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CL doesn’t often tread into the dangerous waters of sportswriting — it’s mean out there, and we tend to swim in the kiddie pool with less contentious topics like politics and the environment*.

But this week, we “grew a pair” (as Joel would say) and took on the closest thing we have to a family value: rooting for the Boston Red Sox. Specifically, we wrote a few thousand words about why being a baseball fan is about pulling for the underdog, and why we’re scared our beloved squad has become little more than Yankees Lite. (Although, to be fair, the Red Sox still have a soul.)

So where did we turn to recapture that losing feeling? Where else: The Tampa Bay Devil Rays.

* This Saturday, Cooper will be offering a seminar entitled “How to Rock a Bowl Cut and Still Look Like a Badass.” Admission is free.

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This is it folks — the tale that’ll put all those other Earth Day stories to shame. CLB spent a week living as sustainably as possible; his diary, along with tips for green living and an index of eco-friendly Suncoast businesses, is here. Check it. Then ask him to tell you more about “bathing” in the bay.

And check this. For the record, Coop refused to wear a Kermit costume on the cover.

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None of my kindergarten dreams are going to come true. I’m never going to be an astronaut. I’m never going to play centerfield for the Red Sox. I’m never going to be president, a rock god or a Hollywood star.

I also used to think I’d win the lottery. And you know what? I’m holding out hope. Sure, NASA’s probably not gonna come calling, but I could still pick the right numbers and take home the jackpot. And in the meantime, I figure I might as well practice.

Inspired both by Sarasota’s opulence and MTV’s Pimp My Ride, in which down-and-out folks with down-and-out cars get vehicle makeovers, this week’s issue is your chance to see what it’d be like to have endless dough. How would you change your house? Your family? Your mode of transportation?

How would you pimp your life?

Though we didn’t actually partake in many of these endeavors, putting this issue together gave us a glimpse of how the other half — rather, the other .001 percent — lives. We take you into Saks’ exclusive personal shopping club, a luxury boat crafter’s Sarasota factory, a personal chef’s kitchen and a personal trainer’s studio. Want one of the 300 Norfolk terriers born this year in the U.S.? We’ve got her. How about one of those nifty iPhones? We’ve got those, too. Party planners and publicists, planes and plastic surgeons — we’ve pimped out everything.

At least we think we have. As you click through the links below, consider what you’d do with unlimited cash. Think we missed something? Let us know in the comments. But before you do, raise your pimp cup and toast the good life.

Because for this week at least, one of my childhood dreams has come true.

The Sections:
Body Work
At Home
En Route
On the Scene

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The issue is on the streets, and we’ll get into it in a sec on the blog. For now, just sit back, take a deep breath, and behold the wonder that is Joel Rozen: Pimp.

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For those of you who looked for the latest issue at lunch today, apologies. Our truck broke down last night (”axle fire” isn’t as bad as it sounds, right?) and the papers are delayed. Don’t fret: Boxes and racks should be filled by tomorrow morning.
Luckily, we’ve still got the interweb. This week’s cover is on Craigslist, the worldwide classified behemoth that started a Sarasota-Bradenton version last June. Unlike in cities across the country, the site has yet to really catch on here. Sure, part of that is due to our senior population, but Joel Rozen thinks there may be more to the story.
Above all else, Craigslist connects communities. So why — and what — are we resisting?

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