the 941

We wouldn’t exactly call those product placements “stealthy,” but the FCC does.

Matt Lauer made an oopsy.

One word: McLovin. That is all. McLovin.

Got your Stimulus Check yet?

Geraldo Rivera proves, yet again, that he’s in dire need of another broken nose.

Today in Tell Us Something We Don’t Know.

According to reports, Anne hath a way of getting rid of her smarmy ex.

But what would Xenu do, Big Willie Style?

Body art takes a bite out of… Oh, we’re not even gonna try.

A self-serving ditty. We didn’t write it, but lordy do we evah…

Today in Slate-presented Obamamania.

A Hills star compares herself to Jesus = The stupidest quote yet, even for stupid Ms. McStupid.

Only because we just re-watched Brokeback Mountain today and forgot just how amazing Heath Ledger was. And yeah, we can’t wait for his Joker, either.

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OK, not all of these links are the freshest, but they are all green by nature:

• The incredible, edible front lawn.

• 10 things you did not know about birds.

• Picking tips for vegetables. And some for fruit.

• Why having intestinal parasites may be good for some people.

• Latest White House excuse to ignore climate change: we didn’t get the e-mail.

• Mote Marine Laboratory here in Sarasota is currently treating two pygmy killer whales.

• In some of the biggest environmental news to come down the pike in the Sunshine State ever, Florida agreed to buy U.S. Sugar and restore 187,000 acres near the Everglades to pristine condition.

• The solar revolution continues.

• False alarm. The Large Hadron Collider being built in Switzerland isn’t going to destroy the earth by creating a black hole. Or so the builders say.

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Fireworks? Barbecue? Boston Pops? A celebration of independence? Bah!

As far as I’m concerned, the Fourth of July begins and ends on Coney Island, at the Nathan’s Famous World Hot Dog Eating Contest. For 93 years, people have been lining up to see this freakish intersection of speed and gluttony, fascinated and appalled by the enormous capacity of today’s competitive eaters. Last year, professional gurgitator Joey Chestnut performed a feat reminiscent of the Miracle On Ice, defeating six-time world champ and seemingly unstoppable force Takeru Kobayashi. Not only did Chestnut soundly beat the diminutive Japanese competitor, he set a new world record by eating 66 dogs and buns in just 12 minutes, 11 more than the previous top score.

Don’t think you can just show up and join the fun; these days you have to win a qualifying contest to enter the Nathan’s Championship. Go to the International Federation of Competitive Eating to check out other upcoming events, and get tips on how the pros do their grotesque thing. You can also read my piece on competitive eating to get a little more background, as well as a glimpse into my own mercifully brief foray into the stomach-stretching arts.

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Everyone knows that George W. Bush’s grandfather Prescott was a Nazi sympathizer, liar and lousy businessman, but few people realize how well W has done in fulfilling his granddad’s fascist dreams for the United  States.

• Which brings us to this video explaining some one restriction to the First Amendment right to free speech:

• If you want to know the truth, it’s always a good idea to turn to the best political journalist we have, Sy Hersh. The rush to war with Iran continues, otherwise unreported.

• Of course, Israel would be thrilled if we’d do the dirty work for them.

• And if you think that an attack on Iran would be a cakewalk, think again.

• But hey, if we start another war in a Muslim country, we can continue to help al Qaeda with its recruiting goals.

• And if you don’t want to take my word for it, how about Ron Paul’s:

• Today’s most disturbing new: Kids at a summer camp at the United States military academy at West Point are getting really jazzed about killing people. Be sure to watch the video. The Hitler Youth parallels are profound.

• The peso is rising against the dollar, foreclosures in the Lone Star State are skyrocketing and there is plenty of money south of the border to fund the takeover.

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When we saw the headline, we thought the guy paid two million bucks to lunch with Jimmy Buffett. But this, this makes much more sense.

For those awaiting the forthcoming Tampa Ikea store…

We heart this article on catchphrases. It is what it is, you know?

Nelson Mandela’s 90th b-day concert drew pretty much, um, everyone. Even Ms. Winehouse.

Getting outta dodge for the Fourth of July? Be green while doing it.

Are you fueling your Corvette today in anticipation of tomorrow’s festivities? Yeppers, it seems the House has just discovered irony. Again.

The online sweatshop?

Today in creative euphemisms: “Among high-stakes professionals,” gambling is a “lifestyle and a passion.”

Obamapalooza continues.

Exile in “Why”-ville: Russia’s ex-pat biweekly is nyet more.

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Last night, Saturday Night Live aired a classic 1975 episode in honor of George Carlin. Here’s a monologue from it for your Sabbath day.

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Jeff Goldblum was right: Life… ah, ah, ah, finds a way.

Coming to a convenience store near you: Booty Sweat. Make that more of it.

Casting news: Rose to be Red.

In other Goldblum-related news: Um, yeah, life… ah, ah, ah, finds a way.

All the Nuge that’s fit to fire.

Letterman’s ratings are down. Way down.

Could another guest like this be why?

George Clooney… ah, ah, ah, wants to help find a way.

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So I was at the Gecko’s’ installment of the Karaoke Classic last night when nature called. Happy for a chance to escape, I stole into the bathroom.

Both urinals were occupied so I closed myself in the stall. They started playing “Tainted Love” over the speakers. You know the part where you clap? I’ve got to — clap clap – get away/ I’ve got to –

Unable to use my hands, I tapped my foot in time. Two pronounced, deliberate taps, repeated at intervals. The music was in fact barely audible inside the bathroom.

Once I realized what I was doing, I hurried out of there, avoiding eye contact with the other men.

It’s not that I’m homophobic (Have you seen the video to that song?), it’s just that what kind of a pass have we come to when enjoying your bathroom trip by jammin’ to the ’80s could constitute an illegal solicitation for sex?

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TGIF… A few late-breaking options for your weekend.

Second Chance-Last Opportunity Benefit
Fri., June 27, 6-8 p.m.
Foley’s Fine Art, 1540A Main Street, Sarasota, 330-6135 or 366-0525

Foley’s Fine Art is closing its Main Street location, and helping Newtown in the process. During tonight’s silent auction, 40% of glass sales and 25% of painting sales will go to Second Chance-Last Opportunity. The entire inventory is up for auction — including works by Picasso, Dali and Calder, refreshments will be served and local chanteuse Sharon Scott will perform.

Anna Maria Island Chamber of Commerce Island Music Festival
Fri., June 27, 5-10 pm.
Pine Ave. and Bay Blvd., Anna Maria Island, 761-4766 or 779-9412

Sample libations and food from area restaurants and get your groove on to local band, Kettle of Fish.

24th Annual Suncoast Offshore Grand Prix Festival Kickoff Party
Sat., June 28, 7 p.m.-1 a.m.
Sarasota Bradenton International Convention Center, 8005 15th St. E., Sarasota, 650-6595

It’s a hundred bucks a pop, but well worth if you’re jonesin’ for the opportunity to bid on items donated by Mike Rowe of TV’s Dirty Jobs and the captains of Deadliest Catch. (The latter’s Keith Colburn will throw out the first pitch at the Tampa Bay Rays vs. Boston Red Sox game on July 2 at Tropicana Field.) Proceeds benefit the Suncoast Foundation of the Handicapped and the Florida Center for Child and Family Development. The event includes food, an open bar and entertainment by Chameleon.

Mattison’s Road Trip Dinner
Sun., June 29, 6-9 p.m.
Starting at Mattison’s Forty One, 7275 S. Tamiami Trail, Sarasota, 921-3400

Foodies with an urge to road trip, dip and what not can do the progressive thing on wheels, moving from Mattison’s Forty One for drinks and apps to the Steakhouse at the Plaza for the main courses and then back again for dessert, live music and after-dinner shenanigans. Price is $75 plus tax and tip.

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It’s Friday, so let’s get right to it: the truth about Iraq and Afghanistan.

• OK, I’ll just tell you. Iraq was about oil.

• Finally, someone willing to call Tim Russert what he really was — just another high paid government courtier.

• I continue to watch with glee as the GOP implosion continues.

• How did $23 billion disappear in Iraq? You’d be surprised. Actually, you probably won’t be.

• Bank of America continues to find new ways to screw its customers. How’s a $10 fee on a $2 transaction sound?

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