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Ed. note: This piece, by Rob Brezsny, will appear in this week’s issue of Creative Loafing.

FAMOUS Cancer: Comedienne Gilda Radner was born on June 28, 1946.

CANCER
The Crab
(June 21-July 22)

The coming week may be one big ethical test for you. Maybe today the cashier at the cafe will accidentally give you $10 too much in change. Tomorrow you could be baited with a chance to gain personal advantage by betraying a friend. It has been a long time since your integrity has been pushed and probed and pricked like this. As you wend your way through the gray areas, Cancerian, remember that sometimes being moral is not about saying no, but saying yes. In fact, one of the most high-minded acts you could make is to open your heart to a righteous temptation.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Did life feel meaningless last week? Was your destiny a random sequence of events shepherding you to a series of different nowheres? If so, Leo, get ready for your mood to shift drastically. Enticing leads will rise up out of the midst of boredom. Human beings will fascinate and teach you, and every day will bring new signs to draw you deeper into delicious mysteries.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): You’re hereby relieved of your responsibility to keep everyone’s illusions afloat. Consider yourself armed with Ernest Hemingway’s “built-in, shock-resistant bulls— detector.” Beginning immediately, be an elegant but in-your-face reality check. Tell the lush, pulsating, up-to-the-minute truth. And be aware that even the dry facts may be evolving pretty fast. What seems like incontrovertible evidence today may be puny propaganda tomorrow.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): I usually applaud your inclination to remain above the fray and churn out astute observations. But this week’s different. For the foreseeable future, I’d like it very much if you dive into the pit with the other diehards and fight with hardnosed audacity for what you believe is the beautiful truth. At least temporarily, Libra, forget about your graceful talent for tactful compromise. I think it’s time for you to be a warrior who’s ferociously devoted to a just cause.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): In behalf of all the other signs, I’d like to express our gratitude for the jumpstarts you Scorpios give us. The jolts aren’t always bliss-inducing, true, but in retrospect we often say, “Thanks, I really needed that.” Our gratitude also goes out to you for those times you help us lose our excessive self-importance. It’s hard to cling to our pretensions with you around, and it’s easier to get to the root of the truth. Continue to be your warm, prickly self even in the face of protests from faint hearts. Know that at least some of your fans out here respect the way you push us and trick us and inspire us to go places we don’t even realize we’ll benefit from going.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): During his time in hiding, the Biblical prophet Elijah was kept alive by ravens who brought him food. John the Baptist survived on nothing but honey and locusts when he was roaming the wilderness. And I’m sure that some unexpected source of comfort and sustenance will likewise turn up during your wanderings, Sagittarius. It may not be what you’re used to. But stick with it. You could learn to love it, and in the process become less dependent on stuff you thought you couldn’t do without.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Burn the book of love you’ve been using these past few years, Capricorn, even if you just do it metaphorically. Think of it as liberating yourself from the tyranny of fables that have programmed you to accept less love than you deserve. And when you’re done with the burning, go in search of a brand new book of love. Better yet, write that holy text yourself. A good title might be Love Doesn’t Conquer All, But Sixty Percent Isn’t Bad. A bad title would be Love Doesn’t Suck.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): You should closely monitor your environment for beguiling appearances of the number seven. I theorize that seven has been trying to call attention to itself in an odd or irritating manner so as to get you to tune in to certain benefits that could be associated with the number seven — benefits you’ve been overlooking. I would even go so far as to speculate that seven may be both the cause of and the cure for your itch. Be especially alert for sevens that are in the vicinity of the color green or the letter “G.” Perk up your intuition anytime seven appears in advertisements, boxes of food, tattoos, or T-shirts.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Don’t concern yourself with praying to the gods of luck and chance. Your job is to solicit the favor of the gods of diligence and discipline. Why? Because I think you’ve got a lot of good work ahead of you and you’re going to need the extra boost those gods can provide. You will also have to draw on extra reserves of your willpower to express new heights of determination and persistence. The stronger you push to make your efforts crisp and efficient, the easier they’ll make it for you to do just that.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Storm chasers are people who love traveling around the continent in pursuit of wild weather. Nothing feeds their lust for life more than getting up close and personal with a tornado. I mention this because the coming weeks will be prime time for Aries storm chasers to load up on thrills. The immediate future should also bring excellent opportunities for other Rams who are yearning for adventures that will captivate their imaginations and slake their sense of wonder.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Let’s say that you lost a treasured object awhile back. Or let’s say that a bewildering companion walked out of your life many moons ago. How much do you want to bet that your paths will cross again soon? According to my reading of the omens, events like these could be common between now and Aug. 15. That’s because the past is cycling back to you for another look. Revival and resurrection are in the air. Are you ready to experience something resembling time travel?

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): The seductive torments of insatiable desires are leaving you in peace, at least for now. That means you’re free to concentrate on the easier gratification of more satiable desires. I hope you’re open to that, Gemini; I hope you haven’t fallen for the illusion that hard-to-get pleasures are deeper and finer. Please believe me when I tell you that you’re ready to exult and bask in the simple joys.

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