Driven Mad: The etiquette of sex in the back seat of a limo
June 10th, 2009 by Tom Fairchild in News, Sarasota-Manatee
One reason people hire a limousine rather than a taxi is because of the partition. The partition is the electrically powered divider separating the driver’s compartment from the passengers.
It’s not the only reason to choose a limo. Most taxis don’t carry eight or 10 people; most taxis don’t have built-in iceboxes and DVD players; and taxis definitely don’t have back-lit bars, neon strip-lights or rave strobes. (Unless you’re in Manila, of course, but let’s just agree that the Filipino jeepney is the exception that proves the rule.)
Even with all the other obvious taxi-to-limo upgrades, though, privacy still comes in as the most important. The ability to remove the chauffeur from the party whilst traveling around in luxury is critical to people paying up. I call it the Boudoir Syndrome, because why else is privacy from your trusty driver important unless you’re doing something nasty? Or illegal? Or both?
Whatever reason, the idea of a road-borne sex-pit equipped with one large and one small bench seat makes some people a little bit insane.
I know this because the customers who are busting to get private behind the partition are gagging from the start. The men are often overly polite upon meeting, and the women tend to avoid eye contact. Once we’re loaded and under way, the partition slides up — whiiiiiiir, clunk — and the laughter quotient increases. Rapidly.
When the ladies take off their tops, the hollering and flash photography start. (Tip: The partitions are not a particularly good fit, so sound and light do seep around the edge.) And when the sex (if any) begins, there is quiet, presumably due to concentration. You can figure out the rest from there. After 10 minutes or so, the silence gives way to muted guffaws and gradually the chatter and laughing return.
Then, when everyone wants to leave the boudoir on wheels, the partition goes down — whiiiiiiiir, clunk — and someone yells: “Hey, Tom! Take us to that bar we talked about!”
Yes sir. You’ve got it.
In more ways than one.
June 15th, 2009 at 1:30 pm
[...] the behind-the-scenes adventures of a limousine chauffeur. To read more Driven Mad columns, click here, here and here. Bookmark [...]