A Little Levity for your Wednesday
March 5th, 2008 by Amanda Schurr in Arts, Film, Laser-Firing Oversized Celebrities, Television
People are funny - funny lookin’, funny talkin’, funny muggin’, funny walkin’.Â
For proof, I give you thespians Patrick Swayze and David Caruso, each large-noggined legend’s acting nuances dissected for your betterment via the links below.
I’ve long since expressed my bewilderment with Swayze’s work in Ghost, 1990’s insanely-grossing, insanely-grotesque, supernatural Velveeta fest. Presenting Exhibit A.
And Caruso, he of NYPD Blue and CSI: Miami infamy, is just a douchebag - always has been, always will be. Exhibit B.
p.s. And yes, I am aware of a story circulating, courtesy of those reputable newshounds at the National Enquirer, that Swayze is losing a battle with pancreatic cancer and has been given five weeks to live. Until a more reputable source confirms it, the would-be ill-timed Ghost link remains.
Swayze may not be the world’s finest actor, but at least he’s not a freakin’ bag of douche.
March 5th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
I love your description of Caruso. It is fitting to the point. I’m sure he hasn’t changed a bit. Once a douche always a douche
March 5th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
To the Blog owner: The person posting here as “Vixen” is David Caruso’s real life stalker. An Austrian national, she was arrested last summer for threatening to murder Caruso. She fled to Mexico and the FBI assisted the Austrians in returning her to face justice. She cannot enter the US anymore and consequently uses the Internet to stalk Caruso and wage her hate campaign against him. Check your visitor stats for your blog–she posts from Austria (unless she’s on a proxy server) and she will return to post a negative comment about me being ill and in need of meds. She will do so under a different name as well. That’s why those stats come in handy.
Last week she hijacked a blog belonging to “Ace” and “The Dallas Observer”. Good luck to you.
Sara
http://www.thestalkerchronicles.blogspot.com
March 5th, 2008 at 4:01 pm
Wow Sarakanne, that is some story. I have to say, though, that as a stalker, Vixen leaves a lot to be desired. In fact, it appears to me that your blog detailing Vixen’s web adventures seems at least as stalkerish as Vixen’s blog about Caruso, if not more-so.
This creates an amazing paradox, which I’ll name “The Caruso dilemma.” At what point does stalking a stalker cross over from public service to stalker behavior? I’m not sure of the answer, but if we can solve this I think we can figure out time travel.
And Vixen, if you really are a stalker, why not transfer your energies from Caruso to sarakanne? D. Car. is a world-renowned douchebag who couldn’t care less about you. sarakanne is keeping tabs on you better than several national governments. Focus your “love” on her. At least she cares.
March 5th, 2008 at 4:34 pm
i read that Caruso has to do as many as ten takes of his sunglasses close-ups because he always pokes himself in the eye with arms of the glasses. seriously. his head is always cocked to the side because of damage to his eyes (from said sun glasses); he can’t see the camera while looking straight ahead and just moves his head around until it’s in view. and he’s a douche-bag.
March 5th, 2008 at 5:49 pm
Joe, thanks for the hilarious take on all of this. Unfortunately and very sadly, it’s all true. Please don’t take just my word on all of it though. Week before last Ace dubbed the stalker’s blogs as follows:
“I don’t have anything really personally against the guy[David Caruso]. This site does. I’ve seen Hitler biographies that were more charitable….â€
http://minx.cc/?post=255222
And there’s also another fantastic blog that chronicles the wild escapades of the psycho Austrian: http://www.dojodabbles.blogspot.com
http://www.thestalkerchronicles.blogspot.com
March 5th, 2008 at 11:53 pm
Sarakanne? Don’t make me laugh. I don’t take her seriously at all. What self respecting person would?
She is just a little girl desparate for a bit of attention.
She doesn’t bother me in the leas.
I call her my resident NUTCASE.LOL
March 6th, 2008 at 9:31 am
wow, i’m getting the feeling that vixen and sarakanne may be one in the same person… maybe a little split personality complex going. it’s one thing to stalk someone, but to stalk yrself, thats a whole different kind of crazy! you go, girl(s)!
March 6th, 2008 at 9:45 am
Isn’t it a shame that the internet breeds illiterates whose command of the language is limited to overused buzz words like “douche”, which might more appropriately be a tag for some bloggers and posters.
March 6th, 2008 at 11:01 am
josie,
“douche” just doesn’t work by itself. to release the full freshness potential, you need to use “douche-bag”.
March 6th, 2008 at 11:29 am
And the best example for a douche-bag is….David Caruso
yeaaahhhhh
March 6th, 2008 at 11:44 am
Sarakanne, Your post was well thought out and, to be honest, you totally had me in your corner the second you referred to my comment as “hilarious.” A little flattery will get you everywhere!
BUT: I did check the origin of Vixen’s post, and it came from Amsterdam. I’m tempted to give you the benefit of the doubt on this. After all, both in Europe, both start with “A”. Still, I’m confused.
And everyone else, I’m glad we could come to an agreement that David Caruso is, in fact, a douche. There my be hope for the human race yet.
March 6th, 2008 at 11:46 am
PS - I heard on MSNBC this morning that Swayze does have cancer, although the severity may be exaggerated by the Enquirer.
So, may I be the first to say: Way to go Amanda, you heartless bitch! No one puts Swayze in a corner!
March 6th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
i think i’m gonna watch “roadhouse” again real soon. best movie ever.
March 6th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
Dude! Roadhouse was on LAST NIGHT! USA or TNT or one of those cable channels. I didn’t watch it, but caught the title in my info guide as I was looking for something good to watch.
(PS-I never did find anything “good” to watch. It seems that the more channels I get, the worse the programming becomes. Strange.)
March 6th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
I dunno where to begin with any of you, save that I’m heartened that such a lively discourse re: “douchebag” (for the record, I prefer the term “bag of douche”), stalkers, geography, Caruso and Swayze.
I hope that the Enquirer is as mistaken/exaggerated as it typically is and Mr. Swayze is healthy and roadhousing it up soon. I’ve always had a softspot for his Julie Newark work - and I’d be remiss if we didn’t all take a moment to appreciate one of the best Saturday Night Live skits in history - his Chippendales stripper dance-off with Chris Farley.
On that note, The Joe Bardi, Roadhouse is on, like, every frickin’ night, in Swayze sickness and health. It’s one of those constants in life that gets me through: Law & Order, Roadhouse, Saved By the Bell, always on at some point in time. Those are the little things that count.
But you’re right, The Joe Bardi: I am a heartless bitch.
At least I’m not a bag of douche.
March 6th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
Alright, that was terrible.
Correction 1: That first sentence… to be ended that such a lively discourse … just occurred.
Correction 2: Newmar, I know, Julie Newmar
I blame my mistakes on the reality of Jerry Orbach and, now, perhaps Patrick Swayze, dirty dancing their way to the heavens.
Both are like the wind through my tree.
March 6th, 2008 at 1:08 pm
And everyone else, I’m glad we could come to an agreement that David Caruso is, in fact, a douche. There my be hope for the human race yet.
For me David Caruso has been a bag of douche the moment I spotted him on TV. Don’t worry, the human race is more clever than you think.
March 6th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
ok, if yr gonna watch Roadhouse, please go here (http://www.rifftrax.com/) and buy the Riff Trax to sync up with yr DVD of it. it’s commentary done my Mike Nelson (of mystery science theater fame). roadhouse will never be the same after you watch it with mike nelson guiding yr journey through the world of philosophical bouncing and throat-ripping.
and just because i hadn’t typed it yet in this post… DOUCHE-BAG.
March 6th, 2008 at 3:29 pm
I’ve never seen a single episode of CSI: Miami. And thanks to your blog post, Amanda, I never have to. Or as David Caruso might say, “I…..never…….have……to.” (I totally put on my sunglasses with two hands in slo-mo as I typed that.)
Re: Messr. Swayze, I have three words: “Next of Kin.”
And two more words:
“Tiger Warsaw”
March 6th, 2008 at 5:12 pm
since no one has typed it in a while… douche-bag!
March 6th, 2008 at 6:40 pm
To make the post complete gabe you should add David Caruso. Which leads to the sentence - David Caruso is a douche bag (or David Caruso is a bag of douche). You guys make me smile.
March 6th, 2008 at 11:03 pm
Dear Joe,
Sorry about the confusion. But that is exactly what Vixen is trying to do. When I and other people warn bloggers about her, she uses a proxy server to post from so it will disguise her location. Of course that makes us look like a bunch of liars. But if you read those blogs that I referred you to, you sound like a smart enough guy that you can will be able to figure out who’s telling the truth here.
Also, check you stats for my post. I am posting from the good ol’ USA. I don’t use a proxy server.
Vixen hits on my blog are from Austria, UK, The Netherlands, Germany, France, Spain and a multitude of other countries including those in South America. She has even hit my blog from Dallas, Texas.
Vixen is a pro when it comes to deception. She is also using different names here as well. It’s a device she uses to create fake support for her hate campaign against Caruso.
Vixen was forced to use into the proxy server scheme after her Austrian i.p. address was banned from numerous fan sites and forums. The proxy server also makes it difficult for Caruso’s attorneys to pursue a libel claim against her.
Another blog that you might find interesting is:
http://www.dcwackohunter.blogspot.com
Sara
http://www.thestalkerchronicles.blogspot.com
March 6th, 2008 at 11:48 pm
Sarakanne forgot to merntion douchebag.LOL
March 7th, 2008 at 1:22 am
OMG, does Vixen have a twin? Or is Joe just another of Vixen’s aliases?
LOOK OUT! THEY’RE INBREEDING!.
March 7th, 2008 at 4:18 pm
maybe i’m vixen, you douche-bags!
March 7th, 2008 at 5:15 pm
No, I’m vixen !
March 10th, 2008 at 11:59 am
Go be a chud.
Gauche bod.
Doug Beach.