the 941

Gladiator [Blu-ray] (2000), Paramount
Ingredients:
Russell Crowe (Maximus)
Joaquin Pheonix (Commodus)
Connie Nielsen (Lucilla)
Oliver Reed (Proximo)
Richard Harris (Marcus Aurileus)
Ridley Scott (Director)

Introduce Maximus (Crowe), a gallant Roman general, to the throne; allow a corrupt and overlooked son Commodus (Phoenix) to simmer and stew in his own rage. Stir in a family execution, imprisonment and a few heaping spoonfuls of kick-ass gladiator fights. Fold in a whole lot of inappropriate longing for a sister, and a tense fight to the finish, and let set within a tale of a man pushing himself to right the wrongs done to his family.

Additional Notes: Pair with Braveheart, for a super-long, super-machismo double-feature.

Also out on DVD/Blu-ray 9/1:

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Adventureland (2009), Miramax
Ingredients:
Jesse Eisenberg (James Brennan)
Kristen Stewart (Em Lewin)
Ryan Reynolds (Mike Connell)
Margarita Levieva (Lisa P.)
Martin Starr (Joel)
Kristen Wiig (Paulette)
Bill Hader (Bobby)
Greg Mattola (Writer/Director)

Gently whip up a sentimental story set in 1987; shred any hope for a career for recent college graduate James (Eisenberg) and allow to stew in Adventureland — a whimsy-less townie amusement park. Fold in a brilliant cast of characters including geeky sweetheart Joel (Starr), good-hearted hottie Lisa P. (Levieva), delusional douche Mike Connell (Ryan Reynolds) and park owners Paulette and Bobby (always hilarious Wiig and Hader). Mix in a mysterious loner Em (a stoner-eyed Stewart) and watch for sugared sparks to ignite between her and James. Enjoy Adventureland and remember when life seemed so hard but was so sweet.

Also out on DVD/Blu-ray August 25:

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Labor Pains (2009), First Look Pictures
Ingredients:
Lindsay Lohan (Thea Clayhill)
Cheryl Hines (Lisa DePardo)
Chris Parnell (Jerry Steinwald)
Luke Kirby (Nick Steinwald)
Lara Shapiro (Director)

Wrap up frail, paper-skinned Thea Clayhill (Lindsay Lohan) in a fake belly and throw onto the small screen. Place her in awkward situations as she lies, flirts and flits her way into keeping her secretarial position at a company — all by playing pregnant. Incorporate Lisa DePardo (Cheryl Hines), the helpful but helpless work buddy and Nick Steinwald (Luke Kirby), the heroic hottie who finds the strange escapades of Thea enthralling. Watch Lohan fizzle and flop, as she grimaces and struggles to reignite her starlet shine.

Additional notes: If viewing reeks of desperation, substitute Labor Pains with Mean Girls and think about what could have been.

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Repulsion (1965), Criterion Collection
Ingredients:
Catherine Deneuve (Carole Ledoux)
Ian Hendry (Michael)
Yvonne Furneaux (Helene Ledoux)
John Fraser (Colin)
Rotting Rabbit
Roman Polanski (Director)

Crumble one beautiful, repressed, young French foreigner, Carole (Deneuve), into a wobbly mess of psychoses. Place Carole in an apartment by herself while her sister (Furneaux) goes on holiday with her boyfriend; allow her visions and terrors to overtake her mental state. Create tension by building up the dissonance between her reality and surreality, and gently blur the lines. Introduce charming Colin (Fraser), a man who tries desperately to pull Carole from her debilitating social and sexual anxiety. Dot with disturbing images: rotting food and a decaying rabbit, shadowy figures, a hallway filled with groping hands, and blood. Enjoy this demanding, atmospheric film — a pure classic brimming with talent and terror.

Also out on DVD/Blu-Ray Today:

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Coraline (2009), Universal Studios
Ingredients:
Dakota Fanning (Coraline Jones)
Teri Hatcher (Mother/Other Mother)
John Hodgman (Father/Other Father)
Jennifer Saunders (Miss Spink)
Dawn French (Miss Forcible)
Ian McShane (Mr. Bobinsky)
Henry Selick (Director)
Henry Selick & Neil Gaiman (Writers)

Blend live-action animation with an unsettling children’s tale featuring needles in eyes and frightening “Other Mother”s. Froth into a deliciously strange, sumptuous cinematic experience. (Painted popcorn as cherry blossoms? Fantastic!) Allow drama to rise as little Coraline moves into a new home and wishes for a better life. Split film into Other world and real world, as Coraline flickers between both homes. Fall for the creative characters and the erie atmosphere of the film, stay for the hard-earned moral of the story: you can’t always get — and you won’t always enjoy — what you want.

Additional notes: do not watch under the influence — of anything.

Also out on DVD/Blu-Ray:

2 or 3 Things I Know About Her (1966), Criterion Collection
Ingredients: Marina Vlady, Anny Duperey, Christophe Bourseiller, Juliet Berto, Yves Beneyton, Jean-Luc Godard (Director)
300: The Complete Experience (Blu-ray Book + Digital Copy and BD-Live) [Blu-ray] (2007), Warner Home Video
Ingredients: Gerard Butler, Lena Headey, Zack Snyder (Director)

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“Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations” – Collection Four (2009), Discovery Channel
Ingredients: Anthony Bourdain, interesting food porn, colorful commentary and gorgeous scenery

Dice DVD into 16 awesome episodes of Bourdain irascibility and humorously sardonic observations. Enjoy lanky, cantakerous Bourdain as he gorges himself on N’awlins cooking, jumps back on the line at his old NY spot Les Halles, and partakes in the classic Japan Kaiseki meal in Tokyo. Place Bourdain in his element and know the man is not afraid to eat anything, including raw chicken sashimi.
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Knowing (2009), Summit Entertainment
Ingredients:
Nicolas Cage (John Koestler)
Rose Byrne (Diana)
Chandler Canterbury (Caleb Koestler)
Alex Proyas (Director)

Take one dug-up time capsule and a listing of some seemingly random numbers; add in John Koestler (Cage), an MIT professor/astrophysicist. Allow paranoia to rise as Koestler begins to draw a link between the number sequence and tragic disasters. Divide film into equal parts destruction-porn and spiritual sci-fi and spread message on thick.

Additional Notes: If film starts to lag, choose to view as camp, and let Nicolas “How’d it get burned?? How’d it get burned?!?” Cage take you away.

Also out on DVD July 7th:

Coco Chanel (2008), Screen Media
Ingredients: Shirley MacLaine, Malcolm McDowell, Marine Delterme, Olivier Sitruk, Maggie Steed, Christian Duguay (Director)

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Eastbound & Down: The Complete First Season (2009), HBO
Ingredients:
Danny McBride (Kenny Powers)
Katy Mixon (April Buchanon)
John Hawkes (Dustin Powers)
Andrew Daly (Terrence Cutler)
Ben Best (Clegg)
David Gordon Green, Jody Hill, Adam McKay (Directors)

Take one part mullet-sporting former relief pitcher turned substitute gym teacher and place in a Southern small town. Mix in strange characters, off-color humor and a multitude of NSFW one-liners. Expect complete character-dedication by scene-stealer Danny McBride (Powers) and a ton of fantastic outtakes, backstory videos and amazing commentary for this soon-to-be cult classic.

Se7en: New Line Platinum Series [Blu-Ray] (1995), New Line Home Video
Ingredients:
Brad Pitt (Detective David Mills)
Morgan Freeman (Detective Lt. William Somerset)
Gwyneth Paltrow (Tracy Mills)
Kevin Spacey (John Doe)
David Fincher (Director)

Add equal parts grit, grossness and great performances to this thrilling murder mystery; mix in the seven deadly sins and stomach-churning details as two homicide detectives, one rookie (Pitt) and one retiring (Freeman), frantically search for a serial killer. Allow actors to marinate in dramatically dark mise-en-scene and horrific circumstances. Relish in Kevin Spacey’s creepiness, a head-in-a-box and fantastic Fincher direction.

Also out on DVD and Blu-Ray today:

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Diary of a Suicide (Le Journal D’un Suicide) (1972), Facets
Ingredients:
Sami Frey (Le guide)
Roland Bertin (L’anarchiste)
Paul Pavel (Le condamne a mort)
Sacha Pitoeff (Le geolier)
Henri Poirier (Le commissaire)
Delphine Seyrig (L’interprete)
Stanislav Stanojevic (Director)

Mix in one abrasive and obnoxious tour guide (Frey as Le guide) and one aloof, beautiful and sunglass-ed tour interpreter (Seyrig as L’interprete). Place on boat and simmer on low, somewhat flirtatious heat. Allow L’interprete to pose a challenge to Le guide: tell her something beautiful. Cut in numerous story scenarios depicting life, loss and artsy anguish —while sifting a large amount of pretentiousness. Fold in a story of blindness, would-be suicide bombers and a fake battle. Marinate with storyline on water and serve up in shards of varying color tints.

The Girls Next Door: Season 5, 20th Century Fox
Ingredients:
Holly Madison
Bridget Marquardt
Kendra Wilkinson
Hugh Hefner

Take three ladies, stuff with silicone and daddy-issues, and stick them in a colossal, old-Hollywood (emphasis on “old”) mansion. Introduce a camera crew and wacky situations,  a walking (hobbling?) sex symbol and probably an armoire full of Viagra. Add dreams of finding true love in the grotto and a life full of fame and fortune. Whip up into a platinum-blonde froth and coat any sort of creepiness with a light, sunny disposition.

Additional notes: Add a set, or three, of censored boobs, to taste.

Also out on DVD June 23:
Alice’s House (A Casa de Alice) (2007), IndiePix
Ingredients: Carla Ribas, Vinicius Zinn, Ricardo Vilaca, Felipe Massula, Berta Zemel, Chico Teixeira (Director)

Bob Funk (2008), Magnolia Home Entertainment
Ingredients: Rachael Leigh Cook, Amy Ryan, Grace Zabriskie, Eddie Jemison, Craig Carlisle

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To casual music fans, Boz Scaggs is that smooth dude from the ’70s with those disco-ey hits “Lowdown” and “Lido Shuffle.” They might even know about his 1976 smash album Silk Degrees, which included those tunes as well as “Georgia,” “What Can I Say” and “Harbor Lights.”

Although Scaggs’ days as a major hitmaker ended in the early 1980s — in large part because he took a self-imposed hiatus for most of the decade — he has made estimable music in the 1990s and, especially, this decade. And he’s done so by turning to a familiar riff for recovering rock stars: singing old standards.

That news might cause eyes to roll — especially if you think Rod Stewart — but it would absolutely not apply in the case of Boz Scaggs. His But Beautiful (2003) and last year’s Speak Low are among the best examples of a veteran pop star delving into such old chestnuts as “What’s New?” “Sophisticated Lady,” “Easy Living,” “I’ll Remember April” and “Speak Low.”

He sings the material in a supple, torchy style, burrowing into the lyrics, caressing phrases with his round, throaty tenor. Scaggs has a natural knack for seducing you into these literate, urbane numbers culled from the legendary writers of the American Songbook. But Beautiful debuted at No. 1 on the jazz charts, but Scaggs, 65, does not consider himself a jazz singer. You won’t hear any scatting or bold deconstructions from him. Instead, he hews to the gorgeous melodies, adding slight curves and punctuations.

The singer did not enter into the world of standards lightly. He started toying with the tunes about 10 years ago, after making friends with a cluster of jazz musicians in his adopted hometown of San Francisco. The vocalist quickly discovered something surprising about the material. “[It's] much harder than more modern pop songs,” he says in a phone interview. “I had to study. There were a few songs that fell a little more naturally into my style of singing, the ones in a bluesier vein. The rest of it, I had to work hard, study a lot, do a lot of practicing, searching, finding my own way with the songs. I’ve learned a lot, and it’s served me in other [musical] forms.”

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