the 941

In celebration of our story this week on the Witch n’ Knight Herb Shoppe, we present to you a list of spells, modeled after Harry Potter’s incantations. Add your own in the comments to this post.

Disclaimer: Of course this is unrelated to real witchcraft. It’s only a joke.

Republicanicus reprisus – summons the apocalypse

Cecum sigmoid scourum – cleanses the colon

Psilocybinaccio – makes Sarasota fun

Loubega nostalgium – instant dance party

Humerus rigorus – causes your elbows to disappear

Limerence Calmhumpingus - makes life temporarily appear to have meaning

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Especially if you’ve driven through North Central Florida or the panhandle, you’ve seen these billboards:

A while ago me and a friend, writer and current Baton Rouge Advocate photographer Casey Anderson, decided to come up with a few of our own. Our goal was a submission to McSweeney’s lists, but our list never quite got there. We revive the project here. Our ideas blow? Submit some of your own in the comments to this post.

Jesus is coming. Do you have an extra toothbrush? - God

Pervert. - God

Global warming, huh? How about a flood? - God

Come with me. She doesn’t love you anyway. - God

They’re demons, demons. Kill them all. - God

Did you like the cancer I sent you? - God.

Fat porn? C’mon. - God

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This was happening at Sarasota Olive Oil Company yesterday. Wtf. Photo caption contest begins now.

Here’s our first: Goddamn peyote flashbacks. Hand her the coffee, steady hand, don’t cry. Don’t cry.

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In celebration of our upcoming Tournament of Burgers, I’m running a burger haiku contest over at our food blog - Eat My Florida. Check it out and show your haiku skillz, you might win a free burger.

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The guy above is Paul Mecurio, who got his start as a writer on The Daily Show after he quit his job as a Wall Street dude to become a comedian. He is, as far as I know, the only person in recorded history to choose banking, make a bunch of money trading and still leave for something that makes him happier than greenbacks. Mecurio is, in short, a hero.

Plus, he’s won an Emmy, knows John Cleese personally, and still works as Stewart’s warm-up guy on The Daily Show set. All of which means he’s frikkin hilarious.

And our hero is coming to McCurdy’s this weekend for six shows, which leads us to the contest part: The first two people to leave a comment on this post, IM the941 at theninefourone (AIM) and leave a comment on the941’s MySpace page (kudos if you’re not a slave to the social network beast, you can just send an e-mail) gets a free pair of tickets for the Saturday night show. You can write whatever you’d like, but include your name. I’ll announce the winner tomorrow a.m.

This is quite possibly the easiest contest of all time.

And if that isn’t enticing enough, here’s a 941 exclusive: A Q&A with the man himself. He wears a fanny pack. He makes fun of old guys and trophy wives. He’s gonna drink at Memories. This guy is funny. Get on it.

You worked on Wall Street, then left the big bucks behind for the huge bucks of comedy. Are you the Michael Lewis of humor?
I never thought of it that way but yes, yes I am! Oh, and I’m also insane. I was working on Merger and Acquisition deals as a lawyer and investment banker on Wall Street. Then I started writing and telling jokes as a hobby and eventually chucked it all to work bar room gigs for $50 a night. Take THAT mom and dad, you’re not the boss of me anymore!

What were your first instincts when you first heard about The Daily Show?
I did not know anything about it and initially, I didn’t want to take the job as a writer since that was never my long term goal. I took it thinking the show would be canceled. After all, they were hiring me so what else could happen? But the rest as they say is…is… I can never remember how that saying ends. Anybody know?

True of false: Jon Stewart is not, in fact, totally charming and endearing and my girlfriend would not leave me in a second for him. Be honest.
False! Jon is, in a word, adorable. And may I add a helluva spooner! Plus he’s loaded. Quite a catch all around.
(more…)

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