the 941

Ed. note: This post comes courtesy of Editorial Intern Bobby Winsler. If it were up to us, we’d have stood up for Mr. Tebow.

INAPPROPRIATE ON THE COLLEGE LEVEL:

Make a shirt that reads, “I love Tim Tebow” on the front and, “Until he sucks in the NFL” on the back.

Florida Gators’ Superman Tim Tebow was announced a Heisman Trophy finalist last night, as the quarterback looks to reclaim the prestigious award for the second year in a row. While Tebow has his second national championship game in three years on his mind, NFL teams are unlikely to have the young junior on theirs. Tebow’s slightly above-mediocre size and average accuracy may keep Florida formidable, but there has been speculation of chomping the Gator down to a running back before entering the draft. Don’t worry Tim, you’ll likely find a home in Chicago. The Bears signed and then released previous undrafted Florida quarterback Chris Leak and continue to bench former Gator QB Rex Grossman.

INAPPROPRIATE ON THE PRO LEVEL:

Start a Joey-Porter-for-Governor campaign.

Outspoken Miami Dolphins’ linebacker Joey Porter has many platforms on which to run for office. Take his weapon’s control policy for example. In a recent interview with ESPN, Porter said, “Yeah, I own a handgun. Do the Dolphins know that I have a handgun? I mean, am I not supposed to protect my home? Am I supposed to sit at home with no guns at my house? Am I just supposed to have a house and just let everybody who decides to come in and murder my family with no protection? I hope you’ve got one.” Porter conducted the interview to defend Giants’ wide receiver Plaxico Burress who shot himself in the leg two weeks ago, but instead epitomized everything wrong with Florida crime right now: that more people are deciding to casually enter homes and murder entire families. He’s already got my vote.

INAPPROPRIATE ON THE HIGH SCHOOL LEVEL:

Incorporate the saying, “When I was your age, Booker was a good team” into everyday conversation.

Booker is the single collective effort that has kept the 941 out of jokes and into fearful hearts of high school football hopefuls. This season, however; the Tornadoes faced a tough upset when losing to Robinson high school, only the Knights second win of the season. The Knights peaked at that game, and finished the season an embarrassing 2-8, but not quite as embarrassing as the Booker loss.  The beauty of this phrase is it applies to everyone who has graduated high school since Booker has been a powerhouse for well over a decade. I guess now all we can hope for is a single standout like last year Sarasota High quarter back Casey Kelly, until he decides to go pro in baseball instead of football.

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