Introducing our new monthly column: Theresa Rose’s “Sex and the Suburbs”
April 14th, 2009 by Theresa Rose in Editor's Desk, News, Sarasota-Manatee
Ed. note: This is the first piece from Creative Loafing’s newest regular contributor, Theresa Rose. Her column will debut in next week’s issue, and is titled “Sex and the Suburbs.”
I am an almost-40 suburban housewife. Sounds sexy, doesn’t it?
Allow me to add even more pizzazz to the picture: I live in Lakewood Ranch, the antithesis of the trendy, urban vibe of downtown Sarasota. I admit it; I am decidedly unhip. I have no idea what the current hot spots are, I haven’t been out past midnight since the Clinton administration, my family and I don’t watch TV, and one of my favorite pastimes is reading Harry Potter with my kid. That’s how much of a friggin’ dork I am.
But look again. All is not lost with this particular Pleasantville Mom. There is a sassy, naughty side to me that I am dying to expose to the world. Even though my house looks nearly the same on the outside as the rest of my Stepfordian neighbors, there are some tidbits about me that would come as a surprise to my Labradoodle-walking Ranch brethren. For example, pomegranate martinis from Bonefish Grill make me unbelievably stupid, hubby and I practice Tantra every Sunday night (mmmmm…) and I regularly morph into a raving nutjob before taking my daughter to the bus.
I recently wrote a book called Opening the Kimono: A Woman’s Intimate Journey Through Life’s Biggest Challenges about the stuff we all keep hidden inside, and based on some of the dinner parties I’ve attended, girls’ nights out I’ve gone to, and the women’s discussion group I host each month, I know I’m not the only one toting around some doozies. You’d be surprised what sort of freaky-deaky things take place behind closed French doors.
We have been so conditioned to keep our skeletons tucked neatly away in our California Closets that we often shy away from tellin’ it like it is. Yet, there’s something so liberating about telling others our inner nasties. In this new Creative Loafing column, I will share some of my own juicy secrets, such as the fever-pitch man-boy crushes my 7-year-old and I share, how hula hooping in the front yard is the next best thing to sex, how fear makes us do ridiculous things, and what getting high in a dentist’s chair is like. The only two requirements I have for my column are that it is funny and sassy. Hopefully, you will find them to be both.
Whether you live downtown, west of the trail, or in the hinterlands known as Lakewood Ranch, you will undoubtedly recognize some of your own stories while reading my own. We all have had moments of fear, embarrassment, lust and good old-fashioned ballsiness. It is my sincere hope that “Sex and the Suburbs” will remind you of your humanity and your community — even us weenies in East County. Ultimately, you will discover that we all share many of the same attributes, regardless of our ZIP codes, wardrobes or social calendar.
Theresa Rose is the award-winning author of Opening the Kimono: A Woman’s Intimate Journey Through Life’s Biggest Challenges. She is the president of Serious Mojo Publications and recipient of the 2008 Royal Palm Literary Award from the Florida Writers Association. For more information or to read Theresa’s popular blog I Got Me Some Serious Mojo, visit theresarose.net.
May 15th, 2009 at 9:51 am
[...] note: This piece, by Theresa Rose, will appear in next week’s issue of Creative [...]