the 941

The Bard’s original theater un-buried.

To catch you up, and it IS worth doing… Anderson Cooper vs. the Lohans, Part 1. (While we’re at it, our take.)

Part 2: Dina Dearest fires back.

Part 3: Andy responds. Ah, SNAP!

C’mon. Is this yawn-worthy report of Winehouse-induced yawns only an across-the-pond yawn? [Yawn.]

First Diddy pimps a booze, now Dre (to coincide with his Detox album, natch). Who’s next? Amy Winehouse? Yawn.

(more…)

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Even Extreme Makeover recipients aren’t immune to the foreclosure crisis…

The earth moved in a sizable, seismic way. Here’s hoping our west coast friends are okay.

Winehouse in the hospital. Winehouse out of the hospital. Rinse, and repeat.

Hallmark and Fox team up for, um, blockbuster greeting cards with no substance and shark-jumping special effects.

“Two tickets to the gun show?” Or just this instead?

Speaking of which, “Hey Laaaaadies!” Jerry busted for packin’ heat.

Starbucks — More cuts in coffee town. Those without jobs? Likely as bitter as the brew itself.

If only Starbucks had implemented their “appreciation beanbag toss.” ‘Cause, you know, it’s all about “appreciation.” And, tossing tossers.

(more…)

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A giant statue of a penis, a naked man suspended from a harness. The St. Petersburg police have arrested those responsible, protecting ordinary citizens from the grotesque and freakish sight of male genitalia.

The owner of Erotic Lounge art gallery has closed his business (thank the gods!), but will instead focus his efforts on suing the St. Penisburg — sorry, Petersburg — police. I hope the department is not distracted from this lawsuit by any violent crimes.

The offending sculpture is available on eBay. It’s made of wood, so we recommend that anyone with a few hundred extra dollars purchase it quickly and douse it with kerosene.

Let’s face it: People look like mutants with their clothes off. Ropy, uncontrollable appendages, wounds that never heal. God created us in his own image, but the devil stole in while our bodies were cooling and gave us the mutilations of demons. Lest that madness take over, we must never expose our viler parts except in darkness or in the holy light of an X-ray machine.

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Arts writer Amanda Schurr and I were discussing the new JC Penney commercial that riffs off The Breakfast Club. These are the days when advertisers, filmmakers, radio programmers, basically all producers of media, are trying to cash in on Gen X nostalgia.

At 32, Amanda is a tweenie, an XY-er if you will (She does have a strong handshake, come to think of it. Jk, Amanda, don’t beat me.). But born in 1985, I landed soundly in Generation Y, or the Millienial Generation. “I wonder,” I said to Amanda, “where people will mine for nostalgia when my generation is the consumer class.”

So we bring you the beginnings of a collaborative list: movies, music and TV shows that molded the impressionable adolescent minds of my generation. Our lower bound for release dates is the year 2000, when I and others born in the Year of the Ox were learning to drive. In homage to High Fidelity, we deliver our lists in chunks of five. Note that these aren’t necessarily the best releases, just culture shapers. A qualifying candidate either affected American behavior on a large scale or altered the course of its medium. First are my lists, with Amanda’s to follow: (more…)

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How is it that a barely-funded series of web shorts produced during the writers’ strike manages to be better than just about everything aired on TV?

Part of the reason is Joss Whedon, the man behind Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog. Whedon — of Buffy, Firefly and Serenity fame — is known for snappy dialogue, engaging stories and a keen talent for creating fan buzz. Last week he released Dr. Horrible with little fanfare, posting three fifteen-minute episodes throughout the week. You could view them for free on the Dr. Horrible site, but only through last Sunday.

Now they’re $1.99 each on iTunes. And worth every penny.

There’s nothing new to this comic tale of a nascent super-villain trying to make it into the big leagues, but when that story is told with Whedon’s flair for dialogue, a half-dozen musical numbers and the comedy genius of Neil Patrick Harris in the starring role, it’s gold. Whedon regular Nathan Filion plays Captain Hammer — the doctor’s arch-nemesis — with oblivious, scene-eating verve and the entire production manages to be slick and humble at the same time.

That might be the ultimate appeal of Dr. Horrible. The countless home-made video blogs and shorts posted on Youtube and the like create an aura of low expectations for web films, making it easy for Whedon and crew to surpass the perceived potential at every step. The actors are better than the script, the script is better than the plot and the plot is good enough to generate some pathos and interest. Most of the laughs come from obvious slapstick or surprise — the head of the League of Evil is a villain called Bad Horse (the Thoroughbred of the Apocalypse), silently played by an actual horse in the show’s final scene — but they work.

Experience has trained all of us to know in our bones that 99% of online entertainment is pure crap. Maybe the real lesson in Dr. Horrible is that a skilled storyteller and some out-of-work production pros can turn those lowered expectations into honest-to-goodness blockbuster fun.

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Tonight, at Digital Three Studios, a bunch of kids are going to eat acid, paint their skin and watch Alice in Wonderland at half-speed while they rub each other’s nude bodies under a liquid-light show.

That’s not exactly what it says on the bill. Officially, it’s a psychedelic music and art party, Alice in Wonderland-themed, with no drugs. But there will be a light show, ass-kicking bands and possibly trippy video projections. Local up-and-comer Villanova Junction is headlining. Dress up in your interpretation of the ’60s, psychedelia, or Alice in Wonderland.

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A few weeks ago we did a story on the Sweded movie phenomenon. Little did I know that there is also a whole cottage industry that’s remaking movies using Lego figures. Here is a version of Raiders of the Lost Ark, a Raiders/Star Wars montage, a Star Trek reenactment and one great song, all played out with our little plastic friends.

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Just a little friendly reminder to all you happenin’ kids out there in Squara– oops, we mean Sorryscrot — jeez, what are we saying. Ahem.

Don’t anybody forget to go to Burns Court tomorrow night for Cinema Sounds. Here’s the see and do that CL arts writer Amanda, currently on “vacay” in Portland, wrote for the event.

Burns Court is taking the edge off a muggy July eve with the second installment of its Cinema Sounds series. Saturday’s lineup features a handful of bands providing live musical accompaniment to film excerpts of their choosing. Among the acts: Miami’s Rat Bastard and Curious Hair, and locals Resi Noth, Syd and I and HoverKraft. The latter band, a minimalist/prog rock trio, will furnish the score to Dutch filmmaker Peter Delpeut’s 1991 silent era collage, Lyrical Nitrate. It’s a compilation of found footage shot between 1905 and 1915, the title a nod to the rotting, potentially explosive chemical stock discovered in storage at an Amsterdam cinema. This sort of ephemeral edit job, complete with an in-the-flesh, avant-garde soundtrack, sounds right up our trippy alley. Hell, it’s gotta beat The Love Guru. Sat., July 12, doors at 10 p.m., Burns Court Cinema, 506 Burns Lane, Sarasota, $5, 955-3456 or filmsociety.org

All the cool kids will be there, and so will we.

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This story just confirms what I have believe all along: the automakers have long been able to make super fuel efficient vehicles, but have not, for reasons unknown.

Recently, Volkswagen unveiled a vehicle that gets 235 miles per gallon with a conventional engine. The vehicle only seats two and is made largely of carbon fiber, but VW plans to put it into production for 2010, less than two years away. Amazingly, VW built the car six years ago, but has been waiting for the price of carbon fiber to drop. Prius, schmius.

• Toyota does have plans to add solar panels to some Prius models.

• Mercedes Benz plans to drop all of its petroluem-powered vehicles from it’s line up by 2015.

• I had a call the other day asking me where I got some of my facts regarding the electromagnetic field risks of driving a Toyota Prius. Here’s the link to the story from the New York Times from this April.

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It’s arguable that Marvel Comics’ Ultimates series — a modern re-tool of the classic Avengers team — is the biggest breadwinner the company has seen in years. Not the actual comic books, really, since we know that print comics still don’t enjoy mainstream success. These days, the money is all at the movies.

First came a series of successful animated DVDs. Then, when the company took over production of their officially licensed movies with Iron Man and Hulk (2008), it announced that most of the next 5 years of big-screen comic features will be devoted to the slate of characters on the Ultimates team, with another Iron Man movie, a Captain America feature and a blow-out movie featuring the entire Avengers line-up. And, considering the quality of the first few Ultimates comics series — and the box-office success of Iron Man and the Hulk — it was a good move. Samuel Jackson as Nick Fury? That’s how he was drawn in the Ultimates years before these movies were mentioned.

But then why would you kill the goose that laid the golden egg? I’m not saying that Marvel is canceling the Ultimates comic. On the contrary, I wish they would. (more…)

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