Driven Mad: Wedding limo gigs can be obnoxious
July 23rd, 2009 by Tom Fairchild in News, Sarasota-Manatee
If a Marine and gay man formed a partnership, they would have the most perfect wedding organizing business. (Which, if the Marine was gay, could be a great one-person enterprise.) Sadly, most wedding organizers I see are a cross between Brüno and Borat. What the profession needs is the creative flair of the gay man and the organizational and command skills of the Marine, all of which are rarely on display.
Providing limousines for weddings is a solid part of The Boss’ business. First we collect the “boys” from wherever they’re staying, and transport them to the site of the proposed nuptuals. Oftentimes the boys are hungover. Can’t think why.
Then we go find the “girls” and wait for them to be ready. Almost always the anxiety level is quite high here, but there’s nothing I can do to help. Our side of the arrangement is simply to be there with the correct limousine at the assigned time, then drive them to the ceremony.
This is all simple enough stuff, right? Well, it would be if even one person had some kind of master plan. You would expect the wedding planner to know every detail of the day, but rarely are they capable of arranging more than some seats for guests, a photographer and a bill for their services.
Some examples of the disorganization, as seen from the chauffeur’s point of view:
Where EXACTLY is the wedding ceremony being held? “A beach on Siesta Key” covers quite a lot of sand.
What time EXACTLY do you want to be there? Out-of towners are poor at matching distance and time.
No, I do not know where the floral arrangements are. If you show me, I’ll certainly look after them.
No, I do not know anything about bottles of champagne for afterwards, and no, I cannot legally sell them to you. I will be happy to go buy some for you though, if you give me some cash.
No, I do not know what your favorite champagne is.
Yes, there is a difference between French and domestic. (Merde!)
No, I do not know where the reception is being held. At the time you booked the limousine, you did not know yourself. Did you call back to tell us where you had decided? Ah-ha. I see.
Okay, so we’re not going to Denny’s now, we’re going for more photographs? Fine, but you understand you are being charged by the hour?
No, trust me. The Boss did not say he was giving you a free fourth hour.
Yes, photographers do have a strong will of their own, don’t they?
I am sorry, but I wasn’t at the practice. I don’t know in which order you should walk into the reception.
And finally:
No, the gratuity is never included.
July 23rd, 2009 at 2:01 pm
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