the 941

Till just a few years ago, I didn’t really know what I was missing when it came to Chinese food. For most of my life, much of that lived right here on the Suncoast, I had assumed that cardboard containers of beef and broccoli or veggie lo mein were as good as it got, unless you happened to live in a big urban center with its own Chinatown.

Then, I found a place in Tampa that opened my eyes to the joys of real Chinese dishes. Then another. And once I tasted what I’d been missing, I became very angry. Sure, Sarasota is no hotbed for diverse ethnic cuisines, but we still manage to cram a tired takeout and delivery joint around every corner. Why can’t one of these places step up?

Enter Bradenton’s Lucky Star. Stop by for a quick bite, or glance at the folded menus tucked into the bin outside, and you might be fooled into thinking that this is just another tired old fried rice factory. But step inside and you’ll find the best Chinese food in the greater Sara-Mana area.

They don’t make it easy, though. A handwritten sign on the door mentions that dim sum — the traditional small-plate dining of China — is served on Saturday and Sunday, which is odd since Lucky Star is happy to serve those same dishes every night of the week. And the menu, which is tucked into sheet protectors bound with yarn, is the same dreck printed on the takeout pamphlet. Except, right at the end, where you’ll find a handwritten page short on description, but long on potential.

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Amidst a flurry of last-second entries in our ticket giveaway contest for next Tuesday’s big No Doubt show at Tampa’s Ford Amphitheatre, we have decided upon a winner! Drum roll, please…

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For the first time in years, I dragged out my ice cream maker with plans to introduce my son to the glories of homemade frozen treats. But as soon as we hit the supermarket for the necessary supplies, I was confronted with something that made me put the kibosh on our epic gourmet dessert: Vanilla beans are $5! Each!

Here’s your guide to why vanilla is so expensive, and some tips on how to trim costs without sacrificing quality.

* Vanilla is the seed pod from an orchid (the only orchid that bears edible fruit). Orchids are fragile, demanding plants — this one needs to be hand-pollinated on the one day a year the blossoms open. Pods are hand-picked and take a year to mature and cure before they’re ready for market. You can see why it’s pricey.

* The main varieties are Madagascar, Tahitian and Mexican — although Madagascar beans are what you’ll see most of the time, and are usually the most reliable in terms of classic vanilla flavor.

* Vanilla extract is made by macerating beans in alcohol and water to extract the flavor; the resulting solution is aged.

* Imitation vanilla extract is a nasty blend of chemicals that — honestly — isn’t worth the cost savings, although average folk won’t be able to tell the difference when used in small amounts in flavorful dishes.

* Store beans in a cool, dry space and they’ll keep for a year or more. If the beans dry out, just soak them in liquid (preferably the custard you’re using them in) and they’ll rehydrate. Don’t store beans in the refrigerator, because the sugars will crystallize.

* Since properly stored vanilla lasts a long time, buy in bulk from mail-order services (penzeys.com sells three beans for $7.25, or 15 for $28.50). All that vanilla staring at you every day is good incentive to get cooking.

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Notice any similarities? The left image is a screenshot of B-roll footage from a two-minute SNN feature by Jessica Jordan that ran this morning; the left is drawn from this week’s Creative Loafing cover story, scripted by Staff Writer Tim Sukits. And the parallels between the two pieces hardly end there.

Both begin with references to the high number of “For Lease” signs in empty windows around town:

• CL: “Driving around Sarasota-Manatee, the bright yellow ‘For Lease’ signs are impossible to miss; the placards dot empty windows north and south, east and west.”
• SNN: “‘For Lease’ signs and empty store windows are hard to miss when you’re driving through downtown Sarasota.”

Both also cite a couple of the same stats:

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Ed. note: This piece, by Chuck Shepherd, will appear in next week’s issue of Creative Loafing.

LEAD STORY: In a nondescript building next to a mosque in downtown Karachi, Pakistan, the Qadeer brothers discreetly make and market a million dollars’ worth of fetish and bondage products a year for Americans and Europeans (through sales to stores and on eBay). In fact, if the radical Islamic office down the street knew about the Qadeers’ work, they might be in trouble, according to an April New York Times dispatch, but fortunately, the gag balls, corsets and whips such as the “Mistress Flogger” are so odd for Pakistan that even the veiled women who sew them for the Qadeers do not understand that Americans use them for sex play. Customs officials, for example, were puzzled about how to categorize the items for tax purposes. “If our mom knew (the nature of our business),” said brother Adnan, “she would disown us.”

The Entrepreneurial Spirit! Physician Geoffrey Hart, working with a grant from the National Institutes of Health, recently developed the Pedi-Sedate headgear to trick waiting-room kids into inhaling nitrous oxide while playing video games, thus knocking themselves out and, according to Hart’s company, “dramatically improv(ing) the hospital or dental experience for the child, parents and healthcare providers.” The helmet contains sophisticated sensors to monitor the dosages and effects on the child.

Manliness: 1. The Redneck Yacht Club opened in February near Naples, Fla., consisting of an 800-acre carefully designed mud pit that drivers pay $30 to frolic in with their own customized off-road vehicles. One mechanic told the Sarasota Herald-Tribune in April that he had spent $15,000 fixing up his rig, with 6-foot-high tires and a skull ornament. His review: “This place is kick-butt.” 2. For Germany’s fathers’ day in May, the Panzer Fun Driving School in Germany’s Brandenburg state suggested sending men off to drive one of its 13 Soviet armored vehicles (following a short class on the controls), and for an extra fee, patrons can ram their tanks over an old car.

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On April 13, we broke news about a local nature show being put together by orchid fanatic Stig Dalström and filmmaker Darryl Saffer. In the program, the duo heads down to South Florida’s Fakahatchee Strand swamp on a hunt for the ghost orchid, the elusive plant that was at the center of the Spike Jonze film Adaptation.

Dalström and Saffer hosted two free screenings of the first episode of the prospective series, titled Wild Orchid Man, one at Burns Court and the other at Word of Mouth. Well, if you missed one of those showings, you’re getting a third chance: The team has just announced they will be screening the program once again, at 11 a.m. Sun., June 14. And yep, it’s still free. Burns Court Cinemas is hosting this go-’round.

Follow the jump to view two Orchid Man trailers.
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Cliff Roles Interviews Janis Spindel

The latest from our boy Cliff Roles:

I heard about NY Matchmaker Janis Spindel last week Janis will be in Sarasota on Friday interviewing potential brides for her male Sarasota client!

So I invited Janis to come on my radio show, and here’s our conversation!

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— Listen. I love downtown Sarasota as much as the next guy, but this week’s cover story in the Ticket is just crazy: “Downtown Sarasota’s main vein, with its mixture of mostly older single-story shops and newer tall buildings, has a surprisingly impressive collection of nightclubs offering entertainment that nearly rival Tampa and St. Petersburg.” I’m going to see a free Hold Steady concert in downtown St. Pete next Thursday; when was the last time Main Street hosted a free show by one of America’s greatest bands?

— “Despite the 10.7 percent unemployment rate and scores of companies still laying off workers, there are still plenty of jobs waiting for employees. … Engineers, nurses and skilled/manual trades head up the Top 10 list, not a surprise to employment experts who say there is a skill gap as well as a time gap involved.”

— Finding a summer job, meanwhile, still means tough competition.

— Ron Filipkowski launches episode 34 of Clout 941, with an interesting Q&A with State House District 69 Republican candidate Ray Pilon.

— MC Coolidge: bitch?

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Ever get that e-mail that asks you to spot the difference in two seemingly identical pictures? You sit there staring intently when the pic suddenly changes to a scary old witch, the speakers pound out a loud shock chord and you make a deposit at the bank of BVD. I was reminded of this prank while watching Drag Me to Hell, a back-to-basics horror movie from Spider-Man director Sam Raimi. Time and again the camera moves in on Christine, a corporate-ladder-climbing bank rep ably played by Alison Lohman, as she stares off into the distance trying to spot the devil that haunts her. Wind rustles through a tree, shadows dance across the floor, and then — wham! — the specter appears and scares the bejezzus out of her.

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With Wii Fit selling over 17 million copies, announcing a sequel is an obvious move for Nintendo. It seems likely that such an announcement will come next Tuesday morning from Nintendo’s E3 2009 Media Briefing. E3, the Electronic Entertainment Expo, will take place Tuesday, June 2nd through Thursday, June 4th and will play host to many announcemnets from the biggest names in the videogame industry.

Thanks to a trademark filing we know that Nintendo has already trademarked “Wii Fit Plus” and has gone so far as to include a logo (seen above) for such a product. Not only does a trademark filing confirm suspicions for a Wii Fit Plus announcement, but so do Macquarie Research’s E3 predictions.

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