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Feeling a bit like Spanish explorer Hernando de Soto, the man who first discovered Bradenton in 1539, tonight I am traveling across the Sarasota/Manatee county line for South Florida Museum’s annual fundraiser, Snooty’s Gala. Like the Asolo, the ballet and the opera house, this museum has of late taken up the mission of promoting its cause amongst the local “young professional” set. Thus my presence at tonight’s gala, armed with the necessary gear for any social explorer: gown, jewels, notepad and camera — if only I had one of those fabulous jaunty hats like the conquistadors wore…

As I leave my trusty vessel with the valet and view a sea of black-tied men and women at the entryway, I feel that this land is indeed full of promise. A gracious server bestows a flute of champagne upon me and I embark across the grand foyer of the museum. I get the sense there are some important Bradentonians milling about, but being a foreigner, I am not able to recognize or name these specimens. Instead I focus on describing their characteristics. As this is B-ton’s premier social event, I am not surprised that the men rock tuxes and the ladies have donned diamonds. Observing their behavior I feel that these illuminati are — dare I say? — less pretentious than their relatives to the south. The museum’s manatee mascot is the only who is “snooty” here. (At right are intrepid county line crossers Noelia Batiz and Rochelle Dudley. Photo courtesy Noelia Batiz.)

Speaking of Snooty, after sampling some delicious hors d’oeuvres I begin to wonder where the famous manatee is. I can’t see him in the tank that’s visible on the main floor so I sneak up the back steps just as his trainer is entering to deliver the iconic mammal’s last feeding of the night. Manatees are actually grazers, as opposed to having set meal times like you or I, and Snooty insists on being hand-fed at all times. How refined. The young lady feeding him tells the growing crowd all sorts of interesting facts about our beloved sea cow as she blows him air-kisses and gives high-fives in between huge handfuls of crunchy lettuce. Watching Snooty enjoy his mixed greens reminds me that dinner is about to be served, so I hurry back downstairs.

As I find my way to table 31, a live string trio fills the air with acoustic versions of Led Zepplin and Beatles songs in between traditional orchestral favorites. The Spanish-style courtyard is draped in strings of lights and the air is just cool enough to warrant the faux-fur wrap I’ve brought with me. Soon the stellar servers place our first course on the table (serving all the ladies first, of course) and we dig in and perform a light-hearted version of the standard dinner-party-conversation.

When I receive my beautiful second course, a crab-topped filet medallion, I notice Chef Paul Mattison in the corner surveying the service. From the hors d’oeuvres to the dinner rolls to the entrée itself, all the of the food is absolutely fabulous. Event chairperson Trudy Moon takes the stage to tell us a bit more about the beautiful museum before enjoining partygoers to get onto the dance floor. You know you’re in Bradenton when acceptable music includes such ’70s rock classics as “Some Kind of Wonderful” and Three Dog Night’s “Joy to the World.”

I take these tunes as my cue to return to my homeland, and depart with a full tummy, a few great photos and a bottle of “Eau de Snooty” for the road, compliments of the Museum. I do hope to go exploring again soon; those Bradentonians sure can throw a gala.

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