse
7. “(I Don’t Want To) Hang Up My Rock and Roll Shoes,” The Band
My new Bar Tab column “Snooping in SoHo” is basically about me eavesdropping. People frown on the practice, but most of us do it. I have no qualms about listening to what the loud mouth is saying at the table or bar stool next to me. From my latest column:
If I’m at a bar and overhear a gal blabbering to her girlfriend about the act she performed last night in bed, I’m gonna make damn sure I do my best to absorb every detail. It’s my right. Likewise, if my buddies and I are swapping tales in public, I welcome any and all to lean in and listen — especially if I’m out with Buck and he has a nice buzz kicking. It’ll be worth your while. Although I’m talking shit about Puffy Lips and Square Jaw’s dialogue, I’m sure Buck and I often engage in chats that are also inanely humorous.
Top 10: Songs about snooping, eavesdropping, etc.
1. “I Heard it Through the Grapevine,” Marvin Gaye
2. “The Window Up Above,” George Jones
3. “Every Breath You Take,” Police
4. “The Dangling Conversation,” Simon and Garfunkel
A slew of the big names are headed this way. Alicia Keys (pictured)at the St. Pete Times Forum on May 24. Sheryl Crow at Ruth Eckerd Hall on April 29. The Boss. Petty. Kanye. Radiohead. They’ve all announced dates around Tampa Bay. But which ones are priorities?
Top 10: Upcoming shows (Feb. 28-July 30, 2008)
1.Radiohead at Ford Amphitheatre on May 6: Been far too long time since the world’s top art rockers have performed ’round here.
2. Bruce Springsteen & the E Street Band at St. Pete Times Forum on April 21: Memories of seeing him at Jazz Fest still give me chills. Plus, he’s touring behind his strongest album in years.
3. Kanye West at Ford Amphitheatre on May 5: His gripping performance at the Grammys completely sold me.
4. Alicia Keys at St. Pete Times Forum on May 24: Her MTV Unplugged performance from ‘05 completely sold me. Dig her new album, too.
5. Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers at St. Pete Times Forum on July 16: Somehow I’ve managed to go my whole life without ever seeing Petty. This needs to change.
6. WMNF’s Tropical Heatwave w/Sonny Landreth/Del Castillo/Soul Rebels/Scissors for Lefty (others) at the Cuban Club on May 17: The best annual fest in the area. Tex Mex masters Del Castillo impressed me last year when they played the Orpheum, Landreth’s one of the best guitarists alive and the Soul Rebels’ blend of Big Easy brass and hip-hop have made them one of my New Orleans faves ever since seeing them play until sunrise one night at Le Bon Temps Roule.
7-8. They Might Be Giants at Jannus Landing on March 11; Ani DiFranco at Tampa Theatre on March 11: This is a tough one. I’ll probably go with DiFranco since she did such a fine job of thoroughly charming me during our recent interview, which will run in the Creative Loafing that hits newsstands March 6.
Few holidays hurt like Valentine’s Day. February 14th proves tough on even the healthiest relationships. The ultimate evening of romantic bliss followed by the hottest sex since Pam and Tommy videotaped each other on that yacht — it doesn’t often happen. But I know what you’re thinking: A disappointing night spent with a significant other still beats flying solo on V-Day.
Hallmark Cards and all your miserable, married friends will stop at nothing to make you feel like shit about sitting home alone on Cupid’s big occasion. Moms aren’t much better: “You’re spending Valentine’s Day by yourself, honey — again?”
Here’s a playlist that couples should avoid. Singles, on the other hand, might take comfort in these decidedly unromantic — maybe even downright sadistic — songs. Especially after polishing off that bottle of wine and family-sized bag of cheese puffs.
“Eleanor Rigby,” The Beatles
There’s nothing like a song about the loneliest woman in the world to lift your spirits. She attends weddings and her own funeral — alone. Killer Line(s): “Eleanor Rigby died in the church and was buried along with her name/ Nobody came.”
“Untouchable Face,” Ani DiFranco
The abandoned lover kills time driving around at 2:30 a.m. She listens to the local country station count down the Top 20, probably a bunch of songs dealing with heartache in the most maudlin way. Unwilling to be a victim, the singer issues her vain ex an insult that would warrant a six-figure fine from the FCC. And she does so with infectious glee. Killer Lines(s): “So fuck you, and your untouchable face/ And fuck you, for existing in the first place.”
“It’s Over,” Roy Orbison
Orbison’s distinctively sad warble is the perfect vehicle for this painful realization that a once-vibrant love affair has run its course, thanks to the introduction of another man. Michael Caine, playing a washed-up talent scout, melts down to great dramatic effect while croaking his way through this song in the 1998 film Little Voice. Killer Line(s): “All the rainbows in the sky/ Start to weep, then say goodbye/ You won’t be seeing rainbows any more.”
“Ex-Factor,” Lauryn Hill
The end has finally come for the guy doing her wrong. Or has it? Though Hill’s demand for “reciprocity” is unmet, it still sounds like she might stand by her man. Killer Line(s): “And when I try to walk away/ You’d hurt yourself to make me stay.”
“He Hit Me (It Felt Like a Kiss),” The Crystals
Does pop music get any more disturbing than a girl group singing about the virtues of domestic abuse? Here’s a surprise: Phil Spector, close friend of the late Ike Turner and alleged murderer, produced the recording. A guy, Brill Building tunesmith Gerry Goffin, penned the horribly misogynistic lyric. It should also be noted that his former songwriting partner and ex-wife received a co-writing credit. Her name? Carole King. Killer Line(s): “He hit me, and it felt like a kiss/ He hit me, and I knew he loved me.”
“Solitary Man,” Neil Diamond
He found Melinda in the arms of Jim and then his love with Sue “died too.” In response to consecutive losses, the singer swears off relationships, opting to live like a hermit rather than risk another heartbreak — until he finds a girl to love him “right or wrong.” Johnny Cash also recorded a gripping version. Killer Line(s): “Love’s a small word/ Part-time thing/ Paper ring.”
“You’ve Changed,” Billie Holiday
Recorded near the end of her pain-ridden life, Holiday recalls with great devastation yet another man who inevitably let her down. Cut in 1958, it still bears Lady Day’s tears. Killer Line(s): “You’ve forgotten the words ‘I love you.’”
“Changed the Locks,” Lucinda Williams
No more reconciliations, compromises or accommodations to that brutish lover. This time the makeover will be complete. She’s leaving him no possibility of ever getting his boot in her door again. At least that’s the plan. Killer Line(s): “I changed the name of this town so you can’t follow me down/ And you can’t touch me like before, and you can’t make me want you more.”
“Stranglehold,” Ted Nugent
She cheated? Hooked up with one of his roadies? She humiliated rock’s macho wild man by commenting on the size of his penis? Perhaps in public? The song doesn’t exactly spell out what crime the woman committed against The Nuge. But he’s putting her down — permanently. Killer Line(s): “I got you in a stranglehold/ I gotta crush your face.”
“Love Is a Losing Game,” Amy Winehouse
Taking a chance on love doesn’t pay off, and the singer’s left crushed in the wake of its demise. Her gorgeous voice aches with sorrow, creating an unholy marriage of beauty and despair that’s undeniably alluring. Killer Line(s): “Over futile odds/ And laughed at by the gods/ And now the final frame/ Love is a losing game.”
The Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue has always held a special place in my heart. Growing up in a rather strict household in the pre-Internet era, I looked forward to its arrival like Christmas. Pops, who subscribed to the magazine as long as I can remember, would try and hide the yearly pseudo-porn offering from me (and my mom). But it never escaped me. When I saw this pic posted at PoHo’s blog, the sweet memories came pouring back.
Engelbert Humperdinck returns to the area for the umpteenth time to play Ruth Eckerd Hall on Feb. 19. And I couldn’t be more annoyed. I’ve covered music professionally for close to a decade now and it seems not a year goes by without me having to write a pithy advance on him. Hump’s sentimental ballads and shit-eating grin have always grated me — but not as much as the 71-year-old’s stage name. Here’s what I have running in the Music Week section of the Feb. 14 issue of Creative Loafing:
TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 19 ENGELBERT HUMPERDINCK The most annoying name in the history of show business (and it’s not even his real name), continues to make blue hairs cream with sentimental faves like “Release Me (And Let Me Love Again),†his breakthrough hit from ’67. (Ruth Eckerd Hall, Clearwater)
Not the greatest sentence ever written but you get my point.
Aware that [Arnold George] Dorsey had been struggling several years to make it in music, [manager Gordon Mills] suggested a name change to the more arresting Engelbert Humperdinck, borrowed from the composer of such operas as Hansel and Gretel.
OK, enough on Hump. Here are nine other artist and band names that piss me off.
Top 10: Most annoying names in music
1. Engelbert Humperdinck
2. Limp Bizkit
3. Kid Rock
4. Phish
5. Was (Not Was)
6. blink-182
7. Hootie & the Blowfish
8. Portugal. The Man
9. Hoobastank
10. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah (Any band name that is longer than three words almost always sucks.)
Mitt Romney got pummeled by John McCain yesterday and I couldn’t be happier. The former Massachusetts guv reps the conservative wing of the Republican party, which means if he wins the general election it will be just like Dubya never left office. And I just don’t know if I could cope with that. Romney put on a brave face after his defeat last night and has pledged to keep campaigning. But even McCain-haters like Rush Limbaugh must know that their Mormon candidate’s days are numbered.
Last Thursday, on the 40th anniversary of the Apollo 11 mission to land on the Moon, NASA came out with the embarrassing news that it had somehow, over the years, managed to record over America’s most important historical footage of said trip to the Moon’s surface. You know, the famous footage of Neil Armstrong’s “one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind,” the one that all those conspiracy theorists say is faked Wag the Dog style? Yeah, that footage.
Hey! In case you care about what we liked this year, here’s our Top 10 for 2008. Enjoy!
